Month: August 2024

As humans we don’t tend to like or therefore be good at sitting in situations that evoke a sense of not knowing. We don’t like to ‘not know’ and we do like to know.

There are different types of knowing including practical and psychological.

We need to know practical facts that allow us to prepare and plan accordingly especially for changes. The chaos around incorrect information and signage for our road closures being a case in point. Thanks go to Jodie Chillery for working so hard to correct and ensure learning is made to prevent future re-occurrences.

When it comes to psychological knowing, there may not be such a clear distinction between correct and incorrect, concrete facts.

To continue engaging fully with life, the need to take the sort of risk that precedes trying anything new, will arise over and over. It is an invitation to step beyond what we know to what we do not, to gain a new knowing.

This could be with employment, house/area moves, relationships, new skills/ventures, membership of any organisation etc. Basically, any type of change that requires us to do our research as far as we are able then to take the leap from what we have known into what we do not. In doing so we hope that we will discover something new if only that we do not like the new thing and need to incorporate this new knowing into further steps/changes!

To avoid any kind of change or new venture or experience of not knowing is to avoid staying alive and open to trying, growing and learning.

Sometimes if we have a particularly difficult time with not knowing how something will work out, we may cling to certainties to avoid this discomfort.

At times we have a clear yes to something whereas at other times, we have a clear no. Whether we speak these or stand by them in actions is another story!

However, mostly we do not and cannot have such definitive answers and therefore we will find ourselves in the middle position some place between ‘yes’ or ‘no’, known as ‘I don’t know’, or ‘not knowing’. No one can know before starting a new job or moving to a new area or any other type of life new-ness, exactly what the new experience will be look or feel like. We don’t get that kind of certainty ahead of leaving the current certainty. Therin lays the risk of letting go of the old, known and familiar to step in to the new, unknown and unfamiliar. The presence of trust is what enables us to take the step  between knowing and not knowing. It allows us to resist the temptation to shut down anything new without allowing it the time or space to reveal whether it is a fit for us.

The place of ‘not knowing’ is an unavoidable step on the path towards new knowing. I am not talking of an intellect only, read in a book, ‘knowing’, but an embodied level of knowing.

We do not learn to dance by only reading theories about it or watching others dance. This type of learning can only take us so far. We learn to dance by getting into our own body, reading the rhythm and learning to relax out of over thinking and in to letting our body’s move spontaneously. When we make a wrong move or step, it teaches us what not to do.

It is no different with the dance of life. If we cling to the side of known certainties, we may hold on to our sense of safety and comfort. But we lose the chance to learn something new.

If we can tolerate what we do not know, we can allow the time and space required for our ‘not knowing’ to become a new knowing. In the space that trust allows, a new level of knowing will emerge.

As with most of the complexities around being human, sometimes we need to move beyond the head’s compulsion to comprehend or figure or fathom things. We need to get inside these body’s of knowledge which will gift us with their wisdom, in its own timing.

Trust is the key to moving towards a new knowing.

I am taking some time out so my next post will be on August 28th.

Prayer is not some super spiritual activity involving lots of ‘thee’ and ‘thou’, King James version of the Bible, style words. At least it isn’t for me. And perhaps that’s an important point to start with. Prayer is a personal matter that may look different for me than it does for you.

Prayer to me, is an expression of all I hold within my heart; good, bad and ugly. I usually express this in words whether silently or out loud. My car is something of a prayer mobile which I use to pray in while driving. I basically chatter away to the Almighty about anything and everything like a child talking non-stop nonsense with a bit of significant stuff thrown in here and there and a lot of ‘but, why’s?’ (in between the rant/repent cycle about people who don’t indicate – on the understanding that I am sometimes too distracted to remember to indicate too!).

Sometimes, usually in painful times, my prayers do not have words; they may come out shaped like a groan, moan, sigh, tears, rants, pleading or even simple, sometimes stony, silence.

In my world, prayer is an acknowledgement that there is something out there that is way bigger and way better than the average human, including this one.

It is a dialogue with the divine on the understanding that he is not some distant deity but a presence right here, right now, who longs to commune with every human heart.

It is a spontaneous response to the revelation that we are not alone, no matter how much it may feel like it at times.

And it is a belief that this God is listening and loving and longing to show us his ways, his wonders and his wisdom. A God who welcomes us and our hearts with all that they hold within them, especially all the ugly crap that he doesn’t want us struggling with on our own.

Ultimately, prayer puts into practice, a belief in a God who can heal our hearts as we go through life, getting hurt and hurting others. It is a hope that this God will love us enough, despite ourselves, to keep healing us enough to continue seeing and appreciating all that is good while not denying all that is not. And as the lyrics of a song that has recently caught my attention, say, ‘God’s love is a love like no other’. In a good way.

I love to pray as it reminds me of all of the above … and that I am not alone … and that I am loved even when I am being unlovely, (which humbles me in to being a bit less unlovely, sometimes!). This all helps me to keep my heart open to God so I can receive from his heart all that I need for this life. And some.

God is such a generous God that he always gives us more than we need or ask him for so we can share it with others. And I’m not talking about all that materialistic crap like status, power and positions. I’m talking about what we all need more than anything; patience, compassion, kindness, grace, mercy, understanding, a belief that we can be better and a LOVE that enables it all.

I really love to chatter away to God about my hopes, my fears and all in between – when I’m not ignoring him because I’ve got the hump. I am immensely grateful for his enduring patience with my enduring ramblings.

Occasionally, I even shut up for long enough to let him speak! Whenever I do, I am wowed by his wisdom. NB to self, shut up more and listen more.

In the past week, on four separate occasions I have asked to end my times with friends by praying together. And these shared times of prayer have reminded me how good it feels, in a pure, Enid Blyton summer days, kind of a way, to thank God for what is good and to ask his help for what is not.

Whether I pray alone or with and for others, it leaves me with a peace that comes from being reminded that there is one able to handle all of our worries way better than we are.

Somewhere, sometime, I read that there is scientific evidence proving that prayer has a positive impact on these complex bodily systems of ours.

All I know is that prayer sooths my system, reminds me of God and in doing so, of my desire to keep learning from him, how to be a better me. I’m always going to need and to ask for large, ongoing portions of that!

But don’t take my word for it, try prayer for yourself. There is nothing to lose and everything to gain.

And if you don’t know where to start or feel self-conscious or weird, start with the lord’s prayer – it pretty much covers all bases!