New Year - The middle phase in life ...

Kissing or Kicking 2021 Goodbye?

This is the phrase that came in to my head as I lumbered through the village on my post Christmas holiday run.

It’s taken me all week to get my backside off the sofa and out for this run so I’m feeling a little smug right now.

In fact, I’m feeling a lot smug especially compared to when I got on the scales this morning to check what kind of additional Christmas weight I would be lugging around on the run! If only losing the leftover reality of all the excess indulgence was as much fun as acquiring it!

But hey, that’s the price I’m willing to pay for having time out to lounge around on the sofa, declining most forms of activity unless they involve further consumption of highly rich foods.

Anyway, as 2022 looms ever closer, I can’t help but reflect on the year we’re about to see off. It’s been quite peculiar really. Actually it hasn’t been that dissimilar to this Christmas holiday. It started off with great excitement, enthusiasm and joyous activity only to be quickly followed by a sadness that made me glad to do a profession that requires me to always have an ample supply of nose and eye wipers.

The sadness of that which has been lost tends to resurface amidst the heightened emotion of the season.

And then, the other day I succumbed to watching a cheesier than cheesy film which nonetheless had me grabbing for those tissues yet again.

It’s the ending thing; the end of a year, the end of what didn’t work out this year, what hasn’t worked out before and just endings in general.

I’ve been fortunate that I have not lost anyone I have loved this year although I know many who have, all of whom my heart goes out to.

But as I reflect now upon my own difficult feelings evoked about endings, including the ending of this year, I can’t help but see that 2022 offers the chance to begin again. To put aside what didn’t go well this past year and recommit to trying again in this New Year.

In support of this, I’ve found myself reflecting on the things that aid me in staying open, engaged and inspired to never give up on those dreams that remain etched deep on my heart.

In recent years I have found myself following a pattern where I start a new year eager and motivated to see through a new creative project only to find it cast aside a few short months later under the weight of life continuing to throw up new challenges.

Ugh.

And so, whilst there are obvious things like doubt, fear and general dream stealers, that I don’t want to be taking in to 2022 with me, I have also identified those people and pursuits that I need to proactively plan time for.

In other words, I’ve updated my game plan.

As I am well aware, there remains much that is out of my control in life, including whether BoJo will go all restrictive on us in 2022.

But, it continues to be true that the way in which I respond to what is within my control determines whether I move toward or away from my dreams.

I recognise that I have been moving in the wrong direction in that respect and so I’ve begun to right that for 2022.

It offers another chance to begin again for which I am grateful, especially as I have found myself wondering more than once during 2021 whether I used the changes prompted by restricted living in 2021 to do what I feel called to do. The honest answer, is no.

I want to rectify that in 2022.

The Year we didn’t see coming

2020: The year that no one saw coming.

I think it would be fair to say that 2020 is the year we didn’t see coming but we all want to see going.

At least we didn’t see it coming if we weren’t in China or didn’t have access to such classified information.

We just could not have anticipated what 2020 would bring. Personally I’m not sure I would have wanted to. Others may feel differently.

What we do appear to be pretty unanimous about is that we all want to see 2020 go.

But, whilst it has bought the biggest crisis the world has faced in a long time, the end of 2020 will not be the end of it.

There is real hope in the form of the new vaccines currently making their way in to the arms of our most vulnerable.

Yet there is still a way to go.

What makes all this especially hard for us humans is that there is so much uncertainty coupled with a lack of control and no clear end date. As a result we try to create control and certainty by splitting things in to black and white states. For example, it was a good or a bad year, or in the case of 2020, a terrible year.

We don’t tend to do well at the grey stuff in between that us and life are actually made up of.

Hence we like to imagine that if 2020 ends it will take all the bad stuff we experienced with it.

Equally, we are prone to losing sight of all that was good in a year very definitely overshadowed by that which was bad.

But even in a catastrophic year like this one, Covid is not the whole story. Nor do we need to allow it to obscure our view or memory of that which was worthy of celebration.

Just as we must continue to find ways to honour the lives that have been lost, we must equally honour those that have been born and those of us somewhere in between.

Covid with all its human separating tendencies has reminded us in the starkest way that all that matters is each other.

Families have learned to spend time together, to get out and walk or go for bike rides together.

We’ve started sending actual cards to each other again.

Churches have risen above their previous focus of denominational difference to literally make beautiful music together.

Church and communities have created numerous initiatives to respond to those in need.

The Scientific powers that be have managed to produce a vaccine in record time. Not, I believe because they have cut corners but because they have cut through the red tape that usually binds them from achieving such feats.

All in all, nothing is rarely ever all good or all bad.

2020 is no exception nor will 2021 be.

It is bad and sad that there has been much loss of actual life whether directly or indirectly as a result of Covid, as well as numerous more subtle losses. And all losses must be grieved.

But, if we have the courage to engage with the sorrow of our losses, we will find our capacity for appreciation of the gifts life continues to offer, to be enriched and enlarged.

Every crisis, trauma or loss has deep within it the chance to deepen the experience and enjoyment of life. We have to work much harder in challenging times to find those moments of magic but paradoxically it is our ability to engage with the depths of death, destruction and despair that can propel us in to ever increasing degrees of joy.

I was recently reminded of this via two of my favourite festive films; Scrooge and It’s a wonderful Life. Both explore the theme of death as a way to review the life led to that point. And both enable their protagonists to re-engage with their lives where they had previously been unable to move beyond their respective losses. After seeing their lives and deaths through the eyes of others, both were returned to these lives armed with a fresh revelation and gratitude for their own life as well as those around them.

Life is not all good or all bad.

Life brings things which we name good or bad.

2020 bought a bumper crop of that we call bad.

But this is still no reason to over look, diminish or write off that which was good.

We all want 2020 gone but whilst it will not take all things Covid with it, we must not allow it to take or tarnish the good either.

I continue to be inspired by the community spirit, the new willingness to use technology (especially by me!), the creativity, the collaboration, the deepening of relationships despite enforced separation and the ability to recognise the importance of doing life and all that it brings, together, even when that can’t happen physically.

We have been reminded this 2020 that whilst fragile and fleeting, life is still the most precious of gifts, both our own and each others.

Let us hold firmly to this truth as we watch 2020 go, that we may support one another as we enter 2021 with all the Covid and non Covid challenges and triumphs that it will present.

Ten Brand New Ones

Not only are we looking in to the face of a whole new year but actually in to ten whole new years, otherwise known as a decade!

And, whilst the term ’New Years’ Resolution’ appears to be currently out of favour, the importance of acknowledging this new time frame remains.

Part of doing so involves acknowledging the death or ending of the previous year and decade.

We may consider where we were ten years ago, where we imagined we would be at this point versus where we are now in reality.

There may be regrets as to what was not achieved or what turned out differently to how we hoped.

Whilst we cannot go back or re-write what has passed, we can acknowledge such regrets along with any subsequent sense of loss accompanying them.

We don’t have to leave it there though or to passively allow another year much less a decade to pass us by if we are not where we want to be.

Where we do have choices we must decide whether or not to activate them.

This week as I have reflected upon this, I have noticed a theme emerging around the influence of death or even the threat of death to a loved one.

When forced to stare in to the face of our own mortality by the presence or threat of death, it is common to find ourselves propelled out of any inertia.

Death may evoke a deeper experiential knowing that this life thing does not continue forever.

This willingness to engage with mortality, whether our own or others, can become the pinnacle for change and movement toward a deeper engagement with life.

But, it is not always the death or threat of death to a loved one that forces us to engage with life afresh. At times it can be the death or ending of life as previously known. For whilst us humans often accept the status quo irrespective of personal cost and loss of aliveness, death and life will often invite us to search for more.

I often hear people say that the worst experiences of their life that effectively killed off life as they formerly knew it, end up becoming the very events that mobilise them in to action to make the radical changes they long for.

Whilst the death, loss, ending, disappointments and regrets of the previous year or decade must be acknowledged, they need not deter us from engaging afresh with all that lay ahead.

The new decade invites us all to enter in to its embrace and opportunities, its highs and lows, good times and bad.

How will we respond?

Will we dare to make plans or take steps towards that which we really long for?

The new decade awaits …

Au-revoir 2019

It is the last day of 2019.

But before I jump in to all that 2020 has to offer, I’m taking a little time to reflect and review the lessons of 2019.

This been a year of real highs, painful lows and all in between.

The highs as I have stepped out in to new areas have been scary and enlivening in equal measure. I am grateful for their presence, their lessons and the growth that they have evoked.

The losses, deaths and lows have reminded me afresh of the fragile and fleeting nature of this thing called life.

Both of which remind me of two things.

Firstly, that people are the most important part of life.

And secondly, that loving people is the most important thing to do in life.

Some of the other lessons taught to me by 2019 are summarised below.

I learned not to ignore anything in life that repeatedly causes my heart to sink. Whilst some stuff cannot be chosen or controlled, some can and life is way too short to choose heart sinking stuff.

Some things just don’t need to be said. In the face of another’s spikes, I don’t need to retaliate with a combative spike of my own! I can just let it go! Really! Years of my lovely Margaret gently manoeuvring her way around my multiple spikes, is beginning to pay off! Yay!

I have increased my sensitivity to the subtle tug of the reins when God says, ‘Woah, slow down and hold on a moment lady’! To my favour! Perhaps He really does know what’s best for me!

I discovered that in the face of an anger evoking situation from which I cannot remove myself, that to stubbornly hold on to said anger is not only an exercise in futility but also one that makes me a much uglier and more miserable individual myself!

I equally realised that any kind of bad behaviour (others or my own) is always an expression of pain that cannot at that moment be articulated in any other way. Whilst this does not excuse any such behaviour (others or my own), there are helpful and unhelpful, kind and unkind ways of responding.

I had the experience of not only feeling nervous about teaching or preaching but also experiencing great joy during the delivery. Halleluyah!

I realised that no matter what position or power or influence or privilege people hold, they are all just flawed people with the guts and commitment to have a go and to learn along the way. And that helped me to put my flawed self in to positions where I would be exposed and inevitably criticised. And when the criticisms came, I discovered that I would choose these any day of the week over an inability to respect myself for shying away from the invitations of life.

No matter how many years/decades/whatever you have been praying for certain situations without visible results, never ever give up. Equally accept that alongside that prayer, we too may have a part to play.

I learned that my ability to show love to others is not dependent upon their treatment of me but rather on my capacity to receive and to share of the never ending love of God. Liberation central.

I was shown afresh in numerous ways that God is no tight wad! When He asks you to do something, He provides the readies to do so! He is indeed a generous God and His generosity like every other part of Him is for us to share.

As a child, my father regularly used to say, ‘what’s the rush?’ in defence of his perpetual lateness. Whilst I found this irksome and irritating, I now hear those words afresh. Whilst I still dislike lateness, I am beginning to understand more and more that to rush is usually to slow one down.

My commitment to leaving more space in my diary has paid off. It has provided a spontaneity whether for solitude or for unexpected social situations, that an overscheduled diary cannot accommodate.

It always amazes me that I think I know these things.

And then life teaches me a whole new level of knowing which brings the revelation that I really know very little about very little!

But I pray that I will continue to love to learn regardless.

As I look forward in to 2020, I have a few thoughts about what to focus on.

I aim to reduce my time spent watching rubbish TV, increase my time spent reading other peoples work, continue to spend time outside in every season, organise and host more social events, write my first book which I’ve been threatening to write for as long as I can remember, eat less cake (will need extra supernatural assistance for this one) and constantly remind myself to just slow down and surrender to the natural rhythms of life.

God really is in control and trustworthy to sustain and lead me and us in all.

And so as 2019 draws to a close, I find myself ready to just let it go, (apart from all those lessons!) that I may be ready and willing to embrace 2020.

Within a Year

We are now well and truly into 2019. Yet, the theme of change remains, especially around the changes possible to achieve within a 12 month period.

Last week I stumbled upon something on line about a young couple who were hugely overweight. The narrator was drawing attention to the phenomenal following they had acquired as they shared their experience of losing weight over the course of a year.

Seemingly, they were incredibly honest about the reality of making these life changes. Through their hard work, commitment and discipline they were able to surpass their goals. By sharing their experience they were highlighting that such changes do not happen overnight or without cost.

As I reflected on the power of their experience to appeal to the masses, it occurred to me that whilst our culture promotes the illusion of the quick fix, deep within each of us lay the knowledge that this does not exist.

Of course, the idea of the instant cure or the miracle pill that takes away everything that we don’t want to think, feel or basically deal with is an incredibly alluring concept. But it is just that, a concept. Not a fact, nor reality. And furthermore, a concept if bought, that serves to keep us stuck where we don’t want to be.

If we want our lives to be different, we have to do the work of making them so.

We all like and some pray that the changes we want in our lives will drop out of the sky in to our laps with no effort required from us. But what really happens is that our lives look like whatever we have done with whatever has been dealt us.

And if we have spent many a year creating a life that we don’t like, then it is going to take a considerable amount of time to change that.

This sort of cold, hard but ultimately honest fact may deter some from trying to make changes. But, the time will pass regardless. All we get to choose is how we spend it. Invest in that which will take us closer to where we want to be, or expend energy trying to ignore being where we don’t want to be.

I think it is precisely because of the hard reality that change takes time, effort, courage and money, that so many shy away and give up without even trying.

But people like this couple on line showed that if change is possible for an ordinary couple like them, then it is equally possible for ordinary people like you and me.

I think their story is inspiring and encouraging.

And if the size of their following is anything to go by, so do many others.

It would seem that people are not just looking for the fantasy of the quick fix anymore but are actually seeking real life evidence that change can happen.

I guess the increasing number of films based on true stories is further evidence of this quest for that which is real.

As if to re-iterate the point, I accidentally caught a programme I haven’t seen before called, ‘This time next year,’ with Davina McCall. Several people were shown being interviewed a year earlier about the changes they wanted to make with regards to their weight, along with their motivation for doing so. Twelve months later they were interviewed again to share their progress.

Whilst most of these were motivated by some kind of threat to their health, all showed that change and progress are possible. Not easy. But with the right motivation and support, it is possible.

Change really can happen.

As the above examples illustrate if you’d care to look in to them, the amount of change that is possible with any twelve month period can be pretty staggering.

And, it doesn’t have to start in January. We can make a choice to start making steps towards change at any time. If we didn’t start in January, we have by no means missed the boat for 2019.

Right now is as good a time as any to get started.

Just imagine where it may be possible to be by this time next year.

Endings and beginnings …

It’s a whole, brand new year brimming with possibilities for new beginnings …

And yet in order to fully engage with these, it is sometimes necessary to look beyond the well-meaning intentions of new years resolutions that seldom make it in to February. Sometimes we actually need to step right back from our lives in order to really see those things that may actually be obstructing or restricting us from entering in to all that a new year has to offer.

As I reflect back on this time last year, I recall being in a distinctly difficult place. I was painfully aware that important parts of my life were not working. Yet to really allow myself to take a long, hard look at said areas, was not only painful, but also required me to act upon what I saw.

It was hard and I was afraid.

Like most of the human species, I can at times allow myself to remain in painful situations, simply because they feel safe via their familiarity or I’m just not sure what else to do.

Fear of the unknown can keep us bound to that which we know. Even when it prevents us from growth and health.

Back when I looked in to the mouth of 2017, I felt a fear borne of knowing that I could not simply repeat another year like the one before. Yet I also feared not knowing what change would bring. I needed courage and vast amounts of it in order to take the leap of faith that would release me from that which was hindering me, that I could go in search of that which could support me.

I had no guarantee at that point of what I would discover or where I would land. I simply knew that I could not remain where I was. I needed to execute some endings in order to allow for new beginnings. It was a risk. One that others didn’t necessarily understand. But stronger than the fear of others misjudgement of my motives, was the knowing that it is I and I alone who is responsible for doing what I know to be right, even when it scares me.

But before I took that leap, I did a review of those who did see and who did understand my predicament. It was then with their love and support that I was able to leave the familiar, to enter unknown territory.

Now, as I look back through 2017, I am amazed by much that has happened. It took me a full decade to fulfil my dream to become a fully trained, accredited Psychotherapist. Yet after the explorations that followed taking said leap in 2017, I began to walk in to some of those other dreams too.

And I finally found the place of encouragement and support that my soul had dared to believe existed.

Wow.

Feeling grateful to the God who calls and equips us all for the ultimate, personally designed adventure in to the unknown. A God who provides what and who we need to continue pursuing these paths. When and if He can ever get us to relinquish that life stealing ‘better the devil you know’ mentality.

Had I been too afraid to let go of that which was obstructing my pathway, 2017 would have been a mere repetition of 2016. Ditto if I hadn’t had the encouragement of those rare and precious individuals who believed in me when I struggled to believe in myself.

Looking even further back, I recognise that it was the trials of 2016 that prepared me to commit 2017 to addressing that which I had previously refused to see or address, thus allowing it to hold me back.

Now, as I face 2018, having wholly committed myself to the ongoing adventure of allowing God to guide me in to what is unknown to me, but totally known to Him, I feel ready to be released in to … I don’t know what! Yet acknowledging that I am not in control but that God is, feels like the most secure yet exciting position I could ever be in!

As I reflect, I realise that there is much that happens in our lives from year to year that we cannot predict or prevent. Yet we can always choose whether we will add to our own suffering by refusing to face the situations in our lives that are within our control and responsibility.

I needed to make a choice this time last year to see that which was painful to see, that I could disentangle myself from it, thus releasing myself in to the ongoing journey of freedom, growth and health.

Whilst I do not know what kind of years you have had recently, I do know that none of us need stay in the sort of situations that cause us pain, when it is possible for us to release ourselves.

I have been reminded in a personally, painful way this Christmas, that whilst we sometimes settle for suffering by postponing the changes we need to make, life does not go on forever. For some, life will end prematurely in 2018.

Now, none of us get another chance at doing things differently in 2017 or any earlier years. We can’t go back. We can’t undo. We can’t rewrite. But what we can do with whatever time and life each of us has remaining, is make a choice to face up to and throw off all that hinders us, that we may wholly embrace all that lays before us.

I don’t know what you need to be willing to open your eyes to see, or what action you need to take to address it, but I do know that none of us need to despair that we are stuck repeating the same year forever more. Not when there is one who is willing to help, one who doesn’t need to be banished from mind and heart simply because the season of Christmas is ending. For God Himself is just waiting for the word from you, to step in and help you to overcome whatever may be attempting to prevent you from entering in to all that 2018 has for you.

Of course, every year brings its own trials and heartaches, but we can choose not to add to these, by facing and addressing those situations that are within our responsibility to do so.

What do you need to see and address to allow you to really embrace 2018?