Month: November 2020

Wasted knowledge

As mentioned in my last post, I have recently moved house.  Not before hours of deliberating, doubting and finally deciding that this was the right thing to do. It was then a further year from that initial unexpected seedling of an idea to the realisation of arriving within not the first but the second house that I had attempted to buy.

What I have learned is that I would not recommend moving in a pandemic!  The stress has been great for my waistline but I certainly wouldn’t suggest it as a sensible weight loss program.

Anyway, now that I have arrived (so to speak) in the new pad, I am running at absolutely everything at approximately 800 miles an hour.  I have been emptying boxes, distributing items to new positions, painting walls, hanging pictures, ordering new stuff, planting new flowers … the whole shebang.  You name it and I have been doing it.  

This is all in between work I might add, which has also been rather busy.

Unsurprisingly I got to Tuesday night of this week and crashed in an exhausted heap before 7.30pm.

Why do I do this to myself?!

And this is what I mean by wasted knowledge.  What is the point of knowing the importance of pacing myself when I am unable or maybe unwilling in this case to translate such knowledge in to appropriate action.

I absolutely love the creativity involved in turning a house in to a home. I really do.

But I don’t love exhausting myself in to pre 8pm bedtimes.

And so it was that I took some time off this week to do that thing that we so often cease to do when under pressure or just busy or stressed, whether of our own making or due to the presence of a pandemic.  I took time out.

If I look back, I cannot even count on two hands the amount of people who have encouraged, chided and warned me that I ought to slow down and pace myself!

How foolish I am not to listen to those words that I do not want to hear but equally recognise to be true!

Anyway, I have attempted to rectify the situation.

Wednesday saw me trialling out my new wellies over in my beloved fields.  I relished the sense of space and freedom afforded by those huge, open spaces.

I also took myself and my mask over to two garden centres to drink in the sight of all those beautiful living things that continue to grow and display colour and form despite the harshness of winter.

Dare I admit that I even stopped to watch my first Christmas film!  I usually have a ‘not before December’ rule but these films started back in October so I think I’ve exercised enough restraint.  Or more honestly, I have just been too distracted by the home making.

Whilst last Saturday’s newspaper still serves to remind me that I haven’t yet sat down to read it, I have overall managed to separate my foot from the gas.  A little.

In fact, today I actually opened and read the letter from my sponsored child that has been looking at me from the kitchen table all week.  I was humbled to read that he is praying that God will strengthen me to finish the book that I started writing in Lockdown number one.  Gulp.  It doesn’t matter how much I am prayed for if I don’t do my part in ensuring that I have the energy to do so!

Whilst I consider myself to be very fortunate to still have work and work that I love as well as a new home to exhaust myself in during these unpredictable Covid coloured times, self care still matters for me and us all.

Whatever our covid-coping strategies or general experiences of this pandemic are whether fortunate, tragic or anywhere in between, we can all forget to practice that which we already know that we need. 

As we cross the half way point of this second lockdown along with all that it evokes within us, we must continue to implement the most basic of self care routines from getting out in the fresh air, undertaking some form of exercise, maintaining good enough eating habits, staying connected to others and even getting to bed at a reasonable time.

We know this stuff.

I know this stuff.

Yet there really is no point whatsoever in knowing anything if I or you or we fail to apply such knowledge.

None of us know right now what this Covid accompanied Christmas may look like or how the vaccines will pan out but what we all know is that we need to keep looking after ourselves and each other now more than ever.

Here we go again

It’s been threatening for some time so it’s no real surprise that lockdown has landed upon us again.  Whilst this is no longer new territory for us, this time around the days are shorter and the temperature is lower.

There is much in the media as to whether the ‘cure’ is now worse than the virus.  Certainly there will be a cost that reaches far beyond the realms of the economy.  I certainly wouldn’t want to be sitting with the level of responsibility that rests upon the powers that be.  Whatever they do or do not do, there will be cost and criticism.

Earlier today I was reflecting upon how different things were this time last year.  I realised that last November I was on one of my many jaunts to the coast.  It seems almost surreal that back then we still had the freedom to be out and about without a second thought let alone a stash of face masks.  How wonderfully oblivious I was back then as to what lay ahead.

Anyway, it was back then that I began planning a house move.  Now a year later, I have actually moved so at least I can spend my lockdown sorting out the new pad.

On the whole I consider myself to be incredibly fortunate but I am only too aware that Lockdown means decidedly different things for different people. Yet for all there is loss and for all there will be all manner of feelings and thoughts in response.

Last lockdown saw a positive surge of ‘let’s learn new things’.  This time there is more of a collective resignation.

When such a life altering situation goes on (and on and on), it demands a whole different level of resilience.  This is not only long haul stuff but it is a time for which none of us have an end date.  That sort of uncertainty can evoke all manner of emotions, none of which are usually very welcome.  All of which will cause all sorts of other issues if we attempt to deny them.

I’m not even sure right now how I feel about this latest lockdown.  I mean, I feel ok right now particularly with the new house to sort and enjoy.  But the last lockdown taught me that what I feel can vary vastly from one week to the next.  And so I will take it one week and when necessary one day at a time.

The theme that I have noticed throughout this week as we enter this second lockdown has been one of being willing to still notice the moments to be thankful for.  It sounds super cheddary but it is true.  And besides, I like cheddar.

To clarify, I am not talking about positivity overload where we pour a sugar coating over anything we don’t like the look of.  It is not remotely helpful to deny, minimise or belittle the reality of the situation.  It sucks.  And it’s healthy to be honest about that.

But, just as in any other challenge of life, we have to decide whether we are willing to continue to seek and to see those gift type moments.  How easy it is when things are hard, to simply stop seeing the good stuff.  Yet both are real and present.  Now as always.  And our ability to recognise and embrace such moments can make a monumental difference to our ability to endure.

In the past week or so with all the rain and clouds, I’ve seen more rainbows than I probably had in the previous six months.  Not only do they cause me to burst in to a spontaneous gasp/smile every time, but they remind me not only that God is still God but that no matter how grey or miserable the weather or the life conditions, there are always moments that break through with light and colour.

How easy it can become not to see them.  

Yet it is these moments of magic amidst the misery that see us through.  

It may not be amongst nature although some of the tree’s offerings of colours are nothing short of sensational right now.  But it could be a satisfying conversation (socially distanced or on line obvs) or an unexpected moment of shared laughter or anything at all that simply warms the heart or even the stomach!  And I think we all need as much of that stuff as we can get right now!