Month: May 2024

Here and now; this moment matters most

Last week I took advantage of the rare sunshine by walking through beautiful green fields. I enjoyed the warmth of the sun with the greenery filled feast for my eyes. When a dog walker approached from the opposite direction, he gestured at the sky with his hands.

‘Isn’t it beautiful’, I offered.

‘It wont last’, came his reply.

Nothing in life does last, including us.

My initial reaction was feeling like someone had just peed on my bonfire. However, this was instantly replaced with ‘but it’s exactly right/totally true’. Nothing in life does last, including us. Everything comes and everything goes. It is all transient. We are transient as are our lives and all our experiences.

All we ever have is this moment right here, right now. We may be willing the moment away, we may be longing for days of old, having the time of our lives, or anywhere in between. 

Nothing lasts.

This is it; here and now.

All we get to choose is how we engage with this moment.

Good and bad exist along with everything in between.

We may be so consumed or lost in our own heads that we fail to even notice the beauty and wonder of our surroundings. Or we may fixate on feelings of foreboding that can accompany endlessly scrolling our screens. There are always true horrors, injustices, and wars in the world. Good and bad exist along with everything in between.

THIS moment really is the only one we ever have

We may also like the idea that the past has gone and we don’t need to revisit it. This despite it taking from the now as well as the future when we fail to work through it. Similarly, a refusal to plan the steps needed or work required to achieve future goals will ensure the ‘fail to plan, plan to fail’ reality. But, if we live too much in the past or too far in the future, we miss what is happening here and now. When we remember that THIS moment really is the only one we ever have, we can make a more conscious choice how to respond to ourselves, others and the world around.

Mind aside; body matters

As a middle-aged woman, my body has spent the past few years reminding me in various unpleasant, debilitating, ‘will you just stop, rest and recover’ ways, that I have allowed my mind to overrule my body’s needs for way too long. My body is no longer taking ‘no’ for an answer. I don’t have the energy levels I did and I can no longer constantly ignore my body without consequences. If only I had learned this before middle age, my body may not have had to take me to task so forcefully.

When I first felt the effects of entering middle age, I was totally pro all my changing tastes. Whether it was favouring early nights in, blankets, flasks, walking, National Trust places, all things David Attenborough, Tupperware, Pilates, big pants; think Bridget Jones but bigger (tmi?), gardening and even watching the wildlife in the garden, I embraced it all. Isn’t middle age fun I thought. (I’m not saying those under middle age can’t enjoy all the above just that I was a slow starter on all fronts).

However, when my body started showing signs of not being so bounce-back-without-effect-able, I was less than enthused. I started to recognise that a late night (even without alcohol; nearly 20 years sober and never missed it) could leave me feeling like shite the next day. And that I started making those groans that I always associated with ‘old people’ every time I stand up or walk downstairs etc. Then when the hormones started playing up more than most internet providers, while I still needed to function, I started to have a serious sense of humour failure. And that whole falling asleep while watching TV in the evenings? I thought that was strictly something that only happened to grandparents. Then I realised I’m old enough to be one even if I didn’t get my shit together in time to have kids.

Anyway, all that aside, what I am now learning is my body will not go on forever. My ailments and signs of wear/tear/abuse are no longer ignorable and only going in one direction. All of which means I need to start caring for and maintaining it way better than I have. Sure, I love nutritious food (and cake and crisps) and I genuinely love exercise but this rest malarkey and slowing down are proving tricksy to master without learning the hard way.

The upside of all this middle-aging is that I am starting to ease up on myself. The default still drags me back to ‘overdoing’ but when I do remember and allow myself to stop, rest and be, I really enjoy it and wonder why I didn’t do it earlier!

So, to this end, as I seek to support my body with all manner of ‘looking after the body’ treats, I will share these on this weekly blog. I’m also looking to introduce some of the wonderful local people who offer these.

If you are interested in learning how to listen to and look after your body better, please check in each week to see what I am flagging up. If you offer some of these services and would like to write a little blurb in one of my posts, please get in contact and let me know at jo.loach@gmail.com.

Here’s a sneak pre-view of some of the stuff I’ll be speaking about here:

  • Massage; deep tissue/aromatherapy
  • Pilates / Yoga
  • Breathwork
  • Sound baths
  • 5 Rhythms/Open movement
  • Kinesiology
  • Reflexology

For anyone thinking that this all sounds expensive, as a non-smoking, non-drinker, this is what I invest that cash in. But, I’ll also be talking about some of the many free activities we can engage with to sooth, slow down and calm our often-knackered body’s and shut off our usually-overactive minds.

Arlesey has many beautiful fields, water spots and the like that are great for soothing the senses and soul.

Until next time, look after yourself; mind AND body  … it is a privilege to age and not for the humourless.

Time for the body

Last week some deep bodily trauma was prodded and poked as it made its way up and out of me. This process culminated in a deepening of my faith which in turn led to a poem, which will be in my book. In recognition of this intensely emotional process, this week I am treating my body to some serious pampering.

Those who have endured the sort of childhood experiences that require a cutting off from the body, may know that it is a lifelong practice to learn to be in, feel safe and stay connected to the body.

Our culture also constantly reinforces the mind/body split by predominantly privileging thinking over feeling or embodying. The phrase, ‘mind over matter’, springs to mind (no pun intended).  I am not suggesting that we abandon the minds we’ve been given but that the mind and body are supposed to be in partnership. Along with all the other parts of us, these make up the entirety of the team. When the mind overrides the warnings and wisdom of the body as the default approach, it is only a matter of time before malfunctioning occurs. When one part is not operating as intended, it will inevitably have an impact on the rest.

Having spent the past few years resisting and resenting the carnage and chaos that accompanied my fluctuating hormones, I am now slowly learning to work with my body.  This means regularly asking my mind to step aside, be still and quiet and allow my body to reveal what it needs. The most regularly ignored protest of my body is still, ‘let me REST’. When you learn to disconnect from your body early on, you remain vulnerable to not recognising when overriding it. This ability was essential for surviving back then but it is limiting and potentially harmful to continue now. Middle ageing has certainly given me a few slaps around the chops in this regard to force some essential changes.

As my body threw up more of the deep bodily held trauma last week, my respect for all it has endured and held for me, continued to grow in line with my recognition of this. So, as I ease towards a much-needed week off, I am loving giving my body lots of attention and care this week.

To this end, I have just returned from the luxury of a two-hour massage. I’m talking next level yumminess; warm room, comfy bed, soothing sounds, almost edible smelling oils and the healing power of touch. I overcame my dislike of being touched many moons ago while spending two months in Thailand in basic rooms minus air con. I discovered that I disliked being unable to sleep more than I disliked the touch involved in massage. And I’ve developed a genuine love for safe, healing touch ever since.

The only discomfort in the entire two hours of this morning’s massage was when my bladder started demanding I empty it. This is an example of where it is necessary to override the body’s needs as long as only for a short time! When I did visit the toilet after the massage, a quick check in the mirror confirmed 1) my hair was such that I looked like a wild woman and 2) I had my shirt on back to front! A testament to how relaxed and embodied I was … the mind really had switched off!  Mostly anyway.

And this is just one of the body focused treats I am giving myself this week – my body has been denied its deeper needs for too long and now that I am enjoying listening to it, learning from it and giving it what it needs and wants, I’m making up for lost time.

I would totally recommend regularly reminding yourself that we are not, as society would often have us believe, just walking heads. This year, I will continue to focus on building and strengthening my mind/body connection. And I’ll be flagging up lots of wonderful local women who offer various services that support this, via a local blog.

It turns out that middle aging isn’t only about managing misery … Hallelujah!