Saying ‘No’

I am aware of a collective difficulty around saying no.

The ability to use the word ‘no’ appropriately and confidently is vital to our mental and emotional health.

‘No’ is a boundary, whose purpose is to protect what lays beyond; the self.

To maintain responsibility for all parts of our health we must recognise and manage our daily capacity for functioning. 

We all have strengths, weaknesses, time, talents, responsibilities, challenges, blessings, feelings, thoughts, needs and limitations.

In recognising the legitimacy of these, we can take better care of ourselves when balancing the give and take of daily living.  This subsequently enables us to care for others from a healthier place.

Typically our culture congratulates people ‘who always put others first’.  We are less likely to acknowledge that such people may be secretly dying of the resentment that accompanies prolonged unmet needs.

To clarify, I am not suggesting the opposite position of always putting self first.

It is not always other or always self but a balance of sometimes prioritising self and sometimes other.

In my work as a Psychotherapist I regularly hear how difficult many people find it to say ‘no’, whether to the boss with unreasonable expectations or within personal relationships.

To preserve mental and emotional health which impact physical health, we must recognise our limitations and learn when to put limits on others demands by saying ‘no’.

When we respect the legitimacy of our own needs and limitations, we can say no to others before reaching crisis point.  We do not need to explain, justify or enter in to the type of negotiations that invite the other to talk us out of our no.

No is no.

The more solid and honest our ‘no’, the more heartfelt our ‘yes’ can become.