Lockdown Living - The middle phase in life ...

The need to breathe

We know we need to breathe.

But certain situations of which Covid would definitely qualify, can stop us from breathing easy.

It may not even be apparent to us until the moment of the long exhale.

I had this most delicious of experiences last Sunday whilst meandering through the rural lanes on my bike. My eyes were feasting on the vast green spaces stretching out to either side along with the mass of blue sky ahead and beyond.

It was delicious.

And then the sun broke through. I spontaneously turned my face towards this most welcome warmth, closed my eyes and relished the long exhale that accompanied the sensation. I may even have made an ‘aahh’ type noise!

The long exhale!

In that moment of unexpected January warmth, my spirit soared at the reminder that Spring is coming.

Whilst I can hardly believe that a life that has become so much simpler and slower can continue to disappear at such speed, it does of course feel at times that things will never change.

Yet here was nature itself reminding me that this is not true!

During winter, I often find it really hard to imagine what it feels like to be out in the warmth of spring or summer without numerous layers of protective clothing. Yet I know that I will experience that again.

Despite the damage that we are doing to our planet with its subsequent impact upon our weather, we still know that the Spring will follow the winter.

The signs of this happening this year are already here.

Only last week I was wondering when the daffodils would appear in the shops and then … de darn … there they were! I immediately snapped up the last few bunches for myself and a neighbour. And then someone else bought me a mixed colour bouquet of tulips. Just beautiful!

A colleague sent the most stunning picture of the first snowdrops they had seen. Wow!

I love these confirmations from nature; like little emails encouraging us not to despair, we’re working flat out behind the scenes to be with you before you know it!

I know that we know all this and we know all this happens year after year.

But how much more poignant is it this year?

Nature reminds us that whilst in the thick of winter with its signature short days and wet and wild weather, the preparations are under way for the longer, lighter days that accompany Spring.

Having passed the shortest day a month ago, the days are already lengthening.

Yay!

We know that better times where we can actually be with one another will return and just as those first rays of the sun are so much more welcome following its absence, how much more will we feel this way when reunited with our fellow humans?!

But, just because we know that the storm, season and situation will change, does not mean we need to delay our willingness to really live each day, until it does.

What a waste to postpone our ‘happiness’ until the arrival of a change we cannot cajole in to coming.

Each new day of this thing called life is a gift so fragile and fleeting we must seek its moments of wonder despite the suffering.

This morning dawned wet and wild, not that this stopped the wonderful chorus of chirping and cheeping outside my conservatory. Yet now, the sky is brilliant blue with the sun shining free from the cover of clouds.

Things can change in an instant; for better or worse.

Whilst we do not have to spend the whole of winter worrying that spring will never come, nor must we spend the remainder of lockdown worrying that freedoms will never return.

It will take time and there will be further cost and challenge, some known and others not.

And yet, if we can trust that the change will come, we free ourselves to embrace the now.

To look for those people, places, things, activities and connections that offer us … the long exhale..

The need to feed

‘I’m fed up’, must be the most popular saying of the moment! No great surprise there. But perhaps we need to take another look at becoming fed well in the face of feeling so fed up.

I say this because I love food, I love eating and I love to think of life in these terms!

I’ve often reflected of late that food is one of the few pleasures to escape the restrictive grasp of Covid.

We can still order takeout, buy food from the supermarkets, watch cookery programs and attempt new recipes.

Great, right?

And yet sometimes, as someone who doesn’t want to be eating too much take out, food preparation can become a repetitive drag. Before Christmas I was utterly over the whole thinking about what to eat, buying the food, prepping it followed by the relentless rounds of washing up that accompany making food from scratch. The monotony, the necessity, the never ending nature of it had become another pesky chore amidst the grind of daily lockdown living. All of which screamed, ‘I need a break’.

Post break, my creative drive to experiment with new recipes has returned with a vengeance. For this I am grateful. Yet I still don’t want to have to go through the ritual of food preparation every single day. Sometimes by the time I finish work I don’t have the desire or the drive to get creative in the kitchen. I’m on empty but lack the fuel to create good fuel! Other days I am immersed in creative projects which I don’t want to divert from to make a meal.

As I listen to others, I realise that many people feel this way. It is thus not unusual. But I do believe it is exacerbated by lockdown life. For me at least, back in the pre-Covid days, I would regularly catch up with friends over a meal in a restaurant. I love eating with friends. Despite also loving to make food for myself and others, I love it even more when someone else has cooked and cleaned up, whether at their house or in a restaurant! I savour the treat of being fed by another.

Back in the good old Covid free times I also used to book regular breaks where the food was prepared for me. I miss this luxury. Sigh.

And so at the moment, aside from the odd takeout, the cooking comes down to me. Mostly this is ok but every so often I lose my enthusiasm. If this builds, I end up wanting to shout, ‘I want someone else to feed me’!

Of course on a practical level it is entirely possible to batch cook thus giving myself the regular gift of a cooking free evening. But sometimes I just want someone else to feed me! Whilst I make a point of trying new recipes, I still have my old trusted favourites yet when I go to someone else for dinner or to a restaurant, my eyes may be opened and my stomach blessed by something entirely new to me. I love to benefit from others ideas converted in to culinary creations!

As I was pondering these matters this week, I happened to hear several messages on line offering support and encouragement for co-habiting with Covid. (Not necessarily literally)

These reminded me that whilst we must take responsibility for feeding ourselves nutritious foods for our bodies which then feeds the mind and heart, we must also take care to feed our spirit and souls.

It would seem that the message of the moment regarding our physical diet is that the Mediterranean emphasis on fruit, vegetables and good fats is in favour.

Could it be that the presence of Covid reminds us that the equivalent diet for our soul consists of plentiful portions of encouragement, support and kindness. Not a new concept but perhaps one worthy of a revisit.

Now I’m the first to admit that I like to bang on about this stuff. But how much more relevant is this to us all right now? These are challenging times to say the least. When facing such long term restrictions as now, our need to feed our souls with extra helpings of support, encouragement and kindness is greater than ever. And in order to share it with others we must first receive it ourselves.

I thoroughly enjoyed being fed by the various different messages that I have heard and digested in this past week. Others were doing the equivalent of feeding me their favourite soul foods whether opening up a scripture or offering some other form of insight to lift me up to keep facing the prolonged challenge of living in lockdown.

I much prefer feeling fed well over feeling fed up!

And this got me thinking about how easy it is when times are hard to overlook the increased need to feed our souls.

There is a lot of junk food about to feed on right now of which complaining and blaming are top of the menu whether found on social media or the news. I think it is necessary to stay abreast of the basic if ever changing information of what is going on, but if we consume too much of it, we risk becoming so full that we have no appetite for the uplifting.

There is nothing wrong with an honest admission of feeling utterly fed up, terrified, worried, disillusioned or whatever it is. Nothing wrong at all. But when we feel that way, we must recognise our need to be fed well rather than gorge on junk or consume more distressing news.

We must learn what and who feeds us well. This may be a trusted friend with whom you don’t have to feign positivity every time you open your mouth for fear that they can’t cope with anything else, it may be an online Church service (these offer banquets of such food even on line!), podcasts or other on line messages or even newspaper articles or films or whatever it is that leaves you well fed.

As I say I have been fed through my own Church as well as other encouraging on line messages, a book a friend sent me and even a newspaper article about the uplifting work of the artist Charlie Macksey. Like all good up lifters, his illustrations do not seek to gloss over the struggle or suffering but rather to highlight the truths of goodness to be found within them. I recommend his work.

Anyway, having received the gift of being fed by others, it has given me a kick up the backside to start something that has been on my heart since the first lockdown (but got lost in all things house move related), which is to start doing something similar to this but using the spoken word.

To start with at least, I will call these snack bites.

As I finally overcome my battle to reduce my intake of salty snacks of an evening, I am going to look at what is helpful to snack upon. And I’m not talking about the gut but that in such prolonged times of stress, the need for regular healthy snacks for the soul. I may share something I have seen or heard which contains some point or truth to chew upon and apply to lockdown living.

First I’ll have to wrestle with the technology required to do so but … watch this space.

Wasted knowledge

As mentioned in my last post, I have recently moved house. Not before hours of deliberating, doubting and finally deciding that this was the right thing to do. It was then a further year from that initial unexpected seedling of an idea to the realisation of arriving within not the first but the second house that I had attempted to buy.

What I have learned is that I would not recommend moving in a pandemic! The stress has been great for my waistline but I certainly wouldn’t suggest it as a sensible weight loss program.

Anyway, now that I have arrived (so to speak) in the new pad, I am running at absolutely everything at approximately 800 miles an hour. I have been emptying boxes, distributing items to new positions, painting walls, hanging pictures, ordering new stuff, planting new flowers … the whole shebang. You name it and I have been doing it.

This is all in between work I might add, which has also been rather busy.

Unsurprisingly I got to Tuesday night of this week and crashed in an exhausted heap before 7.30pm.

Why do I do this to myself?!

And this is what I mean by wasted knowledge. What is the point of knowing the importance of pacing myself when I am unable or maybe unwilling in this case to translate such knowledge in to appropriate action.

I absolutely love the creativity involved in turning a house in to a home. I really do.

But I don’t love exhausting myself in to pre 8pm bedtimes.

And so it was that I took some time off this week to do that thing that we so often cease to do when under pressure or just busy or stressed, whether of our own making or due to the presence of a pandemic. I took time out.

If I look back, I cannot even count on two hands the amount of people who have encouraged, chided and warned me that I ought to slow down and pace myself!

How foolish I am not to listen to those words that I do not want to hear but equally recognise to be true!

Anyway, I have attempted to rectify the situation.

Wednesday saw me trialling out my new wellies over in my beloved fields. I relished the sense of space and freedom afforded by those huge, open spaces.

I also took myself and my mask over to two garden centres to drink in the sight of all those beautiful living things that continue to grow and display colour and form despite the harshness of winter.

Dare I admit that I even stopped to watch my first Christmas film! I usually have a ‘not before December’ rule but these films started back in October so I think I’ve exercised enough restraint. Or more honestly, I have just been too distracted by the home making.

Whilst last Saturday’s newspaper still serves to remind me that I haven’t yet sat down to read it, I have overall managed to separate my foot from the gas. A little.

In fact, today I actually opened and read the letter from my sponsored child that has been looking at me from the kitchen table all week. I was humbled to read that he is praying that God will strengthen me to finish the book that I started writing in Lockdown number one. Gulp. It doesn’t matter how much I am prayed for if I don’t do my part in ensuring that I have the energy to do so!

Whilst I consider myself to be very fortunate to still have work and work that I love as well as a new home to exhaust myself in during these unpredictable Covid coloured times, self care still matters for me and us all.

Whatever our covid-coping strategies or general experiences of this pandemic are whether fortunate, tragic or anywhere in between, we can all forget to practice that which we already know that we need.

As we cross the half way point of this second lockdown along with all that it evokes within us, we must continue to implement the most basic of self care routines from getting out in the fresh air, undertaking some form of exercise, maintaining good enough eating habits, staying connected to others and even getting to bed at a reasonable time.

We know this stuff.

I know this stuff.

Yet there really is no point whatsoever in knowing anything if I or you or we fail to apply such knowledge.

None of us know right now what this Covid accompanied Christmas may look like or how the vaccines will pan out but what we all know is that we need to keep looking after ourselves and each other now more than ever.