Emotional Health - Life is calling

Let’s talk curtains, by Jesus Christ and Jo Loach!

Let’s talk curtains

It’s Easter Saturday … this offers the stillness, silence and space that so many of us struggle with. During our life span, we will often find ourselves in our own Easter Saturday, no longer where we were, but not yet where we will be. It can be hard on Saturday to trust that Monday will come. Easter offers us an annual reminder in recognition of our tendency for spiritual amnesia, about what we need to remember most.

This morning I was thinking about all of this. I love the magic of the early mornings, and this morning was no exception. If I sleep through until 5.30am, I take this as a win. My overactive mind has always interfered with my body’s need for sleep.

Anyway, when I went downstairs and wondered into my conservatory, I was greeted by the most musical, magical sound of birdsong. It doesn’t matter how many times I hear this or witness all things Spring, they still make my heart leap for joy. These are the moments that set me up for a day of seeing all things through the lens of my relationship with Jesus Christ. How grateful I am to have eyes that see and ears that hear – when I remember to look and listen!

The first few hours of my day are dedicated to hanging out with Jesus because he feeds me on a way deeper level than my muesli does. He gives me wisdom, insight, encouragement, comfort, strength and whatever else he knows I’ll need for the day. Love is the non-negotiable most important ingredient for any day. And He’s a generous God who always gives more than we need so there’s enough to share with others.

As I read my UCB daily devotional, I was struck by the word ‘curtains’. Obviously as it’s Easter Saturday, the reading is about what Jesus came to do – to become the connector between our flawed selves and our perfect God. This isn’t new news for any Christian, but our God is not a dead or dry God. He offers us new, fresh, living ways to see and share his life, death, words, ways and wisdom every day, when we seek him.

Each morning, I look back and thank God for all the blessings I noticed from the previous day. And I ask him to speak to me in preparation for the day he knows I will have. As a God of his word, who’s ways are not our ways, he does what he says he will. Always and without exception.

As soon as I clocked the word ‘curtains’ in my reading, I remembered a conversation from earlier this week. It was about the impending funeral to celebrate the life of the one who died unexpectedly. The question was asked whether we wanted the ‘curtains’ to be closed at the end of the service. This typically symbolises the final curtain call of life as one moves beyond this world to the next. The answer was a resounding ‘no’ from us all. Too visual, too final, too painful.

I sat with this and sought God’s insight. I considered how God uses the torn curtains to symbolise the end of Jesus’s life in human form. While what Jesus came to do was finished, this was not the end of his life or his reign. It was the beginning of Jesus taking up his life through the hearts, minds, bodies, words and ways of us, his flawed human but still-used-by-God, people. Upon giving our hearts to Jesus, he begins to reign within them in a way that blesses and helps us through all the trouble we’re told we’ll have. And he gives enough to sustain us and share with others, to show something of who God is.

For Jesus, the curtains represented his physical death, but the start of his life through our physical bodies and spirits. That’s you, me and us. The curtains represented a boundary between us and God. Hence the curtains splitting in two removed this leaving us free to be with God anytime we want to. We can be as connected to him as we want, for he has gifted us the free will to choose.

I’m learning to have God on an intravenous drip because whenever I try life my way instead of his, I get myself in an almighty mess. How grateful I am that God is almighty enough, gracious and merciful enough, to always welcome me back with open arms.

For us, curtains symbolise the end of our life in these human body’s. It doesn’t end there though, as Jesus calls us to eternity with him, in brand spanking new bodies. And in a place where there is no more tears or suffering – wow.

We live in a world, in a time full of suffering. Much of which is unnecessarily driven by the human ego and its need for power, at the cost of human life. No wonder Jacinda Ardern, former prime minister of NZ, was vilified by the patriarch for prioritising human life in NZ during Covid. If only men and women could acknowledge, celebrate and collaborate with each other to utilise our respective gifts and perspectives. I’ll pray but I won’t hold my breath on this front. Dinosaurs are far from an extinct species and remain one which endangers life.

But back to the point.

The curtains that split when Jesus died, removed all separation between us and God Almighty, FOREVER. This means that no matter what trouble our ‘Good Friday’ seasons bring, nor how long before our Easter Monday comes, Jesus is with and for us. In this life and beyond.

I love to worship God through song and as I sang/screeched along to the lyrics of a song this morning, I was particularly struck by the truth of these words.

“Where is God in all of this?”

This is often the cry of the human heart when life or death happens in a way that makes our hearts hurt, over what our minds are unable to comprehend. I imagine it is the cry of many a human heart right now, the world over, with all that is happening.

Jesus promised us trouble, but he also encouraged us to ‘take heart’, because he has overcome. He overcame the cross to connect us to the Father forever, if we choose to accept this ultimate invitation from the giver of life. And this father, gives us everything we could possibly need to navigate the toughest, most heart breaking of times. He gives comfort, calm, peace and the love of good people. None of which can be bought. Not even from Amazon. And the best bit of all, the life and death of Jesus that invites us to experience the fullest version of life, the one where he lives in and through us, is FREE!!! Honestly! I know it sounds too good to be true, but I’ve got over twenty years lived experience of testing this! And I can testify that this promise is truer than true! As well as being an offer with no expiry date, until the day we die.

Now that’s what I call good news.

Oh yes, and because God knows how easily I become distracted, he often confirms what he wants me to write about, at least three times. This typically succeeds in getting and securing my attention. He knows I love the number three for its holy and magical qualities! So, just to be sure this morning, I had a notification come up on my FB market page. It had a picture of a pair of red curtains that I had advertised for sale, with the rather original title, ‘Curtains’! I burst out laughing! I love Jesus and the way he works, plays and rests with me! Especially when I let him drive and I stop being such a front seat driver.

“Ok, Jesus, I hear you, I’ll get up and write this piece for you – what a privilege during this annual reminder of what an amazing God you are, to write in a way that points to you!”

I’m always confused when Christians look at me like I’m mad, deluded or both when I share what God has said to me. Of course, I am fallible and I can and do get things wrong at times. But I’ve learned to accept that if I do my best to share what God asks me to share, it’s between God and others to test its truth. And this free’s me to stop staying silent just because my critics remain committed to misunderstanding me and underestimating God!

I will not be silenced, and I will speak on God’s behalf – please do test what I say for yourself.

Happy celebrating and recognising the call of Jesus weekend, one and all.

What an awesome God we all have.

Always trust that your Monday WILL come. No matter how long the weekend turns out to be, nor where it delivers you to.

And if you are wondering what this messed up world is all about and seeking something of real meaning, open your heart to the call of the giver of life this Easter. Please don’t let us, God’s imperfect people, put you off from God’s perfect-ness. The Church continues to earn her poor reputation in many ways. But she also does a lot of good, so please don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.

And please be assured that a relationship with God is separate to the Church, which remains full of flawed people like me. However, there are a growing breed of us, God’s people, who are working hard, despite the internal resistance, to lift the carpet. The Church is no different to the average family in that much of the mess and pain gets swept under the ceiling tickling carpets. As if somehow this pleases God, rather than green lighting the one who works oh-so-subtly against God.

But God is different in that he calls us to let him help us deal with what’s under the carpet, not live in fear of it. Or worse still, allow it to grow and fester by pretending its not there. God is not fooled! Neither does he call us to be! He really does call us to be free.

Ps in answer to the question of, ‘where is Jesus in this?’

As the lyrics say,

“He’s right here, where he’s always been”.

Halleluyah!

PPS give me a shout if you want these freshly washed red curtains! Dear Jesus, please help me find the buggers …

Unexpected Death

Nothing really prepares us for death.

But it remains more shocking when we’re not expecting it. In a way I guess we should all be expecting death, given it’s an inevitable and unavoidable part of life for every one of us. But we don’t usually expect death. Perhaps we are more mindful the older we get and the more loved ones we witness going on without us. But generally, death is too concrete a concept to be comprehensible to our human brains.

When death takes one of our own, our world ceases to exist in the way we’ve always known it. Time stops while we enter a limbo bubble, beyond the realms of ordinary time or daily living. Nothing seems real except that the lifeline of one has ended and ours has changed irreversibly.

The shock of sudden death sends waves of anaesthetic through our systems to soothe us until we can begin to absorb the hard-to-absorb. My system shook and cried. Then it became still and silent before succumbing to sleep. Only after sleep did the waves of shock accompanied by sadness arise again.

How can someone be here one minute and gone the next? Why don’t we get notice it’s coming?!

We know intellectually when someone has ceased to be here in bodily form, but we cannot digest this in one sitting. It’s too hard, too big, too final and too life changing, to those who remain alive.

The questions start,

“What if …”

“If only …”

“Why didn’t I …”

And none of these have answers.

Then the ‘should’ brigade step in.

“Should I do this … “

“Should I do that …”

“Should I not do this or that …”

But when it comes to the process of grief, there is

NO …

rule book
right or wrong
comparisons
two griefs the same

There is only the ongoing question of;

What do I need right now?

On the understanding that this is ever changing and sometimes we learn what we need by experiencing what we don’t. For me, crowds and noise are an absolute no, as my tolerance is the first thing to go and my irritation is the first thing to rise.

And top of the DO NOT NEED pile are:

DO NOT

stop praying … God wants to help us with death as well as life
push self to do what can be put down and left undone
pretend to be ok when not
claim not to need support when we do
self-pressure/self-recrimination
anything remotely resembling the stiff upper lip bs

In contrast, top of the DO NEED pile are:

time / space
tissues, plenty of
water, lots – to drink and if manageable, shower in, but see above re not pressuring!
Industrial strength deodorant (see above/is this just a peri thing?)
Food to stop the system being physically stressed when it’s already psychologically stressed, even easy grabs like toast.
Sleep whenever you can grab it
Big scissors to cut yourself some serious slack
Reminder not to put finance before health in work v time out – ongoing assessment of capacity
Support from those who have experienced grief
Self-compassion; large portions of
Time alarms for anything significant while time awareness is suspended
Friends that understand you don’t want to hear about their sister’s, uncles, neighbours’ dogs, fleas.
Reminder that all thoughts and feelings are just that – they come, they go, accept or fight them – while reminding yourself you don’t have energy to spare
Accept you’re going to feel emotionally and mentally fatigued while your body works to support the process of healing; don’t push to do unnecessary work during this time
It’s a process; anything that pretends to be a short cut will turn into a long cut
Remember grief has its own timeline and it does not end; it changes as we integrate the love for the person (and any other feelings) with the loss of them
It’s your grief, your body, heart, mind and spirit. Only you know what you feel and what you need – go with that. If anyone wants to judge, in the words of Mel Robbins, ‘let them’!

And a note for my fellow Christians, DON’T EVER SAY,

“Oh but they’re with Jesus now”,

Especially not while wearing a huge smile.

At least not unless you want the ‘most insensitive response’ award. If Jesus cried over the death of a man he knew he was going to resurrect, I’m pretty damn sure it’s ok for us to cry over those who die and will not be resurrected.

Grief reminds us to stop.

To notice what is and what is not important. To constantly take a minute to ask,

“Does this really matter right now, if at all?”

For me, when I am writing, I can find my way through anything, including the unexpected dying of another.

And, even in the heartache of grief, there are gifts of gold. For what is more important than the gift of one another, to walk through life and death with. We need not walk alone.

Thank you God for gifting me those who walk with me, hug me, message me, call me, feed me, water me, pray with and for me and show me, I am not alone.

All the fun of the firsts. Again.

Who doesn’t love this time of year?

All around us are signs of new life from the little red buds on the trees, to the daffodils decorating the roadsides, to the beautiful sound of birdsong in the air. After being starved of sunshine for so long, it really does feel like pure magic! All the more likely to elicit smiles!

And, how wonderful to throw open the windows to welcome the warmer air and clear the stuffiness of central heating.

Not only have I enjoyed my first trip to the sea, but I’ve also had my first drinks and eats in the garden. Last weekend, I even had my first breakfast in the garden. How exciting!

As I sat outside at my lap top this morning, I saw my first yellow butterfly fly right by. And a huge bumble bee has made its first and several subsequent appearances.

I’ve started cycling to my health club instead of driving and I’ve returned to running outside. I hate running on a treadmill inside as I love to feel the air on my skin and hear the birds as they sing.

Today saw me out with a friend without a coat on! First time this year, wow wee! And I wasn’t cold.

Upon seeing my neighbour mow their lawn, I could no longer convince myself that it was too wet to mow mine. I’ve now got the first mow of the season done as well as having removed everything dead from the garden. It’s a neat, tidy, clean slate ready to receive the new life of the new season. And I’ve planted my first pansies and violas, as well as a lettuce, although that’s still inside for now. I don’t want to risk freezing the bugger to death in a frost.

A few weeks back I took my first bike ride of the year which involved flying down a hill at high speed, as if in an Enid Blyton book. Woo-hoo!

And today, I had an excessively enjoyable, fun fest of a day out with a friend, to celebrate her birthday. I indulged in my first piece of cake of the week after deciding to risk the runaway sugar train. It was utterly delicious, more so as it was baked by someone other than me.

On our return I had my first experience of laughing so hard, I didn’t laugh my arse off (shrinking jeans will testify) but I must have laughed at least half of that cake off. My stomach hurt even more than it does after a particularly spicy Pilates class. Who knew burning off cake could involve so much fun and laughter.

It turns out I did, as I’ve been to my first and now second weekly dance class. These make me laugh spontaneously as dance is one of my favourite joy releasers.

I’ve even got my spring, bright and bold floral covered bedsheets back on the bed. Everywhere I look inside or out, there are flowers displaying their beauty for us to feast our eyes on.

And once home I feasted on my first four egg omelette, as suggested by last week’s menopause coach. Protein is apparently the way to go.

Yay for the new season and all the fun of the firsts.

Ps a less fun first was the sound of a super sized wasp buzzing around my conservatory. Fortunately, following a few prayers and a few FFS’s, it found its way back out!

Beware the sugar train

Yesterday I was reminded of the cost of forgetting the above. Having gained half a stone of mainly sugar filled treats, I decided to take action. I immediately rationed myself to only eating cakes on weekend days with a mid-week slice on Wednesdays.

Last Wednesday I had the tiniest slither of cake possible as I was still super enthused with this new regime. Or rather I was super thrilled with the subsequent weight loss. This Wednesday having allowed a little smugness in to the system, I celebrated with more of a slather of cake. It was double the size of last weeks. Still not huge though, well done me. I mindfully savoured every mouthful of this yumalicious home made yoghurt cake of mine. It was top notch.

I was spared the temptation of home made cakes for several months as I had a temporary release from cake consumption having caked myself out celebrating my fiftieth. However, the baking and more dangerously the eating, of cake has since returned with renewed vigour.

Anyway, after that slather sized slice, I was salivating for more. A short debate ensued where Captain cut-back-the-cakes maintained one slice was enough but my always-greedy-for-everything-I-love part remained unconvinced. Following a few minutes of back and forth, I caught myself cutting another slather sized slice. While I thoroughly enjoyed every morsel, I knew straight after that I should have stopped after one. I promised myself I would remember this next time, conveniently forgetting that perimenopause means I will remember no such thing.

After the necessary afternoon nap, I took myself to the local Menopause Café. I was looking forward to hearing from an expert speaker along with seeing other women who are navigating this stage. It was a venue I hadn’t been to before which involved walking the whole way round the building trying various locked doors before eventually being led by one more in the know than I, back to the start point at the front. I hate it when there are no signs!

Once inside, I liked the venue but alas … they were selling CAKE. My eyes ran over all the available stock to see if anything took my fancy. What did was in the form of a square shaped, homemade looking, chocolate chip filled substantial sized piece of shortbread. Gulp. I LOVE shortbread. I stared at it a little more before pulling myself past it to take a seat. I tried to distract myself by greeting other people but all I could hear and sense from behind me was,

“Jo, you know you want me”.

And I really did!

The pull to the sugar was incredibly powerful and took everything in me to resist.

It turned out the talk was largely on nutrition and how to feed our hormones in such a way to support the system and to reduce sugar spikes. The reality of oestrogen spiking and dropping all over the shop is enough stress on the system without throwing sugar spikes and crashes in to the mix. Although I am rubbish at remembering anything remotely scientific, I did grasp that the sugar in carbs quickly causes the system to crash and then crave more thus creating a repeating cycle. Sugar does not satisfy the system in any lasting way which entraps us to the quick hit of sugar filled heaven before crashing us back down which leaves us craving more. If you’re looking for something that does satisfy the system beyond instant gratification, protein is the way to go.

I probably missed much of the talk due to the mental energy required to resist the shortbread. While reflecting on all this, I realised I must have inadvertently got on the sugar train earlier that day. As I don’t really believe in extreme diets that remove certain foods (unless revolting ones I don’t want anyway, like black pudding), I thought the cake in moderation approach was a sensible one. I had imagined that a mid-week sugar hit would sustain me until the weekend.

However, it would appear from my experience and the talk, that instead I had started something that was hard to stop. Perhaps it would have been more helpful to leave the sugar monster to its slumber only awakening it at the weekend if I was prepared to break the cycle on a Monday.

The learning literally never stops.

It reminds me that back in my adolescence as a fan of Grange Hill, there was an anti-drugs campaign with the motto,

“Just say no,”

The present day replacement for menopausal women appears to be,

“Just say no … to sugar”.

And, ‘beware the sugar train’, because it’s hard to get back off – the drug/poison of the day.

We had reflected in the menopause group on how fashions change around food. Fat, for example is now very much in fashion, the healthy avo type anyway. But sugar and wheat are now in the firing line.

I love all things sugar and would be most suspicious of any woman who claims not to. However, when our body’s are already subject to so much change-associated stress, the sugar trap really is one to be mindful of. Damn.

Permission to pause

As the call of the sea was too appealing to ignore, I granted myself forty-eight uninterrupted hours of being beside the sea.

A welcome opportunity to be free of the other more demanding P’s; pressure to meet schedules (even those I’ve set myself!) plus the endless productivity of performing the tasks that accompany adulting.

Permission granted to roam free of them all.

What bliss. A real brain/body break. The most taxing decision I made today was which items I wanted for breakfast! To which the answer was … most of them! What a gift to have a meal prepared, cooked and brought right to you. Especially when served at a table with a sea view. Simple pleasures still deliver.

Following months of grey dreary days with very little exception, the sun even appeared to shine its sparkling lights all over the shop. And the sea. I find the sun rays flickering off the sea utterly mesmerising. That’s my kind of magic.

Yesterday I had zero desire to walk, let alone run along the beach. As I’m practising giving my body what it needs versus forcing it to do what I think it should, I didn’t walk or run. Instead, I spent hours sat on my arse staring at the sea from the comfort of my favourite sea facing seat. Guilt free and glorious. I also scoffed salmon I hadn’t had to cook. And I inhaled an inspiring book that was gifted by a friend, who knows my appetites. Satisfaction central.

But then, after one of the biggest and best cooked breakfasts I’ve ever had, a spontaneous urge to walk arose. This was enhanced by the fact I was too uncomfortably stuffed to stay seated. I went out to amble along the beach. As the waves gently lapped at the shore, the sun began to emerge. The warmth of its rays upon my skin was a welcome treat indeed! I remember this! It was an all-round sensory delight to be savoured slowly.

I walked and walked and I walked a bit more. And I relished the reality that there was no rushing required. I surprised myself with how long I walked following the slothfulness of the day before. As I did, I was constantly wowed by the wonder of the waves. Like life, they just keep coming; sometimes crashing in, sometimes calm, but always moving. A constant, vast, open presence. These are the scenes I love to gorge on. Even taking short videos as a takeaway to view when home.

I brought a coffee which I drank outside while still drinking in the sights and sounds of the sea. My first al fresco drink of the year. How exciting! At least it was until the wind started blowing, the clouds started dominating and the sun stopped shining. My cue to return to the comfort of the indoor seats.

Following a few hours of creative play, I felt compelled to get back outside to run along the beach. How I love the fresh air on my skin, invigorating me and reminding me in an embodied way that I am still ALIVE! Of course, it’s even more enjoyable when accompanied by the sun to balance out the cold. A wish that was granted periodically.

During this time and space of unforced rhythms; flowing over forcing, pausing over pushing, spontaneity over striving, my creativity began to re-emerge from its slumber. I am relieved, excited and tentative to sense it awakening once more.

The sea, the sun, the space, the stillness, the simple pleasures … these are what begin to bring me home to myself.

Thank you, God, for the soul stirring, wonder awakening, call, comfort and restorative powers of nature.

I do love to be beside the seaside.

And while I am now back home, I must return soon.

The sting and the shine

On Sunday at Church I spoke to someone who shared that they were feeling less than enthused about Christmas! They described what had created their bar humbug position and how it had been challenged by those who were participating in the meal sharing, gift giving, enjoyment of Christmas.

As one who does a lot of listening, I am aware that this person is far from alone! For many, Christmas has associations that evoke the opposite of fluff and fun. This could be due to the reminder of those who are no longer with us. Or to the spirit of Christmas getting lost in Black Friday sales. Or the consumerist cloud that conceals the one the season represents. Or just that the usual daily stressors don’t cease to exist simply because Christmas is coming!

In short Christmas can remind us of loss in its many guises. Not just of loved ones but of the meaning becoming concealed by consumerism. These are on top of whatever others losses each of us are currently navigating.

There can be a sting in the stress of spending alongside the escalating cost of living, as well as the additional work and pressure for everything to be ‘perfect’. And this in addition to the ordinary storms, strains and stings of life. It’s no wonder that the build up to Christmas can turn folk right off from the true shining star of the season.

On Saturday, a friend and I watched a film called, ‘Oh what fun’. This was rare in that it was set from the female perspective. It illustrated how the women usually do all the unnoticed, often taken for granted, behind the scenes work, that makes everything happen. The film illustrates how Christmas can bring out the best, the worst and all in between for us all, as everything especially emotions, are heightened. It had a poignant but true message that was delivered with humour as well as the guaranteed happy ending!

Whether we love, hate or wish Christmas to be over, the timeless gift in its midst, remains; CHRIST! The season is almost universally accepted as a time of being with loved ones (in small doses!), sharing in celebrations, scoff-fests, singing and togetherness. But the real gift is Christ who is present during the run up, the main event and the year that follows. He helps us to stay focused on him despite all that seeks to draw our attention away from him.

It is ironic that the very season that showcases Jesus as the shining star, can be one in which the surrounding pomp and ceremony as well as the stress, work and expense, can conceal him! These Christ-less consumers of money AND attention, can become a smokescreen to divert, distract and distance us from Christ! And as with every other sphere of life and season, that which we consumes us, can blind us to that which helps, holds and heals us!

However, the good news of this season as with every other, is that we don’t have to passively accept this as the case, just because it was last year or the year before! All year round there will be experiences that sting us in one way, shape or form. These can become amplified during Christmas. However, it is equally true that in every season/storm/stress that stings, lay an opportunity for the God who shines brighter than every sting, to be seen afresh.

We must choose and keep choosing, not to deny what stings, but to continue to seek the one who shines through it all. Christ remains beyond the sales, Amazon delivery’s, family fallouts, unexpected or expected bereavements, stress, ill health or whatever else leaves us with a heavy heart.

Jesus is calling each of us, every day,

“Come to me … here and now … I will put my heart-lifting, heart-holding, heart-warming shine on every step you take, especially those which sting”.

This is true in all seasons including Christmas.

Jesus does NOT say,

“Do not come to me until you’ve got through the stress or sting of Christmas or any other season”!

Jesus is the God of the shine within, above and beyond every sting. He does not need us to make ourselves shiny before we bring the sting to him. He helps us with the sting so we can continue to enjoy his shine in the face of all that stings.

Sometimes we need to consciously choose to re-focus on the one who helps us turn every sting in to a chance to see him shine even brighter. There is no need to delay until the stress/sting of the season is behind us when there is one wanting to help us reclaim the gift of his presence, here and now.

Shed, rest, produce, repeat

The tree’s now stand stripped of their leaf coverings, in all their raw, naked, natural beauty. They are a sight to behold which gives me great enjoyment every morning as I watch their stunning silhouettes emerge from the darkness of night. They never fail to wow me with their striking beauty set against the ever changing back drop of the sky. They serve to remind me of the necessity and beauty, of all seasons. And that each season has a natural timeline for producing, before shedding and resting, to prepare for the next season of producing.

Autumn calls us to release and shed all that holds us back from growing in new ways. Winter seeks to welcome us unencumbered by old, redundant ways of being and relating. This transition between what was and what is to come, can be unsettling because those learned but unquestioned patterns of relating, may have covered our most natural selves; needs and desires to grow beyond, ‘what was’.

The trees invite us to stand tall exactly as we are. No more, no less, no hiding or pretending to be anything other than who we were born to be. This raw authenticity will reveal those who see and enjoy us for being who we are and those who don’t. This is the natural order of life that supports us to shed all that will hold us back from change, whether internal or external.

Post shedding, it is helpful to rest, resource and re-set. We may need to withdraw a little to regather ourselves in preparation for producing more life in a different way.

The business of being alive means that change is constantly happening. We can surrender to this reality, whether gracefully or disgracefully, or fight it to the very death. As in our death, be it physical or psychological.

When we surrender to the shedding season and refuse to resist the resting season, we work with our natural life cycles.

As humans in a nonstop culture, we may struggle to simply be still. The tree models this to us while also showing its striking beauty. When the wind blows, the trees move with it in a dance of its own.

Winter invites us to accept the mini deaths of, ‘the way we/life have been’, to prepare us to birth fuller, healthier, more satisfying ways of living and relating. While the physical body is aging, wearing and tearing, the psychological and spiritual self is growing, shedding, resting and relearning.

While we may all have our favourite seasons, the tree’s remind us to trust during all seasons. For life is always calling us to the fullest way of living, which also requires an ongoing assessment of all that undermines this. (including ourselves!)

The HIGH before the storm

Not all storms are preceded by calm … think the miracles of mass feeding, Elijah after calling fire from heaven etc

A high raised by a demonstration of God’s undeniable power, is an invitation for spiritual attack from God’s enemy. This must NOT deter us!

Twenty years ago, my counsellor once remarked,

‘When you stand up and out, as well as speaking up and out, you effectively put a target on your back’.

As a navigator of serial, near back-to-back storms in recent years, I have learned much that cannot be learned in the calm. Upon reaching my fiftieth which I wasn’t always confident of reaching, I chose to use my jubilee party to celebrate the God who brought me through every storm. God has used these storms to update my internal software at the deepest level by changing man-made beliefs, for God’s truths and by making my weak places strong. It gave me enormous joy to celebrate this God with the amazing FAMILY who have brought me through.

As a visual person, seeing and sharing with so many of the family God has surrounded me with (plus a few relative unknowns) during these seasons of storms, made a super-sized, super-strength deposit in my love-bank. My true family members were touched by the power and presence of God’s love in the room. Those who arrived wobbly, left feeling strengthened. And I was lifted high on wings of joy, love and gratitude.

This high was short-lived … the inevitable spiritual attack started just one short week later.

While this was intended for harm to drag me down to the level of those responsible, who also wished to exert control over me, the God who CONVERTS all harm to good, utilised this INTEL, for my learning, growth and deeper healing.

When we fly so high, shout so loud, or rejoice with so many, about the goodness of God, we invite ‘gifts’ from those unwilling to rejoice with, or for us. These ‘gifts’ are precious in so far as we do not receive them, from those who see, hear, understand and love us.

Those who launch such attacks or are complicit in them, highlight themselves as not being our people. There is nothing to be gained by speaking to those who refuse to see or hear us. And there is everything to be gained by walking away, closing the door, bolting it firmly, praying them in to God’s care and leaving them with others who belong only in your past.

While such attacks are shocking, especially when launched by those you overlooked the ‘off-signs’ for, and invested in emotionally anyway, it does signal that the storm sender/permitter deemed you ready for it and designed it to remove those not coming forward with you.

Either way, storm-training, trains us to recognise that every storm contains key INTEL. When we know that John 16:33 is a guaranteed, repeating life-long theme (!), we can meet it as the gift of growth that it is.

Irrespective of source, the storm HIGHLIGHTS in NEON FLASHING LIGHTS, where our WEAK SPOTS are. This is profoundly helpful when partnering with the God who turns our weaknesses in to strengths. What may otherwise remain off the radar is swiftly put on it via the attention-grabbing-presence of pain, when we are attacked in the weak spot! What a good-gift giving God we have!!

In addition to signposting us to our weak spots so God can help us strengthen them, the storm also shows us what conditions evoke our INNER THOMAS. Or the doubter within; whether doubts about us, others, or God himself. By putting these on the map, under the super illuminating light of the Almighty, we can clearly see the lies that underpin the doubts. When we bring the enemy lies before the truth giving God, they dissipate.

These attacks also alert us to where we have allowed, or even invited, harm in – this is critical as it points us to the essential repair work we must undertake to prevent harm entering via whatever breaks in the boundary wall, allowed our attackers in.

Furthermore, we are invited to partner with God in identifying our God-given-gifts along with their need for God-ordained-protection from those who see them, but have self-serving motives.

On a deeper level, an attack-based-storm can make invisible beliefs become visible eg ‘if you are kind, open, trusting and giving, others will treat you in the same vein.’ God’s truth is that we must be as wise as a serpent and as pure as doves. We must wake up and wise up, for wolves have no limits when it comes to their penchant for fancy dress; the more deceptive and unexpected the disguise, the greater the power to damage.

In summary, God allows the storm and those who attack us. He uses it to show us how to protect ourselves better to prepare us for future spiritual battles. These are guaranteed when we step out, stand up and speak out for God.

To summarise, THE GIFTS OF THE STORM …

Highlight who will not be coming with us wherever God leads
Exposes what evokes our inner Thomas so we can seek, see and double down on the deity giving truths that replace doubts, as well as building endurance and stretching our storm coping capacity.
Signpost the gaps in the boundary wall that allowed these people in so we can prevent their access in future by repairing the walls & using what they have taught us about how to recognise what such people look, sound and feel like.
Gives us the opportunity to name our God-given-gifts & recognise the need to protect them from those with insincere motives/unaddressed envy/unacknowledged losses/pain
Insist we trade beliefs based on the lies of the enemy, irrespective of whether containing a partial truth, for God’s unshakeable full truths

Most storms shake us so hard we learn new truths about ourselves, our God and the at-times duplicitous nature of the human species!

Storms also train us to practice remaining connected to the constant source of calm that is Jesus Christ, living within us, DURING THE STORM! We learn resilience, endurance and faith building through every attack/battle/storm.

The way we RESPOND to storms and/or attacks, determines whether they become growth givers on steroids, or something that beats us down and sucks the life from us. If only temporarily.

When we trust in God and call upon His name, storms show us experientially that God is stronger than every attempt/power of the enemy, to lie to, or about us, to steal our shine or commitment to speaking of and sharing the goodness of God, or to destroy our focus by attempting to distract, drag us down or de-rail us.

The truth about God is that he really IS … ABLE TO FIGHT HIS OWN BATTLES! And does so much better without our assistance/interference!

God has the power to give and keep giving us LIFE TO THE FULL despite every attempt of the enemy to LIE, STEAL AND DESTROY our GOD-GIVEN fullness of life.

This storm has taught me to NEVER STOP STEPPING OUT, or SPEAKING OUT about the GOODNESS of GOD who helps me GROW through every STORM he allows me to go through. INSTEAD, to always trust that He really is ABLE to FIGHT his OWN BATTLES without my ‘help’ and to protect me in the process!!!

Praising the God who allows, reigns within, and after, every storm … now, always and forever! Tis great to be on God’s WINNING TEAM!

And to give thanks for those who gave the ‘gifts’ of learning and those who supported me to accept the growth, truth and learning within!

Stop gaslighting the human heart

No one likes it when someone complains about everything and everyone in their life while doing nothing about any of it. Or when their narrative consists only of their stellar ability to seek out something to criticise in every situation. When I spend time with such people, I feel like they plug in to my system, suck the energy out and leave me depleted and drained. This is unpleasant at best and interprets as,

‘Limit time and interactions with this person to protect my energy. As they are not ready to take responsibility for themselves, they may be seeking someone to take responsibility for making them feel better.’

The short version is a neon flashing sign reading.

DANGER – MAINTAIN DISTANCE

I have recently been reminded that to miss this negative sign is to blindly walk in to an exhausting dynamic which is costly to get caught in and costly to get uncaught from.

However, our prevailing culture largely demands that we deny such experiences and only speak of all things positive. We must utter words of complimentary praise for ourselves and our fellow human, no matter what. Or face the wrath of the positivity police who parade around seeking someone to shutdown/judge/silence for daring to voice anything different read negative irrespective of it being true.

Please note that I am not suggesting for a minute that we all become like the above example where we can’t open our mouths without speaking negativity or having a negative impact. What I am pointing out is that to demand only positive, or deliver only negative, are both unhealthy approaches that do not show the whole picture.

The cultural prohibition on anything negative, is ironic given the media’s role in feeding the world with words of never-ending negativity about death and destruction. Albeit prioritising certain parts of the world while ignoring the plights of others.

When I look at the human aversion to seeing or speaking of the non-positive alongside the seemingly unsatisfiable hunger for the negative that the media supplies, I see something bigger in the interplay between them. What we are banned from acknowledging in our own lives, we seek to see elsewhere.

The whole picture of the individual human heart and therefore every populated part of humanity; family/church/employer/government/country/world etc contains … positive, negative and the mess in the middle that combines both. When we deny either good or bad in ourselves, it must go somewhere – this is how disowned parts of the shadow self, get projected in to others, who are then condemned for them! Those who refuse to own, much less work on their shadow parts, are particularly prone to projecting in this way.

In psychotherapy terms we refer to the negative side as the shadow side. In current cultural terms, the non-shadow side could be likened to the FB side of ourselves. What we put out to the public is usually the shiniest, sparkliest, version of ourselves. There are also the exceptions of those who hang their dirtiest linen out on the FB line to dry. However, the majority remain somewhere in the middle while bearing more towards the best. This is ordinary human behaviour.

In life beyond Facebook, when we are honest about ourselves, we own our shadow and non-shadow sides. We require both sides to be whole. If we are too fragile to own our shadow sides, we will project these in to those around us, particularly those we don’t like or even envy. This is how the extremely fragile seek to protect themselves from their own shadows.

However, culture typically teaches us to always be positive and never to speak of or dwell on the negative. Nothing wrong with that when applied to the superficial day to day disappointments and frustrations. However, if we deny and dismiss the deeper, more difficult emotions along with what evokes them, we dismiss the invitation within them. The presence of pain whether physical or psychological, points to something that needs attention. To dismiss this, to avoid rocking the boat of the positivity police, is to override a warning at our own risk.

It is not surprising that a culture that condemns us for daring to speak of the difficult, loves to binge on news that is full of the negative. At the opposite extreme, those overwhelmed by dealing with rather than denying the negative in their own lives, may avoid the news altogether. Again, every mix of this exists in between these extremes.

The banning of our shadow sides, individually and collectively, is how prejudices arise and continue. Whatever cannot be owned or tolerated in the individual becomes disowned, projected out, located in a conveniently different individual, who then becomes a target for the one who disowns their shadow side.

When you get a group of individuals who all choose another particular people group to project their collective disowned shadow sides on to, you get particularly shadowy behaviour from the group doing the projecting.

Humans get hurt; physically and psychologically. The pain we feel is a signpost to something that needs addressing. If we ignore this, we permit the ongoing, unquestioned, presence of the pain.

Typically, we do not gaslight ourselves or our fellow humans when feeling or healing from physical injuries. However, it is a cultural norm to gaslight the human hearts natural vulnerability to getting hurt within the ordinary business of living and relating. The norm of negating this natural heart-level-hurt still reigns supreme and largely unchallenged.

This propensity for gaslighting the human heart, has been handed down the generations. When we talk about breaking cycles, we are referring to the generation who stop to question, ‘the way it’s always been done – to establish whether there is a better way’. In this instance by addressing the polarity between the physical and the psychological.

Here are some of our cultural favourites from the, ‘here’s some we prepared earlier (but haven’t’ bothered to update) cue card offerings’. These are often pulled out in the face of some kind of serious heart level hurt.

Don’t dwell on it. It’s in the past. Draw a line. Put it behind you. You need to move on. You should be ok now.

While there can be truths in such sayings, they do not create a whole picture without allowing or acknowledging that healing is a process. These sayings show us how hard we find it to tolerate the hurts of the human heart on anything other than a fleeting level. When we are socially conditioned to believe that emotions are weak and unnecessary, or something to think or pray away, we lose the truth that the hearts capacity to feel the entire range of emotions, is its barometer for aliveness.

When we gaslight the human heart for feeling pain, we are saying,

‘Be better, happy and positive. Immediately. And always. Without needing to walk the messy, painful, lengthy, unpredictable path from whatever caused the hurt, through the impact/pain/cost of it, to the healing.’

This is not only ridiculous and unrealistic, but blatantly cruel. It can also be an expression of ignorance, which can yet be educated when people are willing! But to gaslight the human heart is to demand our fellow human or our self, be at a place of healing, without having to walk the pathway that leads from hurt to healing.

This is the equivalent of saying to someone with two broken legs,

‘It’s happened. It’s done. It’s behind you. You need to stop wallowing/dwelling on it, as you can’t change it. It happened x amount of time ago so you should put it behind you and be up and running by now.’

In other words … BE HEALED. NOW. MINUS THE PROCESS OF HEALING or you’re weak/failing/doing something wrong! This is GASLIGHTING!

Hearts, like every part of the human body, need time, care and sometimes medication/treatments to heal.

The heart does not need shaming, blaming, dismissing, belittling, denying, ignoring, forcing, hiding, overriding or put simply, abusing via refusing to see.

The heart does need seeing, hearing, acknowledging, understanding, respecting, honouring, valuing, supporting and loving, in to healing.

It is time to stop abusing the human heart; our own or each other’s.

It is time to say ‘no’, to gaslighting the human heart.

It is time to acknowledge some hard facts; full, not partial aliveness, includes heart level hurt; we cause it, we receive it.

We cannot jump from hurt, straight to healing. We must walk the path that joins one to the other. It is a process and a messy, painful, often unpredictable one at that.

By investing the time to heal our hearts, we also learn new insights which help us to better protect or prepare ourselves, for certain potentially harm-causing situations in future.

The alternative is to deny/gaslight our heart pain until the body speaks so loudly and disruptively that we are forced to stop and listen.

Or, we can hand out the baton of hurt that we are handed to all and sundry around us as a way of projecting/communicating the pain that cannot be owned or processed in to others.

Let us choose not to pass on the hurt that has been done to us by making those around us feel it.

Let us also choose not to deny the cost/impact/pain done to our hearts or the time required to process and heal a hurt heart.

We can all take steps to stop gaslighting the human heart, by learning to listen to, love and support our own heart.

Change always starts with us. And we start by looking after our own hearts. The healthier our hearts are, the healthier what flows from them, will be.

Autumn’s Invitation

We are surrounded by the stunning colours of leaves changing from living, branch-dancing beauty’s in to dying, drifting to the ground, grass-decorators. This is how the world around us reminds of the natural seasons and cycles that we all transition through.

Autumn invites us to embrace the process of transitioning between seasons. We only need to look around us to see how spectacularly beautiful change can be. Autum invites us to withdraw from the world a little, to replenish our resources. It also asks us to let go of both physical and psychological items and patterns that need releasing/updating. And, we can practice granting ourselves a period of rest and regeneration that must precede any new season of rebirth and renewal.

I keep hearing how people are sorting through and getting shot of old unneeded, dust gatherers, from garages/cupboards/wardrobes. I’m feeling very smug myself after clearing five bags from my own wardrobe. I no longer have a meltdown every time I open the wardrobe door – winning. (Not sure for how long).

These physical sort outs clear physical and psychological space. If we wish to welcome all things new, externally and internally, we must be willing to get shot of the old. This is how we create the necessary space for the new to arise/appear. We can further aid this by consciously stopping to consider what outdated relational patterns we need to shed.

Clue; if we keep getting involved with the same type of characters in an unhelpful way, we need to recognise the invitation to stop to investigate the internal issue behind it. Finding the right counsellor can be key to this. Every time I start a new season of therapy, I think to myself,

‘Wow, counselling is amazing! A space like no other to see what may otherwise go unnoticed, to our detriment. With the right fit and type, counselling can be hugely healing and life enhancing by supporting us to increase what we love and decrease what we don’t, by activating the power to choose.’

And yes, I am bias!

But all the same, we are all a work in progress. We can all benefit from humbling ourselves to ask for help to recognise old, unhelpful, relational patterns so we can grow and heal beyond them. As we shed our old relational imprints and patterns, we release ourselves to step in to new, healthier dynamics.

During a conversation with a woman this morning, we spoke of how reaching the age of fifty, fuels us to say ‘no’, to more of the same old, unsatisfactory relationships (amongst other things). As women, we are programmed to be relentless givers/nice(ripe for exploitation from the takers)/put others first-ers. Fifty appears to be the age when there’s no energy left in the tank to continue this life-sapping approach. Thank God. Thank you, God! Permission granted to say ‘no’ to any bs crossing the line of fifty with us.

Over lunch last Sunday, a fellow super-strong, over-giver remarked that we need to, ‘toughen up’, before instantly correcting herself, with, ‘no, that’s not right’. To which I interjected, ‘no, it’s about wising up’.

Autumn offers the annual invitation to be mindful about what we allow in to any new season with us.

Perimenopause is a massively heightened, exaggerated version of Autumn; identify what/who/where is not coming with you, because it has revealed itself to be part of your past, that needs to be left in the past. This is probably the most valuable investment of time and energy any of us can make as we transition in to new seasons.

And, as the leaves show us, it is a process. As in, it doesn’t happen overnight. We can go through this slowly, mindfully and most powerfully of all, prayerfully.

If you’re not sure what you need to let go of in this season of shedding the old, ask the Lord God Almighty, because he see’s and knows everything. And he will help us to see what is not healthy for us, when we are ready to act upon this, in our own favour. God knows that we often hold on to the familiar for far too long for fear of change, or belief in the lie that,

‘it’s always better the devil you know’.

God often attempts to get us to release our grip of anything unhealthy because he has the healthiest plans for us. If you need encouragement in this, watch the leaves fall away from the branches. You won’t see them clinging on for dear life or hear them wail, ‘but what if the new season never comes …’.

If you need help with any of this (or anything else), feel free to pop a prayer request in the box in the fabulous Bites & Breezes. You can treat yourself to a hot drink or scoff and be blessed by Ozzy and his team.

Or just ask God for whatever you need, yourself. He LOVES it, when us, his children, go to him for help! True story!