Category: Emotional Health

Cloudy with a chance of casserole

Halfway into January, I’ve noticed a pattern of behaviour that is pertinent to my process of change. I often look at my relationship with certain experiences via my position on a scale. When I recognise that I need to move along the scale, I tend to leap from one end to the opposite end before landing somewhere nearer the middle (eventually, with a bit of a hope and a lot of prayer).

Back in December, I felt decidedly smug as I sat on the sofa feeling warm and snug. Unlike some of my married friends, I don’t have any thermostat police residing in my home which means I can keep it as warm as I like. As a child I hated the house being cold (not just physically), so I like a warm home now. I especially enjoy this warmth not creating a conflict with anyone.

However, I felt decidedly less smug or subsequently snug, when I received the corresponding heating bill! This meant my laissez faire attitude to flicking the heating on and forgetting all about it had to be immediately replaced by taking on the thermostat police position, as well as the, ‘I don’t want to be freezing my arse off’ position. It’s called practising balance and boundaries while managing internal conflicts! Who needs a husband when I can create conflicts within myself!

Yesterday, I started my heating bill reduction program by taking advantage of my morning coffee sweats, a midday run, a slow cooked casserole and later, a long soak in a hot bath. In addition, I utilised my ‘can’t sit still’ way of being, or rather of excess-doing, approach to free time.

When I eventually did sit down to catch up with a friend online, I did so sporting my dual purpose blanket-scarf, hat and proper blanket (on top of my usual clothes) while keeping my paws and insides warm, courtesy of hot tea. It’s become a creative challenge to manage my basal temperature while restricting the number of hours I put the heating on for. I’m attempting to reduce the next bill enough to avoid another sharp intake of breath followed by a swift release of any lingering smugness.

In other pattern spotting, smugness reducing realisations, I discovered that the difficulty I had in re-gaining weight, after being unwell, has now ended. I congratulated myself heartily for not gaining more weight over Christmas. But now, having formed a nightly sugar shovelling habit in the name of getting shot of leftovers, I’ve begun to show signs of a paunch. As I’m far too uncomfortable with that, I’m now implementing restrictions on my intake of remaining Christmas chocolates.

This process has been further aided by Channel 4’s program, Eat Smart, with The Glucose Goddess. I love this – it is simple and has pictures! It also makes sense and offers manageable tweaks to eating habits that reduce glucose spikes. In turn, this can stabilise mood/energy and hormones. A hattrick of wins that counterbalances the loss of sugar intake.

Anyway, this program shares hacks like, ‘eat your vegetables before your carbs’, or, only eat sweet treats after a balanced meal of protein, fat (yes you heard me right – fat is NOT the enemy or rather sugar is the latest replacement of it) and fibre. Apparently, layering your gut with these slows the absorption of glucose thus reducing the spike. This matters because such spikes cause inflammation in the body which contributes to other issues. And, it turns me right off from spending my evenings on the sofa mindlessly shovelling until I am surrounded by empty chocolate wrappers.

I find the human relationship with food to be utterly fascinating. This latest glucose related knowledge offers another creative challenge around how to implement these hacks within daily eating practices.

The third area of learning is around my relationship to spending. I have never suffered from spend-a-holic-ism. Largely helped by a dislike of noise creating crowds plus impatience aggravating queues. I have my fair share of ‘ism’s but spending hasn’t been one of them. Fuelled further by a fear of lack, dating back to when my seventeen-year-old self was kicked out of home.

Anyway, the more God free’s me from tight-arse-fear-driven-itus by reminding me it is all God’s money anyway, the more I permit myself to treats. No more, ‘that cheap old crap will do’, and lots more,’ it just WONT do so I’ll have something I really like’. I’m not talking reckless, just generous, because this is how God is with me. And if it’s alright for him, it’s ok for me to be like this with me and others.

As per my process of change, I have leapt from watching every penny, to waving my plastic cards in the air like I just don’t care. Serious spending sprees are alien to me, but I am adapting frighteningly fast. I’m not talking designer, status-seeking bollocks. But I am talking quirky, characterful, creative and original. Oh yes. Think charity shops, second hand markets/shops and the likes, with a bit of FB market and B & M thrown in! But now, the financial controller part of me is stepping in with stern suggestions around budget shaped boundaries.

The learning never ends!

On a lighter note, this week I discovered a fitting purpose for my cake forks. A friend gave me four stunningly beautiful, if naively small, cake forks presented in a pretty box. These are fabulous to look at but evoke enormous irritation when used for the job they are intended for. They are so tiny, they can only pick up the most minute crumb of cake. As someone not up for being slowed down on any front in any way, these were consigned to the ‘find another use for’ pile.

I typically use forks for cake because I can’t be arsed to wash my hands before or after eating it as opposed to having any delusions of ladylike-ness. But the ones I use, bear more resemblance to a shovel than a minute-morsel-picker. So, yesterday while indulging in a ‘currently all the rage’ avocado starter (or perhaps I’m slow to this particular party), I suddenly realised it was a bit too mushy for finger food. (Does anyone know how to play the lottery of pick-an-avo, better than me; read more green ones and less brown?) Either way, in a moment of genius, I realised the tiny not-for-cake forks would be perfect for spearing pieces of slightly mushy avo with. They would also prevent any need for handwashing – gotta love a two birds approach right?

The other light-hearted enjoyable exchange occurred during my supermarket meanderings earlier in the week. See previous blog post.

While I was checking out the bedsheets covered in the word ‘sale’, the lady next to me, declared,

“No ironing?  I’m in’.

We both laughed and she went on to tell me that her mother gave her one piece of advice ahead of her marriage,

“When your husband asks you to iron something for him, do one item extremely badly”.

Again, we both laughed and this time, I replied,

“I went a step further and didn’t even get the husband!”.

In fact, the more I listen to some wives talking about their husbands, whether ex or current, the more I think a wife would be a wiser option! Or perhaps the ultimate combo would be a husband and a wife!

A day of two halves; sorrow and laughter

We’re born, we live, we die a thousand deaths across a lifetime then experience a thousand and one re-births (if we’re determined) before our body breathes its last.

Today was a day that bought life and death up close and personal.

Grief is such a peculiar and deeply personal animal. It’s a week today since my friend died. It’s been full of ordinary life which continues as before, except it can never fully be as it was before. But the business of adulting has taken front stage while the grief has travelled along the sidelines, never far away. None of us can simply sit with sorrow all the time, neither is it helpful to ignore it all the time. The balance of giving space and silence to connect with and honour the grief versus tending the ongoing responsibilities of life, is a deeply unique and ever changing experience that we must experiment with, to find and then maintain. And the emotions of grief, in whatever form, can be exhausting. This means more rest where possible. Not my forte.

This morning, I had an exchange with the family of this friend. They were able to share the place and time where we will acknowledge her passing and celebrate her life. They sent songs that are speaking to them in their sorrow. And these interactions cut straight to the heart of my own grief ripping it right open to allow the rawness to come forth in response. She’s gone and she’s not coming back. It takes time to absorb something so incomprehensible, irreversible and painful (not to mention a shit ton of tissues – I congratulated myself on re-stocking them yesterday!)

Today as I listened to those songs, felt the sentiment of them and remembered the times of us dancing together. I laughed and I cried and I danced some more. I felt a little lighter. Not a lot but a little.

And then my time of being with grief was gone as today I was taking a good friend out for her birthday. Talk about one extreme to the other; death to celebration of life. I asked for some help from on high to make the transition so I could fully engage with my friend’s celebration.

At her request we started as all good celebrations start ie with a good sit down scoff. One of the first songs to come on the radio was my friend’s beloved Teddy Pendergrass – she looked at me in wide eyed wonder and I looked right back at her!

‘Well, I never know what He’ll do but I did say I prayed for your birthday!’, I offered.

This friend is a staunch atheist who graciously tolerates me praying for her even though I continue to ungraciously point out when the God she doesn’t believe in, answers them (which is frequently!)

Anyway, in response to Teddy playing from on high, I gestured an invitation to the imaginary dance floor in between the restaurant tables. Up we rose for a little shimmy as it would have been positively rude not to. And dancing is one of the things that bonds us!

Anyway, during lunch, this friend reflected on the times she had been at that very venue with her mother, who she misses. I asked her what her mother would say to her if she was there now. Without a second’s hesitation, she replied,

‘Happy Birthday’!

And we laughed so hard and for so long, I wished I hadn’t shovelled my food in quite so fast! That’s one of the other things that bonds us; silly, shared humour!

The radio continued to play many of my friends’ old favourites! Good times. High five Jesus!

A little post lunch saunter down the road saw me buy a bunch of snow drops for their encouragement, beauty and flower gazing potential. Plus, some pansies that were actually violas, in purple and yellow, because who doesn’t need these in the Winter.

As I love learning first hand from those who know way more than I do, I decided to pick the flower selling man’s brains for snowdrop survival strategies. I learned that snowdrops are not to be moved from their pots while growing – this is where lots of folk gone wrong apparently. And, they need to be around other snowdrops to realise their full growing potential.

‘Oh, like humans you mean?’ I asked’.

‘Yes’, he replied!

Wow, I love how nature reflects these lessons back to us all the time if only we are willing to lean in, look and listen to their wisdom.

Next on the fun menu was a leisurely, browsing session round a huge supermarket that neither of us usually go to. In there we bought a whole heap of stuff we never knew we needed, thanks mainly to clever marketing and a repeated use of the word ‘sale’. Plus, we got to dance again on another imaginary dance floor in between the clothes rails. We’re nothing if not resourceful.

On the return to the car my friend remarked that I hadn’t been rushing like I usually do. Wow! Part 2. Now this really is progress. Go me. Slowly of course.

All in all, we had fun. A super-birthday-sized portion of the stuff. And it felt good. As well as totally in contrast to the start of the day. This is life in all its duality and richness, joy and sorrow, laughter and tears, life and death. The ability to celebrate the life still being lived while acknowledging the life that will no longer be lived in bodily form yet lives on within me.

Each day really is a gift, even the ones we’d rather send back. All we can do is keep living, loving, losing, learning and for me, dancing!

Sunny soul-soothing Saturdays

What a glorious day, more so for the stretch of sun-hiding-grey we have just endured.

Today, I cancelled my scheduled plans to gift myself the space and solitude that is essential for me to grieve well. It was this week that ended my friends suffering of cancer. And for me, the best way to grieve is to grant myself a break from doing, to give extra time for being. I need the space, silence and solitude that allows spontaneity to have its way.

First thing, this involved fresh coffee, drank in bed while savouring the silhouette of the tree branches against the changing sky. As a recovering rush/do-a-holic, who regularly relapses, nature offers one of my most effective ways of stopping. Nature gives of its ever changing, soul satisfying scenes, that stun me in to stopping for long enough to savour them (sometimes!). Gosh that was a lot of s’s.

Anyway, the deepening of the blue sky enhanced by the increased presence of the sun saw me unable to resist going out to play in God’s great playground. I’m a visual person and I wanted to see how everything looked in the crisp white frost. I got dressed and brushed, if not washed (don’t judge, I was going solo) and sauntered off to see where my feet took me. I wanted to get a paper anyway – one that most people hate and some judge me for reading. But hey, I don’t believe everything of much these days, but I do enjoy the human-interest stories, tv guide and recipes of this paper! So, I opted for the two birds’ approach of picking up a paper and letting my feet take me wherever they wanted to.

As is often the case, they took me straight to a body of water, on this occasion the river. I love to see it dressed in all kinds of seasons especially the magical, white frosty ones. It didn’t disappoint with the scenes it displayed. Next, I travelled by the river taking photos of whatever captured my attention along the way. Apart from the man whose camera was way bigger and better than mine! While prone to ‘monkey see, monkey want’ tendencies, this time I was grateful I wasn’t lugging that large lens around. I hate carrying things when I’m walking.

Scene after scene of stunning beauty sat there waiting to wow me. And I was wowed. At one point, a robin flew across my eye line before perching on a bit of wood off to my right. I love how robins have this tendency to fly in front of me singing,

‘Look at me, look at me,

I’m as pretty as can be’.

As I am known to sometimes miss what is right under my nose, I am grateful for their attention ensuring style for I do indeed find them to be as pretty as can be. As I fumbled around trying to take a picture, the robin refused to hold the pose and flew off in to the undergrowth. When this happens, I like to think it was a sight and moment just for me! If I do manage to capture something beautiful, I like to share it!

As I took a different route home, I happened to walk past a child’s playground. I answered the swings call to have-a-go on it. As I was happily swinging higher and faster, feeling free and childlike, it started making a disturbing creaking noise. Personally, I didn’t think I gained that much weight over Christmas but perhaps they are made for children younger and lighter than me!

At one point I even had to shed my jumper, scarf and coat. Not for long though. The top to toe refurbishment of perimenopause means my internal thermostat is still faulty. But at times helpful when the weather is cold but I am not.

The next offering of the day was a beautiful tree standing firm and proud while providing a meeting spot for the local winged choir. It sounded so beautiful I captured it on my phone to share. How I love these sights and sounds!

A little further along I passed the man who served me my newspaper. He told me he only walks by the river in summer. What? After showing him a selection of photo’s of where I had just walked (whether he wanted to see or not), he said he would go home to find suitable footwear and check it out for himself. I hope he did for it’s all right there for us to see and savour.

All along my saunter through these scenes, I was remembering shared moments with my friend. I feel so enriched for my experiences with and of her.

Fortunately, I was only a few minutes from my house when the movement of my body bought on a parallel process of some internal movement within my body. What started as a gentle knocking on the back door became more persistent with each step.  Some folk may call this an overshare, I call it, we all have a body which does all kind of weird, wonderful and un wonderful things and as a therapist I’m for talking about it all! Fortunately, I made it home in good time minus having to attempt a sprint in my walking boots.

And now, I feel lighter in every way. This despite having fed every part of me; the heart, mind, body, soul and spirit. That’s what I call a banquet and I feel very satisfied.

Now I will listen to worship music while making a sweet treat for tonight where I will be indulging in four of my favourite things; time with a friend, food shared, a film I’ve been wanting to watch and a fire for warmth. Log burner to be precise but that didn’t flow as well.

I might even treat myself (and my friend) to me having a hot bath first and perhaps a cool-bed-sheeted siesta.

And more time sat basking in the sunshine, tree gazing and birdsong enjoying. I may even get to read that paper but then again, that might have to be a treat for tomorrow.

Gosh I love days like these.

While my friend is no longer in her body, my experience of her remains very much alive in my heart, mind, body and spirit. And I’ll write more about that later.

Happy Saturday peops; whether you are happy, sad, or in between, nature or whatever your equivalent to this is, invites you to indulge. This is how we take care of ourselves.

Selah … rest and reflect

I learned the word Selah this morning while reading. It was in the context of God’s invitation to stop, be still, breathe deeply, pause doing and practise being, with him preferably. Although there is no greater invitation, it remains easy to rush into doing without the pausing that can so powerfully change the trajectory of the day.

Anyway, during the weird and wonderful window between Christmas and New Year, I have practised pausing, in between excessively enjoying myself. One of my reflections has been about the double-sided reality of everything, including us, life, the year we are about to end and the one we’re about to begin.

2024 like every year before and however many more we are granted, has its own unique challenges and gifts. While we all prefer the gifts, it is usually the challenges that offer the greater opportunity for learning and growth, when we choose to accept them.

I often hear myself telling people, ‘It’s not what happens to us but the way we respond that matters.’  I love this. At least I do until a personalised shit bomb explodes in my face bringing my own words back to taunt me! One must at least try to practice what one preaches!

An area I’ve started to work on and will continue to prioritise in 2025, is enlarging my shit coping capacity! God, please note this is not a request for more tests! At least not until I’ve fully recovered from the last one, please!

Now on the brink of 2025, when I look back, I am filled with gratitude. There were large portions of 2024 where I was drowning in ingratitude. The upgrade in attitude was a slow, painful one. So, when I saw something on Facebook asking for a word to describe 2024, I chose ‘mixed’. This is because it was the special gift of friends who loved me through the worst of times, that bought balance to my experience. However, the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to change my word to ‘educational’.

For 2024 is the year that I have realised in a more embodied way than ever before, that every day really is a school day. The older I get, the more I realise that I really know very little about very little. And that is ok. Especially as I have an even bigger appetite for learning, than I do for cake (honest, although Christmas may be an exception due to a friend’s home-made Christmas cake, nom, nom, nom).

What really excites me is realising afresh that God is the ultimate teacher who knows mine and everyone else’s preferred style of learning. He knows whether our brains are wired in a neurotypical or neurodiverse way, as well as our preference for visual, experiential or whatever other fancy arse learning styles whose names I can’t remember. In my case, it’s the serial making of messes and mistakes style of learning. God teaches us however we learn best because he wants us to learn and grow … this is what living things do.

I’ve finally realised that when this student is ready, I see the teacher is all around me, always has been and always will be. And I realise that I have been a very inconsistent student because I’m usually so busy trying to do everything I love that I miss what is right in front of me.

How grateful I am that God is a patient teacher who shows me the same lesson as many times as I need to see it. At least I am when I start to get it. I’m not such a great student when amid a shit show so intense I can’t see beyond it. And that’s where those amazing people otherwise known as friends come in to save the day and spare me from totally losing the plot. I see all those precious people who sit with me in my suffering when I struggle to sit with myself, as gifts from God Almighty. You can’t buy that. (but you can pray in the ability to give and to receive it).

There really is learning in all parts of life. I have come to recognise that the challenges I resist and resent the most, usually offer the most enriching, expanding, enhancing lessons, when I surrender to learning them! These challenges contain the ‘gift of growth’ that is concealed within a challenge that we often wish to bypass or return to sender.

In 2024, I have been fortunate to witness a close friend receive a gift from God in the form of a beautiful baby. How wonderful to feel and savour that unique new human smell! And to be reminded through their wide-eyed wonder of the magic of life despite the sorrow.

At the other end of life, I have sat with a friend whose body is dying thanks to the ravages of the life stealing shitbag, that is cancer. This reality magnifies the truth that the most important part of life is and always will be, loving people with our presence.

There is nothing more important than being with each other, at the start, the end and all the highs and lows in between birth and death. That’s it right there … the overriding lesson of 2024 and every other year … to love and be loved; in joy and sorrow, life and death.

And so, as we prepare to cross from 2024 into a brand spanking new year, maybe we could commit to carrying this spirit of Christmas, aka the spirit of love, right through to Christmas 2025 and beyond.

I know I’ll need a lot of help from on high to practice this! But I also know that when it comes from a sincere heart, it’s the type of prayer that God is all over!

Happy New Year all.

The cultivation of calm

The experience of calm is often longed for but largely incompatible with our fast-paced culture. However, an inner sensation of calm does not have to depend on external conditions. They do help of course just as certain conditions hinder the sensation of calm.  

This period before Christmas can be excessively busy, social and stressful resulting in much rushing around. This can feel chaotic and exhausting but not necessarily calm. And therefore, the ability to cultivate calm amidst this season, is even more precious.

Yesterday when faced with the task of shopping, that can so easily overwhelm me, I chose to spend a little extra time asking, ‘the man who can’, to give me a lot of extra help with this calm maintaining malarkey. I knew that with 2 lists of items to buy from six different places, I could quickly descend into raging and snarling mode. I knew that I would struggle with all the stress inducing scenarios that shopping is filled with; crowds, noise, queues and self-service machines that don’t recognise items from their own shops. And therefore, I would need some help from on high to maintain my calm without losing my cool or anything else.

And so it was, after admitting my need for help and asking for a large portion of it, I headed off to the shops keen to see how the experience would unfold. Generally, I have about a two-hour limit for shopping, but I parked that knowledge along with the car and practised calmly focusing on making my way through the shops/lists. I was especially delighted that upon arriving in shop number one, I could still find the lists that I meticulously prepared before leaving the house. Whenever I get to a shop only to discover that my list has disappeared from the depths of my bag, I experience an instant switch into snarling beast mode. That’s not fun for anyone.

Anyway, I am delighted to share that I got round all six places which provided most of what was on my lists. A momentary thought as to whether I could manage a seventh place was quickly dismissed. I could not. I had reached my limit and wished to quit while still on the right side of it. This is progress.

As I drove home, I reflected that I had managed to do all that within less than two and half hours. Not with my usual approach of rushing around like a lunatic causing myself and anyone around me entirely avoidable stress, but by doing this whole calm thing. I even caught myself smiling at people and engaging in conversation. While I didn’t want to prolong the whole experience, I did quite like it! Which is good to remember ahead of doing what may be one of several ‘last’ trips to the shops today.

This cultivation of calm is a revelation! And a very welcome one! Especially while in a season where emotions can become heightened, stress can arise unexpectedly or in line with fast-growing but never-ending to-do-lists and moods can drop as fast as sugar laden treats are inhaled. The ability to find calm, amidst this Christmas season, is a super special gift for the season. For everyone.

Leave it be

I love the reminders that nature so beautifully bestows upon us if only we’ll open our eyes and hearts to notice them.

Nature does not rush; it has its own rhythms, timings, endings, beginnings and transitions between. These are all supported or hindered by the conditions of their environment.

One of the differences between this and our human cycles is that we don’t always trust our seasons, timings or the impact of our environment. We are notoriously bad at trying to make things like horrible feelings go away without feeling them so that they can move through the system. This results in them boomeranging back to bite us on the arse until we find the courage/support to face and feel them. We don’t need to get stuck there or to wallow but we may well need to wade through them – no one gets to bypass this reality.

We may also try to fast forward to some other feeling state/achievement/whatever we really want to experience, by forcing, rushing, praying and willing ourselves to be somewhere other than where we are. All of which is futile with the exception of the praying bit which is calming and soothing despite the fact God is clearly not English as he has no issue saying no, or not yet!

When I look back to nature, I have never heard a tree in Autumn, wailing, ‘don’t leave me.’ I don’t think trees are afraid that after a season of rest, they will not be able to produce new leaves.

Equally, I’ve never heard a tree in Winter panicking, ‘I can’t see or feel anything, will I ever have new leaves again?’.

And then in Spring, I don’t hear the tree’s groaning, ‘if you’ll just try harder, you’ll be able to make the leaves appear quicker’.

During the full blooming beauty of summer, I’ve also never heard a tree fretting, ‘this too shall pass’!

Maybe I am wrong as I am no tree expert, but this is how the trees talk to me!  And I love the wisdom they wish to impart. And the serenity with which they display it.

I have always loved nature since it was my safe place when I was a child. I still love nature which I feel connected to even in Winter, thanks to my conservatory. I read somewhere earlier this year that conservatories are out of fashion – hooray for not giving a toss about fashion!

And so, as a recovering rush-a-holic, I am trying to learn from nature about trusting in timings. This is very different to my default of going faster and faster and doing more and more of all the things I love doing, until the wheels come off and I crash and burn.

Nature whispers to me, ‘slow down Jo, trust in the timings of all things’. Whenever it comes to helpful advice like this, I tend to develop instant amnesia prior to putting it in to practice. So as a visual person, I now have a photo of a snail on my fridge!

Anyway, back to the leaves on the trees or rather the leaves landing all over my garden. A few weeks back, as I peered out of my bedroom window of a morning, I noticed a heap of leaves on the roof of my cabin. They weren’t moving. My instinct is to sort things out immediately, so they don’t build up and overwhelm me. However, on this occasion, I thought, ‘just leave it be, maybe the wind will blow hard enough to save you wrestling the ladder out to climb up and remove them from the roof’.

Remarkably enough, I did leave them be. This is new for me!

A few weeks later, when I looked out the bedroom window, these leaves were gone! And I couldn’t even see them on the lawn. Result! Thank God for the wind!

This reminded me that when I slow down, some jobs resolve themselves. Obviously, many do not, but sometimes, going at a ridiculously fast pace is ridiculously counterproductive. It can cause mistake making or time wasting by chasing things that would sort themselves out if I were less impatient and more trusting.

When I spoke to a friend In Scotland this week, she too had received a visit from the leave removing fairy. And she too was elated about crossing this off her to-do-list without getting up from her reclining sofa!

I think that learning to trust enough to go slowly will be a lifelong lesson for me when it comes to the practical application. Fortunately, nature displays these timeless truths every year in every season. And I’ve never yet heard a tree complaining, ‘I’m bored’. Perhaps because nature is ever changing just like us when we’re willing and there’s nothing boring about that.

Once the trees had finished shedding their leaves, I went to do the final leaf raking session. It was then that I spotted the leaves presumably from my cabin roof gathered in the soil behind my cabin. The leaf fairy hadn’t been quite so generous after all! I could not unsee or unknow they were there, but I could make a conscious choice to leave them be.

This reminded me that a year ago I left a retreat with the realisation that I always tell myself I will rest after I’ve just done one more job which invariably turns into tons more jobs. I decided to change my motto from, ‘I’ll just do x and then I’ll rest’, to, ‘I’ll just leave it be and rest NOW’.

Over a year later, I am finally taking tentative steps towards practising this art of ‘leaving it be’.

I thank God for nature’s ongoing reminders.

Trust in Transitions

This morning when I looked out of my bedroom window, the first thing I saw was the large tree at the end of the garden. I checked the leave status to determine whether I would have to add ‘raking the leaves’, to my never ending to-do-list. What with more leaves yet to hit the ground, I granted myself permission to postpone this job. Yay!

As I continued to look at those leaves remaining on their branches, I had the following thoughts.

Autumn is essentially a season that prepares the way for the new life of Spring to follow. It does this by shedding the old before entering a season of rest and nourishment which enables the next season to bring new life.

With my endless fascination with the human experience, I couldn’t help but wonder what parallels exist in my own life. Am I holding on to anything that may interfere with my own transition between seasons. What could the remaining leaves represent in my life? What do I need to let go of to allow myself the necessary rest and nourishment, that must precede the making of new life? Am I investing my energy in that which takes me towards or away, from where I would like to be?

I love a good question … or twenty. Even if they only throw up more questions than answers!

Within my home I regularly remove the dead leaves from my masses of house plants. I am informed that this prevents precious nutrients going to parts of the plant that are already dead. I do that in the belief that those nutrients will be re-directed to those parts of the plant that remain alive and growing. This is an ongoing process as new life keeps growing and old life keeps dying.

Ditto the life of the human who wishes to remain alive and healthy enough to continue growing.

And so, here I am, looking into the face of Winter and wondering what I need to leave at the mouth of the new season? What will weigh me down, hold me back or simply take energy that I need to replenish my resources?

Whenever I don’t make time to take stock of the big picture as well as those smaller pieces that contribute to it, I end up using time and energy in a way that takes me away from where I want to be.

Whether it is patterns of behaviour, unhelpful habits, or investment in anything that I need to step out from, I really want to practice this art of letting go.

Nature models this so beautifully; the stunning colours of the changing leaves remind me that transitions and transformations can be a wonder-full process which moves the trees from the old to the new, via rest.

Like everything else in life, letting go of that which is no longer supporting our growth or health is mostly about trust. Whether in timing, or the reality that some things are only for a season and the new is up ahead. Transitions may require us to sit in the empty space between old and new, along with all this evokes. When we can resist running back to what we know out of fear and continue putting one foot in front of the other, the new season of life will make itself known to us when the time is right.

When we don’t know

As humans we don’t tend to like or therefore be good at sitting in situations that evoke a sense of not knowing. We don’t like to ‘not know’ and we do like to know.

There are different types of knowing including practical and psychological.

We need to know practical facts that allow us to prepare and plan accordingly especially for changes. The chaos around incorrect information and signage for our road closures being a case in point. Thanks go to Jodie Chillery for working so hard to correct and ensure learning is made to prevent future re-occurrences.

When it comes to psychological knowing, there may not be such a clear distinction between correct and incorrect, concrete facts.

To continue engaging fully with life, the need to take the sort of risk that precedes trying anything new, will arise over and over. It is an invitation to step beyond what we know to what we do not, to gain a new knowing.

This could be with employment, house/area moves, relationships, new skills/ventures, membership of any organisation etc. Basically, any type of change that requires us to do our research as far as we are able then to take the leap from what we have known into what we do not. In doing so we hope that we will discover something new if only that we do not like the new thing and need to incorporate this new knowing into further steps/changes!

To avoid any kind of change or new venture or experience of not knowing is to avoid staying alive and open to trying, growing and learning.

Sometimes if we have a particularly difficult time with not knowing how something will work out, we may cling to certainties to avoid this discomfort.

At times we have a clear yes to something whereas at other times, we have a clear no. Whether we speak these or stand by them in actions is another story!

However, mostly we do not and cannot have such definitive answers and therefore we will find ourselves in the middle position some place between ‘yes’ or ‘no’, known as ‘I don’t know’, or ‘not knowing’. No one can know before starting a new job or moving to a new area or any other type of life new-ness, exactly what the new experience will be look or feel like. We don’t get that kind of certainty ahead of leaving the current certainty. Therin lays the risk of letting go of the old, known and familiar to step in to the new, unknown and unfamiliar. The presence of trust is what enables us to take the step  between knowing and not knowing. It allows us to resist the temptation to shut down anything new without allowing it the time or space to reveal whether it is a fit for us.

The place of ‘not knowing’ is an unavoidable step on the path towards new knowing. I am not talking of an intellect only, read in a book, ‘knowing’, but an embodied level of knowing.

We do not learn to dance by only reading theories about it or watching others dance. This type of learning can only take us so far. We learn to dance by getting into our own body, reading the rhythm and learning to relax out of over thinking and in to letting our body’s move spontaneously. When we make a wrong move or step, it teaches us what not to do.

It is no different with the dance of life. If we cling to the side of known certainties, we may hold on to our sense of safety and comfort. But we lose the chance to learn something new.

If we can tolerate what we do not know, we can allow the time and space required for our ‘not knowing’ to become a new knowing. In the space that trust allows, a new level of knowing will emerge.

As with most of the complexities around being human, sometimes we need to move beyond the head’s compulsion to comprehend or figure or fathom things. We need to get inside these body’s of knowledge which will gift us with their wisdom, in its own timing.

Trust is the key to moving towards a new knowing.

I am taking some time out so my next post will be on August 28th.

The peace giving properties of prayer

Prayer is not some super spiritual activity involving lots of ‘thee’ and ‘thou’, King James version of the Bible, style words. At least it isn’t for me. And perhaps that’s an important point to start with. Prayer is a personal matter that may look different for me than it does for you.

Prayer to me, is an expression of all I hold within my heart; good, bad and ugly. I usually express this in words whether silently or out loud. My car is something of a prayer mobile which I use to pray in while driving. I basically chatter away to the Almighty about anything and everything like a child talking non-stop nonsense with a bit of significant stuff thrown in here and there and a lot of ‘but, why’s?’ (in between the rant/repent cycle about people who don’t indicate – on the understanding that I am sometimes too distracted to remember to indicate too!).

Sometimes, usually in painful times, my prayers do not have words; they may come out shaped like a groan, moan, sigh, tears, rants, pleading or even simple, sometimes stony, silence.

In my world, prayer is an acknowledgement that there is something out there that is way bigger and way better than the average human, including this one.

It is a dialogue with the divine on the understanding that he is not some distant deity but a presence right here, right now, who longs to commune with every human heart.

It is a spontaneous response to the revelation that we are not alone, no matter how much it may feel like it at times.

And it is a belief that this God is listening and loving and longing to show us his ways, his wonders and his wisdom. A God who welcomes us and our hearts with all that they hold within them, especially all the ugly crap that he doesn’t want us struggling with on our own.

Ultimately, prayer puts into practice, a belief in a God who can heal our hearts as we go through life, getting hurt and hurting others. It is a hope that this God will love us enough, despite ourselves, to keep healing us enough to continue seeing and appreciating all that is good while not denying all that is not. And as the lyrics of a song that has recently caught my attention, say, ‘God’s love is a love like no other’. In a good way.

I love to pray as it reminds me of all of the above … and that I am not alone … and that I am loved even when I am being unlovely, (which humbles me in to being a bit less unlovely, sometimes!). This all helps me to keep my heart open to God so I can receive from his heart all that I need for this life. And some.

God is such a generous God that he always gives us more than we need or ask him for so we can share it with others. And I’m not talking about all that materialistic crap like status, power and positions. I’m talking about what we all need more than anything; patience, compassion, kindness, grace, mercy, understanding, a belief that we can be better and a LOVE that enables it all.

I really love to chatter away to God about my hopes, my fears and all in between – when I’m not ignoring him because I’ve got the hump. I am immensely grateful for his enduring patience with my enduring ramblings.

Occasionally, I even shut up for long enough to let him speak! Whenever I do, I am wowed by his wisdom. NB to self, shut up more and listen more.

In the past week, on four separate occasions I have asked to end my times with friends by praying together. And these shared times of prayer have reminded me how good it feels, in a pure, Enid Blyton summer days, kind of a way, to thank God for what is good and to ask his help for what is not.

Whether I pray alone or with and for others, it leaves me with a peace that comes from being reminded that there is one able to handle all of our worries way better than we are.

Somewhere, sometime, I read that there is scientific evidence proving that prayer has a positive impact on these complex bodily systems of ours.

All I know is that prayer sooths my system, reminds me of God and in doing so, of my desire to keep learning from him, how to be a better me. I’m always going to need and to ask for large, ongoing portions of that!

But don’t take my word for it, try prayer for yourself. There is nothing to lose and everything to gain.

And if you don’t know where to start or feel self-conscious or weird, start with the lord’s prayer – it pretty much covers all bases!

Hot or what?

After a rather wet, cold start to our summer, we’re now in full on high heat with no time to adjust! It feels outrageous to complain but complaining is an embedded part of our culture!

There’s a very welcome breeze today but temperatures are still set to soar to 28c!

As with every other part of our life experience, we need to learn how to manage our response to that which we cannot control. In this instance, to manage the response of our systems; body and mind, to the heat of the weather.

Many of us struggle to sleep at the best of times especially when hormones are creating havoc, but the heat adds an additional challenge. And for me, a cumulative lack of sleep can result in headaches and grumpiness! Both of which make me want to join my ginger feline in lazing around for hours on end under the sun protecting powers of the parasol.

Yet, I know that while overdoing things in this heat is unhelpful for mind or body, so too is underdoing them! As with all else, listening to our body and recognising its needs is essential to maintaining a healthy balance.

So in my attempts to look after mind and body, I’m intentionally doing something active if not too rigorous, every day.

Mondays short walk rewarded me with all the beautiful sights and scenes of the surrounding green spaces; undoubtably good for mind and soul.

Yesterday, I cycled to the outdoor pool where the noise levels made my heart sink but the cool of the water revived me.

I’ve tried a different yoga class this week to mix things up and keep me on my toes/elbows/knees.

And today, I will cycle to a local café to meet a friend.

The heat can present a real challenge for us all. It can be become all too easy to succumb to slothfulness, but gentle movement can help us on all levels. And not just the endless trips to the loo to keep up with the endless intake of fluids!

Welcome to summer people!