Compassion

The theme that has emerged quite powerfully in recent weeks has been compassion. 

As in, our shared human need for it. 

To respect our need for compassion whilst understanding that this does not equate to weakness or self pity is one of the greatest ways to understand and apply appropriate care of our shared humanity.

During this Covid induced crisis the need for self care is at an all time high for this is a time of much loss in many forms. If the figures of daily deaths are anything to go by then there are literally thousands of families directly impacted by the heartache of losing one of their own.  This is never easy.  But if it has also meant being unable to be with said member in their last days or unable to attend their funeral, the pain on top of the original grief will be intensified.

There is of course much fear and anxiety around employment, finances and the all pervading uncertainty about general implications for the future.

These are foreign, unfamiliar struggles at least within this current context.  None amongst us have been here before nor do we know how long this will continue or what our new normal will look like.

And yet, alongside the deaths and threat to, runs the opportunity for new life.  To be creative in how we engage with ourselves, each other, faith, work, rest, play and life in general.  

It is a time to reflect upon just how much we have taken for granted for so long; our freedom to come and go, to mix with others as we wish, to ‘go to work’ and generally be around our fellow humans without fear of life risking repercussions.

Personally, I have realised this year just how much I have taken my health for granted.  I have enjoyed an enormous capacity for health, strength and energy which I have utilised and enjoyed by fitting a ridiculous amount in to each day.  Perhaps I have still been attempting to make up for the inertia that kept me bound during my first three decades.

Either way, I have been forced to a standstill by my health twice so far this year; I was wiped out for two weeks in February which required a further two before I was back to full capacity and then I was wiped out again for another two weeks just as we entered lockdown.

Was it a mild version of Covid-19?  Some of the symptoms were suspiciously similar but many viruses have overlapping symptoms so without a test it is impossible to know.

What I do know is that since I have recovered from whatever it was, I have a renewed capacity for gratitude of being able to get out in to the stunning countryside to walk, run and ride.  How thankful I am to have a garden as well as all the open fields surrounding my house. 

Gratitude central.

Although my work has changed and reduced, I continue to love what I do.

Baking is not a new pleasure for me but the increased time to indulge in it is.  The result of which has been in addition to more scones, muffins, cakes and cookies, that I now bake a fresh loaf of soda bread every weekend.  It is quick and easy whilst not compromising on smell, texture or flavour.  Not so easy replenishing flour supplies though!

And I have to say that now that I have established a new rhythm and routine this slower pace is most welcome.

All in all, I have much to be grateful for.

But, like everyone else, I have my moments when motivation eludes me or I am just flat or I just miss people.  Times when I need reminding that I need to keep practising compassion and understanding of myself within the complexity of this situation.

I often hear myself reminding others of the need to be patient and kind to themselves and to adjust their expectations of themselves and others to allow flexibility for this situation.

And then a friend reminded me to ‘have compassion for yourself Jo’ having been reminded of that by her supervisor! 

How easy it can be to forget these basic necessities of self care in the midst of such strange times.

There are many simple things that we can each be grateful for right now whilst not denying the unusual or worrying nature of this crisis.

This is not an easy time.  

The highs and lows, challenges and rewards will look different for all of us but what remains the same is our need for compassion both for ourselves and each other.

The Losses, Longings & Learnings of Lockdown

Virtually everything has changed for us all. 

Our new normal is a highly virtual one.

In this time of abrupt and extensive loss of the way it was, I think I have experienced every emotion known to man or woman.

Initially it was all about the positivity; what does this situation offer me the opportunity to do that wouldn’t be possible in ordinary non lockdown life.  There was even relief to be off the crazy merry go round of life.  Not just permission but an order to slow down and stop the usual frenetic pace. 

At one point I even experienced a fleeting panic that I still wouldn’t get enough time for all the things I love doing!

But after all my initial ‘can do’ positivity, I crashed.

I’ve noticed this pattern with loss and grief.  No one likes loss and no one likes grief.  But when we attempt to jump straight to the post grief part where we feel more able to accept, adapt and appreciate new things, without actually engaging with said grief, we will always be tripped up and pulled back.

I am no exception. 

Of course I wanted to jump straight to the positivity of ‘but what is possible?’ whilst simply by passing the loss aspect.

It didn’t happen!

By that first weekend, the pain of enforced solidarity was almost too much to bear.  And I’m someone who enjoys solitude and actively seeks such times to recharge and reassess.  But the difference is that usually it is a choice and one where I know I can have company if I want it.

This was different.

The only way I could explain what I felt that first weekend was to liken it to feeling physically hungry and to be asked if it would help to have a plate of hot food put two metres in front of me on the condition that I couldn’t touch it.

In the same vein it was not helping to look at or listen to friends.  I had never experienced anything like the longing.

There was nothing for it but to pour out the entire contents of my heart to my God; the good, the bad and the really ugly of what I felt.  Experience has taught me that God is not as religious or easily offended as the average Christian!  He has always been able to take whatever I throw at Him without withdrawing His love.  This time was no exception and I was subsequently able to sleep more peacefully that night.

The next morning He reminded me through His word that He is the bread of life.  I realised afresh that no matter how much I long for the presence of other humans, His is a presence that satisfies my deepest hungers and appetites and no matter what I cannot have right now, He offers Himself in abundance for all who will seek Him.

As I took this word inside of me, I felt it nourish my deepest parts.

And after such a feed, I was ready to reengage with my work of feeding others.

How grateful I am that at a time when so much has been stripped away from us all, our God is still very much present, very much able and very much willing to feed us what we need right now.  Not necessarily what we want, but certainly what we need, be it comfort, peace, strength, wisdom, patience, tolerance, hope and anything else that this situation does not offer.

What a God we have. 

It is good to be reminded of Him to whom we all have free and unlimited access to as we approach this Easter. We have lost much right now including any kind of certainty and yet Jesus is still exactly the same God He was back then and his offer to be with us and help us remains unchanging.

May I and we never lose sight of this.

Corona Induced Change

What a week huh?

Corona craziness has consumed our nation.

How difficult it is to get our heads let alone our hearts around the enormity of this situation that none amongst us has faced before.

Lives have been lost and more will be. 

This is the cold, hard, devastating reality of this situation that has been enforced upon us.

The disruption will be devastating financially to some and difficult to all who are left socially isolated.

All will be affected differently, but all will be affected.

These are challenging and uncertain times.

As a race, us humans tend to dislike uncertainty.  We like to imagine that we have some semblance of control over our lives and the presence of Corona shatters this illusion.

Personally, I’ve been through all kinds of emotions this week.  After watching the news on Monday evening, I felt stunned and emotional.  I just couldn’t comprehend the enormity or severity of what I was hearing.  What would it mean?

By half way through the next day I felt overwhelmed.

Then I heard there would be no Church, no Pilates and generally very little social contact.

My heart sank. 

How long would this continue for? 

How would I cope?

Would I still be able to work?

So many questions and so little answers.

A trip to the local supermarket for a few supplies didn’t help my mood.  I felt incredibly angry that the clearly fear filled and faith less had swooped upon the supermarkets like a swarm of locusts clearing everything in their path.

Really?

But then, something began to shift.

A new uprising of connection, caring and community began to appear left, right and centre.  Family, friends, neighbours and colleagues were appearing in new ways to show a united and collective approach.

I’m not sure that I have ever felt so connected, cared for or part of so many thoughtful, supportive communities before.  It’s not that they weren’t there before but they are now there in a more real and new way.

This new uprising of community spirit is powerful and heart warming!

Fortunately many realise that by pulling together, we can make this time all the more manageable for everyone.  

It is likely that just as in usual life, we will all need some form of support at this time but equally that we are all able to offer some form of support to others.

It is a time to look around and see the needs of others and be as willing to reach out, as to ask for and receive help when necessary.

We don’t know how things will unfold, how long they will continue or even what the new ‘normal’ will look like after this. 

Such a level of uncertainty is not easy to sit with.

We are all forced to see afresh that our security is not in our health, finance, jobs or indeed anything else.  All of these can be lost in an instant.

How grateful I am to know the God who remains stable and unchanging at all times.  He is the dispenser of a brand of peace, wisdom, strength, hope, comfort, guidance and help that this world cannot offer.  And it seems to me that we are all in need of these right now.

I have also been uplifted this week when reminded through all the times that I have sought solace in nature that the seasons of life continue regardless.  That whilst ‘normal’ life has been disrupted like never before, the beauty and wonder of creation continues to remind us that whilst loss and death are true and real, so too is the continuation of existing life as well as the birth of new life.

We will (most of us) come through this time.

We cannot stop or avoid it.

We cannot dodge it or make it go away.

We all have to walk through it.

But, we can choose in which way we do this.

Will we use the slower pace to reassess what is truly important in life?

Will we invest more time in connecting to God and each other, albeit using new ways to do so?

Will we choose to do our bit whatever that may to assist us all in coming through this as best we can?

The choice is ours.

The need for other

We are all wired to need the other.

Not to go it alone.

This is not new by any means.  

How many times have we heard the saying, ‘no man is an island’?

And yet, way too often we may find ourselves feeling just like an island with little idea as to how to bridge the gap between ourselves and the other ‘islands’.

This is a gap that can only be bridged by entering the learned to avoid territory of vulnerability.

For it is not possible to truly connect with another without revealing something of the true nature of ourselves and our experience; particularly those thoughts, feelings or actions that we find the most painful, difficult or exposing to admit to.

We all like to be seen as ‘having it all together’ whatever that may mean.

Yet we equally all long to be seen, known and loved for who we really are especially when we feel more like a broken mess than a ‘have it all together’ person!  

This does not mean of course that those with whom we truly connect do not also call us out on certain behaviours especially where they may be harmful to us or the other.

But, we all need people in our lives with whom we connect beyond the superficial.

I hear this so often within my work for the longing for deeper connection is the cry of every heart.

It is those with whom we can connect even our flaws, weaknesses, brokenness, hopes, dreams, failings and mess ups whether small or spectacular, that fuel us to keep having a go at this thing called life.  They assist us to keep believing that we can not only overcome but continue to learn through each experience.

It is these connections that empower us to resist the temptation to shut down, to opt out or to throw ourselves in a ‘what’s the point’ shaped heap of cynicism and defeat.

The connection to and with the other sustains us to keep participating in life even when we hurt.

And whilst we know that it is God Almighty who calls us in to the deepest connection of all for His is truly all encompassing, twenty four seven and condition free, we equally need to experience these connections through others.

We all need people that see, know and love us anyway!  

Those who refuse to break the connection or to punish us with silence when they don’t like something.  Those who are able to love us in spite of ourselves, who are gracious enough to bear with us when we’re less than pleasant and those who are available and consistent enough to for us to fall back and draw strength from when things go wrong.

We all need this type of other.

We need to be this type of other to others, as well as to have this type of other for us.

To connect with and remain connected with.

There are no exceptions.

We are wired for connection and without deep enough connections with each other, something within us loses its power, its energy, its source, its joy de vivre.

As I reflected upon the connections within my own life, I could not help but acknowledge that the one with whom I was most closely connected, died two years ago last month.  This month is her birthday.   

I still miss her.  

It still hurts.

And I still well up when I allow myself the space to think of her.

Grief does not end.

Whilst there remains an internal well spring of memories, the connection is never restored in its previous form.

And that fact remains painful.

This ongoing loss leaves me more aware and grateful for those with whom I do still share live connections.  The ones who accompany me as I take steps in new directions, encouraging me to keep going even when I am afraid, or those who celebrate with me when things go well or those who instantly offer to help in the face of overwhelming practical tasks.

Without these real connections, the sad stuff would simply be too painful and the good stuff would lack any meaning.

We all need these connections; true, honest and dependable.

Yet all too often whilst we long for connection with the other; spouse, family, friends or whoever, it can be the very thing it can feel hard to stay open to or to seek when in need.

Previous painful experiences of the other may cause us to hold back.

But, the reality is that we all get hurt by the other just as we too hurt the other, in various ways at different times throughout our lives; family, teachers, peers, spouses etc

As a result we may make the incredibly human mistake of drawing up the very bridge that connects us to each other.  If that bridge let in harm, we pull it up to avoid the entry of more harm.  Without realising that this is the very bridge through which the healing also comes.

We do harm one another even with the best will in the world not to but we equally find our healing in one another.

How difficult it can be to be a human who remains connected to the other whilst acknowledging and accepting that this can bring further hurt as well as healing!

Of course, some connections are best to be broken.  

And part of our ongoing work as humans is in discerning with whom to remain connected (where we have such a choice) and who not to.

There is real power in connection especially when we choose wisely.

No holding back

How often do we have the thought to do something for someone and then just as quickly lose the thought without following through with any action?

I have been pondering this over the past week.

It is almost as if we have something in us that pulls us back at the very moment that it could really be quite wonderful to simply go forth with whatever it is.

It feels good to allow that flow of love to come forth from us and out to those around us whether through words or actions.

It could be to take that person out for a meal, or to send someone a card  when it is not their birthday (yes, a real one they can actually hold and feel) or to buy flowers for someone just because you know they like them or to buy that thing that you see in a shop and know someone would love.

Equally, it could be to reach out to the person that you know is struggling or to compliment someone on something that particularly suits them (sincerity is crucial) or to tell someone how much you appreciate them and why.

All too often at the very moment that we could do one of these things, we hesitate and begin to over think our way out of doing it.  Whether because we doubt our instinctive desire to do that thing or we are afraid of how it will look or be perceived.

But fear is not a good enough reason to block the potential flow of love from us and in to others.

For surely, it is better to look like a fool or to be misunderstood than to withhold what you have to give because of what could go wrong.

It feels good to give.

To do what is within our power to do in the midst of our ordinary daily lives is to bring meaning and enjoyment to ourselves and others.  

It is these little exchanges of heartfelt words and actions that bring magic in to what could otherwise be the mundane quality of daily life.

Just because the Christ filled month of December along with all the associated giving is behind us does not mean that we cannot continue with a culture of generosity.

There is joy in generosity.  

For all involved.

And how wonderful to facilitate that flow rather than block it whether through fear, distraction, busyness or anything else.

For to live with a spirit of generosity is to really live!

It’s not about money either.  

Whilst it may at times be that we give to others financially, what most of us want more than that is to know that someone in the world is thinking about us, caring about our experience and willing to reach out to us to show their love and support.  

No one is excluded from the fun of giving.  

We can all get in to the flow of giving what we are able whilst also appreciating what others give to us.

And I cannot end without acknowledging that there is one who totally has this giving thing down and who absolutely loves giving to each and every one of us exactly what we need for each and every day.

I am of course talking about God Almighty.

What a giver He is.

And I believe that out of all that He gives us, the most valuable is His love, which He lavishes upon us that we may receive, enjoy and share this with others.

Let us continue this year in the spirit of giving to one another.

Buy those flowers, write and post that card, call that person, give that compliment.

Do what you are able and have fun along the way.

The Need to Nourish

Last weekend I gave a talk on nourishment.

We all know we need physical nourishment, but how much thought much less application do we give to our mental, emotional and spiritual need for nourishment?

As I reflected upon this matter, I realised a few things.

Firstly, whilst training for the half marathon last year, I had to physically nourish myself to a whole new degree to facilitate my body keeping up with the additional physical demands I was placing upon it.  I had to learn about the different foods required to release sufficient energy to fuel over two hours of running.  Equally I had to learn about the foods required for my body to recover and repair after this increased exercise.  None of which would have been any use to me had I not then applied that knowledge.

We must nourish our body in line with the demands that we place upon it.

But in addition to the demands we place upon ourselves, we must factor in the age and stage of life that we are in. 

For example, post forty my body no longer processes carbohydrates in the way that it used to.  This means that my love of chips, crisps, cakes and the likes, basically fast tracks straight to the creation of a spare tyre.  As I learned to my detriment last October, the sporting of such a tyre can make the wearing of jeans a very uncomfortable experience.  

We need to recognise and understand not just what but how much our body needs to nourish it sufficiently.  A failure to do so will inevitably lead to weight gain or loss which if substantial can lead to various other issues.

Most of us know this stuff.

But do we realise that by the same token we must also nourish our minds and hearts sufficiently for the demands that we place upon them.

For example, in my own life, once I began to practice my work on a full time basis, I quickly discovered that I needed to learn a whole new level of nourishment.  Just as with the half marathon training, I was asking a whole heap more of myself mentally and emotionally than ever before.  As such I needed to increase and improve the way I nourished my heart and mind. 

This required a review of who, what and where leaves me feeling nourished and similarly, who, what and where do not.  I then implemented the necessary changes. 

How easy it is to allow the very things we need most; exercise, time with friends, fun pursuits etc to be squeezed out during the very times that we need them most.

Equally, how easy it can be to become stuck in situations that leave us malnourished.

Similarly, we need to recognise the season that we are in along with the subsequent impact upon our minds and hearts. 

For example, in that first year of grief for the loss of my spiritual mother, I needed more time than ever before to simply be.  My capacity for all was diminished.  Subsequently I spent long periods out walking in the fields or by the sea, I sat in garden centres indulging in serious flower gazing and I had more need of time with those precious people with whom I can bare my soul. 

In doing so, I was supporting my heart and mind with their natural capacity to heal.  As anyone who knows anything about grief will know, grief doesn’t end or finish, it simply changes and there are things we can do to support this process and things that obstruct it.

As there is more in the media about mental and emotional health we are beginning to gain more awareness and understanding of these vital aspects of our health.  Knowledge and understanding alone are not enough.  We must apply this.

Do we recognise that we are also spiritual beings who need to nourish our spirits?

Just as with the physical body, mind and heart, we need to nourish our spirits in line with what we are expecting of ourselves as well as recognising the demands of the season we are in.

We need to know not just what nourishes us spiritually and what does not, but we need to apply this in real terms to our daily lives.

Personally I am immensely grateful to be part of a Church that offers me an all round nourishment fest of a Sunday morning.  How I love to enter in to the presence of God to worship and remind myself that He is still God no matter what is going on in my life in between Sundays.  Plus I get fed a spiritual message by the teacher.  Then after the service, I relish the gift of being made a hot drink.  All of which is done amidst the embrace of my huge Christian family.

Nourishment central.

Of course I am still responsible for spiritually nourishing myself in between services.  It is vital that I recognise that sometimes the hunger I feel is one that only God Almighty can quench.  Thus attempts to satisfy such hunger in any other way, will always fall short.

And, just as we generally need more than one physical meal a week, so too do we need regular nourishment mentally, emotionally and spiritually throughout each day and week.

In summary, we need to know ourselves; body, mind, heart and spirit well enough to recognise which part of ourselves is in need of nourishment at any given time and how best to nourish it.

Otherwise, all too often when we have a heart, mind or spiritual need to talk something through with someone or for time outside for a walk or break or to do something fun, we may instead find ourselves mindlessly eating food that is not nutritious or nourishing.

The act of physically eating when your hunger is of a different kind is to temporarily distract yourself from the true source of hunger.  After which you are left not only with the original hunger but also with the discomfort of eating unnecessarily.

We all do this to a degree.

Especially me!

But we need to recognise when we are doing it that we may stop to identify the true source of our hunger that we can respond by nourishing it appropriately.

It is a hungry business being a human.

Let us learn how to nourish our hungers in healthy ways.

The better able we are to nourish all the parts of ourselves well, the better able we are to share such nourishment with others.

Au-revoir 2019

It is the last day of 2019.

But before I jump in to all that 2020 has to offer, I’m taking a little time to reflect and review the lessons of 2019.

This been a year of real highs, painful lows and all in between.

The highs as I have stepped out in to new areas have been scary and enlivening in equal measure.  I am grateful for their presence, their lessons and the growth that they have evoked.

The losses, deaths and lows have reminded me afresh of the fragile and fleeting nature of this thing called life.

Both of which remind me of two things.

Firstly, that people are the most important part of life.

And secondly, that loving people is the most important thing to do in life.

Some of the other lessons taught to me by 2019 are summarised below.

I learned not to ignore anything in life that repeatedly causes my heart to sink. Whilst some stuff cannot be chosen or controlled, some can and life is way too short to choose heart sinking stuff.

Some things just don’t need to be said.  In the face of another’s spikes, I don’t need to retaliate with a combative spike of my own!  I can just let it go!  Really!  Years of my lovely Margaret gently manoeuvring her way around my multiple spikes, is beginning to pay off!  Yay!

I have increased my sensitivity to the subtle tug of the reins when God says, ‘Woah, slow down and hold on a moment lady’!  To my favour!  Perhaps He really does know what’s best for me!

I discovered that in the face of an anger evoking situation from which I cannot remove myself, that to stubbornly hold on to said anger is not only an exercise in futility but also one that makes me a much uglier and more miserable individual myself!

I equally realised that any kind of bad behaviour (others or my own) is always an expression of pain that cannot at that moment be articulated in any other way.  Whilst this does not excuse any such behaviour (others or my own), there are helpful and unhelpful, kind and unkind ways of responding.

I had the experience of not only feeling nervous about teaching or preaching but also experiencing great joy during the delivery.  Halleluyah!

I realised that no matter what position or power or influence or privilege people hold, they are all just flawed people with the guts and commitment to have a go and to learn along the way.  And that helped me to put my flawed self in to positions where I would be exposed and inevitably criticised.   And when the criticisms came, I discovered that I would choose these any day of the week over an inability to respect myself for shying away from the invitations of life.

No matter how many years/decades/whatever you have been praying for certain situations without visible results, never ever give up.  Equally accept that alongside that prayer, we too may have a part to play.

I learned that my ability to show love to others is not dependent upon their treatment of me but rather on my capacity to receive and to share of the never ending love of God.  Liberation central.

I was shown afresh in numerous ways that God is no tight wad!  When He asks you to do something, He provides the readies to do so!  He is indeed a generous God and His generosity like every other part of Him is for us to share.

As a child, my father regularly used to say, ‘what’s the rush?’ in defence of his perpetual lateness.  Whilst I found this irksome and irritating, I now hear those words afresh.  Whilst I still dislike lateness, I am beginning to understand more and more that to rush is usually to slow one down.

My commitment to leaving more space in my diary has paid off.  It has provided a spontaneity whether for solitude or for unexpected social situations, that an overscheduled diary cannot accommodate.  

It always amazes me that I think I know these things.

And then life teaches me a whole new level of knowing which brings the revelation that I really know very little about very little!

But I pray that I will continue to love to learn regardless.

As I look forward in to 2020, I have a few thoughts about what to focus on.

I aim to reduce my time spent watching rubbish TV, increase my time spent reading other peoples work, continue to spend time outside in every season, organise and host more social events, write my first book which I’ve been threatening to write for as long as I can remember, eat less cake (will need extra supernatural assistance for this one) and constantly remind myself to just slow down and surrender to the natural rhythms of life.

God really is in control and trustworthy to sustain and lead me and us in all.

And so as 2019 draws to a close, I find myself ready to just let it go, (apart from all those lessons!) that I may be ready and willing to embrace 2020.

Countdown to Christmas

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

Only a trinity of sleeps to go!

It’s crept up like it usually does but the countdown is now clearly on.

During the past week or so when my more organised friends began giving me gifts and cards, I realised that I needed to get my head out of its ‘big decision making’ space and promptly bring it in to, ‘it’s CHRISTMAS’ space!

And so since then, I’ve been playing catch up.

Because, as I’ve said before, I LOVE all things Christmas! 

I’ve been sporting my cheddar loaded reindeer clad Christmas jumper, I’ve baked mince pies with mixed results, bought most of my gifts and eaten out more times than my jeans are comfortable with.  

All in the name of Christmas catch ups with the people that I love and am grateful to share life with. 

It’s been feastastik.  

And there is still so much more to come!

I’ve also attended three Christmas parties including one silent disco, which was SO much fun!  The last party which allowed me to celebrate finishing work on Friday saw me as the last one on the dance floor at 1.00am when it closed!  Gosh I love dancing!  And I haven’t done enough this year so I need to rectify that in 2020.

But with all that aside, I equally recognise that Christmas isn’t all feasting and festive frolics.

It can of course also be an incredibly challenging, painful or lonely time. 

A time where we do not simply celebrate who and what we do have but where we also feel the pain of who and what we do not have.

As such Christmas, like the rest of life, can be a real mix of joy, sadness and all in between.  There is such expectation and pressure to be jolly and frivolous despite this not reflecting the experience of all.

When I think back to Christmas two years ago, I remember the devastation of watching my beautiful spiritual mother deteriorate day by day until her death in January.  It was heart breaking. 

Last year I was fortunate enough to be within the love of my new NZ family when the anniversary of this hit.

This year I will be amongst friends.

Christmas can be difficult for all manner of reasons.

I’ve been particularly delighted this year to see local restaurants responding to those who are alone by offering a free Christmas meal.   

Now that’s what I call putting your money where your mouth is.

And that is at the heart of Christ and Christmas; love in word and deed.

It is a time that serves to remind us all of what really matters in life.

Because when we strip back all the theology, the religion and the misinterpretations, the real message of Christ is one of pure love.  

His is a love that shows kindness and genuine care to others irrespective of any response.  And not just to those that we know and love but to anyone that we come in to contact with.  

Love is an attitude and a way of being.

It’s not all about the big gestures either.  

It may just be a smile or a text, a call or a helping hand.  

We know what love looks like, we just get so busy and distracted by life, so consumed by our own circumstances that we cease to notice the needs of those around us or even to recognise those reaching out to us.

But we all need love and we are all capable of giving it.  

Not sparingly but generously.  

Not in a select, I’ll give it to you but not to you way, but to all.

Because whether we are in pain this Christmas or bouncing off the walls with festiveness or even anywhere in between, we all need to be loved.

And Christmas reminds us that Christ was born and He still lives and He still loves and whether you are hurting or celebrating, He offers to be a stabilising, dependable source of unwavering love.

As far as I am concerned, that is a reminder worth having every year because it seems to get forgotten very easily between January and November.

Let us all drink deeply this Christmas of all that Christ is that we may attempt to share this love with each other for the whole year round.

Making decisions

Life presents us with an ongoing series of situations that require us to make decisions.

At times this can feel super scary and uncomfortably grown up.

Just to clarify, I’m still working on what the term grown up actually means!  All the humans I’ve ever met or known were an interesting and varied mix of grown up and infantile characteristics!

Including me!

But life is a constantly evolving collage of all the decisions that we have ever made along with all those that lay ahead.

Some decisions are small with minimum impact. 

For example, I am someone who considers the whole of December to be Christmas month (not that we have to wait until December to remember what life is really about). But as December approached I needed to decide what type of Christmas tree to buy.  I always buy real as I’m no fan of fakery but what size and base type?  After checking out the options, I decided I didn’t want a tacky looking pot when I could have what I considered to be the preferable rustic look offered by the base that has been carved in to a beautiful flat log sphere. 

Having decided the type of tree base I wanted, I headed to the local provider.  After much deliberation I chose my tree and the guy serving put it through the net machine.  Here, the lady next to me told me that they would be putting their tree to soak in a pot over night.  Oh, I thought.  How will I water mine?  The answer to which was that I would also need to get a special plant pot to stand the tree in to allow it to quench its thirst.  This also meant having the bottom part that I was particularly drawn to, chopped off!!

Not my best decision but the consequence was marginal!  And next year I will remember why I don’t want a tree with a base that looks great!  Perhaps I could get away with it if I was one who put my tree up on Christmas Eve but going for gold from the first just isn’t going to work!

However, other decisions are scarily big complete with major consequences.

As I was currently pondering a major life decision, I got stuck on the whole saying no to this means saying yes to the unknown.

Because quite often, we must let go of the thing that we know without knowing what will come next.  This introduces a thing called risk for we must take the step without any guarantee of what is to come.   And that can feel pretty uncomfortable.

As I pondered, reflected, deliberated and repeatedly prayed my top most used prayer, ‘HELP ME God!’, I began to see a little more clearly.

I also noticed the following Paulo Coelho quote, ‘everything we need to learn is always there before us; we just have to look around us with respect and attention in order to discover where God is leading us and which step we should take next.’

I heartily agree as I believe that God is constantly speaking to us through our daily surroundings in order to guide and help us.  I just know that personally I’m probably not paying attention most of the time as I’m too distracted and consumed by other things.

But in the face of a blindingly obvious need for God’s assistance, I began to pay a tad more attention than usual!

And I began to see a way forward. 

Not much of it. 

But enough to know what my first step should be.  In other words I knew what I would be taking one step away from, if not where said step would be taking me towards.

As I deliberated before biting the bullet of taking this first irreversible step, I read about how the priests led by Joshua had to step out in to the Jordan River before it stopped flowing.  This was a river that was at flood point at that stage.  Yet when the priests touched the river with their feet, it instantly stopped flowing. As I considered this, I was reminded that you have to take the step before you see what will happen.

Encouraged by this, I was able to take that first step.

And so it is that the great unknown beckons again.

I still have moments of wondering if I have lost the plot but mostly I feel really rather excited!

As I reflect upon the previous fifteen years I realise that I left my position amongst the play-it-safers back when I first gave up a ‘secure’ job to rent my house and explore the world.

Following my return, accompanied by a vibrant, life giving faith, I took ten years out to retrain which also happened to involve eight house moves.  

So I have learned a little about change, risk taking and decision making!  As well as how to trust the God who sees what I don’t.

So here I am again, relinquishing the play it safe approach for the put my faith in to action approach.

There are no guarantees.

There is risk.

There are consequences.

But I am game!

And after all that serious, grown up decision making, it was time for me to relax at my first Christmas Doo of the season.  Plenty of feasting and dancing followed.

Decision making is not always an easy thing.

But to do nothing when there is a need to do something, can at times be the biggest risk we can take.

Free Time

This can become the gift that we refuse to receive.

Because who isn’t fighting some kind of virus right now or at the very least, just plain tired?

It is as if we are all ready for the Christmas break a month ahead of schedule.

Including me.

Life can get stupidly full.

We live within a culture that rarely recognises the value let alone the necessity of free time or rest.

The nonstop stimulation/attention demanding nature of constantly ‘on’ technology means that it is an ongoing challenge to switch off the technology let alone the mind.

It is as if the concept of free time has become too costly to indulge in when there is always something or someone wanting our attention.

With little or no thought to the personal cost of being constantly ‘on’.

The physical body needs time to be free from the exertions of activity.  Ditto the heart, mind and soul.

And yet, in addition to the advances of technology, there is an all pervasive cultural ideology that can guilt trip us in the face of free time.

What I mean is that often people have accepted a belief that rest or downtime or free time is wasteful or even a sign of laziness.

Many are tormented by internal harsh task masters that drive them to constantly be doing.

Their value has become enmeshed with their activity and productivity rather than the essence of who they are.

Exhausting and unnecessary especially in the face of a God who loves us as we are, rather than for what we do.  The paradox being that in the face of such a love, one feels naturally motivated to do what one is able.  The challenge then becomes in knowing when to stop doing in order to rest.

It would seem that within our frenetic pace of life, our capacity for self care has become considerably diminished.

We have lost the ability to appreciate and enjoy free time.

Time out.

Down time.

Off time.

Rest.

Space.

Quiet.

Time to allow our body, mind, heart and soul to be still.

Time to restore, recharge, recover and reboot.

For me this week, it was time to walk or run amongst the stunning array of autumnal colours displayed in the leaves currently cushioning the walkways.  

Time to celebrate a birthday with a good friend, obviously involving excessive amounts of sugar loaded treats.

Or time to try a new spiced apple cake recipe.  So good I accidentally devoured a large chunk in place of dinner.  Oops.

Or time to sample my first home made mince pie of the season.  Warmed!

Or time to walk instead of drive and thus to notice this squirrel eating out of the bin.  Maybe he has a nut allergy.

And even time to notice and capture this frozen cobweb shimmering in the sunlight of the frosty morning.

We can all fall in to the trap of utilising every minute of every day to be doing.

But time out and off are not optional extras for this thing called life.

They are the fuel that stops us from burning out.

And when we refuse to take care of ourselves by making and using the gift of free time, we are falling in to a way of being that is more harmful than healthy.

At this time of year, the body protests via lowered immunity leading to increased susceptibility to all the seasonal viruses seeking a host.

There is much that we cannot control or prevent.

But we can choose whether to take the time out that we need to maintain the best level of health that we can.

A refusal to take time out to rest impacts our health.

The constant activity also impacts our relationships because these also require our time, attention and love.

And relationships start with the relationship with the self.

As we approach what can be one of the busiest seasons of the year, one of the best gifts of self care that we can give ourselves is to plan in some down time!