What a glorious day, more so for the stretch of sun-hiding-grey we have just endured.
Today, I cancelled my scheduled plans to gift myself the space and solitude that is essential for me to grieve well. It was this week that ended my friends suffering of cancer. And for me, the best way to grieve is to grant myself a break from doing, to give extra time for being. I need the space, silence and solitude that allows spontaneity to have its way.
First thing, this involved fresh coffee, drank in bed while savouring the silhouette of the tree branches against the changing sky. As a recovering rush/do-a-holic, who regularly relapses, nature offers one of my most effective ways of stopping. Nature gives of its ever changing, soul satisfying scenes, that stun me in to stopping for long enough to savour them (sometimes!). Gosh that was a lot of s’s.
Anyway, the deepening of the blue sky enhanced by the increased presence of the sun saw me unable to resist going out to play in God’s great playground. I’m a visual person and I wanted to see how everything looked in the crisp white frost. I got dressed and brushed, if not washed (don’t judge, I was going solo) and sauntered off to see where my feet took me. I wanted to get a paper anyway – one that most people hate and some judge me for reading. But hey, I don’t believe everything of much these days, but I do enjoy the human-interest stories, tv guide and recipes of this paper! So, I opted for the two birds’ approach of picking up a paper and letting me feet take me wherever they wanted to.
As is often the case, they took me straight to a body of water, on this occasion the river. I love to see it dressed in all kinds of seasons especially the magical, white frosty ones. It didn’t disappoint with the scenes it displayed. Next, I travelled by the river taking photos of whatever captured my attention along the way. Apart from the man whose camera was way bigger and better than mine! While prone to ‘monkey see, monkey want’ tendencies, in this case, I was just grateful I wasn’t carrying that large lens. I hate carrying things when I’m walking.
Scene after scene of stunning beauty sat there waiting to wow me. And I was wowed. At one point, a robin flew across my eye line before perching on a bit of wood off to my right. I love how robins have this tendency to fly in front of me singing,
‘Look at me, look at me,
I’m as pretty as can be’.
As I am known to sometimes miss what is right under my nose, I am grateful for their attention ensuring style for I do indeed find them to be as pretty as can be. As I fumbled around trying to take a picture, the robin refused to hold the pose and flew off in to the undergrowth. When this happens, I like to think it was a sight and moment just for me! If I do manage to capture something beautiful, I like to share it!
As I took a different route home, I happened to walk past a child’s playground. I answered the swings call to have-a-go on it. As I was happily swinging higher and faster, feeling free and childlike, it started making a disturbing creaking noise. Personally, I didn’t think I gained that much weight over Christmas but perhaps they are made for children younger and lighter than me!
At one point I even had to shed my jumper, scarf and coat. Not for long though. The top to toe refurbishment of perimenopause means my internal thermostat is still faulty. But at times helpful when the weather is cold but I am not.
The next offering of the day was a beautiful tree standing firm and proud while providing a meeting spot for the local winged choir. It sounded so beautiful I captured it on my phone to share. How I love sounds like these!
A little further along I passed the man who served me my newspaper. He told me he only walks by the river in summer. What? After showing him a selection of photo’s of where I had just walked (whether he wanted to see or not), he said he would go home to find suitable footwear and check it out for himself. I hope he did for it’s all right there for us to see and savour.
All along my saunter through these scenes, I was remembering shared moments with my friend. I feel so enriched for my experiences with and of her.
Fortunately, I was only a few minutes from my house when the movement of my body bought on a parallel process of some internal movement within my body. What started as a gentle knocking on the back door became more persistent with each step. Some folk may call this an overshare, I call it, we all have a body which does all kind of weird, wonderful and un wonderful things and as a therapist I’m for talking about it all! Fortunately, I made it home in good time minus having to attempt a sprint in my walking boots.
And now, I feel lighter in every way. This despite having fed every part of me; the heart, mind, body, soul and spirit. That’s what I call a banquet and I feel very satisfied.
Now I will listen to worship music while making a sweet treat for tonight where I will be indulging in four of my favourite things; time with a friend, food shared, film I’ve been wanting to watch and a fire for warmth. Log burner to be precise but that didn’t flow as well.
I might even treat myself (and my friend) to me having a hot bath first and perhaps a cool-bed-sheeted siesta.
And more time sat basking in the sunshine, tree gazing and birdsong enjoying. I may even get to read that paper but then again, that might have to be a treat for tomorrow.
Gosh I love days like these.
While my friend is no longer in her body, my experience of her remains very much alive in my heart, mind, body and spirit. And I’ll write more when I’m ready.
Happy Saturday peops; whether you are happy, sad, or in between, nature or whatever your equivalent to this is, invites you to indulge. This is how we take care of ourselves.