App aversion

The words, ‘have you got our app?’, are amongst the least favourite words to come out of anyone’s mouth and into my ears. I have an ongoing dislike for technology. I’ll admit, when it works, it can be great. But it seems to me that the levels of consistent reliability of app’s in particular, are lower than that of the average human, including this one.

Recently, I was horrified to discover that the local pool has introduced an app for booking a swim. I have always loved the water with its stress relieving benefits and time out from tech. The instant exasperation and escalating sense of stress that the app news evoked in me, saw me miss my swim for the past month. This is because my forte is people whereas life is becoming increasingly full of machines, app’s and passwords/codes. These feel like they stand on guard as frustrating, time stealing, blood pressure raising obstacles in between me and what are often supposed to be relaxing, stress relieving activities.

My trips to the pool have already been taxing my ability on the fathoming machines / tech front. If I drive, I must engage with the parking machines that sometimes work and sometimes don’t while the patrolling parking man always seems to be working. If I can succeed in working the machine and avoiding a fine from the ticket man, there is a gate that blocks your entry to the pool, just inside the reception. This gate requires you to hover your card above the reader to activate it opening. However, this occasionally works but mostly it doesn’t. I end up hovering my card half a millimetre in every direction before standing on one leg, reciting a poem and doing a jig before finally admitting defeat/exasperation/diminishing will to live and asking the humans for assistance. ‘Is it me?’, I ask them. ‘No, they assure me, it’s the machine’. Given the accepted unreliability of these machines, I thought I had been doing well to navigate the parking machine and the ‘I like playing silly buggers’ gate, every week before getting anywhere near the pool. But the introduction of an app was more than I could cope with and I lapsed in to total avoidance.

However, following an uplifting weekend away and a little encouragement from my partner, I decided that today was the day. I got a handle on myself, psyched myself up, put my big girl pants on, prayed, asked a friend to also pray and then started this dreaded task. I was very relieved that when I called the pool, 1) someone answered, 2) they were extremely helpful and 3) assured me of their assistance upon arrival at the pool. Phew. Encouraged by this exchange, I got myself down to the pool, faced off the car park ticket machine without incident and proceeded to the pool reception. I was then pleased to discover the helpful individual I spoke to on the phone was there as per their word. Their presence, professionalism and patience helped me through the twenty minutes worth of problems in between me, the gate and the water. During this time, several others came and went with various other issues that also needed resolving. But, I was finally granted access through the gate and to the pool. Halleluyah! I was re-united with the water and one of my favourite forms of movement. Winning, finally!

Encouraged as I was by my success, I decided to have another go at adulting/tech navigating by attempting to book a restaurant table online. Having succeeded in doing just that for this restaurant a week ago, I felt what turned out to be prematurely confident. Two attempts, a bit of head scratching and a lot of huffing and puffing later and I gave up. A little later I rang the establishment in question who confirmed that, ’yes their tech was playing up today.’ This was said in a relaxed tone as if this was perfectly normal and to be expected.

In both scenarios, the humans have been extremely helpful for which I am grateful. But I am concerned that it is becoming increasingly difficult to do anything anymore without first having to engage in the sort of technology that is about as predictable and reliable as a middle-aged woman’s hormones, especially mine. Which reminds me, it’s been a month now since I’ve attempted to get my HRT prescription. That’s 4 phone calls, 2 online requests and 2 in person conversations and still counting and still no prescription. I am the first to admit that if anything is going to give me a sense of humour failure, (aside from hormones), it’s technology, or rather, unreliable technology. The progress above has all been despite technology not because of it. It’s been the humans who have got things done.

And all of this is before I get started on the manslaughter motorways with their missing layby’s, that this weekend reacquainted me with. I can’t help but wonder how much the ‘powers that be’ sold their souls for, to allow these.

I am aware that I can be a moaning, middle-aged dinosaur but …is all of this really progress?