The holiday ban

Back at the start of January when I was at risk of falling in to a hole of lockdown induced apathy, I realised that I needed to plan what was possible for me to do, if I didn’t want to start losing my energy, motivation and general joy de vivre.

I am pleased to share that this has been going rather well.

I am currently on schedule for painting the entire house, yes wood work and all, by the end of February.  At which point, I can focus on making small additions and tweaks here and there.  I love the process of creating a warm and inviting space to live in, even if for now, it is only me, the cat and my support bubble who get to enjoy it!

In addition, my lifelong desire to write my first book is translating in to real sustained action!

Despite the odd flurry of snow or rain, I’ve still managed a near daily appointment with nature too.

And, I have been trying out various new recipes on the support bubble.  The current hands down winner, is the jam doughnut muffin.  Most dangerous.

All in all, I’ve been rather enjoying myself.  Something that perhaps my refusal to spend much time listening to the news, has allowed me to sustain.

But by last week I was feeling rather tired and realised that it was time to book a holiday to break up the Christmas to Easter stretch.

I have now booked almost a week off.

A few people have jokingly asked where I am going!

At this point I am content enough to be in the newly decorated home minus any commitment to work.  I also gain great enjoyment from exploring the surrounding areas by foot or bike so I can happily while away the days enjoying the freedom of uninterrupted time.

But, last night I happened to catch a part of the news where I heard it said that we may not be able to go away on holiday for the whole of this year.

WHAT?!

My ears tuned in.

What could this mean?

My heart sank a little.  A problem of privilege in the grand scheme of things I realise.

But, holidays are important.

We all get worn down by the daily grind of life hence the importance of a change of scenery plus a break from daily responsibilities.

And now we are being told this may not be possible all year?

None of us know how things will pan out nor whether this vaccine will allow us to assume more freedom in reality.

And that sucks.

Whilst the approach of the warmer seasons will bring more appreciation than ever this year, a block on holidays is still a loss.

We will all need to be increasingly more imaginative in how we create novel, new ways of experiencing a sense of freedom and break from the norm.

In short, to rewrite what the term holiday means and looks like.

Every life counts

The big news this week aside from further home schooling for all those stressed parents attempting to juggle demanding jobs as well as schooling, was that over 100,000 lives have been lost to Covid.

That is an enormous amount of lives.

Maybe some of those actually died of non Covid related deaths but just happened to have tested positive in the month before death.

It could be that some died of Covid without ever getting a positive test and are not included within this.

Perhaps if we are talking about deaths related to Covid this would include those who have died in our care homes because without the contact from loved ones they had nothing to live for.  By the same vein, there are those who take their own lives for the same reason.

What if we include all those who require life saving treatments for cancer and the likes but who cannot receive it because resources are reserved for Covid?

And I’m pretty sure there will be other casualties of Covid as yet uncovered.

Like the rest of life Covid is indiscriminate.

It does not distribute itself or its consequences fairly.

I certainly would not wish to be living through these times minus my belief in a God that is bigger than it all.

This week has shown us sobering statistics whatever the true numbers may be.

Every single one of these lives, whether included in the official numbers or not, is a life that matters.  A life that would have impacted the lives of those around them; family, neighbours, friends, colleagues …

That is an enormous loss of life.

Whether this has hit us personally through deaths, ill health, loss of livelihood or in any other way, this tragic reality reminds us all of the fragility of life.

Life is a gift not to be squandered.

It can be taken away in an instant; our own or others.

Does this sober us enough to really think about what we are doing or what we want to be doing (yes within restrictions and beyond) with our lives to honour the gift that we have and the gift that so many have lost?

Every life counts.

What will you do with yours?

The need to breathe

We know we need to breathe.

But certain situations of which Covid would definitely qualify, can stop us from breathing easy.  

It may not even be apparent to us until the moment of the long exhale.  

I had this most delicious of experiences last Sunday whilst meandering through the rural lanes on my bike.  My eyes were feasting on the vast green spaces stretching out to either side along with the mass of blue sky ahead and beyond.  

It was delicious.

And then the sun broke through. I spontaneously turned my face towards this most welcome warmth, closed my eyes and relished the long exhale that accompanied the sensation.  I may even have made an ‘aahh’ type noise!

The long exhale!

In that moment of unexpected January warmth, my spirit soared at the reminder that Spring is coming.

Whilst I can hardly believe that a life that has become so much simpler and slower can continue to disappear at such speed, it does of course feel at times that things will never change.

Yet here was nature itself reminding me that this is not true!

During winter, I often find it really hard to imagine what it feels like to be out in the warmth of spring or summer without numerous layers of protective clothing.   Yet I know that I will experience that again.

Despite the damage that we are doing to our planet with its subsequent impact upon our weather, we still know that the Spring will follow the winter.

The signs of this happening this year are already here.

Only last week I was wondering when the daffodils would appear in the shops and then … de darn … there they were!  I immediately snapped up the last few bunches for myself and a neighbour.  And then someone else bought me a mixed colour bouquet of tulips.  Just beautiful!

A colleague sent the most stunning picture of the first snowdrops they had seen.  Wow!

I love these confirmations from nature; like little emails encouraging us not to despair, we’re working flat out behind the scenes to be with you before you know it!

I know that we know all this and we know all this happens year after year.  

But how much more poignant is it this year?  

Nature reminds us that whilst in the thick of winter with its signature short days and wet and wild weather, the preparations are under way for the longer, lighter days that accompany Spring.  

Having passed the shortest day a month ago, the days are already lengthening.

Yay!

We know that better times where we can actually be with one another will return and just as those first rays of the sun are so much more welcome following its absence, how much more will we feel this way when reunited with our fellow humans?!

But, just because we know that the storm, season and situation will change, does not mean we need to delay our willingness to really live each day, until it does.  

What a waste to postpone our ‘happiness’ until the arrival of a change we cannot cajole in to coming.

Each new day of this thing called life is a gift so fragile and fleeting we must seek its moments of wonder despite the suffering.

This morning dawned wet and wild, not that this stopped the wonderful chorus of chirping and cheeping outside my conservatory.  Yet now, the sky is brilliant blue with the sun shining free from the cover of clouds.

Things can change in an instant; for better or worse.

Whilst we do not have to spend the whole of winter worrying that spring will never come, nor must we spend the remainder of lockdown worrying that freedoms will never return.  

It will take time and there will be further cost and challenge, some known and others not.  

And yet, if we can trust that the change will come, we free ourselves to embrace the now.

To look for those people, places, things, activities and connections that offer us … the long exhale..

The need to feed

‘I’m fed up’, must be the most popular saying of the moment!  No great surprise there.  But perhaps we need to take another look at becoming fed well in the face of feeling so fed up.

I say this because I love food, I love eating and I love to think of life in these terms!

I’ve often reflected of late that food is one of the few pleasures to escape the restrictive grasp of Covid.

We can still order takeout, buy food from the supermarkets, watch cookery programs and attempt new recipes.

Great, right?

And yet sometimes, as someone who doesn’t want to be eating too much take out, food preparation can become a repetitive drag.  Before Christmas I was utterly over the whole thinking about what to eat, buying the food, prepping it followed by the relentless rounds of washing up that accompany making food from scratch.  The monotony, the necessity, the never ending nature of it had become another pesky chore amidst the grind of daily lockdown living.  All of which screamed, ‘I need a break’.

Post break, my creative drive to experiment with new recipes has returned with a vengeance.  For this I am grateful.  Yet I still don’t want to have to go through the ritual of food preparation every single day.  Sometimes by the time I finish work I don’t have the desire or the drive to get creative in the kitchen.  I’m on empty but lack the fuel to create good fuel!  Other days I am immersed in creative projects which I don’t want to divert from to make a meal.

As I listen to others, I realise that many people feel this way.  It is thus not unusual.  But I do believe it is exacerbated by lockdown life.  For me at least, back in the pre-Covid days, I would regularly catch up with friends over a meal in a restaurant.  I love eating with friends.  Despite also loving to make food for myself and others, I love it even more when someone else has cooked and cleaned up, whether at their house or in a restaurant!  I savour the treat of being fed by another.  

Back in the good old Covid free times I also used to book regular breaks where the food was prepared for me.  I miss this luxury. Sigh.

And so at the moment, aside from the odd takeout, the cooking comes down to me.  Mostly this is ok but every so often I lose my enthusiasm.  If this builds, I end up wanting to shout, ‘I want someone else to feed me’!

Of course on a practical level it is entirely possible to batch cook thus giving myself the regular gift of a cooking free evening.  But sometimes I just want someone else to feed me!  Whilst I make a point of trying new recipes, I still have my old trusted favourites yet when I go to someone else for dinner or to a restaurant, my eyes may be opened and my stomach blessed by something entirely new to me.  I love to benefit from others ideas converted in to culinary creations!

As I was pondering these matters this week, I happened to hear several messages on line offering support and encouragement for co-habiting with Covid.  (Not necessarily literally)

These reminded me that whilst we must take responsibility for feeding ourselves nutritious foods for our bodies which then feeds the mind and heart, we must also take care to feed our spirit and souls.

It would seem that the message of the moment regarding our physical diet is that the Mediterranean emphasis on fruit, vegetables and good fats is in favour.  

Could it be that the presence of Covid reminds us that the equivalent diet for our soul consists of plentiful portions of encouragement, support and kindness.  Not a new concept but perhaps one worthy of a revisit.

Now I’m the first to admit that I like to bang on about this stuff.  But how much more relevant is this to us all right now?  These are challenging times to say the least.  When facing such long term restrictions as now, our need to feed our souls with extra helpings of support, encouragement and kindness is greater than ever.  And in order to share it with others we must first receive it ourselves.

I thoroughly enjoyed being fed by the various different messages that I have heard and digested in this past week.  Others were doing the equivalent of feeding me their favourite soul foods whether opening up a scripture or offering some other form of insight to lift me up to keep facing the prolonged challenge of living in lockdown.

I much prefer feeling fed well over feeling fed up!

And this got me thinking about how easy it is when times are hard to overlook the increased need to feed our souls.

There is a lot of junk food about to feed on right now of which complaining and blaming are top of the menu whether found on social media or the news.  I think it is necessary to stay abreast of the basic if ever changing information of what is going on, but if we consume too much of it, we risk becoming so full that we have no appetite for the uplifting.

There is nothing wrong with an honest admission of feeling utterly fed up, terrified, worried, disillusioned or whatever it is.  Nothing wrong at all.  But when we feel that way, we must recognise our need to be fed well rather than gorge on junk or consume more distressing news.

We must learn what and who feeds us well.  This may be a trusted friend with whom you don’t have to feign positivity every time you open your mouth for fear that they can’t cope with anything else, it may be an online Church service (these offer banquets of such food even on line!), podcasts or other on line messages or even newspaper articles or films or whatever it is that leaves you well fed.

As I say I have been fed through my own Church as well as other encouraging on line messages, a book a friend sent me and even a newspaper article about the uplifting work of the artist Charlie Macksey.  Like all good up lifters, his illustrations do not seek to gloss over the struggle or suffering but rather to highlight the truths of goodness to be found within them.  I recommend his work.

Anyway, having received the gift of being fed by others, it has given me a kick up the backside to start something that has been on my heart since the first lockdown (but got lost in all things house move related), which is to start doing something similar to this but using the spoken word.  

To start with at least, I will call these snack bites.

As I finally overcome my battle to reduce my intake of salty snacks of an evening, I am going to look at what is helpful to snack upon.  And I’m not talking about the gut but that in such prolonged times of stress, the need for regular healthy snacks for the soul.  I may share something I have seen or heard which contains some point or truth to chew upon and apply to lockdown living.

First I’ll have to wrestle with the technology required to do so but … watch this space.

The need to plan

Last year taught us not to plan!  Or rather that the best laid plans can be totally scuppered by matters beyond our control.

But what I am beginning to realise is that it is unhelpful to throw out the baby with the bathwater.

After a restful break, I started this week accompanied by an abundance of enthusiasm for all things new including this year. 

Despite hating the end of Christmas, I had managed to remove all signs of it prior to my return to work. Unless you count the endless amount of hoover avoiding pine needles!

Having also recommitted myself to morning quiet times and a snack reduction program for the evenings, I was ready to immerse myself in the new working week.

Bring it on, I thought.

I flew through Monday and Tuesday with great energy and enjoyment.   

Yet on Wednesday I found myself descending in to a pit of despondency.

As someone who loves to spend time gazing out of the window especially now that I have a conservatory that I didn’t even realise I wanted, I really value these times of stillness and solitude. 

However, there is a point beyond which such time ceases to be restful or inspiring instead becoming wasteful and energy sapping.  I crossed that line by Wednesday lunch time.

What was going on?

I took a firm handle on myself, prised myself from the sofa, layered up and took myself out for an appointment with the great if rather chilly, outdoors.

As I walked, I reflected on the lack of differentiation between last year and this.  The absence of celebration or party, the pointlessness of making long term plans for 2021, further exacerbated by the latest lockdown.

I realised that whilst it is indeed a folly to make plans involving anything beyond our control right now, it does not remove the need to have some kind of plans.

It was many years ago now that aided by one wiser than me, I discovered that I am a person who needs a plan.  Without one I am prone to falling in to an abyss accompanied only by apathy and despondency.

I need a plan on which to structure myself and my time if not wishing to waste either.

As one who has many interests which are unaffected by the recent restrictions, I often need to relearn the importance of being proactive about planning times to do the things that nourish and uplift me.  How easy I find it to avoid the effort required to do this. Not so forgoing the rewards.

I don’t need to plan every second as I need time to be spontaneous too.  But if I have too much time, I cease to use it productively or enjoyably.

As I reflected upon this week, I realised that my creative juices were definitely replenished by my recent break.   I have noticed this through my awakened appetite for new recipes or to follow new pathways out on my walks.  I want newness, change, difference, things that inspire and enliven.  And they are still possible albeit in a limited way.

I realised that unless I want to lose myself, my time and my newly refreshed creativity, by lapsing in to a listless lump, I must be more proactive than ever in planning how to utilise my work free time in ways that allow and sustain balance in creativity, nourishment, connectivity and physical activity.

All this sometimes feels like hard work especially in these challenging and restricted times of repetition.   Yet I have learned over and over that it is a work that is rich in reward.

And so it is I am planning times to invest in the things I enjoy; more house decorating, reading those books whose invitations I keep ignoring, exploring and creating new recipes, going through old photography to choose those I wish to print and frame, connecting with others albeit aided by technology, watching new drama’s and films minus the non-stop snacking (in theory) and regularly getting outside no matter how cold.

If I can plan and more importantly implement these activities, I will continue to value and enjoy myself, my time, my friends and my life, in spite of all that remains beyond my control.  

I suspect I may need to repeat this lesson throughout 2021!

The Year we didn’t see coming

2020: The year that no one saw coming. 

I think it would be fair to say that 2020 is the year we didn’t see coming but we all want to see going.

At least we didn’t see it coming if we weren’t in China or didn’t have access to such classified information.

We just could not have anticipated what 2020 would bring.  Personally I’m not sure I would have wanted to.  Others may feel differently.

What we do appear to be pretty unanimous about is that we all want to see 2020 go.

But, whilst it has bought the biggest crisis the world has faced in a long time, the end of 2020 will not be the end of it.

There is real hope in the form of the new vaccines currently making their way in to the arms of our most vulnerable. 

Yet there is still a way to go.

What makes all this especially hard for us humans is that there is so much uncertainty coupled with a lack of control and no clear end date.  As a result we try to create control and certainty by splitting things in to black and white states.  For example, it was a good or a bad year, or in the case of 2020, a terrible year.

We don’t tend to do well at the grey stuff in between that us and life are actually made up of.

Hence we like to imagine that if 2020 ends it will take all the bad stuff we experienced with it. 

Equally, we are prone to losing sight of all that was good in a year very definitely overshadowed by that which was bad. 

But even in a catastrophic year like this one, Covid is not the whole story. Nor do we need to allow it to obscure our view or memory of that which was worthy of celebration.

Just as we must continue to find ways to honour the lives that have been lost, we must equally honour those that have been born and those of us somewhere in between.

Covid with all its human separating tendencies has reminded us in the starkest way that all that matters is each other.

Families have learned to spend time together, to get out and walk or go for bike rides together.

We’ve started sending actual cards to each other again.

Churches have risen above their previous focus of denominational difference to literally make beautiful music together.

Church and communities have created numerous initiatives to respond to those in need.

The Scientific powers that be have managed to produce a vaccine in record time.  Not, I believe because they have cut corners but because they have cut through the red tape that usually binds them from achieving such feats.

All in all, nothing is rarely ever all good or all bad. 

2020 is no exception nor will 2021 be.

It is bad and sad that there has been much loss of actual life whether directly or indirectly as a result of Covid, as well as numerous more subtle losses.  And all losses must be grieved. 

But, if we have the courage to engage with the sorrow of our losses, we will find our capacity for appreciation of the gifts life continues to offer, to be enriched and enlarged.

Every crisis, trauma or loss has deep within it the chance to deepen the experience and enjoyment of life.  We have to work much harder in challenging times to find those moments of magic but paradoxically it is our ability to engage with the depths of death, destruction and despair that can propel us in to ever increasing degrees of joy.

I was recently reminded of this via two of my favourite festive films; Scrooge and It’s a wonderful Life.  Both explore the theme of death as a way to review the life led to that point.  And both enable their protagonists to re-engage with their lives where they had previously been unable to move beyond their respective losses.  After seeing their lives and deaths through the eyes of others, both were returned to these lives armed with a fresh revelation and gratitude for their own life as well as those around them.  

Life is not all good or all bad. 

Life brings things which we name good or bad.

2020 bought a bumper crop of that we call bad. 

But this is still no reason to over look, diminish or write off that which was good.

We all want 2020 gone but whilst it will not take all things Covid with it, we must not allow it to take or tarnish the good either.

I continue to be inspired by the community spirit, the new willingness to use technology (especially by me!), the creativity, the collaboration, the deepening of relationships despite enforced separation and the ability to recognise the importance of doing life and all that it brings, together, even when that can’t happen physically.

We have been reminded this 2020 that whilst fragile and fleeting, life is still the most precious of gifts, both our own and each others.

Let us hold firmly to this truth as we watch 2020 go, that we may support one another as we enter 2021 with all the Covid and non Covid challenges and triumphs that it will present.

Covid tries to steal Christmas

What a week. 

What a year.

Who isn’t absolutely sick of, if not with, Covid right now?

Even if we haven’t directly lost anyone to Covid, the ripple effects of loss are continuing for us all.

Last week, I was feeling super excited that I had almost got to the start of this much awaited break.

Then the news we had all expected arrived.  In dribs and drabs the restrictions were increased and tightened until it basically felt like Christmas had been cancelled.

In addition I found out that two close friends and their partners had tested positive.  Who hasn’t had it themselves or knows someone who has?

Suddenly the anticipation preceding my break turned in to a horrible flat, energy and excitement stealing low.  And then the tears came. I just let them.

Whilst speaking to a friend the night before, she reminded me that I’m usually pretty good at allowing my sadness to come, feeling and acknowledging it and trusting it to pass.  With this in mind I allowed it to do just that.  And when it did my capacity for appreciation was restored and enlarged.

There are so many overt losses as a result of Covid from lives to livelihoods.  This reality must not be diminished or belittled in any way.

But there are also numerous covert losses, most recently of the hopes and plans we had for Christmas.  It cannot be what we wish or want it to be and it is totally natural to feel sad about that.

The more friends I speak and listen to, the more I realise just how many of us are experiencing these low waves of sadness and generally unwanted feelings followed by a renewed surge of gratitude for what we do have.

Whilst riding my bike through the picturesque local villages last Sunday, I was reminded that whilst it felt like Covid had stolen Christmas, in reality nothing can steal Christmas.  

Christmas is about our capacity to care for, to show love to, to be there for even when we cannot be there with each other.  And nothing can steal that.

Covid is forcing us to become ever more imaginative in how we continue to be there for one another as well as making us increasingly more dependent on technology to do so.

But we can and we must continue to be there with each other in spirit if not in body.  We can continue to connect, to share, to laugh and cry with each other no matter what.

My hope on this most unnatural of Christmases, is that none of us would allow the presence of Covid to obstruct our view of what Christmas and life are actually about.

My prayer is that we may each continue to know and experience the love of God Almighty Himself today and beyond for it is His love that enables us to endure all things.  And if you don’t believe in Him, may you know and remain connected to those around you, who love you.

No one and no thing can steal the true meaning of Christmas from any of us.

Sending out Christ filled love to all, especially those who are alone through circumstance rather than choice.

Holidays are coming

At least this is what the Coco Cola advert says but as far as I am concerned they are not coming quick enough!

I’ve attempted to slow everything down but as anyone who is responsible for a house, business or family know, there are numerous things you just can’t put on hold.

And so, I am crawling my way through to the Christmas holidays.

In fact, I feel like I’m way behind the masses this year.  As a huge fan of all things Christmas, the 1st is my official start date.  Yet for many, it would seem that the presence of Covid acts as code for start early and go big.  

I don’t think I have ever before seen so many Christmas lights whether in houses or shops at this time of year. Hence in comparison I’m feeling like I’m slow off the mark.  That said, I did manage to get out to buy my own Christmas tree earlier this week where the vendor told me he had already sold 150 pines!

Blimey!

I also received my first card last week and two presents this week.  Some people are seriously ahead of the game!

My own chunky but funky little pine tree is now dressed and lit.  Now that I finally have a green garden I will even be able to plant it up after this season that I can use it again for the next.

Whilst I’m still a little snowed under with painting and decorating as well as catching up on training opportunities for work, my aim is to put the extra work down by the end of this week and throw myself in to all things Christmas.

It will of course be a very different Christmas this year.  Whilst Covid was but a Chinese whisper this time last year, it is now separating many from their loved ones.  Numerous family’s are finding themselves agonising over whether to meet and mix with family during the five day flout fest (as my sister has termed it).  Some people feel safe, others do not. Those who do not, want to avoid offending those who do and so another layer of potential conflict and complication is added to what can already be a challenging season for many.  

Personally I am so wrapped up in exhausting myself with house sorting that I’ll be happy just to have a break.  I haven’t quite got round to thinking about, let alone organising who I will or wont be seeing nor whether they will or wont want to see me!  

As for my own family, the ongoing estrangement from most of them spares me from wrestling with that particular dilemma!  Every cloud!

Generally, recent surveys suggest that the majority feel the sacrifice of one Christmas with family is a worthy act if it prevents further Covid spreading.  

After one of the most peculiar and challenging years of recent times, most do not want to prolong matters longer than necessary.  Rather, most seem willing to forgo the usual level of festivities and family engagements.  Who is to say for how many this offers respite rather than resentment!

Personally, I’m gutted there will be no Christmas parties this year!  I usually have around four booked in full of feasting and shape throwing.  I’ve really missed the chance to get out and dance this year.  With the exception of a spontaneous outburst of dancing in my neighbours living room (back when that was allowed), I’ve done no dancing this year and I miss it!

But other than that, the socialising restrictions have simply given me permission to focus solely on house sorting which has actually been rather helpful, if exhausting.

Christmas will indeed be quiet for me this year.  And at this point, I feel pretty grateful for the chance it offers to hunker down to watch Christmas films, bake mince pies and enjoy the great outdoors all without the option to attempt to fit in crazy amounts of catch ups.   

But until those holidays actually do come, I will get my head down, do what is necessary, enjoy what I can along the way and look forward to the chance to stop, breath and reflect.

Wasted knowledge

As mentioned in my last post, I have recently moved house.  Not before hours of deliberating, doubting and finally deciding that this was the right thing to do. It was then a further year from that initial unexpected seedling of an idea to the realisation of arriving within not the first but the second house that I had attempted to buy.

What I have learned is that I would not recommend moving in a pandemic!  The stress has been great for my waistline but I certainly wouldn’t suggest it as a sensible weight loss program.

Anyway, now that I have arrived (so to speak) in the new pad, I am running at absolutely everything at approximately 800 miles an hour.  I have been emptying boxes, distributing items to new positions, painting walls, hanging pictures, ordering new stuff, planting new flowers … the whole shebang.  You name it and I have been doing it.  

This is all in between work I might add, which has also been rather busy.

Unsurprisingly I got to Tuesday night of this week and crashed in an exhausted heap before 7.30pm.

Why do I do this to myself?!

And this is what I mean by wasted knowledge.  What is the point of knowing the importance of pacing myself when I am unable or maybe unwilling in this case to translate such knowledge in to appropriate action.

I absolutely love the creativity involved in turning a house in to a home. I really do.

But I don’t love exhausting myself in to pre 8pm bedtimes.

And so it was that I took some time off this week to do that thing that we so often cease to do when under pressure or just busy or stressed, whether of our own making or due to the presence of a pandemic.  I took time out.

If I look back, I cannot even count on two hands the amount of people who have encouraged, chided and warned me that I ought to slow down and pace myself!

How foolish I am not to listen to those words that I do not want to hear but equally recognise to be true!

Anyway, I have attempted to rectify the situation.

Wednesday saw me trialling out my new wellies over in my beloved fields.  I relished the sense of space and freedom afforded by those huge, open spaces.

I also took myself and my mask over to two garden centres to drink in the sight of all those beautiful living things that continue to grow and display colour and form despite the harshness of winter.

Dare I admit that I even stopped to watch my first Christmas film!  I usually have a ‘not before December’ rule but these films started back in October so I think I’ve exercised enough restraint.  Or more honestly, I have just been too distracted by the home making.

Whilst last Saturday’s newspaper still serves to remind me that I haven’t yet sat down to read it, I have overall managed to separate my foot from the gas.  A little.

In fact, today I actually opened and read the letter from my sponsored child that has been looking at me from the kitchen table all week.  I was humbled to read that he is praying that God will strengthen me to finish the book that I started writing in Lockdown number one.  Gulp.  It doesn’t matter how much I am prayed for if I don’t do my part in ensuring that I have the energy to do so!

Whilst I consider myself to be very fortunate to still have work and work that I love as well as a new home to exhaust myself in during these unpredictable Covid coloured times, self care still matters for me and us all.

Whatever our covid-coping strategies or general experiences of this pandemic are whether fortunate, tragic or anywhere in between, we can all forget to practice that which we already know that we need. 

As we cross the half way point of this second lockdown along with all that it evokes within us, we must continue to implement the most basic of self care routines from getting out in the fresh air, undertaking some form of exercise, maintaining good enough eating habits, staying connected to others and even getting to bed at a reasonable time.

We know this stuff.

I know this stuff.

Yet there really is no point whatsoever in knowing anything if I or you or we fail to apply such knowledge.

None of us know right now what this Covid accompanied Christmas may look like or how the vaccines will pan out but what we all know is that we need to keep looking after ourselves and each other now more than ever.

Here we go again

It’s been threatening for some time so it’s no real surprise that lockdown has landed upon us again.  Whilst this is no longer new territory for us, this time around the days are shorter and the temperature is lower.

There is much in the media as to whether the ‘cure’ is now worse than the virus.  Certainly there will be a cost that reaches far beyond the realms of the economy.  I certainly wouldn’t want to be sitting with the level of responsibility that rests upon the powers that be.  Whatever they do or do not do, there will be cost and criticism.

Earlier today I was reflecting upon how different things were this time last year.  I realised that last November I was on one of my many jaunts to the coast.  It seems almost surreal that back then we still had the freedom to be out and about without a second thought let alone a stash of face masks.  How wonderfully oblivious I was back then as to what lay ahead.

Anyway, it was back then that I began planning a house move.  Now a year later, I have actually moved so at least I can spend my lockdown sorting out the new pad.

On the whole I consider myself to be incredibly fortunate but I am only too aware that Lockdown means decidedly different things for different people. Yet for all there is loss and for all there will be all manner of feelings and thoughts in response.

Last lockdown saw a positive surge of ‘let’s learn new things’.  This time there is more of a collective resignation.

When such a life altering situation goes on (and on and on), it demands a whole different level of resilience.  This is not only long haul stuff but it is a time for which none of us have an end date.  That sort of uncertainty can evoke all manner of emotions, none of which are usually very welcome.  All of which will cause all sorts of other issues if we attempt to deny them.

I’m not even sure right now how I feel about this latest lockdown.  I mean, I feel ok right now particularly with the new house to sort and enjoy.  But the last lockdown taught me that what I feel can vary vastly from one week to the next.  And so I will take it one week and when necessary one day at a time.

The theme that I have noticed throughout this week as we enter this second lockdown has been one of being willing to still notice the moments to be thankful for.  It sounds super cheddary but it is true.  And besides, I like cheddar.

To clarify, I am not talking about positivity overload where we pour a sugar coating over anything we don’t like the look of.  It is not remotely helpful to deny, minimise or belittle the reality of the situation.  It sucks.  And it’s healthy to be honest about that.

But, just as in any other challenge of life, we have to decide whether we are willing to continue to seek and to see those gift type moments.  How easy it is when things are hard, to simply stop seeing the good stuff.  Yet both are real and present.  Now as always.  And our ability to recognise and embrace such moments can make a monumental difference to our ability to endure.

In the past week or so with all the rain and clouds, I’ve seen more rainbows than I probably had in the previous six months.  Not only do they cause me to burst in to a spontaneous gasp/smile every time, but they remind me not only that God is still God but that no matter how grey or miserable the weather or the life conditions, there are always moments that break through with light and colour.

How easy it can become not to see them.  

Yet it is these moments of magic amidst the misery that see us through.  

It may not be amongst nature although some of the tree’s offerings of colours are nothing short of sensational right now.  But it could be a satisfying conversation (socially distanced or on line obvs) or an unexpected moment of shared laughter or anything at all that simply warms the heart or even the stomach!  And I think we all need as much of that stuff as we can get right now!