October, 2025 - Life is calling

Autumn’s Invitation

We are surrounded by the stunning colours of leaves changing from living, branch-dancing beauty’s in to dying, drifting to the ground, grass-decorators. This is how the world around us reminds of the natural seasons and cycles that we all transition through.

Autumn invites us to embrace the process of transitioning between seasons. We only need to look around us to see how spectacularly beautiful change can be. Autum invites us to withdraw from the world a little, to replenish our resources. It also asks us to let go of both physical and psychological items and patterns that need releasing/updating. And, we can practice granting ourselves a period of rest and regeneration that must precede any new season of rebirth and renewal.

I keep hearing how people are sorting through and getting shot of old unneeded, dust gatherers, from garages/cupboards/wardrobes. I’m feeling very smug myself after clearing five bags from my own wardrobe. I no longer have a meltdown every time I open the wardrobe door – winning. (Not sure for how long).

These physical sort outs clear physical and psychological space. If we wish to welcome all things new, externally and internally, we must be willing to get shot of the old. This is how we create the necessary space for the new to arise/appear. We can further aid this by consciously stopping to consider what outdated relational patterns we need to shed.

Clue; if we keep getting involved with the same type of characters in an unhelpful way, we need to recognise the invitation to stop to investigate the internal issue behind it. Finding the right counsellor can be key to this. Every time I start a new season of therapy, I think to myself,

‘Wow, counselling is amazing! A space like no other to see what may otherwise go unnoticed, to our detriment. With the right fit and type, counselling can be hugely healing and life enhancing by supporting us to increase what we love and decrease what we don’t, by activating the power to choose.’

And yes, I am bias!

But all the same, we are all a work in progress. We can all benefit from humbling ourselves to ask for help to recognise old, unhelpful, relational patterns so we can grow and heal beyond them. As we shed our old relational imprints and patterns, we release ourselves to step in to new, healthier dynamics.

During a conversation with a woman this morning, we spoke of how reaching the age of fifty, fuels us to say ‘no’, to more of the same old, unsatisfactory relationships (amongst other things). As women, we are programmed to be relentless givers/nice(ripe for exploitation from the takers)/put others first-ers. Fifty appears to be the age when there’s no energy left in the tank to continue this life-sapping approach. Thank God. Thank you, God! Permission granted to say ‘no’ to any bs crossing the line of fifty with us.

Over lunch last Sunday, a fellow super-strong, over-giver remarked that we need to, ‘toughen up’, before instantly correcting herself, with, ‘no, that’s not right’. To which I interjected, ‘no, it’s about wising up’.

Autumn offers the annual invitation to be mindful about what we allow in to any new season with us.

Perimenopause is a massively heightened, exaggerated version of Autumn; identify what/who/where is not coming with you, because it has revealed itself to be part of your past, that needs to be left in the past. This is probably the most valuable investment of time and energy any of us can make as we transition in to new seasons.

And, as the leaves show us, it is a process. As in, it doesn’t happen overnight. We can go through this slowly, mindfully and most powerfully of all, prayerfully.

If you’re not sure what you need to let go of in this season of shedding the old, ask the Lord God Almighty, because he see’s and knows everything. And he will help us to see what is not healthy for us, when we are ready to act upon this, in our own favour. God knows that we often hold on to the familiar for far too long for fear of change, or belief in the lie that,

‘it’s always better the devil you know’.

God often attempts to get us to release our grip of anything unhealthy because he has the healthiest plans for us. If you need encouragement in this, watch the leaves fall away from the branches. You won’t see them clinging on for dear life or hear them wail, ‘but what if the new season never comes …’.

If you need help with any of this (or anything else), feel free to pop a prayer request in the box in the fabulous Bites & Breezes. You can treat yourself to a hot drink or scoff and be blessed by Ozzy and his team.

Or just ask God for whatever you need, yourself. He LOVES it, when us, his children, go to him for help! True story!

Rest is best

We live in a society that holds up busyness like it’s some kind of badge of honour. This can be destructive when taken out of the context of a fuller picture. The ability to knuckle down, focus and do what we must to honour our positions as adults, is essential. As is, humbling ourselves to acknowledge our limitations and struggles and asking for help when we need it. However, like anything in life, if we do not balance this with as dedicated a commitment to the need for rest, we will likely end up exhausted, depleted or even burned out.

A prolonged period of burning the candle at both ends of the day, eventually leads to a candle that burns out completely. It can be a lengthy process to rest enough to reclaim one’s spark after this.

The more we live bound by technology, addicted to our phones and being constantly available through numerous forms to all around us, the more ineffective/disengaged/unavailable and ineffective we become. Was it Steve Jobs who banned his kids from having mobile phones?

Humans need to rest.

These body’s of ours are so complex that we are learning more about how they work, all the time. We are also starting to return to the age old wisdom of our predecessors who lived more in their body’s and less in their heads. I don’t imagine that during hunting expeditions with the express goal of securing dinner, fellow hunters were worrying about what their fellow hunter was chasing or what anyone back at the cave was thinking about them!

We have access to our whole body of knowledge and wisdom, (no pun intended) yet often busy ourselves to such a degree that we miss or dismiss this.

The antidote to this is to slow down, pipe down, sit down and at regular points, allow oneself to disengage brain and simply be in the body. Whether to pay attention enough to notice what our body is asking of us, or to enjoy the world around us and be available to those we meet along the way.

These complex bodys of ours are constantly working in ways that are invisible to us but vital to our organs, functioning and health. When we fail to let the body be still enough to dedicate resources to all the behind-the-scenes work, we become tired. When we ignore this, we become vulnerable to becoming ill. The go-go-go approach to life will possibly fast track us to the gone-and-not-coming-back stage.

We need to give ourselves permission to fall back in love with the art of rest. Or if we refuse to do this, we must at least accept, consciously, that we are choosing to sacrifice our quality of life/peace/health/enjoyment.

Recently, I’ve become increasingly aware, particularly amongst women, (it’s present in a slightly different way for men) that we have internalised a set of man/family/culture made rules that say we must constantly strive/slog guts out/work long hours/override the bodily warning systems/drive self to an early grave/ in order to be seen as, ‘hard working’, or to avoid being seen as ‘lazy’ or ‘work-shy’. There is of course an entire range between these two extremes.

When we have internalised these ‘rules’ of rigidity that restrict our life/work/play/rest balance, it can be hard to update them. Yet the older we get, the more our body protests when we push it beyond its limits. We would do well to heed these warnings and respond accordingly. When we identify the rules that restrict us, we can begin to update them to support us to learn, grow and heal.

Rest is not cheating/laziness/weakness/waste of life/incompetence/something to do when dead, unless in a hurry to get there.

Rest is the best medicine (after healthy love) that we can commit to giving our bodily systems on a regular basis. We refuse it this most basic need to our own detriment. Times of stress/illness; physical or psychological require increased rest to support the natural healing process. To refuse this is to take resources away from the healing process, thus prolonging it.

Recently I lent someone a book. I think all women, especially Christian, who have been indoctrinated in to believing that God has a whip at our backs constantly, should read it.

It is, ‘Nice girls don’t change the world’, by Lynne Hybels (Lynne is a wonderful woman and writer who also happens to be a pastors wife).

This book speaks to the subject of women believing they have to earn God’s love. Or else. I’m not sure or else what, but it doesn’t sound appealing.

Anyway, Lynne speaks of her own process of recognising, it was not God who was driving her so hard. She realised that she was exhausted and resentful, accompanied by guilt, because ‘nice, especially, nice Christian girls’ don’t feel such sinful feelings, right?!

What a crock of the brown stuff! And, we are not girls but grown arse women who often need support to identify the man-made, ego massaging rules that we carry inside us. Once we recognise them, we can align and update them to fit God’s truths. I don’t know whether I believe the literal translation of God making the world in six days but I trust the point that if God needs to rest, man/woman definitely do.

Here is one of my favourite passages from Lynne, which is a response she got from God. (additions in brackets from me).

‘I love you so much that I want you to rest. I want you to sit and receive the refreshment of my creation. I want you to listen to music. I want you to dance in the quietness of your bedroom (lounge/supermarkets/all over the shop). I want you to be like a child, secure and free in the presence of an adoring parent.

I want you to know that all those years when you were working so hard to try to please me, I was trying to tell you to slow down. I saw you KILLING YOURSELF from the inside out and I tried to stop you. But the many false voices in your head (internalised man-made rules) drowned out the single true voice in your heart’.

I love this! If we have been driving ourselves this hard, we can stop doing this!

Once I read a great quote, I can’t remember who by, which said something like,

‘The fun is not in having nothing to do, but in having lots to do and choosing not to do it’!

A non-negotiable part of adulting is that there is always work to be done. An optional approach to this is constantly reassessing the priority that really cannot wait, as well as that which can. This must also be aligned to our body’s capacity at the time. Again, if we’re in deficit, we may need to ask for help.

This is not easy but it is an essential, everchanging, part of healthy adulting.

As a self-confessed crap-at-resting human, I am becoming increasingly committed to practising rest. My body has made repeated interventions in recent years to slow me down or totally floor me. Sometimes I learn embarrassingly slowly. But I do learn. Eventually!

And I use what I know about myself to help me to strengthen this weakness of mine. For example, I just had a week in Portugal. I love the sunshine, although not directly on my head or face. I love being warm, but not too warm. Ditto cold! Even more tricky when your body’s barometer is up the creek due to the refurb of peri. And I like water; gazing at it, paddling in it, swimming, running alongside it and watching the sun rise or set over it. Therefore, I cancelled a break I originally booked that was very different to this and not what I needed at this time. Instead, I booked the break that gave me all of the above and some, because I needed it.

While I find it near impossible at times, to sit still, if I am warm, with an amazing view and the option to get wet, I can just about do it. Nature is one of my most effective assistants to support me to rest. I am blown away by the beauty of creation in each and every season. This means that I stop to see, savour and be soothed by it. It aids my quest to indulge in sufficient times of rest-festing.

Whatever supports us to rest or prevents us from doing so (internal rules about it), rest is an essential part of ongoing maintenance.

If you need help with any of this, please feel free to complete a prayer card at Ozzie’s Bites n Breezes. Even better why not pop in for a lush coffee or some eats to stop, eat and connect with others.

Rest really is best.

The sacrificial love of a father

In the past week I’ve listened to two young men describe the love they feel for their children. I noticed their face and eyes lit up as they described their powerful experience of dedicating themselves to putting the needs of their little people before their own. Only a self-sacrificing love that focuses on the other can make a man’s face shine like that.

I remarked to them both that the love they described for their children is what the ultimate father, God, feels for us human children, irrespective of age. Or rather what us humans feel for one another is probably a fraction of what the living God feels for each of us.

How humbling, encouraging, mind blowing and heart expanding to meditate on the heart, character and nature of the ultimate Father God, who see’s, knows and loves us all anyway!!

Typically, we tend to expect God as Father to behave as our own father’s have. Many women of my generation had father’s who were unable to contain their anger or to discipline us without using terror to control in us, what they could not control in themselves. Many of our father’s had fathers who fought in the war and were expected to return to their families as if unaffected.

However, the research, understanding or support about trauma was nowhere near as advanced as it is now. Without support to process their unimaginable experiences, many of these war surviving men would have unconsciously acted out the very feelings that they could not manage or verbalise themselves, upon their children. This is how intergenerational trauma gets handed down. And how family culture gets created and maintained if left unaddressed or healed. I think it’s important to add that many of these fathers also made excellent providers through seeking refuge in their work. Think of the message within Mary Poppins.

I don’t know what it is to be a father or even a mother! But I’ve seen and heard enough to know it’s not for the faint hearted! My observations highlight that all unresolved psychological issues get passed down the familial line along with some sickness and diseases.

Whatever parents inherit through family on a psychological level, will be tapped in to, (think buttons pressed) by the children whose job it is to test their parents in such a way – this is how the teachable parent learns and grows beyond the limitations and unhealed wounds of their own parents! If they choose to accept such a challenge! Asking for help from on high is a good starting point!

I know this is easy for me to say as a non-parent! As one who couldn’t get her shit together in time to reproduce, the nearest I get to this phenomenon is through my work. I hold space for the unresolved parental issues to be worked through in the context of the therapeutic relationship. This is not a substitute for parenting. But it does illuminate the relational patterns internalised through how our parents, parented us.

All too often we then expect God to parent us in the same way whether it was good, bad or the more likely mix of all. We must work through these past, parental relational template patterns if we want to create new, healthier patterns. By simply denying or dismissing the past, we deny and dismiss the opportunity to grow out of and beyond it.

I am massively thankful to God for blessing me with a man I call my Church dad. The one and fabulous-only Johnboy; long serving, long suffering, long sacrificing man who shows me what a dad can be like. Whether putting up pictures in my house (it’s not straight John!), organising my birthday meals and cakes, praying for me and sending me scriptures in difficult times, Monty cat-sitting, or generally being a top banana human being.

John is available, attentive, kind, thoughtful and full of Godly wisdom. John models the sacrificial love of a father to me. And I am immensely grateful to God for the gift that John is to me. And I pray that I am a gift to him too because the win/win is the way of God’s heart. The way that John models being a father gives me experiential insight into the heart of the ultimate Father.

God’s love is a love that welcomes us any time of the day or night. There is literally nothing we cannot bring to him. He always awaits us with open embrace. He is the Father to whom we can take our rage, pain, disappointment, resentment, shock or anything else to. This is true whether such emotions are evoked by the conduct of others or our own!

God is a parent who loves us enough to recognise that our bad or just off, behaviour comes from the unhealed parts of our hearts. And therefore, he offers us the safety and sanctuary required to be still, lick our wounds and let him comfort and calm our stressed systems in his loving presence.

Then, when we are ready, he gently helps us to heal from the behaviour of others. He doesn’t leave us there as he also helps us to recognise and take responsibility for our own behaviour, when it is lacking. He knows that we all mess up and he waits patiently for us to bring our mess ups and mistakes to him. He loves to help us to do our part in owning, acknowledging and apologising whenever we fall short (EVERY single time we do it). He gives us His grace, humility and love when we mess up so we know we can always bring our mistakes to him. We do not need to be bound by fear, secrecy or shame. God loves to release us from these so we can learn, grow and heal in His loving presence. And then we can try to share these with others when they mess up with us.

When we refuse to own up to our mistakes, we are choosing to be bound by guilt, shame and fear of punishment. To admit our mistakes and ask God’s assistance to help clear them up, is to keep our hearts clean, take responsibility for the impact of our actions on others (irrespective of intention) and to apologise for them.

This is how we live with healthy hearts – this is the freedom that comes from being truthful about ourselves. We are only responsible for our own conduct and the maintenance of our own hearts.

The only perfect parent in existence (if not bodily form) loves us with such a sacrificial love that he allowed Jesus to endure the torture of the Cross. This means that every single one of us (without exception) never has to face or fess up to our own failings, on our own. We are always welcomed by the loving father that God is, who helps us own, acknowledge, apologise, learn, heal and grow through all the flaws and failures of all of our hearts.

Wow, what a parent, what a God, what a gift. And like most gifts, one to be shared as generously with others as God shares it with us.

A limitless love

I’m not a parent so I can’t and wont pretend to know what it is like to be one. I cannot know.

But, what I can and do know, is what it has been like for me to be parented by God Almighty via Jesus Christ. Like all relationships, the more time we spend in someone’s presence, the more we get to know them and discover about them. It is no different in our relationship with God. Having known him for twenty years I now know more about him than I ever have before.

Because of what I have learned, I am committed to continuing to learn about and from God. I have discovered there is nothing more challenging, liberating, amusing or plain enlivening. He is always seeking ways to show himself and speak to us but we’re often too distracted, busy or worried to notice his efforts. (At least, I know I am!) Or, he says something we don’t want to hear so we ignore it in favour of listening to those who will massage our egos, by only telling us what we want to hear! This is great if we wish to stay stuck, not so much if we are seeking the wisdom of God to help us move forward! We choose!

And, he is a God who is available to us all, every moment of every day. He is not a parent who ever turns us away despite the number of other children he has! He is with us 100% of the time whether it feels or looks like it, or not. And his heart is so far above our flawed, selfish hearts that God genuinely welcomes us, with whatever we have in our hearts. He never requires us to hide the hurts or emotions in our hearts that we may have been taught to feel ashamed or afraid of.

God made us; so he sees, knows and welcomes all that we house in our hearts. Especially the ugly emotions! He knows that these cause the most damage when we keep them inside. The latest research shows that unaddressed mental and emotional health impacts our immune systems. This leaves us more vulnerable to the attacks of sickness and disease, that none of us are exempt from. (Read The body keeps the score, by Bessel Van de Kolk, When the body says no, Gabor Mate, if interested in knowing more.)

In these stressful days where the privatisation of the NHS is already happening whether we want it to or not, many are only able to access the health care they need if they can afford to pay privately. Where does this leave those of who cannot afford to take this route?

I remind myself that God Almighty remains above, beyond and within those, under-pressure, yet still delivering what they can, members of the NHS workforce.

When I could not access the help I needed for peri/trauma/long covid/burnout/neurodivergence assessment, for three long, hard years, God sustained me. It didn’t feel like it at the time as my prayers felt stuck on repeat,

“Help me, heal me, help me, heal me. Purleeeaaaase help me, heal me.’

But eventually my pain eased enough for me to see that God was surrounding me with masses of amazing human beings who have loved and supported me – it is these people that I call ‘family’ and who have bought me through, when the NHS couldn’t.

I thank God that after three years, I found an excellent Gp who is now walking me through these health challenges.

Just this week, I have heard numerous people speak of their health issues which have been exacerbated by an inability to access health care, without going private. And even then, some people are still struggling to find medical professionals with the appropriate training or knowledge to address their health issues. Health really is critical to our quality and experience of life.

It would seem to me, biased as I am when it comes to twenty years lived experience of Jesus, that it is has never been more important to recognise that praying to God Almighty is not merely a last option, but one beyond waiting lists or insufficient resources.

The ability and invitation to pray in the name of Jesus remains open to every single one of us. And the God who hears, sees, knows and responds to every need of the human heart, does not ration or restrict our ability to approach him. He is the God and parent who welcomes us coming to him for his help, every time and without exception.

While I do not know what it is to be a parent, I have observed that healthy parenting involves trying to be available to meet a child’s needs, whether emotional, mental, physical or spiritual. We’re not plants so the food, water and shelter approach is not enough.

I take my hats off to parents for attempting such a feat on top of every other part of adulting. And there is no more important job than parenting in creating internal safety and esteem – no parent needs to be perfect as ruptures are inevitable but the working through of these is critical. It is essential to own struggles and ask for help where necessary. It seems insane that parents are not taught how to parent, despite it being the most important role a human can ever play in the life of a child. Those training courses that do exist are key.

But, even with the best will in the world, all of us humans, parents or not, have limitations.

God has no limits when it comes to loving us.

He calls us to have boundaries and to live within them for our own protection and wellbeing. However, God does not limit our calls to him – he hears and responds to every call and cry of the human heart. This does not mean he gives us everything we want, when or how we want it. He puts boundaries on our behaviour because he is not afraid to tell us no, when something is not healthy for us. But he never turns us away or dismisses our call for help. He comes to our aid every time, although not necessarily in our timing or in the way we want or expect! But he always responds.

There is no limit to how often we call out to him or how much help we ask him for. When we call upon the name of Jesus, for help with how we manage and respond to the challenges we face and on behalf of those we love (and some we don’t!), he comes running. He can’t not. This is who he is.

The bottom line is that every single one of us GOES through crap, but God Almighty offers us his helping hand to GROW through it and come out stronger, wiser and kinder.

That’s something I’m always going to ask for large portions of. And when we receive something in life, God’s help, that is wonderful beyond our human ability to comprehend it, I will always want to share it.

So, it gives me great joy to offer prayer to you via the prayer box in Bites & Breezes. You don’t need me to pray for you though, as you can cut out the middle woman and go straight to God yourself.

Please do – he’s a total legend with a sense of humour way superior to any of ours. If you like laughs, call upon the name of Jesus. But, be warned that sometimes the joke is on us!! And sometimes these truths of God’s can evoke an ouch or two, but always his truths bring a freedom that bs never will!