Month: August 2019

Animal attraction

I love animals.

Well, let me clarify.  I wouldn’t love it if a hungry bear was bounding towards me with ‘You’re my supper’ written in the glint of its eye.

But, generally speaking, I love and am fascinated by animals even if some require more distance than others.

Recently, I’ve been enjoying the series on BBC 1 called Serengeti.  It follows the lives, loves and losses of various animal groups from baboons to zebra’s to wild dogs to elephants and many more.

I absolutely love to watch the animal kingdom navigating its way through the ups and downs of the seasons of life and nature.

The background music and narrative are at times a little cringeville but the group dynamics are mesmerising.  They are remarkably similar to our own.  Whether the existence of leaders who are out for themselves versus leaders that put themselves out for the group or the rejections, betrayals and reconciliations between family members, the premature deaths that remind all of the fragility of life, the separation process when animals grow up, the victory and defeats between rival groups competing for the same meal and even the love bonds that form between unrelated group members’. 

The entire range of life events and emotions are played out between these groups.  Whilst it is a dog eat gazelle kind of a world, with one group surviving at the cost of loss to another, there are also deep displays of tenderness, love and even sharing between competing groups, in times of plenty.

There was one scene where the body of a dead elephant provided food for many.  Whilst enjoying such abundance, the usual rules were laid aside to allow natural enemies to feast side by side.

I’m so struck by the parallels between the animal and human kingdoms.  These species highlight the need to belong to a group, not only to survive but also to fulfil their reasons for living. Something that simply cannot be done alone.

A little closer to home, I am enamoured by the animals that we have trained to become our house companions, for it is these that have the most profound experiential effect on our lives and our health.

I’ve been drawn to animals since I was a small child who used to happily while away numerous hours outside with our pet rabbits. 

There is something so simple, raw and honest about the connection between a human and an animal.  It’s instinctive, wordless and cannot be forced.  But when the bond is there and allowed to develop, I believe it can have a profound impact on both. 

Animals offer us unconditional, judgement-free, affectionate love.

They don’t care what shape, size, colour, nationality, faith, occupation or social standing we hold or aspire to. 

They just love us. 

Amazing!

I’ve always been incredibly moved by the stories I’ve read or heard about relationships between humans and animals.  Nearly always there is an imparting of healing that appears to reach a deeper part of us than our fellow humans.

Recently, I’ve read about three life enhancing experiences resulting from the relationship between a human and an animal. 

First off was the connection between a travel writer (whose name escapes me) and his pet goose. Or was it a duck?  Either way their relationship spanned many years and this vocab free companion provided a presence like no other in the life of the writer.  The grief that accompanied the passing of this animal was not something that could have been predicted or suppressed.

Secondly, I read of a military person struggling with a diagnosis of PTSD who literally stumbled upon a small puppy in the midst of an abandoned warzone.  The relationship that developed was life saving for both.  The trust and affection that this animal gave to this human provided a love that made his life worth living. 

The third article was about a vegan who adopted a pig found wandering the streets. Said pig became a regular fixture on the sofa of said rescuer and her husband!  So endearing!  I mean, who doesn’t love Babe right?

I’ve heard so many stories about how the power of the wordless love of an animal has bought hope and healing to many a heart.  Or even of pet dogs who have highlighted cancer within their owners, thus allowing them to get treatment as well as supporting them through their recovery.

Or the story of A Street Cat Named Bob who empowered the man who found him to turn his life around from homeless drug addict to a man able to enjoy making his contribution to life.

And of course there are many, many ways in which dogs support and care for us humans whether dogs for the blinds, dogs to support children with autism, equine therapy, dogs or even horses taken in to hospitals or nursing homes or supporting police in their work.

The list goes on and on.

I think that animals are absolutely amazing.

And the attraction and relationship between us is a gift of the highest order.

Not only can they enhance the quality of our lives but they equally play a significant role in sustaining our mental and emotional health.  Possibly because they can’t speak!  They simply offer us their presence. 

When it comes to the healing of our hearts, more often than not, we don’t need clever words, solutions or attempts to fix something. We often long for a wordless, unconditional, judgement-free, affectionate presence of love, within which we can begin to heal.

Pets are profound in their ability to reach us with their eyes and their presence, both when and where we need to be reached.

What a gift!  

Sleepwalking

I’ve read a few interesting articles about the above recently. 

Apparently, some people eat vast amounts of food whilst sound asleep.  Other people rack up bills online through sleep shopping.  Both acknowledge the presence of stress as a precursor to such behaviours.

I find this a fascinating phenomenon. 

Whilst I can’t pretend to fully comprehend it, I do know that we all manifest our internal distress in different ways.  For a relatively small proportion, this is expressed via nocturnal activities undertaken whilst fully asleep and thus unable to control.

But there is another form of sleepwalking which is within our control and which appears to impact the masses.

In addition to said articles, this other form of sleepwalking has recently been bought to my attention through the experience of those I listen to.  And I am aware that such experiences are prevalent.

What I am referring to is when an individual begins to realise that they have been sleepwalking their way through life.  As in, during their waking hours! Not really living, not fully connected, not necessarily aware of the subtle choices they are making and generally existing in a state akin to sleepwalking.

Such a realisation often arises following the arrival of some kind of crap bomb within an individuals’ life. The type that disrupts every part of the life preceding it, evoking great concern as to how their previously ‘comfortable’ life could have fallen prey to aforementioned crap bomb.

When such an individual seeks therapy at this point, we begin to examine and explore their previously unexamined minds, hearts and lives.

What usually follows is that the previously denied parts of the heart and mind, aka the most uncomfortable thoughts and feelings, now have the space to surface, be explored and made sense of.   

These explorations usually bring a new level of awareness and understanding about themselves and their lives.  This gradually facilitates a reconnection to the whole of their heart as it effectively becomes rewired, bringing with it a renewed capacity for aliveness. Heart, mind and spirit become resuscitated and rejuvenated.

The more they are able to own and process what they previously could not,  the more they become able to enter in to, engage with and enjoy the reality of actively and proactively making life choices about their present and future.

The renewed experience of enlivened wakefulness facilitated by this reconnection, then highlights the time lost within a deepening disconnect that left the waking sleepwalker in a state of deadness or numbness. 

Such revelations usually bring regret for the realisation of the loss that cannot be recovered.

Painful as these insights can be, they are an unavoidable part of switching from sleep walking to actively leading a fully connected, wakeful life. 

 All too often it takes the arrival of the crap bomb to shock and awaken someone to the reality that they are sleep walking their way through life.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

We all have a choice.

One that is worth activating before the crap bomb descends.

Although, often people tell me that the very worst experiences in their lives are the ones for which in retrospect, they are most grateful.  For these experiences enabled them to see what they had previously become blind to.  And at this point, the life that had been reduced to an existence, endurance and survival, becomes ready to change in to a life of active, conscious and connected choices, typically accompanied by a renewed capacity for gratitude.

Whilst the losses must be worked through, what follows is a renewed enthusiasm and energy for reconnection, reclaiming and recreating a life that they actually want to live and remain awake within. 

This signals the end of the years of sleep walking and the start of their wakeful living.

Unlike those who unwittingly undertake activities whilst physically asleep, those who are emotionally and spiritually sleepwalking whilst awake, do have a choice for change.

And, it’s not only via the crap bomb that such revelations can occur. 

Last week someone was sharing how their entry to retirement has facilitated the necessary time, space and energy to reflect and notice that which previously gone unnoticed.

In their case, they realised that they had been sleepwalking their way through their working life.  Where they had been going through the motions on autopilot, they were now reclaiming their capacity to become and remain connected to themselves, others and the world around them. Their quality of life and wakeful living had subsequently improved.

None of us are beyond falling in to a state of sleepwalking during our waking or working lives. 

But the key is to prioritise proactively making the time and space to step back from all that distracts and occupies us, to review and reassess where we are, how we are and what and how we are doing this thing called life. 

We can’t make, let alone implement choices for change if we are yet to notice that we are sleepwalking instead of wakeful living.

We must first be willing to notice, to see and to respond appropriately including seeking help when necessary.

Life is way too precious for us to allow it to be stolen from under us without us even noticing.

Once fallen prey to the subtle but life stealing way of sleepwalking it often turns weeks in to months, months in to years and years in to a lifetime.

There really is no need to wait for something terrible to shock you out of your reverie, or for a retirement that may never come.

We don’t get another shot.

This is it.

Here and now.

Are you awake?

Different types of Hope

As I’ve listened to people recently, my attention has been drawn to the different types of hope that we experience. 

What I have noticed is that there is a hope that something or someone will become what we would like it, or them, to be. 

This is a hope that leaves us hope-full.  

When full of such hope we are able to take the risk of engaging with new people/activities/places.  

This hope literally fuels our ability to continue participating in life; having a go, taking risks, accepting opportunities without knowing the outcome and ultimately, continuing to live.  

The more we utilise our hope in this way, the more we learn that even when things do not evolve in the way we had hoped, we still learn and grow.  This knowledge allows us to retain the necessary hope to continue engaging with what life has to offer despite the inevitable disappointments.   

We know that we win some and we lose some but either way, we refuse to stop playing this great game of life.  

This hope could be called healthy but realistic.

Quite simply, this hope enables us to continue living, learning and loving.

This hope keeps us alive.

But there is another kind of hope that does quite the opposite.  

This other type of hope is based on the desire for someone, something or some place that used to be life giving and enhancing but no longer is, to return to being so.  

This is a hope that if left unfulfilled for prolonged periods, can leave us hope-less.

The longer we remain with someone, something or some place that renders us stuck in a cycle of hope followed by disappointment, the more hope-less we become as our hope is literally drained from us.  

In turn, the less hope we are left with, the less empowered we become to take the risk of seeking that which we need, elsewhere.  

We may instead become stuck to the very person/place/thing that is draining us of the hope required to keep engaging with the healthy changes that life offers.

Consequently we may begin to disengage from our hope-lessness and even from life itself.  

We may cease to really live, learn or love.

This hope could be called misplaced or a false hope.

It is a hope that torments us leaving us unwell.

Fortunately, should we find ourselves in such a horrendous position, there is a God in whom we can always place our hope.

For He is the God we can go to again and again and in whom we will find the necessary hope, strength, courage and support to face and address any situation that is stealing our hope.

That is a true hope.