Sunshine … and rain …

No sooner had I written about the joys of my seemingly endless summer of blackberry picking, bike rides, stream paddling and all things Enid Blyton, when the weather abruptly switched in to what felt decidedly like Winter. At least in comparison. A drop from 31C to 16C.

What a shock to the system!

Many welcomed this.

Not me!

But how quickly change can come.

I reflected upon this earlier in the week as I walked through the fields, accompanied by the constantly changing sky of sunshine and clouds (hoping that it would not rain before I got home).

As I did so I had to acknowledge that both sunshine and rain are needed.

Whilst I love the sun, the summer and all things light and fun, this is of course, not the whole deal. Nor can it be. As much as I have loved this summer of sunshine, it has not been good for all.

In fact, it’s even been fatal for some of our most vulnerable; elderly or infirm.

And, having regularly walked through the farmer’s fields and thus witnessed the sun scorched crops, I’ve felt prompted to pray God’s provision upon them. (I’ve learned over the years that there are no limits to the ways in which God can make provision for us when the unexpected happens). Of course, there will also be a knock-on effect upon pricing for us, the crop consumer.

So, whilst the general consensus is that most of us tend to feel better when the sun is shining (around the mid twenties not thirties), the fact remains that our land cannot survive on sunshine alone. It needs rain too.

Both are needed. Neither work in isolation of the other. They work in unison. Ask a farmer.

Or look at the ‘green spaces’ around. They cease to be green. More of a sun scorched yellow.

Clearly, sunshine alone does not allow the land to thrive.

Even this beauty cannot survive let alone thrive on sunshine alone.

As I looked at the fields that day beneath the rapidly changing sky, I couldn’t help but reflect on the parallels with life.

We all love the good sunny times where everything goes to plan and we feel like life is smiling upon us. Yet things can change in an instant when unexpected difficulties appear in the form of unforeseeable bills, problems, tragedy’s or losses of all shapes and sizes.

Nobody likes this fact.

We can feel hard done by when hit by the unfairness of life.

And of course, the truth is that life is unfair.

For all.

But what is equally true if we care to really think about it, is that life also deals out unfairness the other way around.

What I mean is, that life doesn’t simply spit out misery at seemingly random, always unwanted, moments. Because if we are really honest, it also at times gives us unexpected (and unearned) good fortune. It is just that somehow, we seem to be better at developing amnesia about this kind of unfairness! Myself included. It’s called being human for us humans are way better at remembering what hurts, over what helps or heals!

Life brings joy and life brings pain.

To all.

Without exception.

Or explanation.

It may look different for each of us but it is true for all. Whilst it is easy to fall in to the trap of comparing ourselves to others, it certainly isn’t helpful. We seldom get the full story of the lives of others. Especially if using Facebook as a source of evidence!

I don’t pretend to know why joy and sorrow visit us all. I know only that they do.

Like I equally know that God is my only constant. The very same God who allows me to receive good things that I don’t deserve that have come through no efforts of my own, not only allows these good things to be taken away but also allows me to receive bad things that I equally do not deserve and have not contributed to receiving.

The very same God.

A God who tells me in his word that I will have trouble in this world but a God who also tells me that Jesus has overcome all that life threw at Him. And God promises that Him, Jesus and the Holy spirit will help me to overcome all that life throws at me.

Overcome not meaning avoid, deny, pretend, ignore or sweep under the carpet, but actually overcome. Which in my thinking, not only means to assist me to continue being all that I am capable of being and contributing all that I can to this world, in spite of my own regular deliveries of crap parcels. As well as aided by the unexpected bonuses. But also, to continue living my life with a heart that is open to all that arises.

This God offer of assistance is lifelong.

For all seasons of life.

The joy and the pain.

The sunshine and the rain.

In the words of the Maze song! If you don’t know it, check out the lyrics!

I am reminded of these truths not merely through the fields and the sky but also through my own life experience.

For, just as I have loved the sun drenched days of these past two months, I have also enjoyed a lightness of heart, even more appreciated and enjoyed following the early months of this year where I felt drenched in the gravity of grief.

Yet in these past few weeks, the sadness has begun to arise again. I sense it around the edges of my soul, creeping closer and closer. Only this time I refuse to deny it. I know it is there and I’ve been expecting it. I can acknowledge, name and allow it to come forth and do its work of healing. In the main!

There is of course part of me that doesn’t want this sadness to come again. I have so enjoyed these few months of sunshine and joy, I don’t want more pain or rain.

Yet experience repeatedly reminds me that when I fail to grant my sadness the same respect and attention that I freely give my joy, it begins to block my internal well spring of joy, taking with it my 3D full colour experience of living.

And I don’t want that.

So this week I gave myself some needed space to allow my sadness to come forth.

Crying is so healing. And so precious to our God and Father that he welcomes and collects our tears. Wow!

Afterwards I felt a fresh wave of joy as I wandered freely through the fields. The joy of feeling the sun and the breeze on my face, the space of the open countryside and the time to follow a path that I hadn’t explored before. I felt truly alive and flooded with gratitude.

That’s the thing about grief and sadness and whatever life throws that wounds our hearts. As we allow ourselves to experience and acknowledge our losses and our pain, a new awareness and gratitude arises in response to the simple gifts that life offers even in the midst of the hardest of moments.

A gratitude that fails to come forth when we fail to acknowledge the depths of our sorrows and pain. A gratitude that gets lost and blocked behind a wall of cynicism and sarcasm. Sure signs that we have closed and hardened out hearts in an attempt to block the pain. Not realising that in doing so we also block the joy awaiting to come forth following it.

Sadness and sorrow always feel more painful following periods of contentment and joy for it can be all too easy to forget that the sun will shine again.

Change can come in an instant.

For joy or for pain.

Wanted or unwanted.

And we can adjust.

If only we will acknowledge the need to.

Imagine if we denied the change in temperature and continued to wear clothes fit for a sunny 30 something day when it was raining and cold. We don’t do this. We know that we require protection from hot sunshine just as we do from the rain.

Yet when it comes to matters of the heart and soul, how often do we refuse to prepare or to care for ourselves in the face of the actual as opposed to the wanted season and conditions.

We must learn to work with where our hearts are. Not where we wish them to be.

In doing so, the season of sorrow will pass with more ease.

I regularly hear people tell me that they ‘should’ feel this, that and the other as opposed to what they do feel. And it is often the ideas about what we think we should or should not feel that causes further and unnecessary difficulty.

We feel what we feel.

It is not about attempting to force ourselves not to feel what we feel, whether by attempts to intellectualise, pray or even brute force it away.

What is important, is what we do with what we feel.

This does not mean living by feelings alone without reference to the capacity to think about what is felt or to discern spiritually what is happening or what response is required.

But it does mean we need to cultivate the capacity for compassion.

We still live in what is very much a culture of dismissing any sign of sorrow or pain as ‘wallowing’ or ‘weakness’, despite the truth to the contrary.

We would do well to give our sorrow and pain at least as much attention as our joy and happiness.

The two are a package deal.

We cannot separate them.

Without losing something of the ability to feel alive.

The reality is that life is made up of joy and of sorrow.

We can no more stop this than we can control the sunshine or the rain.

But what we do get to choose is how we respond to these by what we do with them.

Just as we take care of ourselves by preparing for sunshine or rain, we can also take of ourselves by preparing and caring for the varying seasons of our souls.

We need both.

Joy and pain.

It is my pain that increases my capacity for joy and appreciation. At least when I can confront it with honesty.

And it is the joy of loving, that can turn in to the pain of losing.

But, I certainly don’t imagine that God sits at his drawing board planning personalised crap parcels for us all, just to develop a bit more gratitude within us. Whilst I’m sure there is much that God does for each of us that we are not even aware of much less thankful to Him for, He is not in my experience a punitive God. He allows hard stuff and I don’t know why, but I do believe there are reasons that are beyond our vision and comprehension and that God remains the key to finding our way through.

We can fight these hard facts of life forever more, or we can learn to work with what comes. Which doesn’t mean we can’t have a few tantrums along the way or at times feel utterly defeated! We just need to engage with these honestly and to seek the help of God and each other, not to remain in these modes!

Because, just as too much sunshine hardens the ground and the rain softens it, so too can the tragedies of life either harden or soften our hearts depending upon our willingness to fully engage with them.

Of course we’d rather this was not so and we‘d rather the pain stayed away.

At least I know I would.

But the reality is that we cannot stop the sunshine or the rain, the joy or the pain.

Yet we can prepare and practice taking appropriate care of ourselves in the face of every season, of weather or soul.