jo.loach@gmail.com - Life is calling

My plan to limit my plans

At the start of my week off, I was asked by a fellow church member what my plan for my break was.

‘To have as few plans as possible’, I replied.

‘I think that’s really under-rated’, came his response.

As humans, we have a propensity towards filling space. The emptiness or void like qualities of space can see us avoiding them by mindlessly filling them. In the physical realm this ranges from filling storage cupboards to sheds, lofts, wardrobes and anywhere else. In the psychological realm, we may equally mindlessly fill time and air space. This is usually to avoid being still and silent in case we notice or feel something we don’t want to.

During this year of learning to rest better, I am practising being stiller and more silent. I do this by not asking my mind or body to do anything much. It goes entirely against the grain of my history but I am determined to do things differently.

To this end, this morning, I forced myself to sleep in until 8.30am. Not extravagantly late I realise but when I’m in a creative phase, my mind starts buzzing the moment I wake up. I am learning to quieten it back down to give my body the rest it needs. Following this lay in, I took my coffee out to the garden. Here I could take in the sun and birdsong along with my Monty cat.

How I love the great outdoors; it was my safe space as a child where our garden conveniently led to a large green field. Here and now, nature remains my place of wonder and comfort. As I sat drinking in the surrounds as well as the coffee, a peacock butterfly fluttered by, landing right by my feet. It stayed a moment allowing me to admire its colourings and patterns before it flew away.

I moved to my now parasol covered table and chairs to continue watching the wildlife. It wasn’t long before I spotted the robin who has recently taking up residence here. He dives down from his position on the fence to whatever edible treats await it under my tree. Most days he pops by for a visit. If it is a him.

The other day a beautiful delicate blue tit landed on the fence nearest my conservatory where it caught my attention as it peered in the window. These are the moments I relish most when I remember the importance of sitting in the space of rest. I notice the beauty and wonder of my surroundings as well as all that wishes to present itself from within; beautiful or otherwise.

While the world will always be full of strife and suffering, there will equally always be moments of magic awaiting us when we become still enough to notice them.

This rest malarkey is way under-rated and under-practised, at least by me! But my commitment to re-dressing the balance is becoming stronger all the time.

Yay for holidays.

This rest malarkey

Rest is actively engaging in being inactive.

R is for resisting the mind and body’s desire to be active.
E is for energy saving and restoring by actively choosing
inactivity in mind and body to allow essential internal repair
work to be conducted
S is for space to practice being still in mind and body;
noticing the desire for activity and letting it go
T is for time to master the art of ‘being’ over ‘doing’ to
restore balance, unity and harmony within

Typically, we tend to be prone to either overdoing or underdoing. Those of us prone to
overdoing can feel as if we are being lazy when we are simply allowing ourselves to
overdo, less. Those prone to underdoing appear to have mastered the art of this
without any such concerns.

While those of us in middle age and beyond tend to fall in to the first category with the
younger generations tending to fall into the other category, this is not definitively so
either way! There are I believe, as many under-do-ers in the older generations as there
are over-do-ers in the younger ones. Wherever we find ourselves, cultural changes
between generations tend to come about by swinging from one extreme to the other
before settling into some healthier midway point.

Only we can really know what we need to do, or not do, to re-dress our own imbalance.

That’s all for now because rest is calling me, you and us …

Here and now; this moment matters most

Last week I took advantage of the rare sunshine by walking through beautiful green fields. I enjoyed the warmth of the sun with the greenery filled feast for my eyes. When a dog walker approached from the opposite direction, he gestured at the sky with his hands.

‘Isn’t it beautiful’, I offered.

‘It wont last’, came his reply.

Nothing in life does last, including us.

My initial reaction was feeling like someone had just peed on my bonfire. However, this was instantly replaced with ‘but it’s exactly right/totally true’. Nothing in life does last, including us. Everything comes and everything goes. It is all transient. We are transient as are our lives and all our experiences.

All we ever have is this moment right here, right now. We may be willing the moment away, we may be longing for days of old, having the time of our lives, or anywhere in between.

Nothing lasts.

This is it; here and now.

All we get to choose is how we engage with this moment.

Good and bad exist along with everything in between.

We may be so consumed or lost in our own heads that we fail to even notice the beauty and wonder of our surroundings. Or we may fixate on feelings of foreboding that can accompany endlessly scrolling our screens. There are always true horrors, injustices, and wars in the world. Good and bad exist along with everything in between.

THIS moment really is the only one we ever have

We may also like the idea that the past has gone and we don’t need to revisit it. This despite it taking from the now as well as the future when we fail to work through it. Similarly, a refusal to plan the steps needed or work required to achieve future goals will ensure the ‘fail to plan, plan to fail’ reality. But, if we live too much in the past or too far in the future, we miss what is happening here and now. When we remember that THIS moment really is the only one we ever have, we can make a more conscious choice how to respond to ourselves, others and the world around.

Mind aside; body matters

As a middle-aged woman, my body has spent the past few years reminding me in various unpleasant, debilitating, ‘will you just stop, rest and recover’ ways, that I have allowed my mind to overrule my body’s needs for way too long. My body is no longer taking ‘no’ for an answer. I don’t have the energy levels I did and I can no longer constantly ignore my body without consequences. If only I had learned this before middle age, my body may not have had to take me to task so forcefully.

When I first felt the effects of entering middle age, I was totally pro all my changing tastes. Whether it was favouring early nights in, blankets, flasks, walking, National Trust places, all things David Attenborough, Tupperware, Pilates, big pants; think Bridget Jones but bigger (tmi?), gardening and even watching the wildlife in the garden, I embraced it all. Isn’t middle age fun I thought. (I’m not saying those under middle age can’t enjoy all the above just that I was a slow starter on all fronts).

However, when my body started showing signs of not being so bounce-back-without-effect-able, I was less than enthused. I started to recognise that a late night (even without alcohol; nearly 20 years sober and never missed it) could leave me feeling like shite the next day. And that I started making those groans that I always associated with ‘old people’ every time I stand up or walk downstairs etc. Then when the hormones started playing up more than most internet providers, while I still needed to function, I started to have a serious sense of humour failure. And that whole falling asleep while watching TV in the evenings? I thought that was strictly something that only happened to grandparents. Then I realised I’m old enough to be one even if I didn’t get my shit together in time to have kids.

Anyway, all that aside, what I am now learning is my body will not go on forever. My ailments and signs of wear/tear/abuse are no longer ignorable and only going in one direction. All of which means I need to start caring for and maintaining it way better than I have. Sure, I love nutritious food (and cake and crisps) and I genuinely love exercise but this rest malarkey and slowing down are proving tricksy to master without learning the hard way.

The upside of all this middle-aging is that I am starting to ease up on myself. The default still drags me back to ‘overdoing’ but when I do remember and allow myself to stop, rest and be, I really enjoy it and wonder why I didn’t do it earlier!

So, to this end, as I seek to support my body with all manner of ‘looking after the body’ treats, I will share these on this weekly blog. I’m also looking to introduce some of the wonderful local people who offer these.

If you are interested in learning how to listen to and look after your body better, please check in each week to see what I am flagging up. If you offer some of these services and would like to write a little blurb in one of my posts, please get in contact and let me know at jo.loach@gmail.com.

Here’s a sneak pre-view of some of the stuff I’ll be speaking about here:

Massage; deep tissue/aromatherapy
Pilates / Yoga
Breathwork
Sound baths
5 Rhythms/Open movement
Kinesiology
Reflexology

For anyone thinking that this all sounds expensive, as a non-smoking, non-drinker, this is what I invest that cash in. But, I’ll also be talking about some of the many free activities we can engage with to sooth, slow down and calm our often-knackered body’s and shut off our usually-overactive minds.

Arlesey has many beautiful fields, water spots and the like that are great for soothing the senses and soul.

Until next time, look after yourself; mind AND body … it is a privilege to age and not for the humourless.

Time for the body

Last week some deep bodily trauma was prodded and poked as it made its way up and out of me. This process culminated in a deepening of my faith which in turn led to a poem, which will be in my book. In recognition of this intensely emotional process, this week I am treating my body to some serious pampering.

Those who have endured the sort of childhood experiences that require a cutting off from the body, may know that it is a lifelong practice to learn to be in, feel safe and stay connected to the body.

Our culture also constantly reinforces the mind/body split by predominantly privileging thinking over feeling or embodying. The phrase, ‘mind over matter’, springs to mind (no pun intended). I am not suggesting that we abandon the minds we’ve been given but that the mind and body are supposed to be in partnership. Along with all the other parts of us, these make up the entirety of the team. When the mind overrides the warnings and wisdom of the body as the default approach, it is only a matter of time before malfunctioning occurs. When one part is not operating as intended, it will inevitably have an impact on the rest.

Having spent the past few years resisting and resenting the carnage and chaos that accompanied my fluctuating hormones, I am now slowly learning to work with my body. This means regularly asking my mind to step aside, be still and quiet and allow my body to reveal what it needs. The most regularly ignored protest of my body is still, ‘let me REST’. When you learn to disconnect from your body early on, you remain vulnerable to not recognising when overriding it. This ability was essential for surviving back then but it is limiting and potentially harmful to continue now. Middle ageing has certainly given me a few slaps around the chops in this regard to force some essential changes.

As my body threw up more of the deep bodily held trauma last week, my respect for all it has endured and held for me, continued to grow in line with my recognition of this. So, as I ease towards a much-needed week off, I am loving giving my body lots of attention and care this week.

To this end, I have just returned from the luxury of a two-hour massage. I’m talking next level yumminess; warm room, comfy bed, soothing sounds, almost edible smelling oils and the healing power of touch. I overcame my dislike of being touched many moons ago while spending two months in Thailand in basic rooms minus air con. I discovered that I disliked being unable to sleep more than I disliked the touch involved in massage. And I’ve developed a genuine love for safe, healing touch ever since.

The only discomfort in the entire two hours of this morning’s massage was when my bladder started demanding I empty it. This is an example of where it is necessary to override the body’s needs as long as only for a short time! When I did visit the toilet after the massage, a quick check in the mirror confirmed 1) my hair was such that I looked like a wild woman and 2) I had my shirt on back to front! A testament to how relaxed and embodied I was … the mind really had switched off! Mostly anyway.

And this is just one of the body focused treats I am giving myself this week – my body has been denied its deeper needs for too long and now that I am enjoying listening to it, learning from it and giving it what it needs and wants, I’m making up for lost time.

I would totally recommend regularly reminding yourself that we are not, as society would often have us believe, just walking heads. This year, I will continue to focus on building and strengthening my mind/body connection. And I’ll be flagging up lots of wonderful local women who offer various services that support this, via a local blog.

It turns out that middle aging isn’t only about managing misery … Hallelujah!

The winter that just wont go

Winter is my least favourite season of the year. I do love Christmas, cosiness and candles but I don’t love winter lasting for nine months of the year. Talk about hogging the time of the other seasons. As with life in general, I can resist and resent it when my least favourite season lingers longer than a rotten fart. (you know who you are)

Anyway, I think it was the old lady from Downton Abbey that once said something along the lines of,

‘Life is just a series of problems …’

This may not satisfy the requirements of the ‘positive thoughts only police’ but they are probably more helpful than any fluffier counterparts in preparing us for reality on its own terms. I am often reminded of these words when I’m wishing some problem, or another would do one without me having to do anything let alone the work of learning any lessons from it.

This current seemingly never-ending winter is a problem because I can’t get on with my love of gardening. This is because the frost is still threatening to kill off anything not hardy enough to survive it, including me. I am still struggling to overcome my resistance/tightness towards putting the heating on when we’re nearly in May.

My favourite seasons of nature and life are spring and summer when I begin to see the results of all that was going on underground in winter. I do not love it when any winter season overstays its welcome.

This makes me reflect on the past few weeks where aside from the artic air temperature (12 degrees in my house this morning; lounge not garden), there have been multiple mess ups leading to multiple melt downs in the at times farcical face of technological failings. Last night threw up yet another one of these when the meal myself and my friend had ordered was still nowhere to be seen over half an hour later. When my hangry beast enquired as to how much longer it was going to be, we were informed that the new technology system had somehow got our order stuck. Fortunately, before I could have a monumental melt down, my calm friend handled it! And we got our grub five moaning-filled minutes later. (my moaning not hers).

Thumbs down to technology. Yes, there are incredible developments but is it reliable or consistent? Does it really save time or make things easier? All too often, it would seem to me at least, that the answer is no, quite the opposite.

And yet after the helpful experiences of humans that I had in the past two weeks when technology consistently failed, I was encouraged. Then this week’s trip to the cinema led to what felt like a case of, the computer says ‘no’ and so do the humans. This despite us trying to pay money for tickets to Cineworld, just not an inflated amount for wanting a human interaction.

Then there is the mother scenario, where the first hand I was dealt was a diluted continuation of the difficulties that have been passed down that maternal line. Yet I have enjoyed the gift and privilege of eight precious years with a beautiful spiritual mother who loved and encouraged me in all I do. At least until that horrendous stealer of life, cancer, took her. Currently I am fortunate enough to enjoy a fabulous and fun relationship with a wonderful mother figure with whom I’ve had the pleasure of knowing for over eight years now. (Lord, please grant us many more.) We share endless cups of tea, chats about anything and regular sessions of shape throwing. We did these in her garden during lockdown and we still do that when temperatures are a long way above freezing. Otherwise, we dance around her lounge. With a shared appreciation for soul music we also enjoy not-regular-enough nights out with the local legend that is The Soul man. How grateful I am to have her in my life.

All of the above reminds me that life continues to throw up the rough and the smooth. And I continue to respond much better to the rough than the smooth. While I prefer my peanut butter rough, I most definitely prefer my life smooth. And therein lay my learning. Groan.

I must now return to the ‘keeping of cool’ drawing board.

Mothers; what we’re not supposed to talk about

Now that I have finally re-gained my equilibrium via hormonal management/trauma therapy, I am able to pick up the book that has been a lifetime in the making. This gets me back in touch with my experience of family. This is hard and it hurts and is not for here.

However, my attention has recently been drawn to the relationship between mothers and daughters. These are as rich and diverse as each of us, with my work bringing me in to contact with all the differing experiences that people have; good, bad and in-between.

But what stands out to me is that most women unswervingly accept their mothers’ flaws and failings. Those of us willing to engage with the painful, life changing work of therapy do so because we’ve realised that we are full of our own flaws and failings, inherited or otherwise. There is also a realisation that there is more benefit in owning and working through our own flaws than remaining in the more comfortable position of pointing the finger at others.

Anyway, despite all the unique stories, there is an almost universal struggle amidst these relationships. This is when a mother refuses to admit or acknowledge that certain behaviours of hers have hurt at best (inevitable) or harmed or allowed others to harm (avoidable) at the near worst. The growing numbers of babies being murdered by mother’s or the mother’s partners testifies to the truth and sickness of the ultimate extreme. That’s a whole other tragedy I won’t explore here but one worthy of acknowledgement.

Back to those mothers who hurt or blatantly harm or allow others to harm their daughters. It is the refusal to acknowledge this reality that causes the most harm. What is not owned or taken responsibility for is allowed to continue without recognition or respect for the harm impacted on the daughter. This can often be due to an unwillingness/inability to acknowledge the harm received by their own mothers and probably theirs before them. This is the maternal line that if left unchallenged or unexplored can simply be passed down between the generations. This may continue until those who enter therapy stop to do the work of exploring the past, healing from it and making a whole different set of mistakes!

When a mother refuses to take responsibility for her own hurts or those she inflicts upon her daughter, this can cause deep and lasting damage to the self esteem of the daughter, the mother and the relationship between them.

None of us are perfect or generally need anyone else to be but we all need those who have hurt us to acknowledge this so as not to continue inflicting the same harm. The failure to do so can lead to the severing of contact to prevent further harm. This is a real tragedy especially given it doesn’t have to be this way.

The result of my own experiences coming into sharp focus over the past few days was a large contributing factor to losing my sh*t in the face of the technology farce last night. I knew there was more going on than the frustrations of the tech but I needed time and space to go inside myself to acquire this INSIGHT.

Apart from the ongoing sadness that I live with about my own experiences in this area, I am also aware that if left unexamined, my own hurt can come out in unpleasant ways to those closest to me. While this is inevitable, what is optional is a willingness to stop, see it, own it, take responsibility for it, allow time to digest it, acknowledge the impact on the other and apologise for it.

Having given myself space to see what was going on and having apologised to my closest, I can now relax and have a brew with my fabulous Ju. This is the lady who refers to me as ‘the daughter she never had’. I in turn refer to her as’ the mother I never had’. Gotta love a two way win!

My fabulous feline-loving fellow counsellor also sent me a message and card that each evoked a spontaneous eruption of laughter. What healing balm to our souls those around us can be.

It remains true that it is within relationships that we hurt but it is also within relationships that we heal; not always the same relationships! It is as true in personal relationships as in professional that failings and ruptures are opportunities to learn, grow, heal, apologise, forgive and be apologised to and forgiven. For these are some of the richest components of living, learning and loving.

How encouraging that when I handle things badly, the Almighty awaits to accompany me on my explorations as to what inner reality is driving my outer behaviours. With His presence, I can commit to continue seeing and acknowledging my own hurts to allow deeper healing, quicker recognition of the hurting of others and corrective action taking. An exhausting but enlightening lifelong endeavour.

Th edge tipping tendencies of tech

Last night I had a wasted trip to the large, shiny, impersonal establishment otherwise known as Cineworld in Stevenage. Typically, I prefer the smaller, more characterful cinema experience offered by Letchworth’s The Broadway. However, on this occasion, the film wanted and the times available meant a trip to Stevenage.

On arrival, we were told that if we bought out tickets online they would be almost half the price of buying them there. Groan. I had imagined that the handing over of old-fashioned cash in exchange for paper tickets would have been a simple, stress-free act securing our pass to the cinema and our enjoyment of the chosen film.

With a heavy sigh, I resigned myself to the tech handling task required. Despite full bars worth of supposedly secure internet, there was constant buffering in between myself and all the information required. My attempt to leave out my email to save spending even more time every day clearing junk from my inbox was met with a refusal to go further. Reluctantly, I entered my email, credit card details et al. After about 10 more minutes of buffering, a page appeared reading, ‘Session Expired’.

This evoked an immediate expiration of my patience and uprising of annoyance. Something that was supposed to be fun after a long exhausting workday immediately became a source of stress and exasperation. With time moving swiftly on and my sense of humour nowhere to be seen, I approached the humans to enquire what the thinking behind this was, aside from losing customers. Their ‘we don’t know/care and it’s nothing to do with us’ reply did little to sooth my stress. So with the mood ruined and the will to continue having wilted away, we left. We planned a return to the ‘user friendly online service/not ripping you off for wanting a human to serve you’ approach on offer at our preferred cinema. There will be no more trips to Cineworld.

What a disappointment and waste of time and energy when both are already depleted.

But a reminder, that if tech tipped me over the edge, there must have been other factors involved in pushing me so close to it. And therefore, a none too gentle invitation to take time out today to allow myself to rest and my resources to recover. As well as exploring what else was making me so stressed and annoyed.

It’s exhausting, if rewarding (sometimes) being a human especially when fascinated with the ongoing business of learning and growing that are essential to maintaining a sense of aliveness.

And another thing, the last before I sign off, I promise … OVO; it’s been a year so far of about 60 phone calls and emails to sort out their ‘not-smart-at-all-metre’ and their mess ups with bills. It’s become something of a part time, daily interaction requiring job along with the jobs of maintaining health and navigating technology. No wonder I’m so bl**dy tired!

Rest is non-negotiable

I am disappointed to share that at the time of typing, I remain rubbish at rest. But I am committed to updating my schedule to incorporate rest. The frazzled headache I started my day with screamed at me, ‘Jo, you’re overdoing it again’, which is fair and true and requires immediate, corrective action.

The legend of a dad that I have adopted for myself, reminded me earlier this week,

‘Please remember as we get older, we need to rest more’.

What wise words. But if I don’t apply them in practice they are about as helpful as medicine that remains in the cabinet or a bible that’s gathering dust.

Earlier this week I met with my fabulous neighbour who always reminds me of the sort of wisdom I am prone to forgetting, as well as introducing her own. She commented on how people talk about working super hard to earn their rest. While there is a reality to this for anyone engaged in adulting, she made the point that we need rest regardless of how productive we have or haven’t been. We may need more if we’ve been super active but we need rest regardless and more of it as we age. This simply hadn’t entered my thinking before!

The other point was one my neighbour pointed out to me last year which was that we even need to say ‘no’ to doing things we love. I know I need to stop expecting my brain to multitask at unsustainable speeds for way too many hours per day. But I also need to limit and reduce time spent indulging in playful activities. To recognise the need to reduce work, despite loving it, is one thing but I’m really struggling with reducing play!

I still remember the first time I realised how utterly exhausting play can be. This occurred during my later-to-the-party-than-most gap years. I couldn’t resist going in the sea on an inflatable banana while island hopping around Thailand. The constant process of lurching through the air into the sea, swimming back to the banana, hauling myself back on to it and trying to hold up my bikini to avoid flashing my arse, was more exhausting than it looks from the shore!

Anyway, all these years later and I’m still struggling to accept that I don’t only need to reduce my working hours but also the playing ones. The only thing I need to increase is my resting time. Or rather, I need to start introducing it rather than just conking out if I sit still or when I lay down at night.

While messaging a fellow counsellor and feline friend owner this week, I couldn’t resist sharing a photo of Monty boy sprawled on the sofa next to me. He sleeps more and more these days, I thought to myself, feeling slightly envious. And then I got it! Oh, he’s modelling resting to me as something essential as we age rather than the optional extra that I’ve been treating it as. Apparently, what makes animals different to us is that they don’t think. I know they feel because Monty is a master at all kinds of expressions, especially the nonchalant, disinterested look he freely gives to all my guests. Anyway, I remain unconvinced that an animal’s inability to think, puts them at a disadvantage. This is because an overdeveloped human intellect combined with underdeveloped instinctual feelings can leave us vulnerable to doing what our mind demands over what our body needs. There are some prevalent and insidious ‘shoulds’ that if left unchecked, can keep us bound to unhelpful ways of being, or rather overdoing. For example, there are beliefs that ‘resting is lazy’, or ‘self-care is selfish’. How deeply entrenched these destructive ideas can be. Although I’ve made progress, I remain prone to these. I will try to correct this situation with actions rather than more lip service.

To this end, I’m going to schedule some wall gazing, daisy watching, birdsong listening windows of time in my daily diary, moving forwards. My feline loving fellow counsellor wisely flagged up attempting 75% of what I think I can do in a day. There is definitely room for improvement here as I’ve been operating at about 125% in between conk outs!

Meanwhile, when he’s not looking out of his cat flap wondering if the rain will ever stop, Monty is enjoying a nap upstairs on my bed. Maybe I’ll even let myself join him later!

App aversion

The words, ‘have you got our app?’, are amongst the least favourite words to come out of anyone’s mouth and into my ears. I have an ongoing dislike for technology. I’ll admit, when it works, it can be great. But it seems to me that the levels of consistent reliability of app’s in particular, are lower than that of the average human, including this one.

Recently, I was horrified to discover that the local pool has introduced an app for booking a swim. I have always loved the water with its stress relieving benefits and time out from tech. The instant exasperation and escalating sense of stress that the app news evoked in me, saw me miss my swim for the past month. This is because my forte is people whereas life is becoming increasingly full of machines, app’s and passwords/codes. These feel like they stand on guard as frustrating, time stealing, blood pressure raising obstacles in between me and what are often supposed to be relaxing, stress relieving activities.

My trips to the pool have already been taxing my ability on the fathoming machines / tech front. If I drive, I must engage with the parking machines that sometimes work and sometimes don’t while the patrolling parking man always seems to be working. If I can succeed in working the machine and avoiding a fine from the ticket man, there is a gate that blocks your entry to the pool, just inside the reception. This gate requires you to hover your card above the reader to activate it opening. However, this occasionally works but mostly it doesn’t. I end up hovering my card half a millimetre in every direction before standing on one leg, reciting a poem and doing a jig before finally admitting defeat/exasperation/diminishing will to live and asking the humans for assistance. ‘Is it me?’, I ask them. ‘No, they assure me, it’s the machine’. Given the accepted unreliability of these machines, I thought I had been doing well to navigate the parking machine and the ‘I like playing silly buggers’ gate, every week before getting anywhere near the pool. But the introduction of an app was more than I could cope with and I lapsed in to total avoidance.

However, following an uplifting weekend away and a little encouragement from my partner, I decided that today was the day. I got a handle on myself, psyched myself up, put my big girl pants on, prayed, asked a friend to also pray and then started this dreaded task. I was very relieved that when I called the pool, 1) someone answered, 2) they were extremely helpful and 3) assured me of their assistance upon arrival at the pool. Phew. Encouraged by this exchange, I got myself down to the pool, faced off the car park ticket machine without incident and proceeded to the pool reception. I was then pleased to discover the helpful individual I spoke to on the phone was there as per their word. Their presence, professionalism and patience helped me through the twenty minutes worth of problems in between me, the gate and the water. During this time, several others came and went with various other issues that also needed resolving. But, I was finally granted access through the gate and to the pool. Halleluyah! I was re-united with the water and one of my favourite forms of movement. Winning, finally!

Encouraged as I was by my success, I decided to have another go at adulting/tech navigating by attempting to book a restaurant table online. Having succeeded in doing just that for this restaurant a week ago, I felt what turned out to be prematurely confident. Two attempts, a bit of head scratching and a lot of huffing and puffing later and I gave up. A little later I rang the establishment in question who confirmed that, ’yes their tech was playing up today.’ This was said in a relaxed tone as if this was perfectly normal and to be expected.

In both scenarios, the humans have been extremely helpful for which I am grateful. But I am concerned that it is becoming increasingly difficult to do anything anymore without first having to engage in the sort of technology that is about as predictable and reliable as a middle-aged woman’s hormones, especially mine. Which reminds me, it’s been a month now since I’ve attempted to get my HRT prescription. That’s 4 phone calls, 2 online requests and 2 in person conversations and still counting and still no prescription. I am the first to admit that if anything is going to give me a sense of humour failure, (aside from hormones), it’s technology, or rather, unreliable technology. The progress above has all been despite technology not because of it. It’s been the humans who have got things done.

And all of this is before I get started on the manslaughter motorways with their missing layby’s, that this weekend reacquainted me with. I can’t help but wonder how much the ‘powers that be’ sold their souls for, to allow these.

I am aware that I can be a moaning, middle-aged dinosaur but …is all of this really progress?