jo.loach@gmail.com - Life is calling

Time well spent …?

As I reflected upon the past week, I noticed just how often the subject of time comes up in conversation. Whether through folk commenting on how fast time is going, my pastor remarking upon the lack of quiet time within our culture, or the friend enquiring as to how I manage to be involved in so much with only 24 hours in a day.

I decided to take a look at my diary where upon I could not help but see that it looks ridiculously full. I think the lack of physical space on the pages of my diary reflects the lack of actual space within my days. There’s just not enough space to simply be still, to breath, to reflect, or to envision new things. I try to fight it by reclaiming time here and there, but actually, I still need to make changes.

I’m all too aware that this is not just a me thing either. I constantly hear people proclaim, ‘I’m so busy’, or ‘I’m so tired’. Can we make the time to consider the correlation between the two?! Is it any wonder in our culture of ‘cramming crazy amounts in to our day’ that time appears to be going so fast? Could it be that in reality, we simply need to slow down?

What is it anyway with wearing our over busy status like some kind of badge of honour?

Why are we so busy?

Why are we constantly filling our time and what with?

What would happen if we didn’t?

What if we allowed unscheduled space?

And yes I know, we all have responsibilities in life. Anyone with a family, house, garden, car or business will know, there are always things that need doing. But could we give ourselves permission to have ‘to do list’ free times? Trust me, I love a good ‘to do list’ (at least, the ticking off part) yet if I don’t get enough time without one, I start to feel stifled.

Perhaps it is time for us all to re-evaluate what exactly we are spending our time on that we can begin to make appropriate cut backs.

To this end, I’ve been aware for a while now that I need to go through my diary. Yet I haven’t actually allocated the time to do this. Which means that I am guaranteed to simply repeat that which I am already doing with my time, despite having established that it is not entirely working.

And that’s the thing right there, that which we do not schedule time to do, shall remain undone.

As I reflected upon the allocation of my time, I realised that I’ll sit down (albeit begrudgingly) to go through my finances to check how I’m spending my money. Yet I don’t do the same when it comes to how I’m spending my time.

Isn’t time way more precious than money?

After all, we can earn more money. Yet no amount of money can ever buy us more time. Time is finite, without refund or guarantee. And none amongst us, know how much time we have left in the bank.

So how do we invest our time between God, family, friends, work, play, rest, fun, keep fit and hobbies?

What do we prioritise?

What always gets squeezed out?

Does our allocation of time reflect our values and priorities?

In our quest not to waste time, could it be that we have gone to the polar opposite extreme in trying to make it stretch too thinly? An entirely false economy.

Whilst our time is indeed precious and fleeting, what I love about it is that we are all equal in so far as we are all given twenty-four hours every day. (If we’re lucky).

Yet how we choose to spend those twenty-four hours will not only determine the difference we make to our own life, but also potentially to the lives of those around us.

A time to take stock perhaps …

Did Curiosity REALLY kill the cat?

Whilst driving home from a recent thought provoking conversation with a friend, I found my mind pondering the above.

Said friend is someone I trained with so invariably our talk turned to deeper themes like death, the role it plays in how we live and whether we are willing to do the work of making our dreams a reality. This ended with us discussing the crucial role of curiosity, along with our culture of curbing it.

Afterwards as I reflected upon our conversation, the saying, ‘Curiosity killed the cat’, came to mind. In our risk averse, fear driven culture, we can all too often use this saying to shut down anyone who dares to be curious as to whether there may be other ways of seeing, being or living, aside from those accepted by the unthinking majority as being the norm. Or worse still, as being ‘safe’. There is of course a time for being safe, but as an ethos for life, it’s more akin to settling for a psychological/spiritual death-in-life.

What particularly struck me is how readily we can throw such sayings about with little thought or exploration as to the original or intended meaning.

Yet further investigation revealed that the original saying was actually, ‘care kills the cat’, with the use of ‘care’ in this context meaning worry or sorrow. Even that’s not the full picture but if you are curious enough, google it yourself!

My issue with this saying is that curiosity can be marketed as a life-threatening condition. Despite the potential when exercised with wisdom, to be quite the opposite. For curiosity gives us permission to wonder, explore, imagine, play, envision and create, brand new ways of seeing, thinking, being and ultimately, living. It can be the birthplace of dreams, the beginning of change, the place of pioneering.

What is your curiosity calling you to explore?

I’ll end by returning to my initial question. Did curiosity really kill the cat? If so, which life, just the last or all nine? Either way, would curiosity be such a bad way for a cat to go?

As a human (mostly), death by curiosity doesn’t sound bad to me, at all. Whereas to die, or much worse to live, by apathy for example, would be truly horrendous.

My curious little bugger of a cat, who is still very much alive!

On the subject of self care …

To get myself over the start line of this BLOG, I decided to write about a subject that I’m passionate about; self care. In recognition of the fact that those of us with a propensity towards caring for others can all too often overlook caring for ourselves, I decided that this would make a worthy starting point.

After spending an hour attempting to write something profound about my work, I was frustrated to arrive at a big fat nothing. When I stopped to think, I could hear a good friend’s voice saying, ‘write about YOU Jo’.

So I started by asking myself how I was doing in relation to self-care. My authentic answer was ‘not too great’. The reason being that I am a self-confessed total introvert. By which I don’t mean that I’m incapable of socialising with other humans, but rather, that I also need time alone. Lots of it. It allows me to process, regenerate, recharge and simply be.

Failure to allow adequate portions of solo space results in the emergence of the type of short tempered, grumpy beast that even I don’t particularly like to be around. (Think Joan Collins in the Snickers Ad).

Knowing this about myself, I usually ensure my weekends have sufficient unscheduled space and time alone, whether that results in me doing something spontaneous, absolutely nothing, or even a bit of both.

However, last weekend I had a whole pile of really fabulous stuff happening ALL weekend. To clarify, I’m not referring to a weekend that I had filled by saying ‘yes’ to stuff I really wanted to say ‘no’ to. (Life is way too short for that). This was a weekend overflowing with stuff I’d said ‘yes’ to that I really wanted to say ‘yes’ to! It just happened to fill the entire weekend.

Now, I’d been apprehensive about this in advance, yet I had failed to put anything in place to address it. How easy it is to see a potential issue approaching on the horizon and to just dismiss it with ‘oh, it will be ok’.

Wrong!

To be clear, I don’t regret anything I did over the weekend as it involved ample doses of food, laughter, learning and worship. What’s not to like? I even continued to feed off the buzz of it, throughout Monday.

Yet by Monday evening, the aforementioned grumpy beast was making its presence felt. Hence on Tuesday when I sat down to write about self-care, I realised that I could not write about something that I was not practising at that time!

I thought, ok, I get it, I need solo time. I decided immediately that as I don’t practice on a Wednesday, I would have an entirely work free day to give myself the solo space that I so desperately needed.

Of course, I heard all the reasons why I ‘shouldn’t’. It was mid-week, as in ‘work time’ so I ‘should’ be working, I had things that ‘needed’ to be done, I’d be letting down the person I would need to cancel (who I know, knows me well enough to not take it personally), blah blah blah.

But, I made a decision on behalf of myself that if I didn’t take time out to look after me, I wouldn’t just remain beastly, but the quality of my work would suffer too.

Having given myself permission to do what I needed to take good care of myself, I felt instantly lighter. And excited about my FREE day!

When Wednesday morning arrived, I relished the luxury of awaking when my body was ready as opposed to when the alarm demanded. A rare treat indeed given that my body usually awakes way before the alarm these days anyway. Is this just a post 40 female thing?

Anyway, upon registering my re-entry to consciousness, the cat promptly gave me his, ‘please get up and feed me NOW’ nudge.

Whilst doing so, I grabbed the milk from the fridge and switched the coffee machine on (how do people ever get up without these?). The large bag of apples that a friend had given me from her tree were sat inside the fridge screaming ‘USE US’ or ‘LOSE US’.

So, as I’m going through an ‘I don’t want to eat muesli for breakfast every day’ phase, I went online to explore my apple filled options. I discovered a recipe that inspired me to instantly get my baking gear out. It was called Glorious Apple Muffins. I was sold. Once made, I took one, still warm, along with a cup of tea, back to bed. (The coffee was long gone).

Best served warm, accompanied by hot tea, consumed whilst wearing PJ’s, lounging in bed.

As I revelled in the delight of my home baked breakfast, eaten whilst lounging in bed at what was by this time 10am, I could literallly feel my self-care tank refilling. Wonderful!

Having given myself the gift of free time, I became aware that the motivation and inclination that had previously eluded me were now very much present and willing to help me tackle my wardrobe.

I took full advantage by swiftly setting about the removal of all clothes spring/summer followed by the retrieval of all autumn/winter clothes. And this a job I’ve been avoiding ever since it’s been cold enough to relearn how to work the heating! I even managed to be brutal enough to fill three bags worth of clothes for the charity shop. Out with the old, room for the new! I was on a roll!

Feeling decidedly chuffed with my efforts, I drove to Letchworth to spend some birthday money on new toys for the kitchen. A slow cooker being one, in case you were wondering. I am SO in to creating in the kitchen right now.

After this, I took myself for an afternoon showing of Victoria and Abdul. It always feels delightfully decadent to watch a film during the afternoon on a ‘work day’. And whilst I didn’t enjoy the film as much as I had hoped, Dame Judy Dench didn’t disappoint.

Anyway, I finished my day with homemade soup; spiced carrot and red lentil, from the freezer thus giving me the night off cooking. And then my new but beloved Pilates class.

Lastly, I attended a life group, which involved a short DVD followed by interesting and thought-provoking discussions, prayer, tea and biscuits (the chocolate variety, not rich tea’s).

A totally top-notch day spent indulging in activities that I find utterly revitalising. Which meant, when I sat down to write today (Thursday), I was ready and willing to do so.

The beast has, for now at least, been satisfied. And I’ve made a note to myself to go through my diary and ensure I keep sufficient solo space for the foreseeable future, so that it stays that way.

What do you need to do, to take care of you?

NOW is the time, to just say … Yes!

Last week I bumped in to a good friend of mine, which meant that we got to enjoy an impromptu lunch together. How I love unexpected gifts like these!

Anyway, having witnessed much of my personal ongoing journey of healing and growth, said friend has been encouraging me for quite some time to start sharing my insights through my writing.

I’ve postponed and procrastinated and made a whole heap of lame excuses.

But the truth is that writing has been my passion since I was a child. My journal was my go to, way before I reached double figures. It’s instinctive for me. It’s what I do to make sense of myself and my experience in the world. I write. I need to write like I need to breath. And yet, again and again, over the years, this, my first passion, has been pushed to the back.

So as I listened to the catalogue of excuses pouring out of my mouth and in to my friend’s ears that day, I realised something.

NOW is the time, to just say yes!

How often do we delay the very things in life that we want most? Often whilst committing our time and energy to stuff that doesn’t really interest us. (And I’m not talking day to day responsibilities that none amongst us are exempt from).

I made a decision that day I met my friend.

No more excuses.

No more delaying tactics.

No more polishing up on my procrastination skills.

I would simply start. Right here. Right now. And allow whatever follows as I commit to making the space to write, to lead me on a journey in to I don’t know where. The unknown is beckoning. Which for me, is absolutely where the magic and the miraculous can collide with the mundane and the mess.

I’m excited …

Please feel free to join me as I embark upon this journey of ‘just saying yes’ to sharing my writing on here. Love it or hate it, I invite you to share your comments along the way.

And maybe, just maybe, you could consider what it is in your life that NOW is the time, to just say yes to!

Here goes …