February 2019 – The middle …

The Importance of Doing Nothing

Last Christmas I was fortunate enough to have a month on a dairy farm in New Zealand. This was with a very special family that I first visited in Christmas 2005 which subsequently turned in to me staying with them until August 2006!

We connected.

We fit.

We worked.

To re-establish the connection with them over Christmas by spending time in their midst was the most precious gift to me.

It was family.

And to be amongst them especially around the first year anniversary of losing my beloved spiritual mother, was the most healing and restorative experience.

I could just be.

At first they seemed surprised by my ability to simply sit and stare out the window. But then they realised that I hadn’t lost the plot, I was simply practising the art of doing that glorious thing called no-doing, or nothing!

Effectively, I was doing the equivalent of a phone being on recharge.

It helped that as the farm is situated amongst the green rolling countryside, the view out of every window was pretty spectacular. The assortment of fruit tree’s heavy laden with produce just added to the paradise feel of the place.

And, it gave me immense pleasure to use some of these fresh from the tree’s ingredients to bake all kind of goodies for such an appreciative, quick to devour style audience. As well as producing endless cups of very English tea.

I couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful place to simply be with family enjoying cups of tea, long meals, walks and film nights.

It was a real wrench to leave them again having been blessed beyond belief by their gift of time and family.

But of course, life was calling and I had to return.

Having been gifted with the chance to recharge my batteries, I returned to my life with a fresh vigour and renewed capacity for all the things that I love to do. So I hit the ground running and threw myself whole heartedly in to them all.

This has been great.

But, just because I am no longer on holiday does not mean that the need for appropriate amounts of time and space to do nothing has disappeared. And having failed to schedule in enough of either, I was reminded last week that I need to slow down, pace myself better and guard my times to just be. Despite loving all the things I do, the need to also do nothing remains.

I know this stuff but how easy it is to forget. Or to get it wrong as my need for rest alongside my capacity for productivity are not static. I am delightfully aware that my capacity for all is significantly increased this year but I am not yet getting the corresponding balance of rest time quite right.

An article I read the other week also reminded me of the need to do nothing. Apparently the current trend amongst young people has shifted from YOLO – you only live once along with the FOMO – fear of missing out, on to JOMO – the joy of missing out!

And there was me thinking that such a joy, along with an appreciation for staying in and early nights, only arrives with the onset of middle age!

Apparently not as it would seem that even our young folk are realising that non-stop activity no matter how interesting, fun or on trend, is neither enjoyable nor sustainable.

We are returning to the age old wisdom that understands that in order to perform at our peak, we require times of inactivity.

The importance of rest or wall gazing time is for me at least, paramount. It allows me to process and to regenerate the creative juices. Without which I can find myself at a total standstill, feeling blocked. Not dissimilar to when my laptop freezes and refuses point blank to do anything.

I was reflecting upon this the other day when my laptop was going decidedly slow. I performed that high tech restorative operation of switching it off and on again, which appeared to breathe new life and speed in to it.

Gosh, I thought, if even technology needs to be completely switched off from time to time to allow it to function well, how much more must us humans?

It would seem that in order to prevent us from unwittingly slowing down, freezing or even crashing, we need to schedule in time to switch off from the constant stimulation of work, technology and modern day living.

In other words, we need to make time to be.

Be with God.

Be with family/friends.

Be alone.

But just be.

To this end, alongside a refusal to fill all the gaps in my diary, I’ve begun booking coastal retreats for the next few months.

I aim to try harder to remember the need and the joy of missing out, by developing, planning, monitoring and practising the art of doing nothing!

Within a Year

We are now well and truly into 2019. Yet, the theme of change remains, especially around the changes possible to achieve within a 12 month period.

Last week I stumbled upon something on line about a young couple who were hugely overweight. The narrator was drawing attention to the phenomenal following they had acquired as they shared their experience of losing weight over the course of a year.

Seemingly, they were incredibly honest about the reality of making these life changes. Through their hard work, commitment and discipline they were able to surpass their goals. By sharing their experience they were highlighting that such changes do not happen overnight or without cost.

As I reflected on the power of their experience to appeal to the masses, it occurred to me that whilst our culture promotes the illusion of the quick fix, deep within each of us lay the knowledge that this does not exist.

Of course, the idea of the instant cure or the miracle pill that takes away everything that we don’t want to think, feel or basically deal with is an incredibly alluring concept. But it is just that, a concept. Not a fact, nor reality. And furthermore, a concept if bought, that serves to keep us stuck where we don’t want to be.

If we want our lives to be different, we have to do the work of making them so.

We all like and some pray that the changes we want in our lives will drop out of the sky in to our laps with no effort required from us. But what really happens is that our lives look like whatever we have done with whatever has been dealt us.

And if we have spent many a year creating a life that we don’t like, then it is going to take a considerable amount of time to change that.

This sort of cold, hard but ultimately honest fact may deter some from trying to make changes. But, the time will pass regardless. All we get to choose is how we spend it. Invest in that which will take us closer to where we want to be, or expend energy trying to ignore being where we don’t want to be.

I think it is precisely because of the hard reality that change takes time, effort, courage and money, that so many shy away and give up without even trying.

But people like this couple on line showed that if change is possible for an ordinary couple like them, then it is equally possible for ordinary people like you and me.

I think their story is inspiring and encouraging.

And if the size of their following is anything to go by, so do many others.

It would seem that people are not just looking for the fantasy of the quick fix anymore but are actually seeking real life evidence that change can happen.

I guess the increasing number of films based on true stories is further evidence of this quest for that which is real.

As if to re-iterate the point, I accidentally caught a programme I haven’t seen before called, ‘This time next year,’ with Davina McCall. Several people were shown being interviewed a year earlier about the changes they wanted to make with regards to their weight, along with their motivation for doing so. Twelve months later they were interviewed again to share their progress.

Whilst most of these were motivated by some kind of threat to their health, all showed that change and progress are possible. Not easy. But with the right motivation and support, it is possible.

Change really can happen.

As the above examples illustrate if you’d care to look in to them, the amount of change that is possible with any twelve month period can be pretty staggering.

And, it doesn’t have to start in January. We can make a choice to start making steps towards change at any time. If we didn’t start in January, we have by no means missed the boat for 2019.

Right now is as good a time as any to get started.

Just imagine where it may be possible to be by this time next year.

The Easy Path

The above notion has come up a few times recently.

As people have spoken to me they have begun to notice that they are on an easy path, whether by choice or circumstance.

But as they begin to talk about this easy path, it becomes apparent that easy is serving as a smoke screen for boring, deadening and motivation for change, removing.

In short, it is not easy.

Perhaps it started out as easy at a time when easy was exactly what was needed.

But, somewhere along the path, it ceased to be easy.

Instead it became an illusion.

Or maybe a delusion.

But whichever ‘usion’, it is no longer one of ease.

It would appear that, that which initially appears to support us, has some kind of best before date. After which it ceases to evoke the best from within us. Instead it may cause us to trade our hunger for purpose, meaning or fulfilment for the illusion of ease.

If left unnoticed or unchallenged this easy path can slowly and subtly suck out our life blood along with any desire to persevere, grow, learn or take risks.

Ultimately, it can diminish our desire to really live. Not exist or endure, but live, as in fully.

If this happens, something within us shuts down and we begin a descent in to a zombie like state where we lose something of our capacity for full presence or participation.

We may become stuck on auto pilot, going through the motions without fully inhabiting our own experience.

If we remain here, this easy path can turn in to a bad relationship that slowly and subtly steals all confidence, leaving us unable to leave for fear of the alternative.

If this happens, our belief system may suffer.

Where we once believed that we could leave this path to do x, y or z, we may now believe that such an option is not available or viable, or that we are not capable. These new fear based beliefs may feel true enough to prevent us from even checking out their validity.

In short, the fear that attacks our beliefs may bind us to the very path that is stealing our vitality, joy, dreams and even our agency to bring about the very changes we desire.

Basically, we may become stuck on what has become a very ease free path.

Some people may call a rut. As in, you can’t go back, you can’t go forward. You are stuck in a deep rut.

When this realisation reveals itself, we do have a choice.

We can remain there. And adopt all manner of unhealthy behaviours to numb out the reality of doing so.

Or we can seek help to climb out of that rut and on to a new path.

Whilst help may come in different forms for us all, a failure to seek it will leave us knowing that we have traded our dreams or our values for the ease of a comfort zone that ceases to offer any comfort.

Once noticed, this sort of truth will nag away at us despite any efforts to suppress it. It may temporarily disappear but only to reappear a little later with a vengeance.

There are always choices.

Choose to stay and allow ourselves to becoming increasing disillusioned, disengaged and disenchanted with ourselves and our life.

Or, remind ourselves what is important and seek some support to do something about it.

If we can take steps towards a life that reflects our true values and desires, we will find it much easier to befriend the person in the mirror.

Change, as in real change, is never easy.

It does take time and it is hard.

But so is living a life that we have basically opted out of.

Will 2019 be your year to start putting in the ground work for the changes you want?