The need to feed

‘I’m fed up’, must be the most popular saying of the moment!  No great surprise there.  But perhaps we need to take another look at becoming fed well in the face of feeling so fed up.

I say this because I love food, I love eating and I love to think of life in these terms!

I’ve often reflected of late that food is one of the few pleasures to escape the restrictive grasp of Covid.

We can still order takeout, buy food from the supermarkets, watch cookery programs and attempt new recipes.

Great, right?

And yet sometimes, as someone who doesn’t want to be eating too much take out, food preparation can become a repetitive drag.  Before Christmas I was utterly over the whole thinking about what to eat, buying the food, prepping it followed by the relentless rounds of washing up that accompany making food from scratch.  The monotony, the necessity, the never ending nature of it had become another pesky chore amidst the grind of daily lockdown living.  All of which screamed, ‘I need a break’.

Post break, my creative drive to experiment with new recipes has returned with a vengeance.  For this I am grateful.  Yet I still don’t want to have to go through the ritual of food preparation every single day.  Sometimes by the time I finish work I don’t have the desire or the drive to get creative in the kitchen.  I’m on empty but lack the fuel to create good fuel!  Other days I am immersed in creative projects which I don’t want to divert from to make a meal.

As I listen to others, I realise that many people feel this way.  It is thus not unusual.  But I do believe it is exacerbated by lockdown life.  For me at least, back in the pre-Covid days, I would regularly catch up with friends over a meal in a restaurant.  I love eating with friends.  Despite also loving to make food for myself and others, I love it even more when someone else has cooked and cleaned up, whether at their house or in a restaurant!  I savour the treat of being fed by another.  

Back in the good old Covid free times I also used to book regular breaks where the food was prepared for me.  I miss this luxury. Sigh.

And so at the moment, aside from the odd takeout, the cooking comes down to me.  Mostly this is ok but every so often I lose my enthusiasm.  If this builds, I end up wanting to shout, ‘I want someone else to feed me’!

Of course on a practical level it is entirely possible to batch cook thus giving myself the regular gift of a cooking free evening.  But sometimes I just want someone else to feed me!  Whilst I make a point of trying new recipes, I still have my old trusted favourites yet when I go to someone else for dinner or to a restaurant, my eyes may be opened and my stomach blessed by something entirely new to me.  I love to benefit from others ideas converted in to culinary creations!

As I was pondering these matters this week, I happened to hear several messages on line offering support and encouragement for co-habiting with Covid.  (Not necessarily literally)

These reminded me that whilst we must take responsibility for feeding ourselves nutritious foods for our bodies which then feeds the mind and heart, we must also take care to feed our spirit and souls.

It would seem that the message of the moment regarding our physical diet is that the Mediterranean emphasis on fruit, vegetables and good fats is in favour.  

Could it be that the presence of Covid reminds us that the equivalent diet for our soul consists of plentiful portions of encouragement, support and kindness.  Not a new concept but perhaps one worthy of a revisit.

Now I’m the first to admit that I like to bang on about this stuff.  But how much more relevant is this to us all right now?  These are challenging times to say the least.  When facing such long term restrictions as now, our need to feed our souls with extra helpings of support, encouragement and kindness is greater than ever.  And in order to share it with others we must first receive it ourselves.

I thoroughly enjoyed being fed by the various different messages that I have heard and digested in this past week.  Others were doing the equivalent of feeding me their favourite soul foods whether opening up a scripture or offering some other form of insight to lift me up to keep facing the prolonged challenge of living in lockdown.

I much prefer feeling fed well over feeling fed up!

And this got me thinking about how easy it is when times are hard to overlook the increased need to feed our souls.

There is a lot of junk food about to feed on right now of which complaining and blaming are top of the menu whether found on social media or the news.  I think it is necessary to stay abreast of the basic if ever changing information of what is going on, but if we consume too much of it, we risk becoming so full that we have no appetite for the uplifting.

There is nothing wrong with an honest admission of feeling utterly fed up, terrified, worried, disillusioned or whatever it is.  Nothing wrong at all.  But when we feel that way, we must recognise our need to be fed well rather than gorge on junk or consume more distressing news.

We must learn what and who feeds us well.  This may be a trusted friend with whom you don’t have to feign positivity every time you open your mouth for fear that they can’t cope with anything else, it may be an online Church service (these offer banquets of such food even on line!), podcasts or other on line messages or even newspaper articles or films or whatever it is that leaves you well fed.

As I say I have been fed through my own Church as well as other encouraging on line messages, a book a friend sent me and even a newspaper article about the uplifting work of the artist Charlie Macksey.  Like all good up lifters, his illustrations do not seek to gloss over the struggle or suffering but rather to highlight the truths of goodness to be found within them.  I recommend his work.

Anyway, having received the gift of being fed by others, it has given me a kick up the backside to start something that has been on my heart since the first lockdown (but got lost in all things house move related), which is to start doing something similar to this but using the spoken word.  

To start with at least, I will call these snack bites.

As I finally overcome my battle to reduce my intake of salty snacks of an evening, I am going to look at what is helpful to snack upon.  And I’m not talking about the gut but that in such prolonged times of stress, the need for regular healthy snacks for the soul.  I may share something I have seen or heard which contains some point or truth to chew upon and apply to lockdown living.

First I’ll have to wrestle with the technology required to do so but … watch this space.

The need to plan

Last year taught us not to plan!  Or rather that the best laid plans can be totally scuppered by matters beyond our control.

But what I am beginning to realise is that it is unhelpful to throw out the baby with the bathwater.

After a restful break, I started this week accompanied by an abundance of enthusiasm for all things new including this year. 

Despite hating the end of Christmas, I had managed to remove all signs of it prior to my return to work. Unless you count the endless amount of hoover avoiding pine needles!

Having also recommitted myself to morning quiet times and a snack reduction program for the evenings, I was ready to immerse myself in the new working week.

Bring it on, I thought.

I flew through Monday and Tuesday with great energy and enjoyment.   

Yet on Wednesday I found myself descending in to a pit of despondency.

As someone who loves to spend time gazing out of the window especially now that I have a conservatory that I didn’t even realise I wanted, I really value these times of stillness and solitude. 

However, there is a point beyond which such time ceases to be restful or inspiring instead becoming wasteful and energy sapping.  I crossed that line by Wednesday lunch time.

What was going on?

I took a firm handle on myself, prised myself from the sofa, layered up and took myself out for an appointment with the great if rather chilly, outdoors.

As I walked, I reflected on the lack of differentiation between last year and this.  The absence of celebration or party, the pointlessness of making long term plans for 2021, further exacerbated by the latest lockdown.

I realised that whilst it is indeed a folly to make plans involving anything beyond our control right now, it does not remove the need to have some kind of plans.

It was many years ago now that aided by one wiser than me, I discovered that I am a person who needs a plan.  Without one I am prone to falling in to an abyss accompanied only by apathy and despondency.

I need a plan on which to structure myself and my time if not wishing to waste either.

As one who has many interests which are unaffected by the recent restrictions, I often need to relearn the importance of being proactive about planning times to do the things that nourish and uplift me.  How easy I find it to avoid the effort required to do this. Not so forgoing the rewards.

I don’t need to plan every second as I need time to be spontaneous too.  But if I have too much time, I cease to use it productively or enjoyably.

As I reflected upon this week, I realised that my creative juices were definitely replenished by my recent break.   I have noticed this through my awakened appetite for new recipes or to follow new pathways out on my walks.  I want newness, change, difference, things that inspire and enliven.  And they are still possible albeit in a limited way.

I realised that unless I want to lose myself, my time and my newly refreshed creativity, by lapsing in to a listless lump, I must be more proactive than ever in planning how to utilise my work free time in ways that allow and sustain balance in creativity, nourishment, connectivity and physical activity.

All this sometimes feels like hard work especially in these challenging and restricted times of repetition.   Yet I have learned over and over that it is a work that is rich in reward.

And so it is I am planning times to invest in the things I enjoy; more house decorating, reading those books whose invitations I keep ignoring, exploring and creating new recipes, going through old photography to choose those I wish to print and frame, connecting with others albeit aided by technology, watching new drama’s and films minus the non-stop snacking (in theory) and regularly getting outside no matter how cold.

If I can plan and more importantly implement these activities, I will continue to value and enjoy myself, my time, my friends and my life, in spite of all that remains beyond my control.  

I suspect I may need to repeat this lesson throughout 2021!

The Year we didn’t see coming

2020: The year that no one saw coming. 

I think it would be fair to say that 2020 is the year we didn’t see coming but we all want to see going.

At least we didn’t see it coming if we weren’t in China or didn’t have access to such classified information.

We just could not have anticipated what 2020 would bring.  Personally I’m not sure I would have wanted to.  Others may feel differently.

What we do appear to be pretty unanimous about is that we all want to see 2020 go.

But, whilst it has bought the biggest crisis the world has faced in a long time, the end of 2020 will not be the end of it.

There is real hope in the form of the new vaccines currently making their way in to the arms of our most vulnerable. 

Yet there is still a way to go.

What makes all this especially hard for us humans is that there is so much uncertainty coupled with a lack of control and no clear end date.  As a result we try to create control and certainty by splitting things in to black and white states.  For example, it was a good or a bad year, or in the case of 2020, a terrible year.

We don’t tend to do well at the grey stuff in between that us and life are actually made up of.

Hence we like to imagine that if 2020 ends it will take all the bad stuff we experienced with it. 

Equally, we are prone to losing sight of all that was good in a year very definitely overshadowed by that which was bad. 

But even in a catastrophic year like this one, Covid is not the whole story. Nor do we need to allow it to obscure our view or memory of that which was worthy of celebration.

Just as we must continue to find ways to honour the lives that have been lost, we must equally honour those that have been born and those of us somewhere in between.

Covid with all its human separating tendencies has reminded us in the starkest way that all that matters is each other.

Families have learned to spend time together, to get out and walk or go for bike rides together.

We’ve started sending actual cards to each other again.

Churches have risen above their previous focus of denominational difference to literally make beautiful music together.

Church and communities have created numerous initiatives to respond to those in need.

The Scientific powers that be have managed to produce a vaccine in record time.  Not, I believe because they have cut corners but because they have cut through the red tape that usually binds them from achieving such feats.

All in all, nothing is rarely ever all good or all bad. 

2020 is no exception nor will 2021 be.

It is bad and sad that there has been much loss of actual life whether directly or indirectly as a result of Covid, as well as numerous more subtle losses.  And all losses must be grieved. 

But, if we have the courage to engage with the sorrow of our losses, we will find our capacity for appreciation of the gifts life continues to offer, to be enriched and enlarged.

Every crisis, trauma or loss has deep within it the chance to deepen the experience and enjoyment of life.  We have to work much harder in challenging times to find those moments of magic but paradoxically it is our ability to engage with the depths of death, destruction and despair that can propel us in to ever increasing degrees of joy.

I was recently reminded of this via two of my favourite festive films; Scrooge and It’s a wonderful Life.  Both explore the theme of death as a way to review the life led to that point.  And both enable their protagonists to re-engage with their lives where they had previously been unable to move beyond their respective losses.  After seeing their lives and deaths through the eyes of others, both were returned to these lives armed with a fresh revelation and gratitude for their own life as well as those around them.  

Life is not all good or all bad. 

Life brings things which we name good or bad.

2020 bought a bumper crop of that we call bad. 

But this is still no reason to over look, diminish or write off that which was good.

We all want 2020 gone but whilst it will not take all things Covid with it, we must not allow it to take or tarnish the good either.

I continue to be inspired by the community spirit, the new willingness to use technology (especially by me!), the creativity, the collaboration, the deepening of relationships despite enforced separation and the ability to recognise the importance of doing life and all that it brings, together, even when that can’t happen physically.

We have been reminded this 2020 that whilst fragile and fleeting, life is still the most precious of gifts, both our own and each others.

Let us hold firmly to this truth as we watch 2020 go, that we may support one another as we enter 2021 with all the Covid and non Covid challenges and triumphs that it will present.

Covid tries to steal Christmas

What a week. 

What a year.

Who isn’t absolutely sick of, if not with, Covid right now?

Even if we haven’t directly lost anyone to Covid, the ripple effects of loss are continuing for us all.

Last week, I was feeling super excited that I had almost got to the start of this much awaited break.

Then the news we had all expected arrived.  In dribs and drabs the restrictions were increased and tightened until it basically felt like Christmas had been cancelled.

In addition I found out that two close friends and their partners had tested positive.  Who hasn’t had it themselves or knows someone who has?

Suddenly the anticipation preceding my break turned in to a horrible flat, energy and excitement stealing low.  And then the tears came. I just let them.

Whilst speaking to a friend the night before, she reminded me that I’m usually pretty good at allowing my sadness to come, feeling and acknowledging it and trusting it to pass.  With this in mind I allowed it to do just that.  And when it did my capacity for appreciation was restored and enlarged.

There are so many overt losses as a result of Covid from lives to livelihoods.  This reality must not be diminished or belittled in any way.

But there are also numerous covert losses, most recently of the hopes and plans we had for Christmas.  It cannot be what we wish or want it to be and it is totally natural to feel sad about that.

The more friends I speak and listen to, the more I realise just how many of us are experiencing these low waves of sadness and generally unwanted feelings followed by a renewed surge of gratitude for what we do have.

Whilst riding my bike through the picturesque local villages last Sunday, I was reminded that whilst it felt like Covid had stolen Christmas, in reality nothing can steal Christmas.  

Christmas is about our capacity to care for, to show love to, to be there for even when we cannot be there with each other.  And nothing can steal that.

Covid is forcing us to become ever more imaginative in how we continue to be there for one another as well as making us increasingly more dependent on technology to do so.

But we can and we must continue to be there with each other in spirit if not in body.  We can continue to connect, to share, to laugh and cry with each other no matter what.

My hope on this most unnatural of Christmases, is that none of us would allow the presence of Covid to obstruct our view of what Christmas and life are actually about.

My prayer is that we may each continue to know and experience the love of God Almighty Himself today and beyond for it is His love that enables us to endure all things.  And if you don’t believe in Him, may you know and remain connected to those around you, who love you.

No one and no thing can steal the true meaning of Christmas from any of us.

Sending out Christ filled love to all, especially those who are alone through circumstance rather than choice.

Holidays are coming

At least this is what the Coco Cola advert says but as far as I am concerned they are not coming quick enough!

I’ve attempted to slow everything down but as anyone who is responsible for a house, business or family know, there are numerous things you just can’t put on hold.

And so, I am crawling my way through to the Christmas holidays.

In fact, I feel like I’m way behind the masses this year.  As a huge fan of all things Christmas, the 1st is my official start date.  Yet for many, it would seem that the presence of Covid acts as code for start early and go big.  

I don’t think I have ever before seen so many Christmas lights whether in houses or shops at this time of year. Hence in comparison I’m feeling like I’m slow off the mark.  That said, I did manage to get out to buy my own Christmas tree earlier this week where the vendor told me he had already sold 150 pines!

Blimey!

I also received my first card last week and two presents this week.  Some people are seriously ahead of the game!

My own chunky but funky little pine tree is now dressed and lit.  Now that I finally have a green garden I will even be able to plant it up after this season that I can use it again for the next.

Whilst I’m still a little snowed under with painting and decorating as well as catching up on training opportunities for work, my aim is to put the extra work down by the end of this week and throw myself in to all things Christmas.

It will of course be a very different Christmas this year.  Whilst Covid was but a Chinese whisper this time last year, it is now separating many from their loved ones.  Numerous family’s are finding themselves agonising over whether to meet and mix with family during the five day flout fest (as my sister has termed it).  Some people feel safe, others do not. Those who do not, want to avoid offending those who do and so another layer of potential conflict and complication is added to what can already be a challenging season for many.  

Personally I am so wrapped up in exhausting myself with house sorting that I’ll be happy just to have a break.  I haven’t quite got round to thinking about, let alone organising who I will or wont be seeing nor whether they will or wont want to see me!  

As for my own family, the ongoing estrangement from most of them spares me from wrestling with that particular dilemma!  Every cloud!

Generally, recent surveys suggest that the majority feel the sacrifice of one Christmas with family is a worthy act if it prevents further Covid spreading.  

After one of the most peculiar and challenging years of recent times, most do not want to prolong matters longer than necessary.  Rather, most seem willing to forgo the usual level of festivities and family engagements.  Who is to say for how many this offers respite rather than resentment!

Personally, I’m gutted there will be no Christmas parties this year!  I usually have around four booked in full of feasting and shape throwing.  I’ve really missed the chance to get out and dance this year.  With the exception of a spontaneous outburst of dancing in my neighbours living room (back when that was allowed), I’ve done no dancing this year and I miss it!

But other than that, the socialising restrictions have simply given me permission to focus solely on house sorting which has actually been rather helpful, if exhausting.

Christmas will indeed be quiet for me this year.  And at this point, I feel pretty grateful for the chance it offers to hunker down to watch Christmas films, bake mince pies and enjoy the great outdoors all without the option to attempt to fit in crazy amounts of catch ups.   

But until those holidays actually do come, I will get my head down, do what is necessary, enjoy what I can along the way and look forward to the chance to stop, breath and reflect.

Wasted knowledge

As mentioned in my last post, I have recently moved house.  Not before hours of deliberating, doubting and finally deciding that this was the right thing to do. It was then a further year from that initial unexpected seedling of an idea to the realisation of arriving within not the first but the second house that I had attempted to buy.

What I have learned is that I would not recommend moving in a pandemic!  The stress has been great for my waistline but I certainly wouldn’t suggest it as a sensible weight loss program.

Anyway, now that I have arrived (so to speak) in the new pad, I am running at absolutely everything at approximately 800 miles an hour.  I have been emptying boxes, distributing items to new positions, painting walls, hanging pictures, ordering new stuff, planting new flowers … the whole shebang.  You name it and I have been doing it.  

This is all in between work I might add, which has also been rather busy.

Unsurprisingly I got to Tuesday night of this week and crashed in an exhausted heap before 7.30pm.

Why do I do this to myself?!

And this is what I mean by wasted knowledge.  What is the point of knowing the importance of pacing myself when I am unable or maybe unwilling in this case to translate such knowledge in to appropriate action.

I absolutely love the creativity involved in turning a house in to a home. I really do.

But I don’t love exhausting myself in to pre 8pm bedtimes.

And so it was that I took some time off this week to do that thing that we so often cease to do when under pressure or just busy or stressed, whether of our own making or due to the presence of a pandemic.  I took time out.

If I look back, I cannot even count on two hands the amount of people who have encouraged, chided and warned me that I ought to slow down and pace myself!

How foolish I am not to listen to those words that I do not want to hear but equally recognise to be true!

Anyway, I have attempted to rectify the situation.

Wednesday saw me trialling out my new wellies over in my beloved fields.  I relished the sense of space and freedom afforded by those huge, open spaces.

I also took myself and my mask over to two garden centres to drink in the sight of all those beautiful living things that continue to grow and display colour and form despite the harshness of winter.

Dare I admit that I even stopped to watch my first Christmas film!  I usually have a ‘not before December’ rule but these films started back in October so I think I’ve exercised enough restraint.  Or more honestly, I have just been too distracted by the home making.

Whilst last Saturday’s newspaper still serves to remind me that I haven’t yet sat down to read it, I have overall managed to separate my foot from the gas.  A little.

In fact, today I actually opened and read the letter from my sponsored child that has been looking at me from the kitchen table all week.  I was humbled to read that he is praying that God will strengthen me to finish the book that I started writing in Lockdown number one.  Gulp.  It doesn’t matter how much I am prayed for if I don’t do my part in ensuring that I have the energy to do so!

Whilst I consider myself to be very fortunate to still have work and work that I love as well as a new home to exhaust myself in during these unpredictable Covid coloured times, self care still matters for me and us all.

Whatever our covid-coping strategies or general experiences of this pandemic are whether fortunate, tragic or anywhere in between, we can all forget to practice that which we already know that we need. 

As we cross the half way point of this second lockdown along with all that it evokes within us, we must continue to implement the most basic of self care routines from getting out in the fresh air, undertaking some form of exercise, maintaining good enough eating habits, staying connected to others and even getting to bed at a reasonable time.

We know this stuff.

I know this stuff.

Yet there really is no point whatsoever in knowing anything if I or you or we fail to apply such knowledge.

None of us know right now what this Covid accompanied Christmas may look like or how the vaccines will pan out but what we all know is that we need to keep looking after ourselves and each other now more than ever.

Here we go again

It’s been threatening for some time so it’s no real surprise that lockdown has landed upon us again.  Whilst this is no longer new territory for us, this time around the days are shorter and the temperature is lower.

There is much in the media as to whether the ‘cure’ is now worse than the virus.  Certainly there will be a cost that reaches far beyond the realms of the economy.  I certainly wouldn’t want to be sitting with the level of responsibility that rests upon the powers that be.  Whatever they do or do not do, there will be cost and criticism.

Earlier today I was reflecting upon how different things were this time last year.  I realised that last November I was on one of my many jaunts to the coast.  It seems almost surreal that back then we still had the freedom to be out and about without a second thought let alone a stash of face masks.  How wonderfully oblivious I was back then as to what lay ahead.

Anyway, it was back then that I began planning a house move.  Now a year later, I have actually moved so at least I can spend my lockdown sorting out the new pad.

On the whole I consider myself to be incredibly fortunate but I am only too aware that Lockdown means decidedly different things for different people. Yet for all there is loss and for all there will be all manner of feelings and thoughts in response.

Last lockdown saw a positive surge of ‘let’s learn new things’.  This time there is more of a collective resignation.

When such a life altering situation goes on (and on and on), it demands a whole different level of resilience.  This is not only long haul stuff but it is a time for which none of us have an end date.  That sort of uncertainty can evoke all manner of emotions, none of which are usually very welcome.  All of which will cause all sorts of other issues if we attempt to deny them.

I’m not even sure right now how I feel about this latest lockdown.  I mean, I feel ok right now particularly with the new house to sort and enjoy.  But the last lockdown taught me that what I feel can vary vastly from one week to the next.  And so I will take it one week and when necessary one day at a time.

The theme that I have noticed throughout this week as we enter this second lockdown has been one of being willing to still notice the moments to be thankful for.  It sounds super cheddary but it is true.  And besides, I like cheddar.

To clarify, I am not talking about positivity overload where we pour a sugar coating over anything we don’t like the look of.  It is not remotely helpful to deny, minimise or belittle the reality of the situation.  It sucks.  And it’s healthy to be honest about that.

But, just as in any other challenge of life, we have to decide whether we are willing to continue to seek and to see those gift type moments.  How easy it is when things are hard, to simply stop seeing the good stuff.  Yet both are real and present.  Now as always.  And our ability to recognise and embrace such moments can make a monumental difference to our ability to endure.

In the past week or so with all the rain and clouds, I’ve seen more rainbows than I probably had in the previous six months.  Not only do they cause me to burst in to a spontaneous gasp/smile every time, but they remind me not only that God is still God but that no matter how grey or miserable the weather or the life conditions, there are always moments that break through with light and colour.

How easy it can become not to see them.  

Yet it is these moments of magic amidst the misery that see us through.  

It may not be amongst nature although some of the tree’s offerings of colours are nothing short of sensational right now.  But it could be a satisfying conversation (socially distanced or on line obvs) or an unexpected moment of shared laughter or anything at all that simply warms the heart or even the stomach!  And I think we all need as much of that stuff as we can get right now!

That which is free

As I was out running one morning this week, I couldn’t help but consider all that is free in life.  For me, there is an exhilarating freedom in being able to run.  Just like the rest of life, on some days the runs are more of a struggle than others but I don’t stop going just in case it’s a day when I’ll find it hard. I take the good with the bad because overall running gives me an immense sense of freedom.  This has been my experience since I was a small child.

Whilst out on this particular run, I felt privileged to notice the beauty of my surroundings; from the sun shimmering off the farmers fields, to the vast expanse of open space stretching out as far as I could see, to the silhouette of the squirrel scampering across the top of a fence just as I passed, to the sound of the birds making music in the trees, the cat crouched in the undergrowth with its prey in its jaw, to the dog walker who also had a parrot on his shoulder.  That was a definite double taker of a moment! 

And, best of all, all of this was free!

Then as I returned from my run, I happened to pass a house which had a large box of bagged up rolls on the garden wall along with a sign inviting people to help themselves as these were free!  Another double taker moment as I am like most people in that I am conditioned by the cynicism of society to think ‘there is no such thing as a free lunch’!  And yet there was mine!  I took a bag and no one chased me down the road to demand payment!

Next up I called in to the newsagent where there was a pile of local newspapers with a sign on top which read, ‘help yourself, free’!

It was as if this theme of that which is free was being reinforced throughout my day!

On this particular day that I ran, I was also enjoying being free from the responsibilities of my work.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my work – I actively chose to invest the decade required to do what I do.  But, I equally love to be free from it and believe that my capacity to enjoy these work free days enriches me to continue giving in enlivening ways to the work.

The additional free time that my recent reduced work load has gifted me with also provides more time, head and heart space to indulge in other passions such as reading the work of other writers. 

My chosen reading for this week included:

The power of You, by Henry Fraser

Say Yes to Life by Victor Frankl

For anyone who likes to contemplate the deeper things of life I would recommend Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl.  What a total legend.

What these men of different times have in common is that whilst both had experienced their own personal hell on earth; one at the hands of the Nazi’s of Auschwitz and the other following a paralysing accident whilst on the brink of entering adulthood, both of these inspiring individuals had also discovered the gift of not only overcoming such personal trauma’s but going on to experience the slices of Heaven that life continues to offer in spite of it all.

And I LOVE all that kind of jazz.

Life delivers personalised and collective crap parcels to us all but it doesn’t have to stop us entering in to the joy beyond.

You could say that both these men have cultivated the capacity to enjoy that which continues to be free such as the way in which we choose to see, experience and respond to our personal and or collective crisis and traumas.

As lockdown is the collective crisis of our time, the invitation remains for us all to work towards a place where we continue to encounter the slices of Heaven which emerge even within and from this.

It is of course a process and one where we cannot simply bypass the pain of the very real losses experienced and ongoing.

Being able to encounter the beauty amidst the sorrow is not about denying but grieving the losses sufficiently to see beyond them to that free gift that remains available to us all – the ability to connect with each other.

In my personal and professional experience and observation, it is the ability to connect with other humans and in their absence God Himself that determines how well we are able to endure, grow beyond and move on to establish lives we want to live despite the traumas we encounter.

Whilst it is not possible to enjoy the healing power of the touch of other humans right now, if my work has taught me anything it is that touch goes way beyond the realms of the hands. 

What I mean is that whilst we cannot hold the hand or touch the shoulder let alone embrace those that we wish to, we are still free to touch one another’s hearts in a hands free way.

We just need to be a little more creative.

That is not to belittle the loss of touch though. 

Research shows that some baby’s in orphanages have been known to die in the absence of human touch.

And yet, at this time we are still free to touch one another through holding in mind and uplifting and encouraging through the power of words, smiles, eyes and actions even if aided by technology.

It is not the same.  

But there is still power within it.

Let us not lose sight of the beauty within the sorrow, the hope within the horror, the healing within the holding of one another in mind and hearts and the glimpses of Heaven within the Hell.

For just like the one who tends to our hurts with a supernatural touch, we are still free to touch the mind, hearts and lives of each other in ways that allow us to continue to endure that which is hard without losing sight of that which is good.

No matter how long Lockdown continues or what life will look like beyond it, the power to love and connect to each other and God remain free to us all.

Under Our Noses

One of the benefits of being forced to lockdown exactly where we are is that we appear to be collectively noticing what is right under our noses.

What I mean is that I keep hearing people refer to how they have discovered a new walk or lake or bike trail or whatever that they have never noticed before despite for some, having lived in their area for decades!

How easy it is to overlook or simply fail to see that which is right under our noses whilst chasing all that is further afield.

Us humans have a tendency towards seeking the next new thing which usually presents as being over there somewhere whether in time or location.

Lockdown even now that it is beginning to ease, forces us to focus on where we are right here, right now.  

In doing so, we begin to notice our surroundings.

Not only do we see afresh the beauty of God’s creation but we also begin to see the people on our doorsteps, otherwise known as our neighbours!  The extra time whether wanted or unwanted has allowed us to see and appreciate afresh those who have always been under our noses. 

Similarly, those interests that have been squeezed out in our previously over filled lives have been resurrected, reclaimed and enjoyed, whether learning the guitar or a new language or more baking or reading or whatever your chosen interests are.  They have always been there but were previously lost to the hurried pace of life.

Alongside every crisis, personal or collective, comes the question, ‘where is God in all this?’.

I might suggest that He too has always been right under our noses but just like all of the above and so much more, we may have lost sight of Him amidst the overload of pre lockdown normality.

And yet there He is in all the acts of love and generosity across the country from small town initiatives looking out for the vulnerable to various organisations joining forces to provide help where needed, to the actions of the now legendary Captain Tom, to the Churches who have put aside denominational differences to create The UK Blessing song (check it out on YouTube) and to so many other heart warming examples of collaboration.

What a shame that it took a worldwide crisis to enable us to get over our respective ego’s enough to learn to collaborate.  My only hope now is that we do not lose this new spirit of collaboration as lockdown eases.

Anyway, God is love and all of these acts of generosity, caring and collaboration are active and selfless expressions of love that help to restore our faith in the goodness of humanity.

Perhaps if we had previously begun to lose sight of God or just never sought Him before, we may now seek to see Him with renewed vigour.

Now more than ever we are reminded that God is the only unchanging aspect of our lives.

This enforced slow down, stop and lockdown has enabled us to begin to see and notice so much of which we had lost sight.

Our vision has cleared.

We see once more that what really matters is faith, family, friends, neighbours, key workers, health, our ability to contribute to those around us whether through the baking of cakes, delivering of shopping, sending cards, praying or whatever else, along with a capacity to see and appreciate any silver linings.

As we begin to ease out of lockdown, I hope that I and we do not begin to lose sight of all that is right under our noses.

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Superfood

The single main thing that connects me with anyone even remotely close to me is … a love of food.

I’m serious.

People who say that they eat purely to live remain a mystery to me.  One that I hold little interest in unravelling.

I love food.

During lockdown it’s taken on even more of a prominent role offering even more of a source of joy!  Every day I delight in planning the next meals!

I love to read recipes (must have accompanying pictures), experiment with new dishes, savour the sampling of them and share all with others!

It would be true to say that I have a hearty appetite for life and all that fuels it.

Last weekend, along with a treasured friend I experienced my first Lockdown afternoon tea session courtesy of app of the moment; zoom!  It was fantabulous.  I loved it!  And my friend did too.

How wonderful it is to share food with one another, even if we must use technology to do so.

Friday evening even saw me ‘having dinner’ with another friend over a WhatsApp video call.

How times have changed.

And these were people like me who only a few short months ago would not have believed it possible to even operate such new fangled technological ways!  Now we even find ourselves ‘teaching’ others how to access this previously foreign territory!

These meetings involving top notch food and company have filled and fuelled my body and soul.

But what of my spirit? 

There are some hungers that only God can fulfil. 

Throughout lockdown whenever I have encountered my lowest moments, it has been God Almighty who has fed, nurtured and nourished me.  

Of course, as in ordinary non lockdown life, He often does this through those around me; neighbours, friends, nature and the like.  But it is in those moments when no one else is around or available that God delivers.

I keep seeing the Domino’s ad at the moment where they remind us that they are delivering pizza to our doors so that we can stay home. Yum!

And I cannot help but think about the God who delivers whatever we need if not what we want, whenever we need it whilst we stay home; peace, encouragement, comfort, hope, patience, trust, strength, wisdom and all those other crucial things that no fast or even slow food places can deliver.

Early on in lockdown I couldn’t imagine being able to tolerate the hunger for the physical presence of another human.  Yet Jesus Himself reminded me of his promise that those who come to him shall never go hungry.  He fed and continues to feed me with His presence.  It is not the same as human contact but it is enough. Jesus delivers.

A few weeks in to lockdown I started to do that thing that us humans are notorious for doing; I started looking around and making comparisons with others (or what I thought I knew about others).  Who has got what or who in their life, or more to the point, who has got what I have not!  Funnily enough I did not invest as heartily in comparing who has not got what I have got! 

But anyway, as my feelings got uglier and uglier, I had to take them to God and ask Him to exchange them for a big feed of his goodness on the understanding that whatever I am holding within me cannot help but spill out to those around me.  Again, Jesus delivered.

In addition to the spiritual superfood from Jesus, I continue to work with my own counsellor.  I am way too aware that this keeps me from pretending to myself that I cannot see the issues I need to address!  Besides if I’m going to continue to facilitate others working on their mental and emotional health during these unusual times, I believe it is only right that I continue to work on my own.

As I continued to reflect on the way that God feeds and nourishes me, I acknowledged as I have many times before that I need to approach Him and His word with the same frequency and enthusiasm that I approach preparing my daily food menu’s.  For if my physical food is something that I give so much time, thought and attention to, is it not at least as important that I give the same to the one who feeds the parts of me that are more relevant than ever during this most unusual of times?

Food may bring me much delight but it is the food of God’s word and presence that equips me for the unique rewards and challenges of daily lockdown life. 

Whether I need comfort in my aloneness, a peace that defies these circumstances, a strength to continue with what is necessary, a wisdom superior to my own for big life decisions, provision when I am lacking; financially, emotionally or in any other way, trust for the uncertainties of the future, or one of THE most important things in life; an ability to laugh at myself when I’m being horrid, my God delivers.

Through Jesus, God is my ultimate superfood.  He never runs out, goes off, tells me I can’t have anymore or fails to provide the necessary sustenance for the day ahead.

Whilst I recognise that I am on the whole in an incredibly fortunate position during this lockdown and that this is far from the case for all, I also know that God is more than able to feed each of us exactly what we need to continue engaging in whatever our daily life consists of.

He is the ultimate feeder.

And whilst He is most definitely in our lockdown, He is not on Lockdown.

He delivers whilst we stay home.

What a superfood we have in Jesus.