May 2020 – The middle …

That which is free

As I was out running one morning this week, I couldn’t help but consider all that is free in life. For me, there is an exhilarating freedom in being able to run. Just like the rest of life, on some days the runs are more of a struggle than others but I don’t stop going just in case it’s a day when I’ll find it hard. I take the good with the bad because overall running gives me an immense sense of freedom. This has been my experience since I was a small child.

Whilst out on this particular run, I felt privileged to notice the beauty of my surroundings; from the sun shimmering off the farmers fields, to the vast expanse of open space stretching out as far as I could see, to the silhouette of the squirrel scampering across the top of a fence just as I passed, to the sound of the birds making music in the trees, the cat crouched in the undergrowth with its prey in its jaw, to the dog walker who also had a parrot on his shoulder. That was a definite double taker of a moment!

And, best of all, all of this was free!

Then as I returned from my run, I happened to pass a house which had a large box of bagged up rolls on the garden wall along with a sign inviting people to help themselves as these were free! Another double taker moment as I am like most people in that I am conditioned by the cynicism of society to think ‘there is no such thing as a free lunch’! And yet there was mine! I took a bag and no one chased me down the road to demand payment!

Next up I called in to the newsagent where there was a pile of local newspapers with a sign on top which read, ‘help yourself, free’!

It was as if this theme of that which is free was being reinforced throughout my day!

On this particular day that I ran, I was also enjoying being free from the responsibilities of my work. Don’t get me wrong, I love my work – I actively chose to invest the decade required to do what I do. But, I equally love to be free from it and believe that my capacity to enjoy these work free days enriches me to continue giving in enlivening ways to the work.

The additional free time that my recent reduced work load has gifted me with also provides more time, head and heart space to indulge in other passions such as reading the work of other writers.

My chosen reading for this week included:

The power of You, by Henry Fraser

Say Yes to Life by Victor Frankl

For anyone who likes to contemplate the deeper things of life I would recommend Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl. What a total legend.

What these men of different times have in common is that whilst both had experienced their own personal hell on earth; one at the hands of the Nazi’s of Auschwitz and the other following a paralysing accident whilst on the brink of entering adulthood, both of these inspiring individuals had also discovered the gift of not only overcoming such personal trauma’s but going on to experience the slices of Heaven that life continues to offer in spite of it all.

And I LOVE all that kind of jazz.

Life delivers personalised and collective crap parcels to us all but it doesn’t have to stop us entering in to the joy beyond.

You could say that both these men have cultivated the capacity to enjoy that which continues to be free such as the way in which we choose to see, experience and respond to our personal and or collective crisis and traumas.

As lockdown is the collective crisis of our time, the invitation remains for us all to work towards a place where we continue to encounter the slices of Heaven which emerge even within and from this.

It is of course a process and one where we cannot simply bypass the pain of the very real losses experienced and ongoing.

Being able to encounter the beauty amidst the sorrow is not about denying but grieving the losses sufficiently to see beyond them to that free gift that remains available to us all – the ability to connect with each other.

In my personal and professional experience and observation, it is the ability to connect with other humans and in their absence God Himself that determines how well we are able to endure, grow beyond and move on to establish lives we want to live despite the traumas we encounter.

Whilst it is not possible to enjoy the healing power of the touch of other humans right now, if my work has taught me anything it is that touch goes way beyond the realms of the hands.

What I mean is that whilst we cannot hold the hand or touch the shoulder let alone embrace those that we wish to, we are still free to touch one another’s hearts in a hands free way.

We just need to be a little more creative.

That is not to belittle the loss of touch though.

Research shows that some baby’s in orphanages have been known to die in the absence of human touch.

And yet, at this time we are still free to touch one another through holding in mind and uplifting and encouraging through the power of words, smiles, eyes and actions even if aided by technology.

It is not the same.

But there is still power within it.

Let us not lose sight of the beauty within the sorrow, the hope within the horror, the healing within the holding of one another in mind and hearts and the glimpses of Heaven within the Hell.

For just like the one who tends to our hurts with a supernatural touch, we are still free to touch the mind, hearts and lives of each other in ways that allow us to continue to endure that which is hard without losing sight of that which is good.

No matter how long Lockdown continues or what life will look like beyond it, the power to love and connect to each other and God remain free to us all.

Under Our Noses

One of the benefits of being forced to lockdown exactly where we are is that we appear to be collectively noticing what is right under our noses.

What I mean is that I keep hearing people refer to how they have discovered a new walk or lake or bike trail or whatever that they have never noticed before despite for some, having lived in their area for decades!

How easy it is to overlook or simply fail to see that which is right under our noses whilst chasing all that is further afield.

Us humans have a tendency towards seeking the next new thing which usually presents as being over there somewhere whether in time or location.

Lockdown even now that it is beginning to ease, forces us to focus on where we are right here, right now.

In doing so, we begin to notice our surroundings.

Not only do we see afresh the beauty of God’s creation but we also begin to see the people on our doorsteps, otherwise known as our neighbours! The extra time whether wanted or unwanted has allowed us to see and appreciate afresh those who have always been under our noses.

Similarly, those interests that have been squeezed out in our previously over filled lives have been resurrected, reclaimed and enjoyed, whether learning the guitar or a new language or more baking or reading or whatever your chosen interests are. They have always been there but were previously lost to the hurried pace of life.

Alongside every crisis, personal or collective, comes the question, ‘where is God in all this?’.

I might suggest that He too has always been right under our noses but just like all of the above and so much more, we may have lost sight of Him amidst the overload of pre lockdown normality.

And yet there He is in all the acts of love and generosity across the country from small town initiatives looking out for the vulnerable to various organisations joining forces to provide help where needed, to the actions of the now legendary Captain Tom, to the Churches who have put aside denominational differences to create The UK Blessing song (check it out on YouTube) and to so many other heart warming examples of collaboration.

What a shame that it took a worldwide crisis to enable us to get over our respective ego’s enough to learn to collaborate. My only hope now is that we do not lose this new spirit of collaboration as lockdown eases.

Anyway, God is love and all of these acts of generosity, caring and collaboration are active and selfless expressions of love that help to restore our faith in the goodness of humanity.

Perhaps if we had previously begun to lose sight of God or just never sought Him before, we may now seek to see Him with renewed vigour.

Now more than ever we are reminded that God is the only unchanging aspect of our lives.

This enforced slow down, stop and lockdown has enabled us to begin to see and notice so much of which we had lost sight.

Our vision has cleared.

We see once more that what really matters is faith, family, friends, neighbours, key workers, health, our ability to contribute to those around us whether through the baking of cakes, delivering of shopping, sending cards, praying or whatever else, along with a capacity to see and appreciate any silver linings.

As we begin to ease out of lockdown, I hope that I and we do not begin to lose sight of all that is right under our noses.

Superfood

The single main thing that connects me with anyone even remotely close to me is … a love of food.

I’m serious.

People who say that they eat purely to live remain a mystery to me. One that I hold little interest in unravelling.

I love food.

During lockdown it’s taken on even more of a prominent role offering even more of a source of joy! Every day I delight in planning the next meals!

I love to read recipes (must have accompanying pictures), experiment with new dishes, savour the sampling of them and share all with others!

It would be true to say that I have a hearty appetite for life and all that fuels it.

Last weekend, along with a treasured friend I experienced my first Lockdown afternoon tea session courtesy of app of the moment; zoom! It was fantabulous. I loved it! And my friend did too.

How wonderful it is to share food with one another, even if we must use technology to do so.

Friday evening even saw me ‘having dinner’ with another friend over a WhatsApp video call.

How times have changed.

And these were people like me who only a few short months ago would not have believed it possible to even operate such new fangled technological ways! Now we even find ourselves ‘teaching’ others how to access this previously foreign territory!

These meetings involving top notch food and company have filled and fuelled my body and soul.

But what of my spirit?

There are some hungers that only God can fulfil.

Throughout lockdown whenever I have encountered my lowest moments, it has been God Almighty who has fed, nurtured and nourished me.

Of course, as in ordinary non lockdown life, He often does this through those around me; neighbours, friends, nature and the like. But it is in those moments when no one else is around or available that God delivers.

I keep seeing the Domino’s ad at the moment where they remind us that they are delivering pizza to our doors so that we can stay home. Yum!

And I cannot help but think about the God who delivers whatever we need if not what we want, whenever we need it whilst we stay home; peace, encouragement, comfort, hope, patience, trust, strength, wisdom and all those other crucial things that no fast or even slow food places can deliver.

Early on in lockdown I couldn’t imagine being able to tolerate the hunger for the physical presence of another human. Yet Jesus Himself reminded me of his promise that those who come to him shall never go hungry. He fed and continues to feed me with His presence. It is not the same as human contact but it is enough. Jesus delivers.

A few weeks in to lockdown I started to do that thing that us humans are notorious for doing; I started looking around and making comparisons with others (or what I thought I knew about others). Who has got what or who in their life, or more to the point, who has got what I have not! Funnily enough I did not invest as heartily in comparing who has not got what I have got!

But anyway, as my feelings got uglier and uglier, I had to take them to God and ask Him to exchange them for a big feed of his goodness on the understanding that whatever I am holding within me cannot help but spill out to those around me. Again, Jesus delivered.

In addition to the spiritual superfood from Jesus, I continue to work with my own counsellor. I am way too aware that this keeps me from pretending to myself that I cannot see the issues I need to address! Besides if I’m going to continue to facilitate others working on their mental and emotional health during these unusual times, I believe it is only right that I continue to work on my own.

As I continued to reflect on the way that God feeds and nourishes me, I acknowledged as I have many times before that I need to approach Him and His word with the same frequency and enthusiasm that I approach preparing my daily food menu’s. For if my physical food is something that I give so much time, thought and attention to, is it not at least as important that I give the same to the one who feeds the parts of me that are more relevant than ever during this most unusual of times?

Food may bring me much delight but it is the food of God’s word and presence that equips me for the unique rewards and challenges of daily lockdown life.

Whether I need comfort in my aloneness, a peace that defies these circumstances, a strength to continue with what is necessary, a wisdom superior to my own for big life decisions, provision when I am lacking; financially, emotionally or in any other way, trust for the uncertainties of the future, or one of THE most important things in life; an ability to laugh at myself when I’m being horrid, my God delivers.

Through Jesus, God is my ultimate superfood. He never runs out, goes off, tells me I can’t have anymore or fails to provide the necessary sustenance for the day ahead.

Whilst I recognise that I am on the whole in an incredibly fortunate position during this lockdown and that this is far from the case for all, I also know that God is more than able to feed each of us exactly what we need to continue engaging in whatever our daily life consists of.

He is the ultimate feeder.

And whilst He is most definitely in our lockdown, He is not on Lockdown.

He delivers whilst we stay home.

What a superfood we have in Jesus.

Compassion

The theme that has emerged quite powerfully in recent weeks has been compassion.

As in, our shared human need for it.

To respect our need for compassion whilst understanding that this does not equate to weakness or self pity is one of the greatest ways to understand and apply appropriate care of our shared humanity.

During this Covid induced crisis the need for self care is at an all time high for this is a time of much loss in many forms. If the figures of daily deaths are anything to go by then there are literally thousands of families directly impacted by the heartache of losing one of their own. This is never easy. But if it has also meant being unable to be with said member in their last days or unable to attend their funeral, the pain on top of the original grief will be intensified.

There is of course much fear and anxiety around employment, finances and the all pervading uncertainty about general implications for the future.

These are foreign, unfamiliar struggles at least within this current context. None amongst us have been here before nor do we know how long this will continue or what our new normal will look like.

And yet, alongside the deaths and threat to, runs the opportunity for new life. To be creative in how we engage with ourselves, each other, faith, work, rest, play and life in general.

It is a time to reflect upon just how much we have taken for granted for so long; our freedom to come and go, to mix with others as we wish, to ‘go to work’ and generally be around our fellow humans without fear of life risking repercussions.

Personally, I have realised this year just how much I have taken my health for granted. I have enjoyed an enormous capacity for health, strength and energy which I have utilised and enjoyed by fitting a ridiculous amount in to each day. Perhaps I have still been attempting to make up for the inertia that kept me bound during my first three decades.

Either way, I have been forced to a standstill by my health twice so far this year; I was wiped out for two weeks in February which required a further two before I was back to full capacity and then I was wiped out again for another two weeks just as we entered lockdown.

Was it a mild version of Covid-19? Some of the symptoms were suspiciously similar but many viruses have overlapping symptoms so without a test it is impossible to know.

What I do know is that since I have recovered from whatever it was, I have a renewed capacity for gratitude of being able to get out in to the stunning countryside to walk, run and ride. How thankful I am to have a garden as well as all the open fields surrounding my house.

Gratitude central.

Although my work has changed and reduced, I continue to love what I do.

Baking is not a new pleasure for me but the increased time to indulge in it is. The result of which has been in addition to more scones, muffins, cakes and cookies, that I now bake a fresh loaf of soda bread every weekend. It is quick and easy whilst not compromising on smell, texture or flavour. Not so easy replenishing flour supplies though!

And I have to say that now that I have established a new rhythm and routine this slower pace is most welcome.

All in all, I have much to be grateful for.

But, like everyone else, I have my moments when motivation eludes me or I am just flat or I just miss people. Times when I need reminding that I need to keep practising compassion and understanding of myself within the complexity of this situation.

I often hear myself reminding others of the need to be patient and kind to themselves and to adjust their expectations of themselves and others to allow flexibility for this situation.

And then a friend reminded me to ‘have compassion for yourself Jo’ having been reminded of that by her supervisor!

How easy it can be to forget these basic necessities of self care in the midst of such strange times.

There are many simple things that we can each be grateful for right now whilst not denying the unusual or worrying nature of this crisis.

This is not an easy time.

The highs and lows, challenges and rewards will look different for all of us but what remains the same is our need for compassion both for ourselves and each other.