The God of Odd

The god of all including grief,

Who offers us all such relief

Led me to an expanding retreat

Not only based on what I did eat

Grief can make me feel out of my head

And often want to take to my bed

Especially when I’ve been very well fed

Of good food, company and scenery

There’s a lot to be said

I had large portions of all on this treat

Where lots of interesting folk, I did meet

We talked, we listened & we laughed a lot

There was so much variety in the pot

We all have many stories to tell

And when we’re open to hearing, we really gel

When we’re willing to learn from each other

There’s much that makes us like sister and brother

We all share in this human spirit

With its up and downs, it requires real grit

More so for the lessons that are seriously shit

But offer deep learning when approached with wit

The learning literally never stops

And calls me now to change my socks

To walk in new ways and shoes

So to my great God, stay entirely true

Thank you God

For making me odd

I own all that I am

Cos I trust in your plan

Let’s get this party started ….

The holy sabbath

The holy sabbath

This morning as I hung out with Jesus, I was able to submit enough to seek what He wants to say over what I want to hear! And Jesus does not disappoint. Which is not to say he does not allow experiences that disappoint!  Do not confuse the two!

I was reading about the Israelites spending forty years in the dessert – what a long time. I’m grateful I only spent thirty years in the pre-knowing Jesus desert. Anyway, God used the daily provision of manna (grub), to teach the Israelites to trust Him as provider. He told them to obey his command to take only enough manna for each day and to trust that God would provide enough for every day thereafter.

Of course, human beings were just as wilful, doubting and disobedient back then as we are today. Subsequently, some of them stored up more than a days’ worth of manna, just in case God failed to deliver on his promise of provision. Consequently, when the non-trusting took more than a days’ worth, the excess went off and stank. God was serious about providing enough for each day and no more. He was also serious about commanding them to trust him enough to believe his promises. (He’s the same God today!)

The exception to this daily provision of manna was on a Saturday. God promised to deliver two days’ worth of food every Saturday to provide enough for Sunday too. This was done to establish God’s principle of rest via taking a weekly sabbath/rest day. And when the Israelites followed these instructions, the excess taken on Saturday did not go off. It remained fresh for Sunday. God’s words are true and he delivers on his promises. (Not just back then!)

God was showing his faithful, trustworthy character as a God who provides what we need, to sustain us for the day ahead. God still provides for our daily spiritual, physical and psychological needs, when we remember to ask him. And, like the Israelites, we often doubt him, take things into our own hands and treat him as if his ways are like ours. In other words, we sometimes apply the, ‘if you want a job doing properly’, motto to him. If only we could learn to trust him and his timing, all the time and especially in the super shit looking times. Sigh.

Anyway, I was struck by God’s command to REST in this scripture.

This is not, nor has ever been an optional extra, reserved for the indulgent. It is an essential principle for healthy, God led living. And it is considered a break of his commands to fail to apply it in practice. Gulp.

The sabbath does not have to be on a Sunday. It does have to be one day a week. While the sabbath and rest are not new concepts, they are more significant than ever in these increasingly rest-less times we live in. Which we are worse off for.

Now is the time to re-establish this Godly principle, for this exists for our own health, protection and longevity.

We neglect it to our detriment.

So, what is rest?

Rest is resisting asking anything of our minds, hearts or body’s. Stopping. Refusing to make demands on ourselves or accept demands from others. Of course, this requires a more creative response to those responsible for little people along with their never-ending demands! We all have different challenges and blessings and can seek God for how to work with these. Even then there will always be the exception where something must be done on a sabbath day. But the point is, the exception is supposed to remain the exception, not become the norm.

What might rest look like?

Rest is not necessarily a nap. While a nap is usually a restful, non-negotiable part of my day, this is a complete shutdown of the system. This certainly refreshes and reboots the system, for some of us. We are all different. And the research on the benefits of naps is conflicting at best.

But rest is something we benefit from including within our waking moments. Or rather it is a call/command and invitation to include it for our own benefit.

This requires sufficient self-knowledge to recognise and implement what is restful for us. Again, as we are all different, what works for me, may not work for you.

For me, my favourite form of rest is what I call ‘wall gazing’ time. I literally get comfortable, preferably horizontal, or at least sat with my legs up, and I gaze in to space. Or out the window at nature, or out to sea. The point for me is that I am not actively asking my mind or body to do anything. I am letting my body be still and my mind wander wherever it wants to go.

My mind typically likes to go through the events of the day or to envision dreams for the future. Or to think about the humongous gap between what us Christians say we believe about God and what our lives reveal us to really believe! And more importantly asking God to show me to how to live more like I know that he means what he says. (unlike most of us humans!)

I let my mind roam free and play spontaneously and creatively. I love indulging in wall gazing time. And I rarely prioritise/permit myself to do it!!  Feel free to judge! I don’t profess to be perfect! But I am committed to learning how to do things better. And to being taught by the most phenomenal teacher, who just happens to be available and calling us all.

As someone who needs to process on an extremely deep level due to the depth of my feelings and the breadth of my thoughts, this time is essential REST that allows unconscious processing to occur. And I need to practice more of it.

Rest could also look like laying down listening to music, meditating on the lyrics or simply feeling it.

Or it could be laying down with the cat snuggled on to me with his loud purr-o-metre reverberating through my system.

And sometimes, it is sitting in the sauna, jacuzzi or steam room. I love being warm, I love being in water and when in either of these places, with nothing to physically do, I stop and rest! This offers an embodied reminder of how wonderful it feels to be still.

Rest really is the best. It replenishes our supplies for whatever the day requires of us. It is not only a weekly requirement in the form of a sabbath day. But something we each need varying amounts of every day.

Grief reminds me that I need more rest than usual and I haven’t been having it. God’s perfect timing means I now have a good portion of it stretching out ahead of me.

The question remains … along with a reminder from a prayer partner, will I allow myself to practice this REST malarkey as much as I need it?

Perhaps, as God is the one reminding me of the importance of it, I’ll ask his help to apply it! I often observe how it feels like God answers my prayers for others more than me (so unfair!). Yet I know the ‘help me implement rest beyond and including the sabbath’ prayer, is one that he’ll be all over!

And the best time to practice this rest-fest is NOW … the sofa is calling and the window needs gazing out of …

Let’s talk curtains, by Jesus Christ and Jo Loach!

Let’s talk curtains

It’s Easter Saturday … this offers the stillness, silence and space that so many of us struggle with. During our life span, we will often find ourselves in our own Easter Saturday, no longer where we were, but not yet where we will be. It can be hard on Saturday to trust that Monday will come. Easter offers us an annual reminder in recognition of our tendency for spiritual amnesia, about what we need to remember most.

This morning I was thinking about all of this. I love the magic of the early mornings, and this morning was no exception. If I sleep through until 5.30am, I take this as a win. My overactive mind has always interfered with my body’s need for sleep.

Anyway, when I went downstairs and wondered into my conservatory, I was greeted by the most musical, magical sound of birdsong. It doesn’t matter how many times I hear this or witness all things Spring, they still make my heart leap for joy. These are the moments that set me up for a day of seeing all things through the lens of my relationship with Jesus Christ. How grateful I am to have eyes that see and ears that hear – when I remember to look and listen!

The first few hours of my day are dedicated to hanging out with Jesus because he feeds me on a way deeper level than my muesli does. He gives me wisdom, insight, encouragement, comfort, strength and whatever else he knows I’ll need for the day. Love is the non-negotiable most important ingredient for any day. And He’s a generous God who always gives more than we need so there’s enough to share with others.

As I read my UCB daily devotional, I was struck by the word ‘curtains’. Obviously as it’s Easter Saturday, the reading is about what Jesus came to do – to become the connector between our flawed selves and our perfect God. This isn’t new news for any Christian, but our God is not a dead or dry God. He offers us new, fresh, living ways to see and share his life, death, words, ways and wisdom every day, when we seek him.

Each morning, I look back and thank God for all the blessings I noticed from the previous day. And I ask him to speak to me in preparation for the day he knows I will have. As a God of his word, who’s ways are not our ways, he does what he says he will. Always and without exception.

As soon as I clocked the word ‘curtains’ in my reading, I remembered a conversation from earlier this week. It was about the impending funeral to celebrate the life of the one who died unexpectedly. The question was asked whether we wanted the ‘curtains’ to be closed at the end of the service. This typically symbolises the final curtain call of life as one moves beyond this world to the next. The answer was a resounding ‘no’ from us all. Too visual, too final, too painful.

I sat with this and sought God’s insight. I considered how God uses the torn curtains to symbolise the end of Jesus’s life in human form. While what Jesus came to do was finished, this was not the end of his life or his reign. It was the beginning of Jesus taking up his life through the hearts, minds, bodies, words and ways of us, his flawed human but still-used-by-God, people. Upon giving our hearts to Jesus, he begins to reign within them in a way that blesses and helps us through all the trouble we’re told we’ll have. And he gives enough to sustain us and share with others, to show something of who God is. 

For Jesus, the curtains represented his physical death, but the start of his life through our physical bodies and spirits. That’s you, me and us. The curtains represented a boundary between us and God. Hence the curtains splitting in two removed this leaving us free to be with God anytime we want to. We can be as connected to him as we want, for he has gifted us the free will to choose.

I’m learning to have God on an intravenous drip because whenever I try life my way instead of his, I get myself in an almighty mess. How grateful I am that God is almighty enough, gracious and merciful enough, to always welcome me back with open arms.

For us, curtains symbolise the end of our life in these human body’s. It doesn’t end there though, as Jesus calls us to eternity with him, in brand spanking new bodies.  And in a place where there is no more tears or suffering – wow.

We live in a world, in a time full of suffering. Much of which is unnecessarily driven by the human ego and its need for power, at the cost of human life. No wonder Jacinda Ardern, former prime minister of NZ, was vilified by the patriarch for prioritising human life in NZ during Covid. If only men and women could acknowledge, celebrate and collaborate with each other to utilise our respective gifts and perspectives. I’ll pray but I won’t hold my breath on this front. Dinosaurs are far from an extinct species and remain one which endangers life.

But back to the point.

The curtains that split when Jesus died, removed all separation between us and God Almighty, FOREVER. This means that no matter what trouble our ‘Good Friday’ seasons bring, nor how long before our Easter Monday comes, Jesus is with and for us. In this life and beyond.

I love to worship God through song and as I sang/screeched along to the lyrics of a song this morning, I was particularly struck by the truth of these words.

“Where is God in all of this?”

This is often the cry of the human heart when life or death happens in a way that makes our hearts hurt, over what our minds are unable to comprehend. I imagine it is the cry of many a human heart right now, the world over, with all that is happening.

Jesus promised us trouble, but he also encouraged us to ‘take heart’, because he has overcome. He overcame the cross to connect us to the Father forever, if we choose to accept this ultimate invitation from the giver of life. And this father, gives us everything we could possibly need to navigate the toughest, most heart breaking of times. He gives comfort, calm, peace and the love of good people. None of which can be bought. Not even from Amazon. And the best bit of all, the life and death of Jesus that invites us to experience the fullest version of life, the one where he lives in and through us, is FREE!!! Honestly! I know it sounds too good to be true, but I’ve got over twenty years lived experience of testing this! And I can testify that this promise is truer than true! As well as being an offer with no expiry date, until the day we die.

Now that’s what I call good news.

Oh yes, and because God knows how easily I become distracted, he often confirms what he wants me to write about, at least three times. This typically succeeds in getting and securing my attention. He knows I love the number three for its holy and magical qualities! So, just to be sure this morning, I had a notification come up on my FB market page. It had a picture of a pair of red curtains that I had advertised for sale, with the rather original title, ‘Curtains’! I burst out laughing! I love Jesus and the way he works, plays and rests with me! Especially when I let him drive and I stop being such a front seat driver.

“Ok, Jesus, I hear you, I’ll get up and write this piece for you – what a privilege during this annual reminder of what an amazing God you are, to write in a way that points to you!”

I’m always confused when Christians look at me like I’m mad, deluded or both when I share what God has said to me. Of course, I am fallible and I can and do get things wrong at times. But I’ve learned to accept that if I do my best to share what God asks me to share, it’s between God and others to test its truth. And this free’s me to stop staying silent just because my critics remain committed to misunderstanding me and underestimating God!

I will not be silenced, and I will speak on God’s behalf – please do test what I say for yourself.

Happy celebrating and recognising the call of Jesus weekend, one and all. 

What an awesome God we all have.

Always trust that your Monday WILL come. No matter how long the weekend turns out to be, nor where it delivers you to.

And if you are wondering what this messed up world is all about and seeking something of real meaning, open your heart to the call of the giver of life this Easter. Please don’t let us, God’s imperfect people, put you off from God’s perfect-ness. The Church continues to earn her poor reputation in many ways. But she also does a lot of good, so please don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.

And please be assured that a relationship with God is separate to the Church, which remains full of flawed people like me. However, there are a growing breed of us, God’s people, who are working hard, despite the internal resistance, to lift the carpet. The Church is no different to the average family in that much of the mess and pain gets swept under the ceiling tickling carpets. As if somehow this pleases God, rather than green lighting the one who works oh-so-subtly against God.

But God is different in that he calls us to let him help us deal with what’s under the carpet, not live in fear of it. Or worse still, allow it to grow and fester by pretending its not there. God is not fooled! Neither does he call us to be! He really does call us to be free.

Ps in answer to the question of, ‘where is Jesus in this?’

 As the lyrics say,

“He’s right here, where he’s always been”.

Halleluyah!

PPS give me a shout if you want these freshly washed red curtains! Dear Jesus, please help me find the buggers …

Unexpected Death

Nothing really prepares us for death.

But it remains more shocking when we’re not expecting it. In a way I guess we should all be expecting death, given it’s an inevitable and unavoidable part of life for every one of us. But we don’t usually expect death. Perhaps we are more mindful the older we get and the more loved ones we witness going on without us. But generally, death is too concrete a concept to be comprehensible to our human brains.

When death takes one of our own, our world ceases to exist in the way we’ve always known it. Time stops while we enter a limbo bubble, beyond the realms of ordinary time or daily living. Nothing seems real except that the lifeline of one has ended and ours has changed irreversibly.

The shock of sudden death sends waves of anaesthetic through our systems to soothe us until we can begin to absorb the hard-to-absorb. My system shook and cried. Then it became still and silent before succumbing to sleep. Only after sleep did the waves of shock accompanied by sadness arise again.

How can someone be here one minute and gone the next? Why don’t we get notice it’s coming?!

We know intellectually when someone has ceased to be here in bodily form, but we cannot digest this in one sitting. It’s too hard, too big, too final and too life changing, to those who remain alive.

The questions start,

“What if …”

“If only …”

“Why didn’t I …”

And none of these have answers.

Then the ‘should’ brigade step in.

“Should I do this … “

“Should I do that …”

“Should I not do this or that …”

But when it comes to the process of grief, there is

NO …

  • rule book
  • right or wrong
  • comparisons
  • two griefs the same

There is only the ongoing question of;

What do I need right now?

On the understanding that this is ever changing and sometimes we learn what we need by experiencing what we don’t. For me, crowds and noise are an absolute no, as my tolerance is the first thing to go and my irritation is the first thing to rise.

And top of the DO NOT NEED pile are:

DO NOT

  • stop praying … God wants to help us with death as well as life
  • push self to do what can be put down and left undone
  • pretend to be ok when not
  • claim not to need support when we do
  • self-pressure/self-recrimination
  • anything remotely resembling the stiff upper lip bs

In contrast, top of the DO NEED pile are:

  • time / space
  • tissues, plenty of
  • water, lots – to drink and if manageable, shower in, but see above re not pressuring!
  • Industrial strength deodorant (see above/is this just a peri thing?)
  • Food to stop the system being physically stressed when it’s already psychologically stressed, even easy grabs like toast.
  • Sleep whenever you can grab it
  • Big scissors to cut yourself some serious slack
  • Reminder not to put finance before health in work v time out – ongoing assessment of capacity
  • Support from those who have experienced grief
  • Self-compassion; large portions of
  • Time alarms for anything significant while time awareness is suspended
  • Friends that understand you don’t want to hear about their sister’s, uncles, neighbours’ dogs, fleas.
  • Reminder that all thoughts and feelings are just that – they come, they go, accept or fight them – while reminding yourself you don’t have energy to spare
  • Accept you’re going to feel emotionally and mentally fatigued while your body works to support the process of healing; don’t push to do unnecessary work during this time
  • It’s a process; anything that pretends to be a short cut will turn into a long cut
  • Remember grief has its own timeline and it does not end; it changes as we integrate the love for the person (and any other feelings) with the loss of them
  • It’s your grief, your body, heart, mind and spirit. Only you know what you feel and what you need – go with that. If anyone wants to judge, in the words of Mel Robbins, ‘let them’!

And a note for my fellow Christians, DON’T EVER SAY,

“Oh but they’re with Jesus now”,

Especially not while wearing a huge smile.

At least not unless you want the ‘most insensitive response’ award. If Jesus cried over the death of a man he knew he was going to resurrect, I’m pretty damn sure it’s ok for us to cry over those who die and will not be resurrected.

Grief reminds us to stop.

To notice what is and what is not important. To constantly take a minute to ask,

“Does this really matter right now, if at all?”

For me, when I am writing, I can find my way through anything, including the unexpected dying of another.

And, even in the heartache of grief, there are gifts of gold. For what is more important than the gift of one another, to walk through life and death with. We need not walk alone.

Thank you God for gifting me those who walk with me, hug me, message me, call me, feed me, water me, pray with and for me and show me, I am not alone.

All the fun of the firsts. Again.

Who doesn’t love this time of year? 

All around us are signs of new life from the little red buds on the trees, to the daffodils decorating the roadsides, to the beautiful sound of birdsong in the air. After being starved of sunshine for so long, it really does feel like pure magic! All the more likely to elicit smiles!

And, how wonderful to throw open the windows to welcome the warmer air and clear the stuffiness of central heating.

Not only have I enjoyed my first trip to the sea, but I’ve also had my first drinks and eats in the garden. Last weekend, I even had my first breakfast in the garden. How exciting!

As I sat outside at my lap top this morning, I saw my first yellow butterfly fly right by. And a huge bumble bee has made its first and several subsequent appearances.

I’ve started cycling to my health club instead of driving and I’ve returned to running outside. I hate running on a treadmill inside as I love to feel the air on my skin and hear the birds as they sing.

Today saw me out with a friend without a coat on! First time this year, wow wee! And I wasn’t cold.

Upon seeing my neighbour mow their lawn, I could no longer convince myself that it was too wet to mow mine. I’ve now got the first mow of the season done as well as having removed everything dead from the garden. It’s a neat, tidy, clean slate ready to receive the new life of the new season. And I’ve planted my first pansies and violas, as well as a lettuce, although that’s still inside for now. I don’t want to risk freezing the bugger to death in a frost.

A few weeks back I took my first bike ride of the year which involved flying down a hill at high speed, as if in an Enid Blyton book. Woo-hoo!

And today, I had an excessively enjoyable, fun fest of a day out with a friend, to celebrate her birthday. I indulged in my first piece of cake of the week after deciding to risk the runaway sugar train. It was utterly delicious, more so as it was baked by someone other than me.

On our return I had my first experience of laughing so hard, I didn’t laugh my arse off (shrinking jeans will testify) but I must have laughed at least half of that cake off. My stomach hurt even more than it does after a particularly spicy Pilates class. Who knew burning off cake could involve so much fun and laughter.

It turns out I did, as I’ve been to my first and now second weekly dance class. These make me laugh spontaneously as dance is one of my favourite joy releasers.

I’ve even got my spring, bright and bold floral covered bedsheets back on the bed. Everywhere I look inside or out, there are flowers displaying their beauty for us to feast our eyes on.

And once home I feasted on my first four egg omelette, as suggested by last week’s menopause coach. Protein is apparently the way to go.

Yay for the new season and all the fun of the firsts.

Ps a less fun first was the sound of a super sized wasp buzzing around my conservatory. Fortunately, following a few prayers and a few FFS’s, it found its way back out!

Beware the sugar train

Yesterday I was reminded of the cost of forgetting the above. Having gained half a stone of mainly sugar filled treats, I decided to take action. I immediately rationed myself to only eating cakes on weekend days with a mid-week slice on Wednesdays.

Last Wednesday I had the tiniest slither of cake possible as I was still super enthused with this new regime. Or rather I was super thrilled with the subsequent weight loss. This Wednesday having allowed a little smugness in to the system, I celebrated with more of a slather of cake. It was double the size of last weeks. Still not huge though, well done me. I mindfully savoured every mouthful of this yumalicious home made yoghurt cake of mine. It was top notch.

I was spared the temptation of home made cakes for several months as I had a temporary release from cake consumption having caked myself out celebrating my fiftieth. However, the baking and more dangerously the eating, of cake has since returned with renewed vigour.

Anyway, after that slather sized slice, I was salivating for more. A short debate ensued where Captain cut-back-the-cakes maintained one slice was enough but my always-greedy-for-everything-I-love part remained unconvinced. Following a few minutes of back and forth, I caught myself cutting another slather sized slice. While I thoroughly enjoyed every morsel, I knew straight after that I should have stopped after one. I promised myself I would remember this next time, conveniently forgetting that perimenopause means I will remember no such thing.

After the necessary afternoon nap, I took myself to the local Menopause Café. I was looking forward to hearing from an expert speaker along with seeing other women who are navigating this stage. It was a venue I hadn’t been to before which involved walking the whole way round the building trying various locked doors before eventually being led by one more in the know than I, back to the start point at the front. I hate it when there are no signs!

Once inside, I liked the venue but alas … they were selling CAKE. My eyes ran over all the available stock to see if anything took my fancy. What did was in the form of a square shaped, homemade looking, chocolate chip filled substantial sized piece of shortbread. Gulp. I LOVE shortbread. I stared at it a little more before pulling myself past it to take a seat. I tried to distract myself by greeting other people but all I could hear and sense from behind me was,

“Jo, you know you want me”.

And I really did!

The pull to the sugar was incredibly powerful and took everything in me to resist.

It turned out the talk was largely on nutrition and how to feed our hormones in such a way to support the system and to reduce sugar spikes. The reality of oestrogen spiking and dropping all over the shop is enough stress on the system without throwing sugar spikes and crashes in to the mix. Although I am rubbish at remembering anything remotely scientific, I did grasp that the sugar in carbs quickly causes the system to crash and then crave more thus creating a repeating cycle. Sugar does not satisfy the system in any lasting way which entraps us to the quick hit of sugar filled heaven before crashing us back down which leaves us craving more. If you’re looking for something that does satisfy the system beyond instant gratification, protein is the way to go.

I probably missed much of the talk due to the mental energy required to resist the shortbread. While reflecting on all this, I realised I must have inadvertently got on the sugar train earlier that day. As I don’t really believe in extreme diets that remove certain foods (unless revolting ones I don’t want anyway, like black pudding), I thought the cake in moderation approach was a sensible one. I had imagined that a mid-week sugar hit would sustain me until the weekend.

However, it would appear from my experience and the talk, that instead I had started something that was hard to stop. Perhaps it would have been more helpful to leave the sugar monster to its slumber only awakening it at the weekend if I was prepared to break the cycle on a Monday.

The learning literally never stops.

It reminds me that back in my adolescence as a fan of Grange Hill, there was an anti-drugs campaign with the motto,

“Just say no,”

The present day replacement for menopausal women appears to be,

“Just say no … to sugar”.

And, ‘beware the sugar train’, because it’s hard to get back off – the drug/poison of the day.

We had reflected in the menopause group on how fashions change around food. Fat, for example is now very much in fashion, the healthy avo type anyway. But sugar and wheat are now in the firing line.

I love all things sugar and would be most suspicious of any woman who claims not to. However, when our body’s are already subject to so much change-associated stress, the sugar trap really is one to be mindful of. Damn.

Permission to pause

As the call of the sea was too appealing to ignore, I granted myself forty-eight uninterrupted hours of being beside the sea.

A welcome opportunity to be free of the other more demanding P’s; pressure to meet schedules (even those I’ve set myself!) plus the endless productivity of performing the tasks that accompany adulting.

Permission granted to roam free of them all.

What bliss. A real brain/body break. The most taxing decision I made today was which items I wanted for breakfast! To which the answer was … most of them! What a gift to have a meal prepared, cooked and brought right to you. Especially when served at a table with a sea view. Simple pleasures still deliver.

Following months of grey dreary days with very little exception, the sun even appeared to shine its sparkling lights all over the shop. And the sea. I find the sun rays flickering off the sea utterly mesmerising. That’s my kind of magic.

Yesterday I had zero desire to walk, let alone run along the beach. As I’m practising giving my body what it needs versus forcing it to do what I think it should, I didn’t walk or run. Instead, I spent hours sat on my arse staring at the sea from the comfort of my favourite sea facing seat. Guilt free and glorious. I also scoffed salmon I hadn’t had to cook. And I inhaled an inspiring book that was gifted by a friend, who knows my appetites. Satisfaction central.

But then, after one of the biggest and best cooked breakfasts I’ve ever had, a spontaneous urge to walk arose. This was enhanced by the fact I was too uncomfortably stuffed to stay seated. I went out to amble along the beach. As the waves gently lapped at the shore, the sun began to emerge. The warmth of its rays upon my skin was a welcome treat indeed! I remember this! It was an all-round sensory delight to be savoured slowly.

I walked and walked and I walked a bit more. And I relished the reality that there was no rushing required. I surprised myself with how long I walked following the slothfulness of the day before. As I did, I was constantly wowed by the wonder of the waves. Like life, they just keep coming; sometimes crashing in, sometimes calm, but always moving. A constant, vast, open presence. These are the scenes I love to gorge on. Even taking short videos as a takeaway to view when home.

I brought a coffee which I drank outside while still drinking in the sights and sounds of the sea. My first al fresco drink of the year. How exciting! At least it was until the wind started blowing, the clouds started dominating and the sun stopped shining. My cue to return to the comfort of the indoor seats.

Following a few hours of creative play, I felt compelled to get back outside to run along the beach. How I love the fresh air on my skin, invigorating me and reminding me in an embodied way that I am still ALIVE! Of course, it’s even more enjoyable when accompanied by the sun to balance out the cold. A wish that was granted periodically.

During this time and space of unforced rhythms; flowing over forcing, pausing over pushing, spontaneity over striving, my creativity began to re-emerge from its slumber. I am relieved, excited and tentative to sense it awakening once more.

The sea, the sun, the space, the stillness, the simple pleasures … these are what begin to bring me home to myself.

Thank you, God, for the soul stirring, wonder awakening, call, comfort and restorative powers of nature.

I do love to be beside the seaside.

And while I am now back home, I must return soon.

The sting and the shine

On Sunday at Church I spoke to someone who shared that they were feeling less than enthused about Christmas! They described what had created their bar humbug position and how it had been challenged by those who were participating in the meal sharing, gift giving, enjoyment of Christmas.

As one who does a lot of listening, I am aware that this person is far from alone! For many, Christmas has associations that evoke the opposite of fluff and fun. This could be due to the reminder of those who are no longer with us. Or to the spirit of Christmas getting lost in Black Friday sales. Or the consumerist cloud that conceals the one the season represents. Or just that the usual daily stressors don’t cease to exist simply because Christmas is coming!

In short Christmas can remind us of loss in its many guises. Not just of loved ones but of the meaning becoming concealed by consumerism. These are on top of whatever others losses each of us are currently navigating.

There can be a sting in the stress of spending alongside the escalating cost of living, as well as the additional work and pressure for everything to be ‘perfect’. And this in addition to the ordinary storms, strains and stings of life. It’s no wonder that the build up to Christmas can turn folk right off from the true shining star of the season.

On Saturday, a friend and I watched a film called, ‘Oh what fun’. This was rare in that it was set from the female perspective. It illustrated how the women usually do all the unnoticed, often taken for granted, behind the scenes work, that makes everything happen. The film illustrates how Christmas can bring out the best, the worst and all in between for us all, as everything especially emotions, are heightened. It had a poignant but true message that was delivered with humour as well as the guaranteed happy ending!

Whether we love, hate or wish Christmas to be over, the timeless gift in its midst, remains; CHRIST! The season is almost universally accepted as a time of being with loved ones (in small doses!), sharing in celebrations, scoff-fests, singing and togetherness. But the real gift is Christ who is present during the run up, the main event and the year that follows. He helps us to stay focused on him despite all that seeks to draw our attention away from him.

It is ironic that the very season that showcases Jesus as the shining star, can be one in which the surrounding pomp and ceremony as well as the stress, work and expense, can conceal him! These Christ-less consumers of money AND attention, can become a smokescreen to divert, distract and distance us from Christ! And as with every other sphere of life and season, that which we consumes us, can blind us to that which helps, holds and heals us!

However, the good news of this season as with every other, is that we don’t have to passively accept this as the case, just because it was last year or the year before! All year round there will be experiences that sting us in one way, shape or form. These can become amplified during Christmas. However, it is equally true that in every season/storm/stress that stings, lay an opportunity for the God who shines brighter than every sting, to be seen afresh.

We must choose and keep choosing, not to deny what stings, but to continue to seek the one who shines through it all. Christ remains beyond the sales, Amazon delivery’s, family fallouts, unexpected or expected bereavements, stress, ill health or whatever else leaves us with a heavy heart.

Jesus is calling each of us, every day,

“Come to me … here and now … I will put my heart-lifting, heart-holding, heart-warming shine on every step you take, especially those which sting”.

This is true in all seasons including Christmas.

Jesus does NOT say,

“Do not come to me until you’ve got through the stress or sting of Christmas or any other season”!

Jesus is the God of the shine within, above and beyond every sting. He does not need us to make ourselves shiny before we bring the sting to him. He helps us with the sting so we can continue to enjoy his shine in the face of all that stings.

Sometimes we need to consciously choose to re-focus on the one who helps us turn every sting in to a chance to see him shine even brighter. There is no need to delay until the stress/sting of the season is behind us when there is one wanting to help us reclaim the gift of his presence, here and now.

Shed, rest, produce, repeat

The tree’s now stand stripped of their leaf coverings, in all their raw, naked, natural beauty. They are a sight to behold which gives me great enjoyment every morning as I watch their stunning silhouettes emerge from the darkness of night. They never fail to wow me with their striking beauty set against the ever changing back drop of the sky. They serve to remind me of the necessity and beauty, of all seasons. And that each season has a natural timeline for producing, before shedding and resting, to prepare for the next season of producing.

Autumn calls us to release and shed all that holds us back from growing in new ways. Winter seeks to welcome us unencumbered by old, redundant ways of being and relating. This transition between what was and what is to come, can be unsettling because those learned but unquestioned patterns of relating, may have covered our most natural selves; needs and desires to grow beyond, ‘what was’.

The trees invite us to stand tall exactly as we are. No more, no less, no hiding or pretending to be anything other than who we were born to be. This raw authenticity will reveal those who see and enjoy us for being who we are and those who don’t. This is the natural order of life that supports us to shed all that will hold us back from change, whether internal or external.

Post shedding, it is helpful to rest, resource and re-set. We may need to withdraw a little to regather ourselves in preparation for producing more life in a different way.

The business of being alive means that change is constantly happening. We can surrender to this reality, whether gracefully or disgracefully, or fight it to the very death. As in our death, be it physical or psychological.

When we surrender to the shedding season and refuse to resist the resting season, we work with our natural life cycles.

As humans in a nonstop culture, we may struggle to simply be still. The tree models this to us while also showing its striking beauty. When the wind blows, the trees move with it in a dance of its own.

Winter invites us to accept the mini deaths of, ‘the way we/life have been’, to prepare us to birth fuller, healthier, more satisfying ways of living and relating. While the physical body is aging, wearing and tearing, the psychological and spiritual self is growing, shedding, resting and relearning.

While we may all have our favourite seasons, the tree’s remind us to trust during all seasons. For life is always calling us to the fullest way of living, which also requires an ongoing assessment of all that undermines this. (including ourselves!)

The HIGH before the storm

Not all storms are preceded by calm … think the miracles of mass feeding, Elijah after calling fire from heaven etc

A high raised by a demonstration of God’s undeniable power, is an invitation for spiritual attack from God’s enemy. This must NOT deter us!

Twenty years ago, my counsellor once remarked,

‘When you stand up and out, as well as speaking up and out, you effectively put a target on your back’.

As a navigator of serial, near back-to-back storms in recent years, I have learned much that cannot be learned in the calm. Upon reaching my fiftieth which I wasn’t always confident of reaching, I chose to use my jubilee party to celebrate the God who brought me through every storm. God has used these storms to update my internal software at the deepest level by changing man-made beliefs, for God’s truths and by making my weak places strong. It gave me enormous joy to celebrate this God with the amazing FAMILY who have brought me through.

As a visual person, seeing and sharing with so many of the family God has surrounded me with (plus a few relative unknowns) during these seasons of storms, made a super-sized, super-strength deposit in my love-bank. My true family members were touched by the power and presence of God’s love in the room. Those who arrived wobbly, left feeling strengthened. And I was lifted high on wings of joy, love and gratitude.

This high was short-lived … the inevitable spiritual attack started just one short week later.

While this was intended for harm to drag me down to the level of those responsible, who also wished to exert control over me, the God who CONVERTS all harm to good, utilised this INTEL, for my learning, growth and deeper healing.

When we fly so high, shout so loud, or rejoice with so many, about the goodness of God, we invite ‘gifts’ from those unwilling to rejoice with, or for us. These ‘gifts’ are precious in so far as we do not receive them, from those who see, hear, understand and love us.

Those who launch such attacks or are complicit in them, highlight themselves as not being our people. There is nothing to be gained by speaking to those who refuse to see or hear us. And there is everything to be gained by walking away, closing the door, bolting it firmly, praying them in to God’s care and leaving them with others who belong only in your past.

While such attacks are shocking, especially when launched by those you overlooked the ‘off-signs’ for, and invested in emotionally anyway, it does signal that the storm sender/permitter deemed you ready for it and designed it to remove those not coming forward with you.

Either way, storm-training, trains us to recognise that every storm contains key INTEL. When we know that John 16:33 is a guaranteed, repeating life-long theme (!), we can meet it as the gift of growth that it is.

Irrespective of source, the storm HIGHLIGHTS in NEON FLASHING LIGHTS, where our WEAK SPOTS are. This is profoundly helpful when partnering with the God who turns our weaknesses in to strengths. What may otherwise remain off the radar is swiftly put on it via the attention-grabbing-presence of pain, when we are attacked in the weak spot!  What a good-gift giving God we have!!

In addition to signposting us to our weak spots so God can help us strengthen them, the storm also shows us what conditions evoke our INNER THOMAS. Or the doubter within; whether doubts about us, others, or God himself. By putting these on the map, under the super illuminating light of the Almighty, we can clearly see the lies that underpin the doubts. When we bring the enemy lies before the truth giving God, they dissipate.

These attacks also alert us to where we have allowed, or even invited, harm in – this is critical as it points us to the essential repair work we must undertake to prevent harm entering via whatever breaks in the boundary wall, allowed our attackers in.

Furthermore, we are invited to partner with God in identifying our God-given-gifts along with their need for God-ordained-protection from those who see them, but have self-serving motives.

On a deeper level, an attack-based-storm can make invisible beliefs become visible eg ‘if you are kind, open, trusting and giving, others will treat you in the same vein.’ God’s truth is that we must be as wise as a serpent and as pure as doves. We must wake up and wise up, for wolves have no limits when it comes to their penchant for fancy dress; the more deceptive and unexpected the disguise, the greater the power to damage.

In summary, God allows the storm and those who attack us. He uses it to show us how to protect ourselves better to prepare us for future spiritual battles.  These are guaranteed when we step out, stand up and speak out for God.

To summarise, THE GIFTS OF THE STORM …

  • Highlight who will not be coming with us wherever God leads
  • Exposes what evokes our inner Thomas so we can seek, see and double down on the deity giving truths that replace doubts, as well as building endurance and stretching our storm coping capacity.
  • Signpost the gaps in the boundary wall that allowed these people in so we can prevent their access in future by repairing the walls & using what they have taught us about how to recognise what such people look, sound and feel like.
  • Gives us the opportunity to name our God-given-gifts & recognise the need to protect them from those with insincere motives/unaddressed envy/unacknowledged losses/pain
  • Insist we trade beliefs based on the lies of the enemy, irrespective of whether containing a partial truth, for God’s unshakeable full truths

Most storms shake us so hard we learn new truths about ourselves, our God and the at-times duplicitous nature of the human species!

Storms also train us to practice remaining connected to the constant source of calm that is Jesus Christ, living within us, DURING THE STORM! We learn resilience, endurance and faith building through every attack/battle/storm.

The way we RESPOND to storms and/or attacks, determines whether they become growth givers on steroids, or something that beats us down and sucks the life from us. If only temporarily.

When we trust in God and call upon His name, storms show us experientially that God is stronger than every attempt/power of the enemy, to lie to, or about us, to steal our shine or commitment to speaking of and sharing the goodness of God, or to destroy our focus by attempting to distract, drag us down or de-rail us.

The truth about God is that he really IS … ABLE TO FIGHT HIS OWN BATTLES! And does so much better without our assistance/interference!

God has the power to give and keep giving us LIFE TO THE FULL despite every attempt of the enemy to LIE, STEAL AND DESTROY our GOD-GIVEN fullness of life.

This storm has taught me to NEVER STOP STEPPING OUT, or SPEAKING OUT about the GOODNESS of GOD who helps me GROW through every STORM he allows me to go through. INSTEAD, to always trust that He really is ABLE to FIGHT his OWN BATTLES without my ‘help’ and to protect me in the process!!!

Praising the God who allows, reigns within, and after, every storm … now, always and forever! Tis great to be on God’s WINNING TEAM!

And to give thanks for those who gave the ‘gifts’ of learning and those who supported me to accept the growth, truth and learning within!