Growth – The middle …

The Garden as Teacher

It’s finally become warm enough to start planting up my garden. I love this time of year when I can start growing all manner of flowers and vegetables.

As I reflected upon this I realised that my approach to gardening has changed. My first years foray in to gardening consisted of buying the plants fully in flower.

I wanted an instant garden.

But my instant garden very quickly began to teach me that which appears in an instant, seldom lasts. Because I discovered pretty quickly that flowers that are bought in full bloom die off. At which point I thought that I had killed them and would have to buy more!

Fortunately, I was educated that when you continue to look after these plants, and to remove the dead parts, in time, new flowers come through. It could otherwise have been a very expensive first summer of gardening!

I learned a lot that first year.

First off my beautiful display of flowers was almost completely destroyed by slugs and snails. I had to learn how to protect the new life that I was nurturing from that which was attempting to destroy it. After trying all the eggs shell, coffee grinds, beer traps and picking them off after dark tricks, I did resort to pellets.

I also had to learn about seasons and cycles as well as which plants like lots of sun and or water and which don’t. There was a lot of trial and error.

But quite unexpectedly for me, right from that first year my garden began to teach me about trust, patience, care and timing.

Especially when it looked like nothing was happening to a plant on the surface yet when I continued to care for it, in its own time, new flowers began to burst forth.

I began to see parallels between the plants and us humans. Even when we feel like nothing is happening outwardly or we cannot see signs of progress, when we continue to apply appropriate self care, things do happen beneath the surface. For in time, we too begin to bloom again.

I do so love to watch what is happening in my garden.

Each morning I take my cup of coffee around the garden to survey the new life. Each new bud or flower evokes immense pleasure!

Since that first year I’ve experimented with a bit of fruit and veg. Some of which was successful, others not.

But consistently, it has taught me about watching and waiting.

Now, in my fourth summer of gardening, I have noticed that although I buy a few plants that are already in bloom, I have mostly bought little bedding plants that will take weeks of continuous care before they show any signs of their potential beauty.

I am no longer seeking the instant garden for I am immensely enjoying the process of nurturing, watching and waiting for these plants to flower.

Because although sometimes it is great to have something instantly, more often than not, there is more pleasure to be gained from the process of creating and waiting!

There is a level of satisfaction and reward within this that does not arise from the instant gratification approach.

The end result is all the more enriching for the waiting.

And the increased ability to wait does of course go hand in hand with an increased ability to trust and to recognise and respect timing.

I continue to enjoy all that my garden teaches me.

So much of which, can be applied to life itself.

Flourishing

Last weekend I gave a talk about flourishing.

I think this is an important subject because I happen to believe that my Jesus did not endure what He did on that cross for you or I to limp along in life settling for mere survival. And I say this as someone who did just that for the first thirty years of my life. But I’ve since discovered that life does not have to be with that way. Sure, the crap parcels don’t stop coming but it is possible to continue to grow, heal, learn, laugh, cry, dance, rest and ultimately to stay ALIVE whilst living!

Whilst it has undoubtedly taken much blood, sweat, tears, help and support to move from where I was to where I am, I now know that such a transition is entirely possible. Hence I want to share this with others as I believe that moving from survival in to flourishing is on offer to all willing to make the investment.

I’ve been reflecting further upon this theme this week especially as various clients have ended their counselling process and discussed how they plan to continue implementing their learning.

The key thing that has clearly emerged is the importance of intentionally investing time and space in looking after ourselves. As it is all parts that make us whole, this means we need to actively apply appropriate care to our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual parts of ourselves. This is a non negotiable if we want to remain as healthy as possible, let alone to flourish.

And it is not just time to notice any part of us that may be struggling in some way and therefore in need of extra attention, but also the time to proactively and consistently engage in nourishing activities as well as times of stillness, to maintain good health.

How easy it is especially with the invisible parts of ourselves to overlook this need to plan for, invest in and apply such thought and action to our health.

We live in a world where we are constantly bombarded with excessive amounts of information, much of which demands a response. Perhaps this is why we often overlook our mental and emotional health until the physical body steps in by manifesting the internal needs via physical symptoms which we cannot ignore.

And those of us of a more introvert persuasion tend to need more times of stillness and silence than our more extrovert peers. I am no exception. One of my biggest challenges is to find sufficient times of stillness to regain energy, vision, inspiration, clarity and direction for all the many, many things that I love to do.

Yet I know that if I want to continue to flourish, I must regularly check in with myself, be willing to stand back and survey the big picture, reassess and implement changes where necessary then trial, review, refine and repeat.

Without a commitment to do this, I fail to notice when I have come off track or worse still if I have become stuck going around in a circle. What I fail to notice, I fail to address.

This reminds me of many years ago during a family outing where my dad, brother and I ventured off along the river. When we discovered a goat along the way, we thought it would be great to stroke it! It didn’t agree! It promptly lowered its horns and ran at us! We ran the other way but ended up running around in circles with the goat in hot pursuit, looking like something out of an old Benny Hill sketch! Until finally and exhaustedly, I realised that the goat was on a rope and we could just step outside of the circle!

All too often, people come to see me because they haven’t yet realised they can step out of their own circles!

By failing to spend time reviewing where we are or where we are going, we can become stuck on repeat, even when it leaves us desperately miserable. We may then even fall in to the trap of indulging in destructive behaviours in an attempt to dull the pain. Here begins a deeper cycle of prolonging the very actions that are causing the pain by deadening the self to endure it.

This is NOT flourishing.

Planning in time to check in with ourselves can save us much time and trouble in the long run.

Just as looking after or running a house or garden or business or car, takes time, energy and money, so too does running a human.

An investment of time on the self is probably one of the most fruitful things we can do. At least if we want to keep living, growing and flourishing. And even more so if we want to be part of supporting others to flourish too.

And that’s what I tell folk when they remark upon how often I go away!

Winter Sunshine

What a treat to have temperatures up to 20 in February!

An unexpected bonus!

One that inspired me to take the bike out the shed, pump the tyres up and actually go cycling. Fabulous!

How different life feels when the sun surrounds us.

Last Friday I cycled out to a local garden centre where I proceeded to set up my office at one of their outdoor tables. What a delight to be outside amongst the plants, roaming hens and glorious blue skied lushness. I certainly wasn’t prepared to be sat inside unnecessarily.

Saturdays’ sunny beams even inspired me to get out in to the garden to remove all things dead to make room for all things new. Thus my garden is now a blank canvas ready for all I will plant within it during the new season.

As I worked, I was accompanied by the sound of others in their own gardens all around me; children playing, older children mowing lawns and all generally enjoying the opportunity to be out in the fresh air following months of central heating induced stuffiness.

The air felt light and the atmosphere jovial.

I even had a mid gardening cup of tea and snooze in the garden complete with the cat on my lap. In the name of developing my art of doing nothing!

It’s all about the simple pleasures!

Anyway, where the earlier days of the week had started hazily, Sunday’s sunshine summoned me out for an 8am run. And it’s been a few months since I’ve done one of those! I didn’t even manage one during my second summer in NZ!

Post run, I savoured my morning coffee on the patio where the warmth of the sun upon my face was most un-February-esque but oh so welcome.

As I surveyed the results of Saturday’s efforts in my garden, I couldn’t help but consider the importance of making space in our life for a new season to come forth.

By the same token, I was reminded of all the adverts on line at the moment about de cluttering our homes. Apparently this is the latest on trend thing to do. A sign of the times that we have become so rich in stuff (if poor in time) that we have to make a point of stripping back the stuff that otherwise threatens to own us.

Anyway, the current theme appears to be a reminder that we must make space for what is to come by relinquishing what it is no longer in season and thus serving as an obstruction to the new stuff.

I was struck by the way we seem to be mostly willing to accept and invest in these processes when it comes to our houses or gardens, even calling these clear outs ‘therapeutic’.

Yet when it comes to the ever so slightly more important business of dealing with ourselves, we don’t seem so keen. We don’t appear to make the connection between the need to deal with our old stuff and to grieve our losses that we can make space for the new growth and life attempting to come through.

Perhaps it is not so easy or satisfying to expend our energy on that which is invisible. Yet to invest in sorting through all the old experiences and corresponding thoughts and feelings is to promote growth and healing that releases new emotional energy for that which is to come.

We cannot really ignore all the old dead stuff in our gardens or the stuff bulging out from our wardrobes or cupboards because we can’t avoid seeing it.

How much easier it feels to bury, cover and deny the internal stuff that equally demands our attention.

Are our hearts and souls not even more important than our houses and gardens?

The winter sun may have disappeared for now but the call to tend to our internal decluttering remains, as we await the real arrival of the next season.

Environment Matters …

Now, this is not a green piece or a bit about Green Peace.

It’s about our surroundings.

The places in which we reside; our homes/family’s (biological or spiritual)/workplaces/peers/spouses/other groups.
Because these are the places that influence us.

For good or for bad.

That inspire or limit.

Encourage or oppress.

And so we need to examine them carefully.

I got to thinking about this because last week I combined two of my favourite things; being outside with watching a film. Actually, make that four things to include being with good people and indulging in tasty eats and drinks. Or is that five.

Anyway, I’m digressing.

The film in question was The Greatest Showman. I’m not usually in to musicals but even my equally non-musical film loving friends recommended it. So when the opportunity arose to see it amongst the beautiful lavender fields, I jumped at the chance.

I do so love to be under the great vastness of the sky in what I call, big sky territory. It was a beautiful spot and the film did not disappoint.

There was a line that stayed with me which went something like, ‘you are an example of what it is not to be restricted by your station in life’. This was directed at the star of the show who came from humble beginnings. I realise that most of us love a yarn about a person who makes good after a difficult start but this film also illustrated the very real risk of losing yourself and your values in the process. Especially if your motives move from being the most authentic version of yourself or from utilising your gifts in ways that benefit others, in to just being accepted by others irrespective of the personal cost.

Lessons that were learned in time for this guy.

But, I couldn’t help but think about the line about moving beyond your station. It is so true that any one of us can rise, not to stardom necessarily, but certainly to being who we truly are and are able to become.

But here is the crucial thing.

Whilst none of us get to choose the finances or the flavour of the family that we are born in to, we ALL get to choose what to do and who to do it with beyond our beginnings.

And we would do well to choose wisely and review regularly.

Whilst we are all programmed to be in relationship and within community, we must each discern when our desire for acceptance and belonging within a said community start to interfere and restrict our desire for an authentic and growing expression of ourselves.

Not every environment is conducive to our growth.

Some environments may be perfect for the growth of some but this does not automatically mean that it is so for all.
For each of us are uniquely designed with our own set of giftings and strengths (and weaknesses). But to realise our respective potential will require a different set of surroundings for us all.

Not forgetting that some of us are more sensitive to our surroundings.

We need look no further than to nature to see the truth of this.

My stunning Azalea’s open up in the presence of sunshine only to close up again when it clouds over.

Unlike many other flowers that remain outwardly unchanged whether in sunshine or cloud.

The simple facts are that not every family, friend or workplace actually allows the environment or the space for us to grow beyond the limitations and restrictions that life and even some of these people, may place upon us.

We each have a unique identity and purpose but in order to continue fulfilling these, we must take responsibility for who and what we allow to influence us for growth or stagnation.

Growth requires the right environment as well as time and space.

To return to the Greatest Showman, his environment was one of love and encouragement from his wife and daughters. They believed in him even when he struggled to believe in himself. They shared his vision and inspired him with their own ideas and imagination. And together they made that vision a reality. A process whose knock on effect was to create an environment for others to fulfil their own potential too.

What is equally important to note is that this star was also motivated at times by his desire to disprove his wife’s privileged parents who believed themselves entitled to look down upon him. And this was where he slipped up and almost lost everything of any genuine importance. For when he allowed himself to be motivated by the desire to prove others wrong, he lost sight of his original vision and his own values. A warning that we would all do well to heed.

It may well be satisfying to prove wrong those who do not see us as we are or as we are capable of becoming, yet to use this as motivation will only lead us away from our most authentic selves and paths.

Most of us are not destined for stardom, but we all have a personalised destiny awaiting our fulfilment. And in order to do so, we need the right environment to facilitate it.

There will always be those who get us and cheer us on in life. Just as there will always be those who don’t. All we get to choose is who we will be and who will we allow in to our inner circle. When others doubt us or our motives, we don’t need to agree with them. And if those closest to us do not understand us, it may be time for an environmental check up. For those people and places that we allow close to us will influence our expression of ourselves and our dreams.

Not everything, everyone or every place is conducive to our growth.

But when in the right place with the right people at the right time, beautiful things are possible.

For every single one of us.

And when that happens, it cannot fail to influence and inspire others.

We can each be outstandingly original at being our truest most authentic selves, when we take the time to seek out the right environmental support to do so.

Just look at nature.

Each flower is different from the next but equal in originality.

Who is it in your life that gets, encourages and believes in you?

Because you need those people, just like you need to be that person to others.

Environment matters.

Check yours.

An Inside Job …

A few months ago whilst a good friend was putting up some shelves in my cupboard, he discovered an issue with damp.

Upon further investigation it became apparent that the source of this damp was actually the shower next door.

Apparently, the grouting within the tiling in the shower was not done adequately. This meant that the whole time I have lived in the property and used the shower, the water had effectively gone straight through the tiles in to the inner walls and beyond.

Consequently, as water spreads, it had ruined the immediate internal wall, spread further around the bathroom, was beginning to split the skirting boards and was evident in the cupboards and carpet of my back hall, which is where the issue was identified.

Basically, this internally rooted and thus invisible issue, was beginning to make its presence seen and felt externally.

A simple failure to create an adequate boundary had resulted in water getting in to places that are not made for water. The result of which was that a lot of damage was caused.

But, as the damage started internally, it was initially invisible and thus able to continue its work of destruction undetected. But as with all internal issues, when left for long enough, they begin to manifest externally.

I think we know and accept that should we choose to ignore such a problem, it will not simply disappear in to oblivion. No matter how much we may will it to do so!

Instead, that which we ignore, we permit to continue a work of destruction.

And destruct it does.

As was discovered once the internal walls of my bathroom and hall were investigated.

Of course, what could have happened is that the external damage could have been painted or covered over. Yet without dealing with the internal source, it would manifest externally again.

As a Psychotherapist, I can not help but make comparisons between this and the complicated and messy business of being a human. Further hindered by the cultural thinking that deludes us in to pretending that if we ignore any kind of internal issue; traumatic experiences, childhood difficulties, unwanted/uncomfortable feelings, it will simply float off never to be seen (or felt) again.

There is this idea that if we ignore such matters, they will disappear. Such thinking even goes a step further by imagining that if we uncover and explore the source of such issues, we will be causing ourselves unnecessary problems and pain.

In other words, we will come face to face with that which will cause us time, effort, money and potentially pain, to deal with. What is so often not acknowledged is that it will cause us considerably more time, effort, money and pain, to permit it to fester. Maybe not in the immediate term, but most definitely in the longer term.

And so it is that one generation teaches the next the art of sweeping things under the carpet. Something us English folk are in a league of our own with. To our detriment. The collective Society sized carpet of our nation must be at an all time ‘high’.

There is of course a time for when maintaining a stiff upper lip to get through a particular situation can be a sign of strength. But if engaged with as an everyday way of being, you are guaranteeing yourself a lot of unnecessary future issues. Issues whose consequences would be far less reaching were we to face up and deal with them a lot earlier.

It’s a problem.

One reflected in recent statistics regarding the mental health of our Society; from the very young to the very old and all in between.

We’re struggling.

Something, or in truth many things, are simply not working. And if we continue to ignore this we will continue to see the external manifestations of these internal issues spreading.

There is of course no quick fix. Not to anything of such importance and complexity as the human condition.

However, we can begin to acknowledge the value and importance of that which is within us; the heart, mind, soul and spirit. These need to be proactively taken care of, preferably in a preventative way. And when it is not possible to prevent certain experiences, as it so often isn’t, we need to cultivate a new willingness and receptivity to the need to address and invest in these areas.

We need to understand that this is not weakness but wisdom.

The stiff upper lip served us well during the war (I imagine) but it is not serving us particularly well now. As a way of being it is simply adding to the already large backlog of unaddressed internal issues.

It is time to accept that the stiff upper lip has become a hindrance rather than a help.

We need to recognise the value of our insides and begin to treat them accordingly.

On a Societal level, it is too late to be preventative. We are fighting fires without sufficient water to do so. Which doesn’t mean we should not attempt to do what we can. Collective efforts make a difference.

And, I believe, the God who is so often overlooked, is very much wanting and able to help if only we will learn to ask and to collaborate with Him and each other.

But on an individual level, we do not need to passively wait until our internal issues have manifested so destructively that they have hindered our ability to function (crisis) before we begin to give them the attention and support they need and deserve.

We need to look after our insides.

Which means that we need to learn how to re-engage with our own humanity, especially that of our demonised emotions.

Far from making us weak, when used in conjunction with our capacity to think as well as our spirituality, these emotions hold the key to our health, our progress and our experience of being fully alive.

And, just as I needed to engage with the appropriate expertise of those qualified to address my bathroom issues, sometimes us humans need to engage with the expertise of those qualified to assist us with our internal issues.

I spend my days sitting with individuals for whom I have the utmost respect for being willing to ‘do the work’ of dealing with the internal stuff. It’s uncomfortable, painful and costly, all against a backdrop of a Society urging them to ‘sweep it under the carpet and stop causing themselves unnecessary pain’. I respect the courage and honesty of these people and it is a very great privilege to work with them and to witness their lives begin to change for the better.

And I don’t see why my clients should be the only ones to enjoy the life changing benefits of engaging with therapy. So when I struggle, as I have recently with grief, I too engage with a therapist. I cannot offer to others something that I am unwilling to acknowledge a need for or accept help with myself.

Insides matter.

Mine.

Yours.

Ours.

They may remain largely invisible but when denied or ignored for too long, they manifest externally by restricting our capacity to function as we might.

None of us get all this stuff right and the fact is that it is not easy being a broken, messed up human that is vulnerable to getting hurt by life. The alternative is to shut down and exist and endure instead of living.

But if we tend to, rather than deny our internal issues, we will in the long run save ourselves from a lot of unnecessary pain and hassle.

Problems rarely disappear of their own accord. We need to participate in addressing our internal issues. And where appropriate, engage help to do so.

It is always worth the pain of the process when you come through to the other side.

As I finally have with my bathroom.

Following four months without a useable shower, my bathroom is now fully functioning again. The shower was stripped out, all tiles removed, internal walls redone and the whole bathroom redecorated and fitted with a new shower. Yes there was disruption and hassle. But, I can now say, that my bathroom looks even better than it did originally!

It does cost to deal with internal issues.

But it costs more not to.

What do you need to deal with and what support do you need to enlist to do so?

The Fog of Uncertainty …

Life is filled with uncertainty.

We may fight, resist, deny, ignore, suppress or belittle this reality.

We may cling to all things known and assumed to be certain.

And yet the fact remains that uncertainty is part of life.

Nothing is really certain in this great gift of life.

Except the fact that we will all die.

And on a somewhat more hope inspiring level, that God offers to help and accompany us in all. Irrespective of whether we acknowledge, know, deny, love or hate Him. Or indeed have any other response to Him.

Everything else is uncertain. From what will happen today, let alone tomorrow, to us, to others or to the world.
Uncertainty is a fact of reality which us humans tend to dislike. Me included.

And yet, uncertainty is also an unavoidable part of the pathway to change, growth and new vision. We don’t move from one certainty to another in life. We typically move from something, someone or some situation that is felt to be certain in to something, someone or some situation that is not.

This is how change happens.

This is how we evolve.

This is how we grow.

This is how we shed that which we have outgrown in order to enter that which can facilitate further growth.
Ultimately, this is how we continue living.

And yet to allow this progress to continue occurring is to keep letting go of the knowns or perceived certainties of life. As fragile as they actually are. For we cannot embark upon new pathways if we refuse to leave the old ones.

And this can evoke FEAR – that great stealer of progress.

For it is FEAR that torments us with its cruel whisperings of ‘what if’s’.

It seeks to drive us back in to all that we have felt to be certain. It tempts us to return to the pathways that we have already walked.

Yet in order to make new discoveries, we must try new pathways, with no guarantee of where these will take us or what we will encounter.

This involves RISK.

As I reflect upon this, I realise that part of my own difficulty in writing of late is because I am in the fog of uncertainty. That uncomfortable state that I want to resist. Yet in wanting to grow, I have stepped on to a new pathway which has led me in to this fog of uncertainty. As I am unsure what to do with what I am encountering, I am tempted to turn back to the old known pathways. Yet I know in my hearts that I have done that many times before and to do so again would be cowardly and defeatist.

Knowing that I could not turn back but hesitating to move forward, I became paralysed. Caught in the web of analysis paralysis. Trying to force certain answers ahead of the journey, to avoid the discomfort of uncertainty. I was attempting to gain clarity as to where the next step would take me prior to taking it.

But life doesn’t work like that. We don’t get the guarantee before we take the step. We have to choose to let go of the known and enter the unknown. To tolerate the uncertainty and to accept the risk. To trust that we will learn what we need to only as we enter and embrace the challenges that arise. Rather than giving in to the temptation to run back to the old at the first sign of difficulty or the first time we stumble.

New pathways do present new challenges. And we will not necessarily handle them well at first attempt. We may make mistakes, make a mess, get stuff wrong. This is called learning and this is how we grow.

Uncertainty arises whenever we consider attempting something or some pathway that we have not tried before. It could be in relation to something in life that we have previously refused to face or to engage with. It could be something within us; feelings or experience that we do not know what to do with. Or a certain situation that we are refusing to address, or an area of life that we feel called to enter but have no prior knowledge or experience of.

It is anything within us or our life about which we simply do not know what to do with or what will happen as a result of us addressing and entering in to it.

Whatever the thing is that is full of uncertainty, it sits in front of us screaming for our attention. Yet we may blatantly ignore it or cover with the noise of distraction or start taking ridiculously long routes elsewhere in an attempt to bypass it.

UNCERTAINTY.

It scares us yet it also holds the key to the new season.

Because the only way to progress in life is by continuing to explore unknown territory. To go back is to revisit the same scenery. To go forward is to discover new horizons. But this cannot be done without the presence of uncertainty. It accompanies us on the journey through to new discoveries and landscapes. It can be uncomfortable and daunting to travel with uncertainty but if we can learn to tolerate it, we may just discover our new life.

Whilst contemplating the uncertainty that has accompanied me upon my own new paths of late, a very dear and wise friend of mine has reminded me that the only way to find the clarity we yearn for is by entering this fog of uncertainty. For it is only as we enter it, that it begins to lift.

So, whilst I’m in this fog of uncertainty that accompanies the pathway to growth and change, I will continue to remind myself that I do not need to overthink myself in to inaction. I need to trust and simply put one foot in front of the other, trusting in that which is bigger than me, to guide me to where I need to be and to teach me that which I need to learn en route. No matter how uncomfortable or disorientating the experience may be.
I am choosing to push on, rather than retreat.

I do not know what I will face or how I will respond. But I do know the one who does. Who see’s the big picture, holds the map and knows exactly where He wants to lead me and what He wants to work out within me along the way.

Growth and change are not easy. But they beat the living death that accompanies the alternative.

What are you spending ridiculous amounts of energy avoiding in your life?

Perhaps now is the time to embrace the uncertainty and bite the bullet …

Mastering our Inner Martha …

During a meeting with a group of women this week, the subject of guilt arose.

That potentially pervasive stealer of life.

There was a subsequent discussion around how attempts to just hang out with Jesus often get sabotaged or diverted by the voice of guilt.

We realised that the voice of guilt often arises from our inner Martha.

And it goes something like this, ‘you can’t just sit around being with Jesus when there is work to be done. You should be doing… the washing up/housework/shopping/enter whatever you think you should be doing’.
Basically, you should be doing something.

Doing rather than being.

The mantra of our quality of life stealing culture.

As we discussed this, it became clear that we can all struggle at times to master our inner Martha sufficiently to allow our inner Mary to find expression through time with Jesus.

According to the gospel of Luke, Mary favoured simply being in the presence of Jesus, unlike Martha who was fretting over preparing the meal and resentful that Mary wasn’t helping.

Personally, I feel for Martha in this scenario because let’s face it, if no one prepared the meal because both Martha and Mary chose to hang out with Jesus, I feel certain there would have been some disgruntlement from someone at the point at which the hunger arose.

Or perhaps it’s just me that becomes grumpy when hungry as I am someone who absolutely loves good food.

But maybe the point is more that the spiritual food that only Jesus can provide, feeds our heart, soul and spirit with a sense of life and energy that inspires and enables us to find our place and purpose within the world.

In comparison, as marvellously satisfying as the act of devouring a good meal can be, it doesn’t typically leave me feeling passionately fired up to seek the life that is only found within the purposes of God.

In fact, sometimes a good feeding session leaves me feeling incapable of anything other than an afternoon appointment with the duvet.

Whilst there is nothing wrong with this and we certainly do need physical food to maintain our physical body’s, this food is unable to nourish those other parts of our humanity which are ultimately responsible for our beliefs and values and thus our motivation and desire for actively participating in daily life.

I guess what I am saying is that Jesus reaches the parts of us that not even a gloriously good feast, can reach. (Doesn’t that sound like the words of an old beer advert?)

Anyway, we do not need to get shot of Martha but we do need to appreciate that the role of Mary in hanging out with Jesus, really is the more important one. (Even for a foodie like me).

But, we do need Martha.

Let’s face it, she comes in to her own when we need to get all those hated jobs around the house done. Personally, I’m always a little suspicious of a woman who says she enjoys housework. The results are satisfying for sure but to enjoy this as a way of spending time when there are so many other inspiring options available?

Before you judge me, I say this as someone who spent years cleaning other people’s houses to help put myself through uni. Admittedly I had some incredible conversations with Jesus whilst cleaning but as I know I can converse with Him in so many other ways, cleaning is not my top choice!

But anyway, we all need our Martha’s.

Because in reality, can we really spend all day every day hanging out with Jesus?

I think not.

Which is not to say that we cannot converse with Jesus throughout the day. I think the trick is to be in such a close relationship with Jesus that He literally jumps off the page of His word to really walk and work and talk with us throughout the day.

I think we know and accept that we cannot spend all day every day simply being in the presence of Jesus.

But do we equally know and accept that we should no more be spending all of our time addressing Martha’s incessant demands that we be doing?

We need balance.

We need both.

We need integration.

If more in the favour of Mary.

Without which, when Martha stifles Mary in to submission with her guilt inducing narrative, both lose out. Martha resents the martyrdom of her actions and Mary feels judged and suppressed. No one wins.

Unfortunately, our culture subtly and not so subtly backs and reinforces the Martha approach to life. It values doing, producing and creating, tangible, measurable things.

Our culture is not pro being still, stopping or even slowing down.

Although in fairness, the need to ‘be’ is beginning to fight back via meditation, mindfulness and various other similar practices.

Culture has influenced us to become so ingrained with the need to constantly do that sometimes our attempts to spend time being, especially being with Jesus, can be intercepted without us even realising.

It is time for our inner Mary to fight back!

Martha wants the external physical stuff to be dealt with.

Mary wants the internal soul and spirit stuff to be dealt with.

Both matter.

But time invested on the internal leads to a natural outworking within the external.

In other words, the Mary who has been nourished through quality time with Jesus can tackle her ‘Martha to do list’ with way more enthusiasm and grace than the Mary who has been denied time with her Master.

Because, there really is nothing like the joy of simply lingering in the presence of the Lord Almighty. And as someone who has tried a lot of what this world has to offer, I do mean, nothing.

After all, He is the creator of the universe, the ultimate artist especially evident at this time of year and the highest form of wisdom and wit.

He offers a one to one mentoring service like no other. He teaches us in the ways He has made us to naturally and most effectively learn. He knows us intimately in a way that no other human really can. And even more miraculously, He loves us regardless!

He is the counsellor above all counsellor’s and knows exactly what and who we need when we’re struggling. He’s totally trustworthy. Not to spare us from all trouble but to help us to overcome. He’s the ultimate friend and confidante who genuinely wants us to do well and to fulfil His plans. He’s the best source of help available and the only one on call 24/7.

I could go on and on and on…. I wont.

But the bottom line is that spending time with the Almighty and I’m talking here, leisurely, unrushed, unhurried time, is the most inspiring, enlivening, exciting way that any of us can ever invest any of our time.

And like so many of the very best experiences that life has to offer, there are nearly always a series of repeated reasons/excuses/distractions to stop us from doing so. (See the Fun Thief)

Our inner Martha comes in to this category for all too often she ambushes us with the dialogue of Captain Sensible in that she constantly attempts to guilt trip us in to focusing and expending our energy upon all those endless grown up jobs awaiting our attention.

As if hanging out with Jesus is a waste of our time.

But seriously, what price can we put on an encounter with the Almighty?

We may not see what we gain or be able to show it to others in concrete ways but the experience of a God encounter cannot be underestimated.

A connection with the source of life itself can energise and uplift us in ways that are hard to articulate.

It needs to be felt to be known.

And is of course, available and on offer to all.

Martha can be a total kill joy and stealer of pleasure, quick to remind us of what we haven’t done or what we should be doing.

Yet when Mary is allowed to do what she is made to do she becomes better equipped to fulfil her Martha duties with more ease and less resentment.

So go ahead, tell your Martha to stand down and let your Mary arise.

It is time for a shift.

For when the two work in unity, both and thus all, really do benefit!

The Nourishment of Nature …

How I love a Bank Holiday.

And this last one offered me two of my favourite gifts: time and sunshine.

With no sign of tradition, it was quite the treat to spend so much time out in the awe inspiring beauty of nature all without being wet or cold!

Us English folk certainly have the gift of appreciation when it comes to something as rare as a sunny Bank Holiday! With the exception of course, of a little moaning that it’s too hot!

Anyway, last weekend offered three whole glorious days of sun drenched playtime.

Healing balm to my heart and soul.

Following a morning appointment with some home made pancakes on the patio, I set off on Saturday to explore the changing scenery of the fields around my home. I was so NOT disappointed.

I was greeted by a stunning mass of vibrant yellow set against a deep blue sky. Such a delight to see and walk amongst. A sumptuous sense stimulator! What a privilege to walk freely within it all.

When I eventually tired of all those stunning green, blue and yellow scenes, I returned to my favourite spot on a little wooden jetty over a small river. From here I could dip my toes in the cooling waters and enjoy the backdrop of birdsong.

An utter banquet for the soul.

I find nature SO nourishing

After my toe dipping session, I spent the rest of the day relaxing amidst it all. Firstly within my neighbour’s garden (with said neighbour!) and lastly, an evening spent under the vast blue sky above my own garden.

Slowing down to notice and receive the nourishment of nature is so healing.

And more was to come for Sunday saw me on the receiving end of an unexpected BBQ invite. Result! One enjoyed in the midst of an utterly beautiful garden. Not only did I fill myself with sumptuous barbequed meaty treats but I also got to have my fill of the flowers scattered around the rather vast garden. All accompanied by some excellent conversation and a lot of laughter. Dee-licious all round.

Yet more was in store for me on Monday within a bluebell clad Hitchwood. Such a delight to walk amongst such vast and natural beauty. A case of a walk within WowTown for wherever I lay my feet or eyes there was yet more to be devoured. Try as I might to capture it all on camera, no matter which direction I stepped in, there was always more on offer.

How I love days like these.

As tempting as it is to use our free time ‘to get stuff done’, it’s an utter joy to practice letting that stuff wait and simply enjoying the basic gift of nature in the now. Especially when it’s all so enriched by the presence of the sun casting its colour deepening glow upon it all.

It was a wonderful weekend well spent in the company of good people, indulging in top notch food and all within the healing, nourishing wonders of God’s great playground.

What a luxury to have free entry to all this, anytime!

And here we are on the verge of yet another weekend surrounded by the resilient glory of the blooms of nature. All of which serve to remind us that no matter what comes our way, new life, growth and beauty are awaiting to burst forth. Such hope.

How I love to feast on nature.

The Workplace Prison …

Last week I noticed a clear and recurring theme emerging.

A disturbing one.

It’s around current work place culture.

The notion that you should constantly clamber the career ladder irrespective of personal cost whether to your own health or that of your intimate relationships. And that should you fail to do so, you’ll lose your place in the race forever.

A kind of keeping up with the Joneses, corporate style.

Where people used to obsessively compete and compare with their neighbours using their homes as a measuring tool, irrespective of cost, physical or otherwise, the Joneses approach has gone corporate by extending its reign of ridiculousness to the territory of the workplace. Culminating in a destructive culture of excessive hours and responsibilities along with poor personal boundaries seemingly all in a bid to prove you’re more able to perform in a robotic and inhumane way than the next poor colleague who has become ensnared in this life stealing mindset.

As a result of this, I hear of many people staying within jobs that actually result in their body’s physically manifesting illness, being unable to sleep, some are anxious to the point of throwing up as part of their morning routine and others can’t manage anything outside the office besides gazing at the TV.

Consequently, relationships falter, health deteriorates and overall quality of life disappears. Going through the motions like the living dead becomes the new norm. So subtly and so gradually that it often remains undetected for vast expanses of time. As in years.

Of course the same corporate institution can evoke different responses in all but for many the current workplace culture has become nothing more than a prison. One that can lead to burnout, breakdown or a gradual robotization of our humanity.

Remember the saying, ‘If someone told you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?’. It seems we’ve gone a step further and that the revised question is, ‘if Society walks off a cliff, would you follow them?’

I’ve been hearing that this destructive ‘quality of life stealing’ culture is even rampant within universities where it appears to be largely accepted that to ‘do well’, whatever that may mean, is to accept that a breakdown under the pressure to perform, is an inevitable part of the journey.

Recent stats around mental health suggest the problems are actually starting in primary age children – passed down through the generations and aided by a culture obsessed with external productivity. As if we are merely machines without a heart, soul or spirit.

Shocking.

And completely unacceptable.

When did we reduce our young people to becoming academia producing robots devoid of a healthy inner or emotional life or achieving fully rounded humanity?

And when did we forget that even machines can crash when overloaded.

Maybe when the adults fell in to role modelling this by remaining in any workplace that has become little more than a prison.

Do people really believe that ‘just because everyone else’ is doing this, that it’s normal? Or healthy? Or can even be passed off for living?

Is this where fear of the unknown, keeps people imprisoned by that old lie, ‘better the devil you know’.

Is it the tormenting taunts of said devil who whispers, ‘but you know the inside of this prison, you don’t know what it will be like out there beyond these prison walls?’ that keeps so many committed to their prison of choice?

Is it familiarity that keeps people choosing albeit passively, to stay within these types of prisons that steal quality of health, life and relationships?

Does it matter if you don’t know what life beyond your own particular prison looks like if you know the current one is destroying you?

Has our society really been fooled in to believing that life is one long prison sentence whereby we merely get to choose what we will allow to imprison us. In other words which particular prison we will choose to inhabit? Whether the workplace prison or any other institution or even that of an unhealthy relationship?.

I’ve been hearing recently that when one person finally reaches breaking point within their workplace prison, opens their eyes and realises that looking after their own life and health IS an option and IS more valuable than continuing to allow it to destruct within such environments, they quit. At which point, they are clamoured after by all and sundry, to stay. Suddenly pay rises are possible and all the stops are pulled out to keep the one who has decided to walk free, from doing so.

I just keep hearing this right now. Just as one person discovers the courage to open their prison door and start to walk free, the other ‘prisoners’ clamour for them as they go, making vain attempts to pull them back. It’s as if without the courage to release themselves all they feel able to do is to try and stop others.

And that’s the thing about walking free, once you taste it and I mean really taste it, you want others to discover it for their own lives whatever that may mean or look like for them. It’s simply too good not to share.

I realise of course that we all need to earn a living. Absolutely true for us all. But what exactly do we mean by ‘living’ because any job or other situation that destroys your health, relationships or life in general doesn’t equate to living. More, perhaps, to dying.

It is only when people begin to realise that however far back it was, it was THEY who had walked in to their particular prison and therefore it is THEY who can also walk back out again.

In doing so, people tend to go through an often painful, lengthy re-evaluation process which has allowed them to come out the other side to re train or simply to work in a totally different area or way. It usually but not always involves a reduction in earnings. At least initially. Something many would rather run themselves in to an early grave before they would be willing to do. But those who are willing to go through this go on to reclaim their peace, joy, health, sleep, self-respect, motivation and life itself.

In other words, they start living again.

I’m fortunate enough to speak from personal experience as one who left my own workplace prison some thirteen years ago. I’ve walked the path. And I’m still walking the path. It’s long, hard, messy, painful, uncomfortable and costly. But not as much as avoiding it. And I am immensely grateful for the many who have and who continue to help me along it.

Once free, it’s a natural response to help others become free because you realise that you’re not competing with those around you but walking your own path. And you discover from hard won experience that when one enters freedom we all benefit.

Life is short.

It can end at any moment.

Is it really worth choosing to spend whatever precious moments we are given, living in a prison of our own choosing and creation?

Of course, I’m not talking here about situations over which we truly have no control. That’s a whole different area over which we can control only our response. After all, none of us are actually entitled to anything in this life.
I think it’s too easy to forget that anything we are given is a gift, be it health, life, relationships, time, money, or anything else.

But if we’re really honest with ourselves do we sometimes write certain situations off as having no control over them when this is not entirely true? But more the whisperings of our fear?

Do you have the courage to release yourself from your workplace prison?

Or to say yes to going in search of that which brings you to life and gives you a reason to live. A purpose. An enthusiasm for parting company with the duvet of a morning?

Or will you live, or should I say exist alongside that old adage, ‘better the devil you know’.

Now, I’m not talking about constantly searching for greener pastures. The grass will be as green as you are willing to invest in it becoming. But if you know you’re in a situation that’s crushing the life out of you, what are you going to do about it? Because change takes work and work takes time and effort and usually a lot of help. And these things don’t just happen by themselves.

There is of course no such thing as a perfect job or even a perfect anything in this life but if you know your workplace has become a prison and you’ve allowed yourself to stay irrespective of personal cost because you’ve been backed in to a corner by the taunts of the fear promoting what if brigade, it may just be time to re-evaluate.

Life really is too short to allow a workplace prison to stop you living fully.

New Life …

Wherever I look right now whether out running or in the car, I see nature declaring NEW LIFE is here.

I see rows of bright yellow daffodils standing to attention along the side of the roads or around folks properties. The crocuses are out en masse within the parks and beautiful pink and white blossom are adorning the trees. Even one of my tulips has tentatively if temporarily treated me to a peak within its petals.

I love this time of year.

Well, not the rain. Or the snow. But I do love to see the green buds of new life poking their way out of winter and in to the spring. It evokes such hope. New growth, new beginnings, new seasons. All is not lost. New life is starting over.

This excites me.

Although looking around at all the dead winter leftovers requiring my removal, excited me a lot less. But after Monday’s display of sunshine, I cleaned the outside table and breakfasted on the patio. The first of the year! And it was glorious!

Afterwhich I felt suitably galvanised to tackle the garden. Out with the old, make way for the new. Just like life really, although the transitions between seasons are seldom smooth or without some work.

I’ve been taught by those way more knowledgeable than myself that if we don’t remove the dead parts from plants, they continue to take nutrients from the soil, thus depriving the new, growing parts. Hence the importance of dead heading and dead part removals. No point feeding something that can no longer produce.

Nature has much to teach us and we would be wise to apply its lessons to our own lives.

What are we feeding our energy in to that could actually be out of season?

Which buds of new life are appearing and requiring our attention instead?

I have observed that it is nearly always necessary to let go of the old life to make the space for the new one. We cannot receive a new thing if we have not made the space to do so for we can only hold so much in one pair of hands. Even if they’re really huge hands. We all have limitations. We all have seasons. And in my experience, when it’s time to let go of something, there is nearly always an upgrade on the way.

I’ve noticed recently a few people who either felt a little pushed out of current situations; houses or jobs, only to go on to discover themselves within better houses or jobs. Wowsers huh?

Yet sometimes, we hold on to the old things so tightly even when they cause us pain, that not only do we become stuck with something that is out of season and unable to flourish, but we also block and delay the arrival of the new thing. What stubborn untrusting creatures us humans can be!

Sometimes it can be a type of thinking that blocks the pathway of that which attempts to birth new life within us. Usually fear based. Letting go of the old, can evoke great fear about the unknown. And this may keep us stuck where we are rather than entering in to where we could be. And that’s another whole story.

But new life calls to us all, if only we’ll attune our ears and open our eyes.

The question is, will we choose to accept it?