jo.loach@gmail.com - Life is calling

Birthday Bonanza …

Last week saw me celebrating my birthday. As in, all week!

You see, I’m all too aware that life can throw us parcels of crap at any given moment and I’m not talking the kind of crap that results from our own poor choices. I’m talking about the sort that we can neither predict nor prevent.

And so, in the face of such a fact of life, I make it my business to celebrate at every opportunity to do so.

Birthdays of course, are right up there.

Not everyone I know and love made it through to their birthday this year so as far as I am concerned, for those of us who did, it’s worth celebrating.

Our next year of life is not guaranteed.

For any of us.

So celebrate now I say.

Although I must say that I do not understand the thinking that I hear so many express that says ‘life is short’, in explanation as to why they indulge in (usually excessive), life shortening activity’s. But that’s another story.

Where was I?

Oh yes, the birthday.

Birthdays are for milking.

I’ve had some spectacular ones along the way.

My 30th in Hobart, Tazmania with special friends at a beautiful restaurant before going a little way up Mount Wellington to admire the lights of the city below.

The stunning crop terrace mountains of China were to host my 31st with an amazing lady who has become a trusted friend. The group I was travelling with even chipped in and bought me a gift. As we were travelling off the beaten track at the time, there were no gift shops or even anything in the vicinity with English on. Hence when we all sat down to watch their DVD gift, there was much laughter when it transpired to be Chinese porn. Don’t ask!

Then there was my 40th at Lake Maggiore in Italy where in addition to lots of lovely food (obvs), there was a spectacular light show, live music and of course crazy dancing in the streets. At least by me. All followed by a cracking party by my fabulous Church family.

Spoiled or what over the years.

Last year was a quiet one as we wrestled with the reality of my spiritual mother’s cancer diagnosis.

This year has been another extended fun and food filled affair.

I know that for many, when something sad or traumatic has happened around a birthday or Christmas, it can ruin these times for future years. As far as I am concerned, it gives more reason to rewrite the experience with something life and joy filled.

Which is exactly what I did this year helped by some seriously fantabulous peops.

Monday was the day to start milking it. I kicked off with an afternoon tea with my lovely sister. Another extreme foodie!

This was immediately followed by flowers and a good catch up with a friend over coffee.

Tuesdays’ offerings started with a long overdue haircut. Seriously, it’s the only time my hair ever looks clean and brushed!

Next, my lovely spiritual father took me to the wonderful Wimpole. I’d never been despite hearing rave reviews from all and sundry.

Simply stunning grounds.

It was like something out of a film. Although of course, scenes from films are from places like this!

Wowsers huh.

Returned home via a country pub for a cheeky cheesecake and cuppa.

Got back in time to prepare for a very good friend coming over to stay. Great as ever to see her and catch up.

On my actual birthday we went walking through the fields near my home. As we chatted on a bridge overlooking the stream with the solo swan, said swan suddenly spread its wings and flew under the bridge before gliding over to where we were.

Spectacular!!

What a gift. You can’t buy moments like those!

We continued our walk, returning home with a bounty of blackberries and apples. More muffin material.

Lunchtime saw us visiting one of my favourite places for a spot of grub.

I then saw my friend off before visiting my neighbour Ju for a brew.

That night I went to my favourite country pub for dinner with a long standing, very amazeballs friend who had even snuck over to the venue earlier to put up some sparkly balloons! The company, the ambience and of course the nosh itself, did not disappoint. And I left feeling very content and totally stuffed!

After all that eating, I went for a reparative run Thursday morning! Before relaxing with a reflexology session.

Proper lush.

Thursday saw me somehow squashing in yet another meal out with another friend.

So much food.

My poor stomach!

Following a walk up some hills, across the fields and by some springs, I opted for a super foods salad during Friday’s pub lunch with a new friend.

This before another short walk where I encountered a wooden swing. Obviously, I couldn’t resist!

What a week.

And it wasn’t over!

Saturday saw me spoiled with a super colourful, flavoursome, original BBQ spread put on by a super special lady and her hubster. Dessert was homemade scones with cream and homemade jam!!

Proper!

By Saturday night, I felt full, exhausted, spoiled and in need of some serious solitude!

Birthday’s are special.

At least in my opinion.

And I will continue to milk them for as long as I am given them.

How do you respond to a birthday?

Your own or others?

Environment Matters …

Now, this is not a green piece or a bit about Green Peace.

It’s about our surroundings.

The places in which we reside; our homes/family’s (biological or spiritual)/workplaces/peers/spouses/other groups.
Because these are the places that influence us.

For good or for bad.

That inspire or limit.

Encourage or oppress.

And so we need to examine them carefully.

I got to thinking about this because last week I combined two of my favourite things; being outside with watching a film. Actually, make that four things to include being with good people and indulging in tasty eats and drinks. Or is that five.

Anyway, I’m digressing.

The film in question was The Greatest Showman. I’m not usually in to musicals but even my equally non-musical film loving friends recommended it. So when the opportunity arose to see it amongst the beautiful lavender fields, I jumped at the chance.

I do so love to be under the great vastness of the sky in what I call, big sky territory. It was a beautiful spot and the film did not disappoint.

There was a line that stayed with me which went something like, ‘you are an example of what it is not to be restricted by your station in life’. This was directed at the star of the show who came from humble beginnings. I realise that most of us love a yarn about a person who makes good after a difficult start but this film also illustrated the very real risk of losing yourself and your values in the process. Especially if your motives move from being the most authentic version of yourself or from utilising your gifts in ways that benefit others, in to just being accepted by others irrespective of the personal cost.

Lessons that were learned in time for this guy.

But, I couldn’t help but think about the line about moving beyond your station. It is so true that any one of us can rise, not to stardom necessarily, but certainly to being who we truly are and are able to become.

But here is the crucial thing.

Whilst none of us get to choose the finances or the flavour of the family that we are born in to, we ALL get to choose what to do and who to do it with beyond our beginnings.

And we would do well to choose wisely and review regularly.

Whilst we are all programmed to be in relationship and within community, we must each discern when our desire for acceptance and belonging within a said community start to interfere and restrict our desire for an authentic and growing expression of ourselves.

Not every environment is conducive to our growth.

Some environments may be perfect for the growth of some but this does not automatically mean that it is so for all.
For each of us are uniquely designed with our own set of giftings and strengths (and weaknesses). But to realise our respective potential will require a different set of surroundings for us all.

Not forgetting that some of us are more sensitive to our surroundings.

We need look no further than to nature to see the truth of this.

My stunning Azalea’s open up in the presence of sunshine only to close up again when it clouds over.

Unlike many other flowers that remain outwardly unchanged whether in sunshine or cloud.

The simple facts are that not every family, friend or workplace actually allows the environment or the space for us to grow beyond the limitations and restrictions that life and even some of these people, may place upon us.

We each have a unique identity and purpose but in order to continue fulfilling these, we must take responsibility for who and what we allow to influence us for growth or stagnation.

Growth requires the right environment as well as time and space.

To return to the Greatest Showman, his environment was one of love and encouragement from his wife and daughters. They believed in him even when he struggled to believe in himself. They shared his vision and inspired him with their own ideas and imagination. And together they made that vision a reality. A process whose knock on effect was to create an environment for others to fulfil their own potential too.

What is equally important to note is that this star was also motivated at times by his desire to disprove his wife’s privileged parents who believed themselves entitled to look down upon him. And this was where he slipped up and almost lost everything of any genuine importance. For when he allowed himself to be motivated by the desire to prove others wrong, he lost sight of his original vision and his own values. A warning that we would all do well to heed.

It may well be satisfying to prove wrong those who do not see us as we are or as we are capable of becoming, yet to use this as motivation will only lead us away from our most authentic selves and paths.

Most of us are not destined for stardom, but we all have a personalised destiny awaiting our fulfilment. And in order to do so, we need the right environment to facilitate it.

There will always be those who get us and cheer us on in life. Just as there will always be those who don’t. All we get to choose is who we will be and who will we allow in to our inner circle. When others doubt us or our motives, we don’t need to agree with them. And if those closest to us do not understand us, it may be time for an environmental check up. For those people and places that we allow close to us will influence our expression of ourselves and our dreams.

Not everything, everyone or every place is conducive to our growth.

But when in the right place with the right people at the right time, beautiful things are possible.

For every single one of us.

And when that happens, it cannot fail to influence and inspire others.

We can each be outstandingly original at being our truest most authentic selves, when we take the time to seek out the right environmental support to do so.

Just look at nature.

Each flower is different from the next but equal in originality.

Who is it in your life that gets, encourages and believes in you?

Because you need those people, just like you need to be that person to others.

Environment matters.

Check yours.

Sunshine … and rain …

No sooner had I written about the joys of my seemingly endless summer of blackberry picking, bike rides, stream paddling and all things Enid Blyton, when the weather abruptly switched in to what felt decidedly like Winter. At least in comparison. A drop from 31C to 16C.

What a shock to the system!

Many welcomed this.

Not me!

But how quickly change can come.

I reflected upon this earlier in the week as I walked through the fields, accompanied by the constantly changing sky of sunshine and clouds (hoping that it would not rain before I got home).

As I did so I had to acknowledge that both sunshine and rain are needed.

Whilst I love the sun, the summer and all things light and fun, this is of course, not the whole deal. Nor can it be. As much as I have loved this summer of sunshine, it has not been good for all.

In fact, it’s even been fatal for some of our most vulnerable; elderly or infirm.

And, having regularly walked through the farmer’s fields and thus witnessed the sun scorched crops, I’ve felt prompted to pray God’s provision upon them. (I’ve learned over the years that there are no limits to the ways in which God can make provision for us when the unexpected happens). Of course, there will also be a knock-on effect upon pricing for us, the crop consumer.

So, whilst the general consensus is that most of us tend to feel better when the sun is shining (around the mid twenties not thirties), the fact remains that our land cannot survive on sunshine alone. It needs rain too.

Both are needed. Neither work in isolation of the other. They work in unison. Ask a farmer.

Or look at the ‘green spaces’ around. They cease to be green. More of a sun scorched yellow.

Clearly, sunshine alone does not allow the land to thrive.

Even this beauty cannot survive let alone thrive on sunshine alone.

As I looked at the fields that day beneath the rapidly changing sky, I couldn’t help but reflect on the parallels with life.

We all love the good sunny times where everything goes to plan and we feel like life is smiling upon us. Yet things can change in an instant when unexpected difficulties appear in the form of unforeseeable bills, problems, tragedy’s or losses of all shapes and sizes.

Nobody likes this fact.

We can feel hard done by when hit by the unfairness of life.

And of course, the truth is that life is unfair.

For all.

But what is equally true if we care to really think about it, is that life also deals out unfairness the other way around.

What I mean is, that life doesn’t simply spit out misery at seemingly random, always unwanted, moments. Because if we are really honest, it also at times gives us unexpected (and unearned) good fortune. It is just that somehow, we seem to be better at developing amnesia about this kind of unfairness! Myself included. It’s called being human for us humans are way better at remembering what hurts, over what helps or heals!

Life brings joy and life brings pain.

To all.

Without exception.

Or explanation.

It may look different for each of us but it is true for all. Whilst it is easy to fall in to the trap of comparing ourselves to others, it certainly isn’t helpful. We seldom get the full story of the lives of others. Especially if using Facebook as a source of evidence!

I don’t pretend to know why joy and sorrow visit us all. I know only that they do.

Like I equally know that God is my only constant. The very same God who allows me to receive good things that I don’t deserve that have come through no efforts of my own, not only allows these good things to be taken away but also allows me to receive bad things that I equally do not deserve and have not contributed to receiving.

The very same God.

A God who tells me in his word that I will have trouble in this world but a God who also tells me that Jesus has overcome all that life threw at Him. And God promises that Him, Jesus and the Holy spirit will help me to overcome all that life throws at me.

Overcome not meaning avoid, deny, pretend, ignore or sweep under the carpet, but actually overcome. Which in my thinking, not only means to assist me to continue being all that I am capable of being and contributing all that I can to this world, in spite of my own regular deliveries of crap parcels. As well as aided by the unexpected bonuses. But also, to continue living my life with a heart that is open to all that arises.

This God offer of assistance is lifelong.

For all seasons of life.

The joy and the pain.

The sunshine and the rain.

In the words of the Maze song! If you don’t know it, check out the lyrics!

I am reminded of these truths not merely through the fields and the sky but also through my own life experience.

For, just as I have loved the sun drenched days of these past two months, I have also enjoyed a lightness of heart, even more appreciated and enjoyed following the early months of this year where I felt drenched in the gravity of grief.

Yet in these past few weeks, the sadness has begun to arise again. I sense it around the edges of my soul, creeping closer and closer. Only this time I refuse to deny it. I know it is there and I’ve been expecting it. I can acknowledge, name and allow it to come forth and do its work of healing. In the main!

There is of course part of me that doesn’t want this sadness to come again. I have so enjoyed these few months of sunshine and joy, I don’t want more pain or rain.

Yet experience repeatedly reminds me that when I fail to grant my sadness the same respect and attention that I freely give my joy, it begins to block my internal well spring of joy, taking with it my 3D full colour experience of living.

And I don’t want that.

So this week I gave myself some needed space to allow my sadness to come forth.

Crying is so healing. And so precious to our God and Father that he welcomes and collects our tears. Wow!

Afterwards I felt a fresh wave of joy as I wandered freely through the fields. The joy of feeling the sun and the breeze on my face, the space of the open countryside and the time to follow a path that I hadn’t explored before. I felt truly alive and flooded with gratitude.

That’s the thing about grief and sadness and whatever life throws that wounds our hearts. As we allow ourselves to experience and acknowledge our losses and our pain, a new awareness and gratitude arises in response to the simple gifts that life offers even in the midst of the hardest of moments.

A gratitude that fails to come forth when we fail to acknowledge the depths of our sorrows and pain. A gratitude that gets lost and blocked behind a wall of cynicism and sarcasm. Sure signs that we have closed and hardened out hearts in an attempt to block the pain. Not realising that in doing so we also block the joy awaiting to come forth following it.

Sadness and sorrow always feel more painful following periods of contentment and joy for it can be all too easy to forget that the sun will shine again.

Change can come in an instant.

For joy or for pain.

Wanted or unwanted.

And we can adjust.

If only we will acknowledge the need to.

Imagine if we denied the change in temperature and continued to wear clothes fit for a sunny 30 something day when it was raining and cold. We don’t do this. We know that we require protection from hot sunshine just as we do from the rain.

Yet when it comes to matters of the heart and soul, how often do we refuse to prepare or to care for ourselves in the face of the actual as opposed to the wanted season and conditions.

We must learn to work with where our hearts are. Not where we wish them to be.

In doing so, the season of sorrow will pass with more ease.

I regularly hear people tell me that they ‘should’ feel this, that and the other as opposed to what they do feel. And it is often the ideas about what we think we should or should not feel that causes further and unnecessary difficulty.

We feel what we feel.

It is not about attempting to force ourselves not to feel what we feel, whether by attempts to intellectualise, pray or even brute force it away.

What is important, is what we do with what we feel.

This does not mean living by feelings alone without reference to the capacity to think about what is felt or to discern spiritually what is happening or what response is required.

But it does mean we need to cultivate the capacity for compassion.

We still live in what is very much a culture of dismissing any sign of sorrow or pain as ‘wallowing’ or ‘weakness’, despite the truth to the contrary.

We would do well to give our sorrow and pain at least as much attention as our joy and happiness.

The two are a package deal.

We cannot separate them.

Without losing something of the ability to feel alive.

The reality is that life is made up of joy and of sorrow.

We can no more stop this than we can control the sunshine or the rain.

But what we do get to choose is how we respond to these by what we do with them.

Just as we take care of ourselves by preparing for sunshine or rain, we can also take of ourselves by preparing and caring for the varying seasons of our souls.

We need both.

Joy and pain.

It is my pain that increases my capacity for joy and appreciation. At least when I can confront it with honesty.

And it is the joy of loving, that can turn in to the pain of losing.

But, I certainly don’t imagine that God sits at his drawing board planning personalised crap parcels for us all, just to develop a bit more gratitude within us. Whilst I’m sure there is much that God does for each of us that we are not even aware of much less thankful to Him for, He is not in my experience a punitive God. He allows hard stuff and I don’t know why, but I do believe there are reasons that are beyond our vision and comprehension and that God remains the key to finding our way through.

We can fight these hard facts of life forever more, or we can learn to work with what comes. Which doesn’t mean we can’t have a few tantrums along the way or at times feel utterly defeated! We just need to engage with these honestly and to seek the help of God and each other, not to remain in these modes!

Because, just as too much sunshine hardens the ground and the rain softens it, so too can the tragedies of life either harden or soften our hearts depending upon our willingness to fully engage with them.

Of course we’d rather this was not so and we‘d rather the pain stayed away.

At least I know I would.

But the reality is that we cannot stop the sunshine or the rain, the joy or the pain.

Yet we can prepare and practice taking appropriate care of ourselves in the face of every season, of weather or soul.

Simple Summer Pleasures …

I have always loved this time of year best.

And this year is no exception.

The heat can be energy sapping but overall it’s my favourite time of year.

The ongoing invitation to be outside without worrying about getting cold is just too good to pass up!

And so I start each day with my morning feast outside on the patio under the parasol.

Food for my body. Flowers for my soul. God’s word for my spirit.

What a way to start the day. As in every day!

Then, in between clients when I’m working in Hitchin I grab myself a swim in this beautiful facility. Not so nice when overrun with the masses.

Once a week in between my private clients, I have myself a reading date. I so enjoy reading and yet no matter how big my pile of ‘currently reading’ books gets, if I stay at home, I’ll never get beyond the distractions to actually reading any of them. And so, I introduced the weekly reading date where I’ll take myself somewhere beautiful then intermittently soak up the environment and read my books. It’s heavenly.

In addition, I’ll take a ‘writing, thinking and dreaming’ date, also once a week. As I don’t see why these ought to be restricted to the stuffy confinement of my office, I vary the location.

Last week, I set myself up on the bank of the stream just by my house. It is truly beautiful, peaceful and refreshingly cool to paddle about in.

As the horses have just given birth, I also got to witness a new born frolicking around with such joy, whilst its mother attempted to keep track.

As I watched this scene play out before me, I could not help by reflect on how much we can learn not just from nature but from animals. The young are so full of energy and life, so open and joyful about the business of simply being alive. As evidenced by the antics of this new foal.

So open, so trusting, so joyful.

But I see this in dogs too in the way that they run with such utter abandon, tongues out, fully engaged in the moment. Heart warming to witness.

And a reminder of the challenge and invitation to those of us who are far from new born and not of the animal kingdom (in the main), that we too can remain open hearted to all that this beautiful gift of life offers (yes, even with all the cruddy bits), because as soon as we start closing down our hearts behind a wall of cynicism, we stop really living. We begin to become half hearted. And as far as I’m concerned that is no way to live. (I know, I got stuck there for many decades before I met my Jesus).

Anyway, all this time outside in the glorious sunshine is such an utter delight.

I’ve even got the bike that hadn’t made it past the back gate in two years, out on to the roads. It’s been fantastic to rediscover the joy and the freedom of cycling. Especially when there is unexpected fruit picking opportunities on the way and essentially a pub grub food stop.

Of course, I love to potter about in the garden too trying my hand at a bit of fruit and veg. Can’t beat using a Google inspired recipe to cook produce straight from the garden. I had some super tasty sweet mange tout this year, although not many of them.

My courgettes have failed miserably having not produced a single courgette (I had a plentiful crop of them for the past two years). However, a lovely, generous friend very kindly gave me a heap from her crop. Result! So, as I have guests over the next few days, I’ve made my first ever courgette and lime cake.

Seriously sumptuous!

And a lovely neighbour has supplied me with tomatoes and cucumber from her garden. They make a luscious Greek salad.

These summer days are rich with the offer of so many simple pleasures that I just love to indulge in. From country walks and bike rides, to paddling in streams, picking apples and blackberries and experimenting with new recipes, to eating outdoors morning, noon and night, to simply absorbing the beauty of the flowers and the nourishment of home grown fruit and vegetables. And of course, an ample intake of icecream.

Whilst sleeping sufficiently is challenging and I’m most certainly not at my most productive this summer, I really am loving nearly all that it has to offer.

So many simple summer pleasures.

And many are absolutely free.

An Inside Job …

A few months ago whilst a good friend was putting up some shelves in my cupboard, he discovered an issue with damp.

Upon further investigation it became apparent that the source of this damp was actually the shower next door.

Apparently, the grouting within the tiling in the shower was not done adequately. This meant that the whole time I have lived in the property and used the shower, the water had effectively gone straight through the tiles in to the inner walls and beyond.

Consequently, as water spreads, it had ruined the immediate internal wall, spread further around the bathroom, was beginning to split the skirting boards and was evident in the cupboards and carpet of my back hall, which is where the issue was identified.

Basically, this internally rooted and thus invisible issue, was beginning to make its presence seen and felt externally.

A simple failure to create an adequate boundary had resulted in water getting in to places that are not made for water. The result of which was that a lot of damage was caused.

But, as the damage started internally, it was initially invisible and thus able to continue its work of destruction undetected. But as with all internal issues, when left for long enough, they begin to manifest externally.

I think we know and accept that should we choose to ignore such a problem, it will not simply disappear in to oblivion. No matter how much we may will it to do so!

Instead, that which we ignore, we permit to continue a work of destruction.

And destruct it does.

As was discovered once the internal walls of my bathroom and hall were investigated.

Of course, what could have happened is that the external damage could have been painted or covered over. Yet without dealing with the internal source, it would manifest externally again.

As a Psychotherapist, I can not help but make comparisons between this and the complicated and messy business of being a human. Further hindered by the cultural thinking that deludes us in to pretending that if we ignore any kind of internal issue; traumatic experiences, childhood difficulties, unwanted/uncomfortable feelings, it will simply float off never to be seen (or felt) again.

There is this idea that if we ignore such matters, they will disappear. Such thinking even goes a step further by imagining that if we uncover and explore the source of such issues, we will be causing ourselves unnecessary problems and pain.

In other words, we will come face to face with that which will cause us time, effort, money and potentially pain, to deal with. What is so often not acknowledged is that it will cause us considerably more time, effort, money and pain, to permit it to fester. Maybe not in the immediate term, but most definitely in the longer term.

And so it is that one generation teaches the next the art of sweeping things under the carpet. Something us English folk are in a league of our own with. To our detriment. The collective Society sized carpet of our nation must be at an all time ‘high’.

There is of course a time for when maintaining a stiff upper lip to get through a particular situation can be a sign of strength. But if engaged with as an everyday way of being, you are guaranteeing yourself a lot of unnecessary future issues. Issues whose consequences would be far less reaching were we to face up and deal with them a lot earlier.

It’s a problem.

One reflected in recent statistics regarding the mental health of our Society; from the very young to the very old and all in between.

We’re struggling.

Something, or in truth many things, are simply not working. And if we continue to ignore this we will continue to see the external manifestations of these internal issues spreading.

There is of course no quick fix. Not to anything of such importance and complexity as the human condition.

However, we can begin to acknowledge the value and importance of that which is within us; the heart, mind, soul and spirit. These need to be proactively taken care of, preferably in a preventative way. And when it is not possible to prevent certain experiences, as it so often isn’t, we need to cultivate a new willingness and receptivity to the need to address and invest in these areas.

We need to understand that this is not weakness but wisdom.

The stiff upper lip served us well during the war (I imagine) but it is not serving us particularly well now. As a way of being it is simply adding to the already large backlog of unaddressed internal issues.

It is time to accept that the stiff upper lip has become a hindrance rather than a help.

We need to recognise the value of our insides and begin to treat them accordingly.

On a Societal level, it is too late to be preventative. We are fighting fires without sufficient water to do so. Which doesn’t mean we should not attempt to do what we can. Collective efforts make a difference.

And, I believe, the God who is so often overlooked, is very much wanting and able to help if only we will learn to ask and to collaborate with Him and each other.

But on an individual level, we do not need to passively wait until our internal issues have manifested so destructively that they have hindered our ability to function (crisis) before we begin to give them the attention and support they need and deserve.

We need to look after our insides.

Which means that we need to learn how to re-engage with our own humanity, especially that of our demonised emotions.

Far from making us weak, when used in conjunction with our capacity to think as well as our spirituality, these emotions hold the key to our health, our progress and our experience of being fully alive.

And, just as I needed to engage with the appropriate expertise of those qualified to address my bathroom issues, sometimes us humans need to engage with the expertise of those qualified to assist us with our internal issues.

I spend my days sitting with individuals for whom I have the utmost respect for being willing to ‘do the work’ of dealing with the internal stuff. It’s uncomfortable, painful and costly, all against a backdrop of a Society urging them to ‘sweep it under the carpet and stop causing themselves unnecessary pain’. I respect the courage and honesty of these people and it is a very great privilege to work with them and to witness their lives begin to change for the better.

And I don’t see why my clients should be the only ones to enjoy the life changing benefits of engaging with therapy. So when I struggle, as I have recently with grief, I too engage with a therapist. I cannot offer to others something that I am unwilling to acknowledge a need for or accept help with myself.

Insides matter.

Mine.

Yours.

Ours.

They may remain largely invisible but when denied or ignored for too long, they manifest externally by restricting our capacity to function as we might.

None of us get all this stuff right and the fact is that it is not easy being a broken, messed up human that is vulnerable to getting hurt by life. The alternative is to shut down and exist and endure instead of living.

But if we tend to, rather than deny our internal issues, we will in the long run save ourselves from a lot of unnecessary pain and hassle.

Problems rarely disappear of their own accord. We need to participate in addressing our internal issues. And where appropriate, engage help to do so.

It is always worth the pain of the process when you come through to the other side.

As I finally have with my bathroom.

Following four months without a useable shower, my bathroom is now fully functioning again. The shower was stripped out, all tiles removed, internal walls redone and the whole bathroom redecorated and fitted with a new shower. Yes there was disruption and hassle. But, I can now say, that my bathroom looks even better than it did originally!

It does cost to deal with internal issues.

But it costs more not to.

What do you need to deal with and what support do you need to enlist to do so?

Turkish Delights …

Before my recent holiday to Turkey I had always found Turkish Delight to be rather revolting. However, I discovered that real Turkish, Turkish Delight is actually very tasty. At least in my opinion! A case of the authentic Turkish variety being vastly superior to our English adaptation.

Aside from the official Turkish Delight, I also got to sample many of the other delights that Turkey has to offer.

Having arrived around 3.30am, we decided to treat our tired selves to the Turkish Bath experience on that first night.

Wow!

It was wonderfully delicious.

First off we spent five minutes in the sauna to open our pores before being taken in to a Hammam – a public bathing space, hence unfortunately I could not take any photo’s. But it was a large room with a huge marble, circular, tiled ‘bath’ area where we each laid around the outskirts with our own pillows. From here we could look up to the impressively decorated ceiling.

On here, our own designated ‘bather’ came and poured wonderfully warm water all over us, before coating us in a salt based product which with the aid of an exfoliating cloth, was used to remove our dead skin. This was the only part that was a little uncomfortable. But it was quickly followed by a soothing foam bath where these large contraptions were waved over us covering us in the foam. Lastly we were rinsed off with more water before having our hair washed. It was not unlike being a giant baby being bathed on a huge marble slab!

Very nice!

As we got up, we were towelled down before being taken to a massage room where we were treated to a Balinese massage with oils. To end the experience we were given a gold face mask to remove our dead facial skin.

The whole experience started and ended with Turkish Apple tea and Turkish Delight.

It was utter indulgence throughout, the likes of which I could totally get used to! A huge thumbs up! I would totally recommend it for anyone who enjoys being pampered!

A great way to relax in to the holiday.

We stayed in a Hotel within the resort village of Oludeniz in the Mugla Province on the South West coast. The resort was nestled within a bay overlooked by the Babadag Mountain. It was beautiful, with a five minute walk down through the shops, to the Belcekiz beach. There was enough on hand to be interesting without being a huge, overcrowded affair.

Perfect!

I took great pleasure in starting each morning with a forty five minute swim in the Hotel’s fabulous pool which I mostly had entirely to myself, with the exception of a local meower that took to sitting on the side watching me. I was also able to take in the view of the surrounding mountains accompanied by a colourful assortment of paragliders. A truly great way to wake up and start any day for someone like me who loves the water and the mountains.

Breakfast was a colourful, fresh fruit filled affair enjoyed overlooking the pool and being overlooked by the mountains. Top notch.

In fact, all of the meals were good. I always experience it to be such a treat to have an array of fresh foods all prepared and displayed for my sampling. As much as I love experimenting with new recipes, I equally love to be spared the shopping, preparing, cooking and cleaning up process! And as I eat as much with my eyes as my belly, I appreciated the colours of the food and the backdrop of mountains.

One of the first things I noticed was the mass of paragliders adorning the skies. This is something I had wanted to experience ever since I read about it last year within a Paulo Coelho fiction book. It was on offer in Slovenia where I went last year but I wasn’t in the space to do it. Yet here in Oludeniz, it was so accessible it would have been rude not to take advantage of the opportunity so I immediately bit the bullet and booked up.

When the day arrived for my scheduled flight, the wind was up too much to allow it to go ahead (and I don’t mean mine).

So I had to wait another day and try again. I went off feeling excited and apprehensive. It took around forty five minutes in a bus to get to the top of the mountains. This was super hairy. The roads had sheer drops down the mountains which did absolutely nothing to help my nerves. I took to uttering repeat panic prayers. As if God is deaf and didn’t hear my first cry for protection!

Anyway, we finally reached the top which was a building site with some portaloo’s positioned right on the edge. Most portaloo’s don’t offer a relaxing experience but these took unpleasant to a new ‘high’. Visions of them falling backwards down the cliffs didn’t help me to use them! At times like these, my vivid imagination doesn’t feel to be quite the gift it usually is!

Anyway, finally, I was ready. Sort of. In a quivering knee’s kind of a way. There was a white concrete area sloping down in to absolutely nothing with the tree clad mountains underneath. Once harnessed to my pilot and paraglider I was asked to walk down this slope. Gulp. Was I mad? My legs didn’t particularly want to comply with this request. It’s not exactly natural is it? But with the help of two guys either side of me I was able to slowly make my way on to and down the slope. I’d like to say I was super courageous and excited but I would be blatantly lying! I was totally terrified! The fact that taking the paraglider down felt a decidedly safer option than the bus, spurred me on. That and more repeat, panic prayers that went something like this, ‘HELP ME, HELP ME, HELP ME GOD!!! Repeated multiple times as if God suffers from amnesia.

Somehow, within an instant we were in the air soaring high above the mountains. My mind was caught between sheer terror at the unnaturalness of the situation and the desire to relax in to the experience. My pilot said to me, ‘we are flying Jo, up within the geothermals (what?) where the eagles soar.’ ‘Relax Jo’, he encouraged me. ‘I’m trying’, I replied in a shaky voice. I mean, it was spectacular but it took some time to relax past the terror in to the joy of it.

But eventually once I realised there was no longer any need to be afraid of falling because we were actually flying, I could relax and enjoy the stunning scenery below.

WOW, WOW, WOW.

It was magical!

Not unlike the skydive I did in NZ over a decade ago. Although the ascent up was definitely more terrifying for this. Although this was from 6500 ft where the sky dive was from 15000ft! A tad higher! But this was one of the highest places in the world from which to do paragliding.

It was quite something. And I’m glad I did it. And even gladder I survived it!

Later that day, we took a sunset jeep safari. This involved a trip to a local village called Kaya where we learned about the history of the Greek and Turkish people having their happy cohabiting arrangement broken by the Government. Yet all these hundred of years later their houses still remain, derelict but partially intact. The Greeks were apparently excellent stone makers, to which these sturdy houses make testament.

Next up we were tearing around the mountain roads with no apparent concern for the sheer drops surrounding us. My imagination worked against me once more and I had to enjoy the views with my eyes closed! My friend enquired, ‘are you going to be sick Jo?’. No, I replied I just need to keep my head down, my eyes closed and make intermittent whimpering sounds!! But seriously, I felt safer paragliding than I did in that jeep!! God must have thought my prayer record from earlier in the day had got stuck on repeat.

Eventually we arrived at the end of the road as high as it was possible to go. I relished the view whilst trying to forget we still had to survive the journey back down!

After some more hairy driving, we arrived at our dinner destination with our table just a few feet from the sea. To accompany our traditional Turkish feast of bread, chicken, meat and salad, was a Turkish hen party complete with Turkish dancing.

During the stunning sunset, the guy opposite us on the table took off to propose to his lady, to which she agreed! A beautiful moment to share with them! So romantic!

The next day we took off for our sailing trip on a beautiful, rather posh boat. We were taken to four different bays where we could enjoy the stunning turquoise if rather chilly sea waters.

More traditional Turkish food followed by a very non Turkish Magnum ice cream! Yum. Just as I was beginning to need a break from the hot sun beating down upon the top deck, the guys came and put the sails up which rather conveniently covered me with their welcome shade. From here I could simply sit back and enjoy the view and the breeze.

Fantabulous!

This was the last of our trips so we spent the rest of our time in Turkey relaxing and enjoying the pool, food and Hotel entertainment including a night of traditional Turkish dancing. Which obviously we joined in and had a go at. No idea what I was doing but I enjoyed it regardless!

Got talking to a Turkish man also on his holidays. A guy who took two years out to train as a Radiographer’s technician. I respect anyone who is willing to invest in doing the work of making changes in their life. We enjoyed some interesting if language limited conversations via his translation app!

Two of his sayings which I particularly liked were:

You can make friends wherever you go, so long as you are sincere.

Everything is beautiful in God’s great timing.

Anyway, the holiday drew to a close all too quickly as all good things do.

But it was fun packed and I loved it.

Fun, rest and play are SO rejuvenating.

And Turkey was indeed full of delights!

The Fog of Uncertainty …

Life is filled with uncertainty.

We may fight, resist, deny, ignore, suppress or belittle this reality.

We may cling to all things known and assumed to be certain.

And yet the fact remains that uncertainty is part of life.

Nothing is really certain in this great gift of life.

Except the fact that we will all die.

And on a somewhat more hope inspiring level, that God offers to help and accompany us in all. Irrespective of whether we acknowledge, know, deny, love or hate Him. Or indeed have any other response to Him.

Everything else is uncertain. From what will happen today, let alone tomorrow, to us, to others or to the world.
Uncertainty is a fact of reality which us humans tend to dislike. Me included.

And yet, uncertainty is also an unavoidable part of the pathway to change, growth and new vision. We don’t move from one certainty to another in life. We typically move from something, someone or some situation that is felt to be certain in to something, someone or some situation that is not.

This is how change happens.

This is how we evolve.

This is how we grow.

This is how we shed that which we have outgrown in order to enter that which can facilitate further growth.
Ultimately, this is how we continue living.

And yet to allow this progress to continue occurring is to keep letting go of the knowns or perceived certainties of life. As fragile as they actually are. For we cannot embark upon new pathways if we refuse to leave the old ones.

And this can evoke FEAR – that great stealer of progress.

For it is FEAR that torments us with its cruel whisperings of ‘what if’s’.

It seeks to drive us back in to all that we have felt to be certain. It tempts us to return to the pathways that we have already walked.

Yet in order to make new discoveries, we must try new pathways, with no guarantee of where these will take us or what we will encounter.

This involves RISK.

As I reflect upon this, I realise that part of my own difficulty in writing of late is because I am in the fog of uncertainty. That uncomfortable state that I want to resist. Yet in wanting to grow, I have stepped on to a new pathway which has led me in to this fog of uncertainty. As I am unsure what to do with what I am encountering, I am tempted to turn back to the old known pathways. Yet I know in my hearts that I have done that many times before and to do so again would be cowardly and defeatist.

Knowing that I could not turn back but hesitating to move forward, I became paralysed. Caught in the web of analysis paralysis. Trying to force certain answers ahead of the journey, to avoid the discomfort of uncertainty. I was attempting to gain clarity as to where the next step would take me prior to taking it.

But life doesn’t work like that. We don’t get the guarantee before we take the step. We have to choose to let go of the known and enter the unknown. To tolerate the uncertainty and to accept the risk. To trust that we will learn what we need to only as we enter and embrace the challenges that arise. Rather than giving in to the temptation to run back to the old at the first sign of difficulty or the first time we stumble.

New pathways do present new challenges. And we will not necessarily handle them well at first attempt. We may make mistakes, make a mess, get stuff wrong. This is called learning and this is how we grow.

Uncertainty arises whenever we consider attempting something or some pathway that we have not tried before. It could be in relation to something in life that we have previously refused to face or to engage with. It could be something within us; feelings or experience that we do not know what to do with. Or a certain situation that we are refusing to address, or an area of life that we feel called to enter but have no prior knowledge or experience of.

It is anything within us or our life about which we simply do not know what to do with or what will happen as a result of us addressing and entering in to it.

Whatever the thing is that is full of uncertainty, it sits in front of us screaming for our attention. Yet we may blatantly ignore it or cover with the noise of distraction or start taking ridiculously long routes elsewhere in an attempt to bypass it.

UNCERTAINTY.

It scares us yet it also holds the key to the new season.

Because the only way to progress in life is by continuing to explore unknown territory. To go back is to revisit the same scenery. To go forward is to discover new horizons. But this cannot be done without the presence of uncertainty. It accompanies us on the journey through to new discoveries and landscapes. It can be uncomfortable and daunting to travel with uncertainty but if we can learn to tolerate it, we may just discover our new life.

Whilst contemplating the uncertainty that has accompanied me upon my own new paths of late, a very dear and wise friend of mine has reminded me that the only way to find the clarity we yearn for is by entering this fog of uncertainty. For it is only as we enter it, that it begins to lift.

So, whilst I’m in this fog of uncertainty that accompanies the pathway to growth and change, I will continue to remind myself that I do not need to overthink myself in to inaction. I need to trust and simply put one foot in front of the other, trusting in that which is bigger than me, to guide me to where I need to be and to teach me that which I need to learn en route. No matter how uncomfortable or disorientating the experience may be.
I am choosing to push on, rather than retreat.

I do not know what I will face or how I will respond. But I do know the one who does. Who see’s the big picture, holds the map and knows exactly where He wants to lead me and what He wants to work out within me along the way.

Growth and change are not easy. But they beat the living death that accompanies the alternative.

What are you spending ridiculous amounts of energy avoiding in your life?

Perhaps now is the time to embrace the uncertainty and bite the bullet …

A Father For All …

Father’s Day is upon us again.

But what exactly does the term Father mean?

Is it the man biologically responsible for providing the necessary ingredient?

Or the man/men who actually do life with you?

On the understanding that they are not always one and the same.

Perhaps they are both.

Over the years I’ve redefined my understanding of the term ‘father’ numerous times. Yet it does not remain static. It continues to change, evolve and grow.

Especially since encountering the Father of all Father’s; God Almighty Himself.

As I look back to my pre-knowing-God days I remember one of my early experiences of what felt like a gift from God the Father.

It was many, many, many years ago back in the days when I was still caught in the life destroying grip of alcoholism. It was a Saturday morning in the summer back when I lived next door to my sister. We shared a lawn mower and on this particular morning, accompanied by a monster sized hangover and aided by a large pig butty, I still found myself unable to face the task of tackling my lawn. My sister did hers and I sat and watched wondering how I was going to muster the motivation to do mine.

Anyway, as I sat wishing that my lawn would cut itself, there was a knock at my sister’s door. When she failed to return promptly from answering it my curiosity got the better of me and I dragged myself up and round to her front door to have a nose.

I was met by the sight of two young Mormon men dressed in suits enquiring as to whether there was anything they could do for my sister. Ding. Having recognised what looked to be an amazing opportunity, the words, ‘oh yes, you can mow my lawn for me’ were out of my mouth before I could gather any sense of decorum or English reserve. (Thank God).

These guys smiled enthusiastically, whipped off their jackets and asked to get stuck in. I was of course only too delighted to get them started!

Once they’d mowed my back lawn they asked if there was anything else they could do, to which I kindly replied, ‘well, if you’re going to do a job, you may as well do it properly and do the front as well’, thinking they would tell me where to go. But no, they were genuinely keen to oblige.

By this point I was totally amazed and humbled by their attitude. So much so that I made us all some lunch and then these young guys talked about their family back home in the USA and showed us pictures of them. It was a thoroughly enjoyable affair!

Now, to clarify, I don’t really know what a Mormon is or what any of the various denominations are. Neither do I really care. Maybe I should but all that is important to me is that there is one God and He loves and wants to be in relationship with us all.

Anyway, after this experience, I remarked to my sister, ‘you see, there really must be a God’, to which she replied, ‘typical that would happen to you and you’d get out of moving your lawn’!!! (I have a concrete lawn these days!)

But for me, this was an experience I would look back upon after officially meeting God personally a few years later whilst living in NZ. I could see that God is indeed a Father of such love and such grace. I had a totally self-inflicted hangover that Saturday morning and I certainly did not deserve for anyone to come along and do my chores for me and yet these young men did so with such genuine joy that it caused me to stop and think about what kind of a God could cause a person to do something so selfless and to seemingly get such pleasure from doing so.

I realise now that this experience that was so undeserved had God written all over it. And for that I was grateful then and I’m grateful now, for the numerous ways that God reveals Himself. Usually I suspect without us even noticing much less thanking Him. (Often cos we’re too busy blaming him for something or other).

This was just a great example of the Father’s love. We don’t deserve Him yet He pursues, loves and helps us regardless.

Which is not to say that He doesn’t also allow us to feel the consequences of our actions. Or even to allow terrible things to happen to us. But His grace, love and help remain on offer to help us through no matter what.

As I reflect upon this Father’s Day, I realise that since meeting God the Father, I’ve been fortunate enough to experience other men who have shown me a similar Fatherly love and grace. And whilst each of these key men have been vastly different, they have each shown me that grace and love cannot be separated. (A bit like tea and cake).

These men have helped me with practical stuff, prayed for me when I’ve needed it (read always!), hugged me when I’ve cried and celebrated with me when things have gone well. They are the father’s that are there for me and do life with me. They each show me something of the Father’s heart. And I am eternally grateful to them all. (Special thanks to the long suffering Johnboy!).

But anyway, back to this Father’s day.

It’s not an easy day for many people for all manner of reasons. And if it is a day that brings pain, it’s important to acknowledge that. Not sweep it under the carpet, deny or dismiss it, belittle or stiff upper lip it back in to the body to come out later as illness. It just needs to be recognised, respected and responded to with love and compassion. Because that is the only way that we can continue to live with our hearts open. And if they’re not open, are we really living?

At the same time, it is important to acknowledge that whatever experiences each of us have had or failed to have from our own father’s, there is a Father who is available to us all. One that is worthy to be celebrated and praised this Father’s Day.

He probably will have bought men to show you about a father’s love even if those men or that man is not biologically connected to you. But whether He has or whether you have noticed or recognised this or not, God Himself will be reaching out to you this Father’s day.

Whether you know or believe in Him, he knows and believes in each and every one of us. He longs to father us all. To be in relationship with us. To have us spend time with Him, to recognise His hand and the many ways and people through whom He reaches out to us. To know His voice and to hear what He wants to speak in to our lives to encourage and help us to navigate our way through all the twists and turns. To know that no matter how things feel, we are never alone for He is always with and for us, patiently waiting for us to acknowledge and call upon Him. To love us with such grace and compassion in spite of ourselves. To be available and interested 24/7. To know us so intimately as to always know what and who we need. To strengthen and comfort us along the way that we can keep going even when things are super tough and we feel like giving up. To welcome and comfort us when we’ve gone off the rails but then realise that He still awaits our return with open embrace.

Ultimately this Father loves us with a love like no other. One that never gives up, abandons, abuses, neglects, forgets, ignores or rejects. Even when we do that to Him.

There are truly none like Him.

And … He doesn’t get ill or die on us.

Do you know this ultimate Father?

Maybe this Father’s Day it is time to recognise the Father’s call in to relationship with Him.

For me, this Father’s Day I will be praising and thanking my God and Father for never giving up on me, for pursuing me relentlessly even though I wouldn’t acknowledge Him until I was on the other side of the world, and for loving me through the most painful times and my most horrible behaviours. Ultimately, for loving all of me; the good, the bad and the really ugly. And I’ll be thanking Him for the men in my life who represent Him to me. As well as praying for those who don’t!

And throughout the year in between this Father’s Day and the next, whenever I’m having a right old crappy time, I’ll try to remind myself ‘Jo, do you remember who your Father is?!’.

Should I forget, I’m fortunate enough to have friend’s that remind me.

I don’t know what your experience of or as a father is.

But I know that there is a Father who longs to be in relationship with EVERY SINGLE one of his children.

Will you accept His invitation this Father’s Day?

Mastering our Inner Martha …

During a meeting with a group of women this week, the subject of guilt arose.

That potentially pervasive stealer of life.

There was a subsequent discussion around how attempts to just hang out with Jesus often get sabotaged or diverted by the voice of guilt.

We realised that the voice of guilt often arises from our inner Martha.

And it goes something like this, ‘you can’t just sit around being with Jesus when there is work to be done. You should be doing… the washing up/housework/shopping/enter whatever you think you should be doing’.
Basically, you should be doing something.

Doing rather than being.

The mantra of our quality of life stealing culture.

As we discussed this, it became clear that we can all struggle at times to master our inner Martha sufficiently to allow our inner Mary to find expression through time with Jesus.

According to the gospel of Luke, Mary favoured simply being in the presence of Jesus, unlike Martha who was fretting over preparing the meal and resentful that Mary wasn’t helping.

Personally, I feel for Martha in this scenario because let’s face it, if no one prepared the meal because both Martha and Mary chose to hang out with Jesus, I feel certain there would have been some disgruntlement from someone at the point at which the hunger arose.

Or perhaps it’s just me that becomes grumpy when hungry as I am someone who absolutely loves good food.

But maybe the point is more that the spiritual food that only Jesus can provide, feeds our heart, soul and spirit with a sense of life and energy that inspires and enables us to find our place and purpose within the world.

In comparison, as marvellously satisfying as the act of devouring a good meal can be, it doesn’t typically leave me feeling passionately fired up to seek the life that is only found within the purposes of God.

In fact, sometimes a good feeding session leaves me feeling incapable of anything other than an afternoon appointment with the duvet.

Whilst there is nothing wrong with this and we certainly do need physical food to maintain our physical body’s, this food is unable to nourish those other parts of our humanity which are ultimately responsible for our beliefs and values and thus our motivation and desire for actively participating in daily life.

I guess what I am saying is that Jesus reaches the parts of us that not even a gloriously good feast, can reach. (Doesn’t that sound like the words of an old beer advert?)

Anyway, we do not need to get shot of Martha but we do need to appreciate that the role of Mary in hanging out with Jesus, really is the more important one. (Even for a foodie like me).

But, we do need Martha.

Let’s face it, she comes in to her own when we need to get all those hated jobs around the house done. Personally, I’m always a little suspicious of a woman who says she enjoys housework. The results are satisfying for sure but to enjoy this as a way of spending time when there are so many other inspiring options available?

Before you judge me, I say this as someone who spent years cleaning other people’s houses to help put myself through uni. Admittedly I had some incredible conversations with Jesus whilst cleaning but as I know I can converse with Him in so many other ways, cleaning is not my top choice!

But anyway, we all need our Martha’s.

Because in reality, can we really spend all day every day hanging out with Jesus?

I think not.

Which is not to say that we cannot converse with Jesus throughout the day. I think the trick is to be in such a close relationship with Jesus that He literally jumps off the page of His word to really walk and work and talk with us throughout the day.

I think we know and accept that we cannot spend all day every day simply being in the presence of Jesus.

But do we equally know and accept that we should no more be spending all of our time addressing Martha’s incessant demands that we be doing?

We need balance.

We need both.

We need integration.

If more in the favour of Mary.

Without which, when Martha stifles Mary in to submission with her guilt inducing narrative, both lose out. Martha resents the martyrdom of her actions and Mary feels judged and suppressed. No one wins.

Unfortunately, our culture subtly and not so subtly backs and reinforces the Martha approach to life. It values doing, producing and creating, tangible, measurable things.

Our culture is not pro being still, stopping or even slowing down.

Although in fairness, the need to ‘be’ is beginning to fight back via meditation, mindfulness and various other similar practices.

Culture has influenced us to become so ingrained with the need to constantly do that sometimes our attempts to spend time being, especially being with Jesus, can be intercepted without us even realising.

It is time for our inner Mary to fight back!

Martha wants the external physical stuff to be dealt with.

Mary wants the internal soul and spirit stuff to be dealt with.

Both matter.

But time invested on the internal leads to a natural outworking within the external.

In other words, the Mary who has been nourished through quality time with Jesus can tackle her ‘Martha to do list’ with way more enthusiasm and grace than the Mary who has been denied time with her Master.

Because, there really is nothing like the joy of simply lingering in the presence of the Lord Almighty. And as someone who has tried a lot of what this world has to offer, I do mean, nothing.

After all, He is the creator of the universe, the ultimate artist especially evident at this time of year and the highest form of wisdom and wit.

He offers a one to one mentoring service like no other. He teaches us in the ways He has made us to naturally and most effectively learn. He knows us intimately in a way that no other human really can. And even more miraculously, He loves us regardless!

He is the counsellor above all counsellor’s and knows exactly what and who we need when we’re struggling. He’s totally trustworthy. Not to spare us from all trouble but to help us to overcome. He’s the ultimate friend and confidante who genuinely wants us to do well and to fulfil His plans. He’s the best source of help available and the only one on call 24/7.

I could go on and on and on…. I wont.

But the bottom line is that spending time with the Almighty and I’m talking here, leisurely, unrushed, unhurried time, is the most inspiring, enlivening, exciting way that any of us can ever invest any of our time.

And like so many of the very best experiences that life has to offer, there are nearly always a series of repeated reasons/excuses/distractions to stop us from doing so. (See the Fun Thief)

Our inner Martha comes in to this category for all too often she ambushes us with the dialogue of Captain Sensible in that she constantly attempts to guilt trip us in to focusing and expending our energy upon all those endless grown up jobs awaiting our attention.

As if hanging out with Jesus is a waste of our time.

But seriously, what price can we put on an encounter with the Almighty?

We may not see what we gain or be able to show it to others in concrete ways but the experience of a God encounter cannot be underestimated.

A connection with the source of life itself can energise and uplift us in ways that are hard to articulate.

It needs to be felt to be known.

And is of course, available and on offer to all.

Martha can be a total kill joy and stealer of pleasure, quick to remind us of what we haven’t done or what we should be doing.

Yet when Mary is allowed to do what she is made to do she becomes better equipped to fulfil her Martha duties with more ease and less resentment.

So go ahead, tell your Martha to stand down and let your Mary arise.

It is time for a shift.

For when the two work in unity, both and thus all, really do benefit!

Beware the Fun Thief … ..

Recently I’ve noticed a particular theme which grabs my attention from time to time.

As I listen to people talk about the various trials and tribulations of life, it becomes apparent that when consumed by these life challenges, one of the first things to get squeezed out of the schedule is … having fun.

It seems to start so subtly that it operates off the radar thus stealing the opportunities for fun without even being noticed. Sometimes it’s years before people realise that they have unwittingly allowed themselves to lose or to stop investing time in all the very things that bring them joy.

There is a further pattern to the things that appear to get stolen which is that they are usually creative in nature. For some it will be painting or sketching or for others something musical or baking and so the list goes on and on.

Fun takes different forms for all.

But we all need fun.

But it’s as if at some point within adulthood, these activities get thrown in the back room, often to never be seen again. Once out of sight, they get forgotten about. As if these are things that we simply grow out of or cease to need.

I think quite the opposite is true for once we enter the world of adulting with all its responsibility and seriousness, I think we need the fun, physical and playful stuff even more than ever! If only to balance out the heaviness of all the grown up stuff.

Yet it is as if play is written off as only being the domain of those officially known as ‘children’.

What nonsense!

Why should the little people get all the fun?

Don’t we need it even more?!

It is almost like there is an unwritten rule that folk unwittingly sign up to that banishes all fun in favour of responsibility, as if the two cannot be interwoven.

No wonder so many adults are bitter and resentful about their lot.

Fun, play and creativity are the very aspects of life that nourish us sufficiently to do all the big stuff.

They provide us with a source of joy.

We need them.

And we let them go at our peril.

I became aware that I had allowed myself to lose some of my playtime during the seriousness of my many years of studying and training. I felt like my creative juices had ceased to flow. Blocked up by an imbalance of work.

And so I dedicated a year to reclaiming the gift of fun.

Big time.

I enrolled the help of an excellent book called The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron, which guided me through the very important yet oh so fun business of reclaiming some of my favourite things; downtime, play and underpinning all … creativity.

I rediscovered old joys like baking cakes (and of course eating them), writing, dancing and reading but I’ve also discovered new ones like solo trips to the coast, singing and pilates.

Fun matters.

It’s good for our health and wellbeing.

Seriously.

No matter what stresses or strains we are in the midst of experiencing, the need for fun not only remains but actually increases in the face of challenges. Thus it is down to us to proactively invest in making time to indulge in those things that bring us joy.

Laughter, fun and play really are medicine.

Soul medicine.

Whilst applying these principles at a barn dance last Saturday night, I got in to a conversation with a teacher who was discussing how schools are cutting physical education and the arts from the curriculum. What a shortsighted and misguided way to attempt to increase and improve academia.

What a tragedy.

And a false economy.

Unless we want to produce a generation of robots taught/programmed to produce ‘results’ no matter the cost, or the loss of soul.

When did we stop recognising the value of fully rounded individuals who know how in the words of the old Mars advert, to ‘work, rest and play’.

The ‘work, work, work’ philosophy doesn’t work.

Not for anyone, anywhere, at anytime.

Except as a life shortening and quality of life removing activity.

In order to function fully, us humans need physical activity, play, downtime and creativity.

Whilst these are being further and further squeezed out, is it any wonder we’re becoming a nation of zombies sat transfixed by the latest series on the TV/Ipad/Technology.

Life really is too short and too full of unexpected challenges for us to allow the fun parts to be stolen.

Now is the time to reclaim our ability to play, to be active, to create and overall … to have FUN!