jo.loach@gmail.com - Life is calling

Wasted knowledge

As mentioned in my last post, I have recently moved house. Not before hours of deliberating, doubting and finally deciding that this was the right thing to do. It was then a further year from that initial unexpected seedling of an idea to the realisation of arriving within not the first but the second house that I had attempted to buy.

What I have learned is that I would not recommend moving in a pandemic! The stress has been great for my waistline but I certainly wouldn’t suggest it as a sensible weight loss program.

Anyway, now that I have arrived (so to speak) in the new pad, I am running at absolutely everything at approximately 800 miles an hour. I have been emptying boxes, distributing items to new positions, painting walls, hanging pictures, ordering new stuff, planting new flowers … the whole shebang. You name it and I have been doing it.

This is all in between work I might add, which has also been rather busy.

Unsurprisingly I got to Tuesday night of this week and crashed in an exhausted heap before 7.30pm.

Why do I do this to myself?!

And this is what I mean by wasted knowledge. What is the point of knowing the importance of pacing myself when I am unable or maybe unwilling in this case to translate such knowledge in to appropriate action.

I absolutely love the creativity involved in turning a house in to a home. I really do.

But I don’t love exhausting myself in to pre 8pm bedtimes.

And so it was that I took some time off this week to do that thing that we so often cease to do when under pressure or just busy or stressed, whether of our own making or due to the presence of a pandemic. I took time out.

If I look back, I cannot even count on two hands the amount of people who have encouraged, chided and warned me that I ought to slow down and pace myself!

How foolish I am not to listen to those words that I do not want to hear but equally recognise to be true!

Anyway, I have attempted to rectify the situation.

Wednesday saw me trialling out my new wellies over in my beloved fields. I relished the sense of space and freedom afforded by those huge, open spaces.

I also took myself and my mask over to two garden centres to drink in the sight of all those beautiful living things that continue to grow and display colour and form despite the harshness of winter.

Dare I admit that I even stopped to watch my first Christmas film! I usually have a ‘not before December’ rule but these films started back in October so I think I’ve exercised enough restraint. Or more honestly, I have just been too distracted by the home making.

Whilst last Saturday’s newspaper still serves to remind me that I haven’t yet sat down to read it, I have overall managed to separate my foot from the gas. A little.

In fact, today I actually opened and read the letter from my sponsored child that has been looking at me from the kitchen table all week. I was humbled to read that he is praying that God will strengthen me to finish the book that I started writing in Lockdown number one. Gulp. It doesn’t matter how much I am prayed for if I don’t do my part in ensuring that I have the energy to do so!

Whilst I consider myself to be very fortunate to still have work and work that I love as well as a new home to exhaust myself in during these unpredictable Covid coloured times, self care still matters for me and us all.

Whatever our covid-coping strategies or general experiences of this pandemic are whether fortunate, tragic or anywhere in between, we can all forget to practice that which we already know that we need.

As we cross the half way point of this second lockdown along with all that it evokes within us, we must continue to implement the most basic of self care routines from getting out in the fresh air, undertaking some form of exercise, maintaining good enough eating habits, staying connected to others and even getting to bed at a reasonable time.

We know this stuff.

I know this stuff.

Yet there really is no point whatsoever in knowing anything if I or you or we fail to apply such knowledge.

None of us know right now what this Covid accompanied Christmas may look like or how the vaccines will pan out but what we all know is that we need to keep looking after ourselves and each other now more than ever.

Here we go again

It’s been threatening for some time so it’s no real surprise that lockdown has landed upon us again. Whilst this is no longer new territory for us, this time around the days are shorter and the temperature is lower.

There is much in the media as to whether the ‘cure’ is now worse than the virus. Certainly there will be a cost that reaches far beyond the realms of the economy. I certainly wouldn’t want to be sitting with the level of responsibility that rests upon the powers that be. Whatever they do or do not do, there will be cost and criticism.

Earlier today I was reflecting upon how different things were this time last year. I realised that last November I was on one of my many jaunts to the coast. It seems almost surreal that back then we still had the freedom to be out and about without a second thought let alone a stash of face masks. How wonderfully oblivious I was back then as to what lay ahead.

Anyway, it was back then that I began planning a house move. Now a year later, I have actually moved so at least I can spend my lockdown sorting out the new pad.

On the whole I consider myself to be incredibly fortunate but I am only too aware that Lockdown means decidedly different things for different people. Yet for all there is loss and for all there will be all manner of feelings and thoughts in response.

Last lockdown saw a positive surge of ‘let’s learn new things’. This time there is more of a collective resignation.

When such a life altering situation goes on (and on and on), it demands a whole different level of resilience. This is not only long haul stuff but it is a time for which none of us have an end date. That sort of uncertainty can evoke all manner of emotions, none of which are usually very welcome. All of which will cause all sorts of other issues if we attempt to deny them.

I’m not even sure right now how I feel about this latest lockdown. I mean, I feel ok right now particularly with the new house to sort and enjoy. But the last lockdown taught me that what I feel can vary vastly from one week to the next. And so I will take it one week and when necessary one day at a time.

The theme that I have noticed throughout this week as we enter this second lockdown has been one of being willing to still notice the moments to be thankful for. It sounds super cheddary but it is true. And besides, I like cheddar.

To clarify, I am not talking about positivity overload where we pour a sugar coating over anything we don’t like the look of. It is not remotely helpful to deny, minimise or belittle the reality of the situation. It sucks. And it’s healthy to be honest about that.

But, just as in any other challenge of life, we have to decide whether we are willing to continue to seek and to see those gift type moments. How easy it is when things are hard, to simply stop seeing the good stuff. Yet both are real and present. Now as always. And our ability to recognise and embrace such moments can make a monumental difference to our ability to endure.

In the past week or so with all the rain and clouds, I’ve seen more rainbows than I probably had in the previous six months. Not only do they cause me to burst in to a spontaneous gasp/smile every time, but they remind me not only that God is still God but that no matter how grey or miserable the weather or the life conditions, there are always moments that break through with light and colour.

How easy it can become not to see them.

Yet it is these moments of magic amidst the misery that see us through.

It may not be amongst nature although some of the tree’s offerings of colours are nothing short of sensational right now. But it could be a satisfying conversation (socially distanced or on line obvs) or an unexpected moment of shared laughter or anything at all that simply warms the heart or even the stomach! And I think we all need as much of that stuff as we can get right now!

That which is free

As I was out running one morning this week, I couldn’t help but consider all that is free in life. For me, there is an exhilarating freedom in being able to run. Just like the rest of life, on some days the runs are more of a struggle than others but I don’t stop going just in case it’s a day when I’ll find it hard. I take the good with the bad because overall running gives me an immense sense of freedom. This has been my experience since I was a small child.

Whilst out on this particular run, I felt privileged to notice the beauty of my surroundings; from the sun shimmering off the farmers fields, to the vast expanse of open space stretching out as far as I could see, to the silhouette of the squirrel scampering across the top of a fence just as I passed, to the sound of the birds making music in the trees, the cat crouched in the undergrowth with its prey in its jaw, to the dog walker who also had a parrot on his shoulder. That was a definite double taker of a moment!

And, best of all, all of this was free!

Then as I returned from my run, I happened to pass a house which had a large box of bagged up rolls on the garden wall along with a sign inviting people to help themselves as these were free! Another double taker moment as I am like most people in that I am conditioned by the cynicism of society to think ‘there is no such thing as a free lunch’! And yet there was mine! I took a bag and no one chased me down the road to demand payment!

Next up I called in to the newsagent where there was a pile of local newspapers with a sign on top which read, ‘help yourself, free’!

It was as if this theme of that which is free was being reinforced throughout my day!

On this particular day that I ran, I was also enjoying being free from the responsibilities of my work. Don’t get me wrong, I love my work – I actively chose to invest the decade required to do what I do. But, I equally love to be free from it and believe that my capacity to enjoy these work free days enriches me to continue giving in enlivening ways to the work.

The additional free time that my recent reduced work load has gifted me with also provides more time, head and heart space to indulge in other passions such as reading the work of other writers.

My chosen reading for this week included:

The power of You, by Henry Fraser

Say Yes to Life by Victor Frankl

For anyone who likes to contemplate the deeper things of life I would recommend Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl. What a total legend.

What these men of different times have in common is that whilst both had experienced their own personal hell on earth; one at the hands of the Nazi’s of Auschwitz and the other following a paralysing accident whilst on the brink of entering adulthood, both of these inspiring individuals had also discovered the gift of not only overcoming such personal trauma’s but going on to experience the slices of Heaven that life continues to offer in spite of it all.

And I LOVE all that kind of jazz.

Life delivers personalised and collective crap parcels to us all but it doesn’t have to stop us entering in to the joy beyond.

You could say that both these men have cultivated the capacity to enjoy that which continues to be free such as the way in which we choose to see, experience and respond to our personal and or collective crisis and traumas.

As lockdown is the collective crisis of our time, the invitation remains for us all to work towards a place where we continue to encounter the slices of Heaven which emerge even within and from this.

It is of course a process and one where we cannot simply bypass the pain of the very real losses experienced and ongoing.

Being able to encounter the beauty amidst the sorrow is not about denying but grieving the losses sufficiently to see beyond them to that free gift that remains available to us all – the ability to connect with each other.

In my personal and professional experience and observation, it is the ability to connect with other humans and in their absence God Himself that determines how well we are able to endure, grow beyond and move on to establish lives we want to live despite the traumas we encounter.

Whilst it is not possible to enjoy the healing power of the touch of other humans right now, if my work has taught me anything it is that touch goes way beyond the realms of the hands.

What I mean is that whilst we cannot hold the hand or touch the shoulder let alone embrace those that we wish to, we are still free to touch one another’s hearts in a hands free way.

We just need to be a little more creative.

That is not to belittle the loss of touch though.

Research shows that some baby’s in orphanages have been known to die in the absence of human touch.

And yet, at this time we are still free to touch one another through holding in mind and uplifting and encouraging through the power of words, smiles, eyes and actions even if aided by technology.

It is not the same.

But there is still power within it.

Let us not lose sight of the beauty within the sorrow, the hope within the horror, the healing within the holding of one another in mind and hearts and the glimpses of Heaven within the Hell.

For just like the one who tends to our hurts with a supernatural touch, we are still free to touch the mind, hearts and lives of each other in ways that allow us to continue to endure that which is hard without losing sight of that which is good.

No matter how long Lockdown continues or what life will look like beyond it, the power to love and connect to each other and God remain free to us all.

Under Our Noses

One of the benefits of being forced to lockdown exactly where we are is that we appear to be collectively noticing what is right under our noses.

What I mean is that I keep hearing people refer to how they have discovered a new walk or lake or bike trail or whatever that they have never noticed before despite for some, having lived in their area for decades!

How easy it is to overlook or simply fail to see that which is right under our noses whilst chasing all that is further afield.

Us humans have a tendency towards seeking the next new thing which usually presents as being over there somewhere whether in time or location.

Lockdown even now that it is beginning to ease, forces us to focus on where we are right here, right now.

In doing so, we begin to notice our surroundings.

Not only do we see afresh the beauty of God’s creation but we also begin to see the people on our doorsteps, otherwise known as our neighbours! The extra time whether wanted or unwanted has allowed us to see and appreciate afresh those who have always been under our noses.

Similarly, those interests that have been squeezed out in our previously over filled lives have been resurrected, reclaimed and enjoyed, whether learning the guitar or a new language or more baking or reading or whatever your chosen interests are. They have always been there but were previously lost to the hurried pace of life.

Alongside every crisis, personal or collective, comes the question, ‘where is God in all this?’.

I might suggest that He too has always been right under our noses but just like all of the above and so much more, we may have lost sight of Him amidst the overload of pre lockdown normality.

And yet there He is in all the acts of love and generosity across the country from small town initiatives looking out for the vulnerable to various organisations joining forces to provide help where needed, to the actions of the now legendary Captain Tom, to the Churches who have put aside denominational differences to create The UK Blessing song (check it out on YouTube) and to so many other heart warming examples of collaboration.

What a shame that it took a worldwide crisis to enable us to get over our respective ego’s enough to learn to collaborate. My only hope now is that we do not lose this new spirit of collaboration as lockdown eases.

Anyway, God is love and all of these acts of generosity, caring and collaboration are active and selfless expressions of love that help to restore our faith in the goodness of humanity.

Perhaps if we had previously begun to lose sight of God or just never sought Him before, we may now seek to see Him with renewed vigour.

Now more than ever we are reminded that God is the only unchanging aspect of our lives.

This enforced slow down, stop and lockdown has enabled us to begin to see and notice so much of which we had lost sight.

Our vision has cleared.

We see once more that what really matters is faith, family, friends, neighbours, key workers, health, our ability to contribute to those around us whether through the baking of cakes, delivering of shopping, sending cards, praying or whatever else, along with a capacity to see and appreciate any silver linings.

As we begin to ease out of lockdown, I hope that I and we do not begin to lose sight of all that is right under our noses.

Superfood

The single main thing that connects me with anyone even remotely close to me is … a love of food.

I’m serious.

People who say that they eat purely to live remain a mystery to me. One that I hold little interest in unravelling.

I love food.

During lockdown it’s taken on even more of a prominent role offering even more of a source of joy! Every day I delight in planning the next meals!

I love to read recipes (must have accompanying pictures), experiment with new dishes, savour the sampling of them and share all with others!

It would be true to say that I have a hearty appetite for life and all that fuels it.

Last weekend, along with a treasured friend I experienced my first Lockdown afternoon tea session courtesy of app of the moment; zoom! It was fantabulous. I loved it! And my friend did too.

How wonderful it is to share food with one another, even if we must use technology to do so.

Friday evening even saw me ‘having dinner’ with another friend over a WhatsApp video call.

How times have changed.

And these were people like me who only a few short months ago would not have believed it possible to even operate such new fangled technological ways! Now we even find ourselves ‘teaching’ others how to access this previously foreign territory!

These meetings involving top notch food and company have filled and fuelled my body and soul.

But what of my spirit?

There are some hungers that only God can fulfil.

Throughout lockdown whenever I have encountered my lowest moments, it has been God Almighty who has fed, nurtured and nourished me.

Of course, as in ordinary non lockdown life, He often does this through those around me; neighbours, friends, nature and the like. But it is in those moments when no one else is around or available that God delivers.

I keep seeing the Domino’s ad at the moment where they remind us that they are delivering pizza to our doors so that we can stay home. Yum!

And I cannot help but think about the God who delivers whatever we need if not what we want, whenever we need it whilst we stay home; peace, encouragement, comfort, hope, patience, trust, strength, wisdom and all those other crucial things that no fast or even slow food places can deliver.

Early on in lockdown I couldn’t imagine being able to tolerate the hunger for the physical presence of another human. Yet Jesus Himself reminded me of his promise that those who come to him shall never go hungry. He fed and continues to feed me with His presence. It is not the same as human contact but it is enough. Jesus delivers.

A few weeks in to lockdown I started to do that thing that us humans are notorious for doing; I started looking around and making comparisons with others (or what I thought I knew about others). Who has got what or who in their life, or more to the point, who has got what I have not! Funnily enough I did not invest as heartily in comparing who has not got what I have got!

But anyway, as my feelings got uglier and uglier, I had to take them to God and ask Him to exchange them for a big feed of his goodness on the understanding that whatever I am holding within me cannot help but spill out to those around me. Again, Jesus delivered.

In addition to the spiritual superfood from Jesus, I continue to work with my own counsellor. I am way too aware that this keeps me from pretending to myself that I cannot see the issues I need to address! Besides if I’m going to continue to facilitate others working on their mental and emotional health during these unusual times, I believe it is only right that I continue to work on my own.

As I continued to reflect on the way that God feeds and nourishes me, I acknowledged as I have many times before that I need to approach Him and His word with the same frequency and enthusiasm that I approach preparing my daily food menu’s. For if my physical food is something that I give so much time, thought and attention to, is it not at least as important that I give the same to the one who feeds the parts of me that are more relevant than ever during this most unusual of times?

Food may bring me much delight but it is the food of God’s word and presence that equips me for the unique rewards and challenges of daily lockdown life.

Whether I need comfort in my aloneness, a peace that defies these circumstances, a strength to continue with what is necessary, a wisdom superior to my own for big life decisions, provision when I am lacking; financially, emotionally or in any other way, trust for the uncertainties of the future, or one of THE most important things in life; an ability to laugh at myself when I’m being horrid, my God delivers.

Through Jesus, God is my ultimate superfood. He never runs out, goes off, tells me I can’t have anymore or fails to provide the necessary sustenance for the day ahead.

Whilst I recognise that I am on the whole in an incredibly fortunate position during this lockdown and that this is far from the case for all, I also know that God is more than able to feed each of us exactly what we need to continue engaging in whatever our daily life consists of.

He is the ultimate feeder.

And whilst He is most definitely in our lockdown, He is not on Lockdown.

He delivers whilst we stay home.

What a superfood we have in Jesus.

Compassion

The theme that has emerged quite powerfully in recent weeks has been compassion.

As in, our shared human need for it.

To respect our need for compassion whilst understanding that this does not equate to weakness or self pity is one of the greatest ways to understand and apply appropriate care of our shared humanity.

During this Covid induced crisis the need for self care is at an all time high for this is a time of much loss in many forms. If the figures of daily deaths are anything to go by then there are literally thousands of families directly impacted by the heartache of losing one of their own. This is never easy. But if it has also meant being unable to be with said member in their last days or unable to attend their funeral, the pain on top of the original grief will be intensified.

There is of course much fear and anxiety around employment, finances and the all pervading uncertainty about general implications for the future.

These are foreign, unfamiliar struggles at least within this current context. None amongst us have been here before nor do we know how long this will continue or what our new normal will look like.

And yet, alongside the deaths and threat to, runs the opportunity for new life. To be creative in how we engage with ourselves, each other, faith, work, rest, play and life in general.

It is a time to reflect upon just how much we have taken for granted for so long; our freedom to come and go, to mix with others as we wish, to ‘go to work’ and generally be around our fellow humans without fear of life risking repercussions.

Personally, I have realised this year just how much I have taken my health for granted. I have enjoyed an enormous capacity for health, strength and energy which I have utilised and enjoyed by fitting a ridiculous amount in to each day. Perhaps I have still been attempting to make up for the inertia that kept me bound during my first three decades.

Either way, I have been forced to a standstill by my health twice so far this year; I was wiped out for two weeks in February which required a further two before I was back to full capacity and then I was wiped out again for another two weeks just as we entered lockdown.

Was it a mild version of Covid-19? Some of the symptoms were suspiciously similar but many viruses have overlapping symptoms so without a test it is impossible to know.

What I do know is that since I have recovered from whatever it was, I have a renewed capacity for gratitude of being able to get out in to the stunning countryside to walk, run and ride. How thankful I am to have a garden as well as all the open fields surrounding my house.

Gratitude central.

Although my work has changed and reduced, I continue to love what I do.

Baking is not a new pleasure for me but the increased time to indulge in it is. The result of which has been in addition to more scones, muffins, cakes and cookies, that I now bake a fresh loaf of soda bread every weekend. It is quick and easy whilst not compromising on smell, texture or flavour. Not so easy replenishing flour supplies though!

And I have to say that now that I have established a new rhythm and routine this slower pace is most welcome.

All in all, I have much to be grateful for.

But, like everyone else, I have my moments when motivation eludes me or I am just flat or I just miss people. Times when I need reminding that I need to keep practising compassion and understanding of myself within the complexity of this situation.

I often hear myself reminding others of the need to be patient and kind to themselves and to adjust their expectations of themselves and others to allow flexibility for this situation.

And then a friend reminded me to ‘have compassion for yourself Jo’ having been reminded of that by her supervisor!

How easy it can be to forget these basic necessities of self care in the midst of such strange times.

There are many simple things that we can each be grateful for right now whilst not denying the unusual or worrying nature of this crisis.

This is not an easy time.

The highs and lows, challenges and rewards will look different for all of us but what remains the same is our need for compassion both for ourselves and each other.

The Losses, Longings & Learnings of Lockdown

Virtually everything has changed for us all.

Our new normal is a highly virtual one.

In this time of abrupt and extensive loss of the way it was, I think I have experienced every emotion known to man or woman.

Initially it was all about the positivity; what does this situation offer me the opportunity to do that wouldn’t be possible in ordinary non lockdown life. There was even relief to be off the crazy merry go round of life. Not just permission but an order to slow down and stop the usual frenetic pace.

At one point I even experienced a fleeting panic that I still wouldn’t get enough time for all the things I love doing!

But after all my initial ‘can do’ positivity, I crashed.

I’ve noticed this pattern with loss and grief. No one likes loss and no one likes grief. But when we attempt to jump straight to the post grief part where we feel more able to accept, adapt and appreciate new things, without actually engaging with said grief, we will always be tripped up and pulled back.

I am no exception.

Of course I wanted to jump straight to the positivity of ‘but what is possible?’ whilst simply by passing the loss aspect.

It didn’t happen!

By that first weekend, the pain of enforced solidarity was almost too much to bear. And I’m someone who enjoys solitude and actively seeks such times to recharge and reassess. But the difference is that usually it is a choice and one where I know I can have company if I want it.

This was different.

The only way I could explain what I felt that first weekend was to liken it to feeling physically hungry and to be asked if it would help to have a plate of hot food put two metres in front of me on the condition that I couldn’t touch it.

In the same vein it was not helping to look at or listen to friends. I had never experienced anything like the longing.

There was nothing for it but to pour out the entire contents of my heart to my God; the good, the bad and the really ugly of what I felt. Experience has taught me that God is not as religious or easily offended as the average Christian! He has always been able to take whatever I throw at Him without withdrawing His love. This time was no exception and I was subsequently able to sleep more peacefully that night.

The next morning He reminded me through His word that He is the bread of life. I realised afresh that no matter how much I long for the presence of other humans, His is a presence that satisfies my deepest hungers and appetites and no matter what I cannot have right now, He offers Himself in abundance for all who will seek Him.

As I took this word inside of me, I felt it nourish my deepest parts.

And after such a feed, I was ready to reengage with my work of feeding others.

How grateful I am that at a time when so much has been stripped away from us all, our God is still very much present, very much able and very much willing to feed us what we need right now. Not necessarily what we want, but certainly what we need, be it comfort, peace, strength, wisdom, patience, tolerance, hope and anything else that this situation does not offer.

What a God we have.

It is good to be reminded of Him to whom we all have free and unlimited access to as we approach this Easter. We have lost much right now including any kind of certainty and yet Jesus is still exactly the same God He was back then and his offer to be with us and help us remains unchanging.

May I and we never lose sight of this.

Corona Induced Change

What a week huh?

Corona craziness has consumed our nation.

How difficult it is to get our heads let alone our hearts around the enormity of this situation that none amongst us has faced before.

Lives have been lost and more will be.

This is the cold, hard, devastating reality of this situation that has been enforced upon us.

The disruption will be devastating financially to some and difficult to all who are left socially isolated.

All will be affected differently, but all will be affected.

These are challenging and uncertain times.

As a race, us humans tend to dislike uncertainty. We like to imagine that we have some semblance of control over our lives and the presence of Corona shatters this illusion.

Personally, I’ve been through all kinds of emotions this week. After watching the news on Monday evening, I felt stunned and emotional. I just couldn’t comprehend the enormity or severity of what I was hearing. What would it mean?

By half way through the next day I felt overwhelmed.

Then I heard there would be no Church, no Pilates and generally very little social contact.

My heart sank.

How long would this continue for?

How would I cope?

Would I still be able to work?

So many questions and so little answers.

A trip to the local supermarket for a few supplies didn’t help my mood. I felt incredibly angry that the clearly fear filled and faith less had swooped upon the supermarkets like a swarm of locusts clearing everything in their path.

Really?

But then, something began to shift.

A new uprising of connection, caring and community began to appear left, right and centre. Family, friends, neighbours and colleagues were appearing in new ways to show a united and collective approach.

I’m not sure that I have ever felt so connected, cared for or part of so many thoughtful, supportive communities before. It’s not that they weren’t there before but they are now there in a more real and new way.

This new uprising of community spirit is powerful and heart warming!

Fortunately many realise that by pulling together, we can make this time all the more manageable for everyone.

It is likely that just as in usual life, we will all need some form of support at this time but equally that we are all able to offer some form of support to others.

It is a time to look around and see the needs of others and be as willing to reach out, as to ask for and receive help when necessary.

We don’t know how things will unfold, how long they will continue or even what the new ‘normal’ will look like after this.

Such a level of uncertainty is not easy to sit with.

We are all forced to see afresh that our security is not in our health, finance, jobs or indeed anything else. All of these can be lost in an instant.

How grateful I am to know the God who remains stable and unchanging at all times. He is the dispenser of a brand of peace, wisdom, strength, hope, comfort, guidance and help that this world cannot offer. And it seems to me that we are all in need of these right now.

I have also been uplifted this week when reminded through all the times that I have sought solace in nature that the seasons of life continue regardless. That whilst ‘normal’ life has been disrupted like never before, the beauty and wonder of creation continues to remind us that whilst loss and death are true and real, so too is the continuation of existing life as well as the birth of new life.

We will (most of us) come through this time.

We cannot stop or avoid it.

We cannot dodge it or make it go away.

We all have to walk through it.

But, we can choose in which way we do this.

Will we use the slower pace to reassess what is truly important in life?

Will we invest more time in connecting to God and each other, albeit using new ways to do so?

Will we choose to do our bit whatever that may to assist us all in coming through this as best we can?

The choice is ours.

The need for other

We are all wired to need the other.

Not to go it alone.

This is not new by any means.

How many times have we heard the saying, ‘no man is an island’?

And yet, way too often we may find ourselves feeling just like an island with little idea as to how to bridge the gap between ourselves and the other ‘islands’.

This is a gap that can only be bridged by entering the learned to avoid territory of vulnerability.

For it is not possible to truly connect with another without revealing something of the true nature of ourselves and our experience; particularly those thoughts, feelings or actions that we find the most painful, difficult or exposing to admit to.

We all like to be seen as ‘having it all together’ whatever that may mean.

Yet we equally all long to be seen, known and loved for who we really are especially when we feel more like a broken mess than a ‘have it all together’ person!

This does not mean of course that those with whom we truly connect do not also call us out on certain behaviours especially where they may be harmful to us or the other.

But, we all need people in our lives with whom we connect beyond the superficial.

I hear this so often within my work for the longing for deeper connection is the cry of every heart.

It is those with whom we can connect even our flaws, weaknesses, brokenness, hopes, dreams, failings and mess ups whether small or spectacular, that fuel us to keep having a go at this thing called life. They assist us to keep believing that we can not only overcome but continue to learn through each experience.

It is these connections that empower us to resist the temptation to shut down, to opt out or to throw ourselves in a ‘what’s the point’ shaped heap of cynicism and defeat.

The connection to and with the other sustains us to keep participating in life even when we hurt.

And whilst we know that it is God Almighty who calls us in to the deepest connection of all for His is truly all encompassing, twenty four seven and condition free, we equally need to experience these connections through others.

We all need people that see, know and love us anyway!

Those who refuse to break the connection or to punish us with silence when they don’t like something. Those who are able to love us in spite of ourselves, who are gracious enough to bear with us when we’re less than pleasant and those who are available and consistent enough to for us to fall back and draw strength from when things go wrong.

We all need this type of other.

We need to be this type of other to others, as well as to have this type of other for us.

To connect with and remain connected with.

There are no exceptions.

We are wired for connection and without deep enough connections with each other, something within us loses its power, its energy, its source, its joy de vivre.

As I reflected upon the connections within my own life, I could not help but acknowledge that the one with whom I was most closely connected, died two years ago last month. This month is her birthday.

I still miss her.

It still hurts.

And I still well up when I allow myself the space to think of her.

Grief does not end.

Whilst there remains an internal well spring of memories, the connection is never restored in its previous form.

And that fact remains painful.

This ongoing loss leaves me more aware and grateful for those with whom I do still share live connections. The ones who accompany me as I take steps in new directions, encouraging me to keep going even when I am afraid, or those who celebrate with me when things go well or those who instantly offer to help in the face of overwhelming practical tasks.

Without these real connections, the sad stuff would simply be too painful and the good stuff would lack any meaning.

We all need these connections; true, honest and dependable.

Yet all too often whilst we long for connection with the other; spouse, family, friends or whoever, it can be the very thing it can feel hard to stay open to or to seek when in need.

Previous painful experiences of the other may cause us to hold back.

But, the reality is that we all get hurt by the other just as we too hurt the other, in various ways at different times throughout our lives; family, teachers, peers, spouses etc

As a result we may make the incredibly human mistake of drawing up the very bridge that connects us to each other. If that bridge let in harm, we pull it up to avoid the entry of more harm. Without realising that this is the very bridge through which the healing also comes.

We do harm one another even with the best will in the world not to but we equally find our healing in one another.

How difficult it can be to be a human who remains connected to the other whilst acknowledging and accepting that this can bring further hurt as well as healing!

Of course, some connections are best to be broken.

And part of our ongoing work as humans is in discerning with whom to remain connected (where we have such a choice) and who not to.

There is real power in connection especially when we choose wisely.

No holding back

How often do we have the thought to do something for someone and then just as quickly lose the thought without following through with any action?

I have been pondering this over the past week.

It is almost as if we have something in us that pulls us back at the very moment that it could really be quite wonderful to simply go forth with whatever it is.

It feels good to allow that flow of love to come forth from us and out to those around us whether through words or actions.

It could be to take that person out for a meal, or to send someone a card when it is not their birthday (yes, a real one they can actually hold and feel) or to buy flowers for someone just because you know they like them or to buy that thing that you see in a shop and know someone would love.

Equally, it could be to reach out to the person that you know is struggling or to compliment someone on something that particularly suits them (sincerity is crucial) or to tell someone how much you appreciate them and why.

All too often at the very moment that we could do one of these things, we hesitate and begin to over think our way out of doing it. Whether because we doubt our instinctive desire to do that thing or we are afraid of how it will look or be perceived.

But fear is not a good enough reason to block the potential flow of love from us and in to others.

For surely, it is better to look like a fool or to be misunderstood than to withhold what you have to give because of what could go wrong.

It feels good to give.

To do what is within our power to do in the midst of our ordinary daily lives is to bring meaning and enjoyment to ourselves and others.

It is these little exchanges of heartfelt words and actions that bring magic in to what could otherwise be the mundane quality of daily life.

Just because the Christ filled month of December along with all the associated giving is behind us does not mean that we cannot continue with a culture of generosity.

There is joy in generosity.

For all involved.

And how wonderful to facilitate that flow rather than block it whether through fear, distraction, busyness or anything else.

For to live with a spirit of generosity is to really live!

It’s not about money either.

Whilst it may at times be that we give to others financially, what most of us want more than that is to know that someone in the world is thinking about us, caring about our experience and willing to reach out to us to show their love and support.

No one is excluded from the fun of giving.

We can all get in to the flow of giving what we are able whilst also appreciating what others give to us.

And I cannot end without acknowledging that there is one who totally has this giving thing down and who absolutely loves giving to each and every one of us exactly what we need for each and every day.

I am of course talking about God Almighty.

What a giver He is.

And I believe that out of all that He gives us, the most valuable is His love, which He lavishes upon us that we may receive, enjoy and share this with others.

Let us continue this year in the spirit of giving to one another.

Buy those flowers, write and post that card, call that person, give that compliment.

Do what you are able and have fun along the way.