The smile

What an uplifting, heart-warming transaction the smile is when shared freely and fully between two or more humans!

A powerful and totally free gift that we can each give away to whomever we choose whenever we choose.

I once read a quote that said something like a smile is the same in all languages. 

How very true.

I remember learning an important lesson about the smile many, many moons ago when I was travelling off the beaten track in China.

As the locals were simply not used to seeing such a spectacle as a group of noisy, white people, they would stand and stare whenever our paths crossed.  I interpreted the look on their faces as being quite ferocious.  I feared that the locals were not friendly.

As time went on, I decided to engage in a little experiment. 

The next time we came face to face with the locals, I tried a different approach.  I smiled!  And get this … they smiled back!  Their faces were instantly transformed by the wearing of the most stunning of smiles!  As I suspect was mine! 

I concluded from this that we can approach the world and all in it, with suspicion, fearing for the worst, or we can be open and willing to smile at those we encounter along the way.

Now, of course there is a time to be open and trusting and a time to be cautious and discerning.  Something I got totally wrong the other week after allowing a salesman in to my home. 

Perhaps, recognising when to be open and when to be cautious is one of the many ongoing challenges of being a human.

Anyway, it took me a long time to realise that it wasn’t only in China, that the offering of a smile to another usually results in the receiving of a smile in return!

Just to clarify, I am not talking about going around the place grinning from ear to ear like some kind of lunatic, but just smiling sincerely when you spontaneously make eye contact with another human.

After all, we are all flawed humans doing the best we can, with what we have in the times we find ourselves in.  Life can be hard and is often unfair but this is no reason to give up on all that is good, including the ability to smile at our fellow human.

This whole business of the smile fascinates me.  

I recall being on a train to New York also many years ago and having a conversation with a family member.  They were talking about how we may respond when someone smiles at us.  Are we suspicious, do we look away or do we engage by reciprocating this most wonderful of wordless human interactions?

As I contemplated this, I wondered whether I was someone who waits for the other to start the process out of fear of being ignored, rejected or misjudged, or whether I was someone who could risk those things and smile first, regardless.  I decided I wanted to experiment with being the latter sort!

Back when I was an adolescent, I recall people often stopping me to comment upon my smile and sometimes to remark that I looked like I was up to something or sharing a private joke with myself! 

Sometimes I was, one or both!  I’ve been blessed with the ability to laugh at and with myself which I consider to be quite the gift given that I am the only person with me 24/7, unless you count God who has the most incredible sense of humour I have ever encountered!  (Who knew back before I noticed the presence of God in life, that He has such comedic qualities?!)

Perhaps as Christians if we were less guilty of boring, superior or religious attitudes, or sometimes all three and instead shared more of God’s life enhancing traits, such as humour and the sharing of smiles, He may seem a more appealing prospect!

Anyway, another smile related incident in my more distant past was when I found myself stood over a table in Church surveying a collection of photo’s of beautiful African children in need of a sponsor.  I remember wondering how I was supposed to choose.  But then I noticed one little boy who looked very serious.  There was not even the merest hint of a smile to be seen.  I wondered why not and decided there and then that he was the one I would sponsor.  A few years later, I received a photo of him wearing … get this … a smile!!  And I can report that they are infectious!  His smile made me smile!

But, as we all know, maybe now more than ever, life is not all smiles and fairy dust.

I can recall many times especially during my twenties prior to starting my own healing process that I was often in such a dark and desperate place that I was physically unable to produce a smile.  During these times I simply could not manufacture something outwardly that I was unable to experience inwardly. 

In those times, the smile of a stranger could break my sense of separation or aloneness in an unexpectedly powerful way, if only for a moment.

A smile is such a simple thing, yet such a gift to give or receive.

I was reminded of this yesterday when I enjoyed the luxury of free time.  I chose to get out on my bike to cycle through the beauty of the local villages.  I felt happy and free, enjoying the sensation of the wind on my face as I cycled along.  I didn’t enjoy the sensation of the rain quite so much a little later!  But, as I cycled, I passed numerous walkers and cyclists with whom I exchanged smiles, real smiles, not the sort that don’t reach the eyes.  By the time I got home, despite being rather wet, all that giving and receiving of smiles had lifted my soul immensely!

As I reflected upon why I was noticing this so much more than usual, I came to the simple realisation that after a year of smile concealing mask wearing, those I passed who were walking or cycling were like me, without masks.  This meant that we were free to see and to share our smiles in a way that the mask has deprived us of.

Whilst it may feel harder to find reasons to smile in times such as these, it remains an incredibly powerful currency to exchange where possible.

Roll on the return to mask free, smile sharing freedom.