New season, new space

It would be safe to say that we are well and truly in to Autumn.

There is a distinctly non summer-esque chill in the air, accompanied by tons of the wet stuff and a drawing in of our evenings.

No matter how many years I have experienced this, I always hear myself proclaiming in a somewhat surprised tone, ‘Oh, it’s getting dark already’, as if somehow this is a new phenomena.

Anyway, as I reflected on the change of season from my beloved summer in to my not so beloved autumn, I began to look to the parts of this season that I do like.  Because, I realise that whilst I have favourite and least favourite seasons, there is usually something that I relish about each.

For this particular season, I have rediscovered the art of making vegetable filled soups.  I serve these with homemade soda bread or cheese scones fresh from the oven.  Massive yum!

I have also started appreciating relaxing in hot, candle lit, bubble baths again.

With four friends having October birthdays, this means food filled celebrations.

Plus there is the return of the hat. I love a good hat.

And, as I took a brisk walk early on a recent Sunday evening, I was reminded afresh of how invigorating an autumn evening walk can be!  It’s all too easy to stop making the effort to get out for walks once the first chill of Autumn descends.

But, during that dusk walk I caught the sun setting over the hills against a silhouette of tree branches.  This reminded me once more of how stunning nature is in every season.

As I reflected, I could not help but make the comparison with when we are not in our first choice of season on a personal level.  As in, we may stop noticing what it does have to offer, if we’re not willing to look beyond what it doesn’t. 

The reality is that there are highs and lows, good and bad in every season of nature or soul. 

Like the rest of life, nothing is black and white. 

Whilst the trees are stripped of their greenery, certain bushes abound in beautifully coloured berries.

I also see the late blooming clematis, the random poppy and the last few tomatoes.

Similarly, as I look within, I see some things are ending and others beginning.

For it is indeed a new season.

And, I sense a new space emerging. 

It would seem that sufficient processing of internal emotions has cleared the way for a new burst of creativity to come forth.

A new space can be such an exciting thing. 

Afterall, if we want to create something new, we must first make a space to do so. 

We must also resist the temptation to immediately fill the new space merely for the sake of it.  A hasty filling could block the new thing that is not yet known but that is attempting to come through. 

Thus an ability to sit in the new space alongside any uncertainty is paramount.

Sometimes, the idea of space can cause folk a great deal of anxiety.  

As in, if I slow down or even stop and be in my own space, will all the emotions I have been attempting to outrun, catch up with me?  To which the answer is yes!  But with sufficient understanding and support, this can offer a healing connection and release, thus freeing up the energy and space for new things.

Or, the fear is what on earth to do with an empty space especially if there hasn’t been one for way too long.  Almost as if folk fear that the new space will swallow them whole without them being able to find their way out.

But as we look to nature we see through repetition that we do not need to spend the autumn or winter months fretting over the nakedness of the trees as if unsure whether the new leaves of Spring will ever come.

We trust in the seasons of nature.

So too must we trust in our own seasons.

What do you believe?

The subject of belief has repeatedly appeared in my orbit in recent weeks.

I am referring here to what we believe deep down about ourselves, others, life and God.

I have discovered that there are usually at least two layers to this. 

The top layer is those beliefs that we profess with our words. 

The second, deeper and at times unconscious layer, is what we profess with our actions.

Whilst we may say we believe one thing, our emotions and subsequently our actions will usually expose any discrepancy with what we believe deep down.

These beliefs can also change, particularly in the face of challenging circumstances.

This subject initially came up in relation to my work and the way in which what an individual believes, directly impacts what they feel and thus what they do.

As soon as this was flagged up to me, it started to stand out as I listened to the narrative of various people. 

What we believe tends to become our reality.

Or it may be that we become unable to see, let alone take active steps towards something that we do not believe to be possible.

In fact, I was recently challenged to examine my own beliefs regarding a personal situation.  As I did so, I realised that a certain set of circumstances had left me particularly vulnerable.  The result of which was that my faulty old belief system had effectively been reactivated. 

Prior to noticing this, my experience was becoming more and more in line with the expectations associated with my old belief system. 

This was not a good thing.

Never underestimate the value of people who will tell you that which you may not want to hear. When true, the sense of liberation usually outweighs the pain.

And, by noticing what is tantamount to a weak spot within my boundaries, I could begin to strengthen this area by addressing the reactivated faulty beliefs about God and myself.  I also realised the need to reconsider and readjust certain boundaries for certain situations.  I could also understand, legitimise and process the real and valid emotions that accompanied the triggering set of circumstances.

As I reflected on the power of our beliefs to transform our experience for better or worse, I was reminded of the importance of identifying personal weak spots.  These are the areas that typically took some kind of major hit during our formative years, consequently leaving us with faulty beliefs about God or self. 

We can and must work through the pain of the original experiences that created any faulty beliefs, as well as correcting these beliefs.

But, we still need to recognise that if this vulnerable area takes a big hit, it may reactivate the original faulty beliefs thus highlighting that more work is required to strengthen the weak spots. 

This is not dissimilar to when you’ve broken a limb and may subsequently be left with a weak area about which you need to take extra care if not wishing to reactivate the original break.

All of which highlights the need for the ongoing business of knowing thyself as well as knowing thy God.

We must make time to monitor not only what is happening externally within our lives but also what is happening internally in response.

And be willing to re-examine what we believe just in case any untrue, faulty beliefs have snuck in through a weak spot. Left unidentified, these could de-rail us.

Most of all, we must check whether we really believe that God Almighty is still God Almighty irrespective of whatever circumstances stand before us, from the slightly stressful to the life threatening.

Will we continue to believe He is who He says He is?

I know that in my own life, if I really did believe this at all times, my life could look remarkably different!

An ongoing challenge for us all to examine, re-examine and attempt to live out that which we profess to believe with our words!

The process of self care

Last weekend I had the gift of a three day weekend. 

Something I planned in anticipation of a busy few weeks preparing for various teachings.

Finishing work at 7pm last Thursday, I headed straight to Wolverhampton to stay with a good friend in her beautiful home.

Time with close friends is always precious.

After Friday mornings’ long and leisurely breakfast of feasting and catching up, we headed off for our planned spa day.  A longed for day of utter pampering and total relaxation.

Or so we thought!

First off we got in to the Jacuzzi where we quickly discovered that in reality, the chemical filled bubbles splashing repeatedly in to our eyes, felt more like hard work than relaxing!  Ditto attempting to sit still, look ladylike and feel comfortable whilst sweating excessively in the steam room!

As such, both experiences were promptly followed by the much more relaxing option of simply lazing on a lounger in a warm room.  

Zero effort required.

Finally!

At this point, I resisted the urge to fill this much wanted space with the distraction of a phone.  Instead, I closed my eyes to fully focus on the experience of doing absolutely nothing! I was able to relish the sensation of simply being, in a warm, quiet room.  Here I could allow myself to indulge in an introverts delight of wall gazing time.  Minus the wall.

Processing was in process!

What luxury!

After a while, it was time for our scheduled massages.

And I love a massage.

Mostly. 

But, as we compared notes afterwards, we discovered that we had both found them to be bone crunchingly painful in places! 

“Relax”, my masseuse repeatedly urged me as she kneaded her knuckles in to my chest bone. Far from relaxing, I was issuing repeat prayers for her to stop! I couldn’t quite bring myself to ask her to stop as I was telling myself that this was ‘good for me and thus I must endure it’!  

It turns out that my friend was having exactly the same experience.  We laughed as we shared notes on our respective massages along with the privilege of paying for something that in places felt more like an endurance test than a pamper session.   

I reflected on how I like the soothing, relaxing aspect of my body being massaged.  But, I do not like the bits that are actually releasing stress and tension because these parts of the process cause me pain.

This is the pain of pain release!

Yet it would seem that whilst I want to benefit from the release of stress and pain, I do not want to go through the painful process required to do so!

I can’t help but wonder if this is how some of my clients feel; they like the supportive, comforting part of counselling that sooths their minds and hearts, but they do not like the more painful parts that actually facilitate the release of their internal pain or cause them the discomfort of knowing change needs to occur and they are the ones to make it happen!  

Perhaps they, like me, want the end result without having to go through the process required to get there!

A reflection perhaps of our universal human desire to get some place without needing to walk the necessary pathway!

How we like to avoid the effort required, the inevitable pain involved along with the discomfort of uncertainty and risk that accompany us humans if we wish to stay well, alive and growing!

I can’t help but wonder how much extra and unnecessary pain our attempts at pain avoidance, may be causing us!

Point to ponder!