Month: August 2026

The Can in my Can’t

During the back to back trials of recent years, my capacity has been at an all-time low. This meant cutting back on anything and everything that was not essential to keeping a roof over my head. Avoidable stressors were removed from the menu. These included dealing with technology in many of its guises. And apps were top of that list following numerous stress-inducing attempts to use them. They were designated to the ‘I can’t, right now, pile.

Consequently, I now associate the word ‘app’ with an immediate raise in stress levels! I hate having to register, create a password and fill in boxes that require attention to small details that bore the arse off me. All the things that irritate me on a good day and could take me under on a bad day!

Now, upon hearing the word ‘app’, my resistance rises with a roar, “I can’t do app’s”. And this response has become automated and embedded.

However, since coming out of the shit shows of recent years, my capacity is increasing. And I have found myself in new communities with new opportunities. These require me to address the areas that became ‘no-go, I-can’t’ zones, out of necessity. Like dealing with app’s.

It is now a necessity to stop avoiding these, start working through my resistance and explore what I can move from the ‘I can’t’ pile, to the ‘I can’ pile. And how.

I am working to establish and address where and how to put the can back in my can’t. We all have limitations as an expression of our humanity, not of failure. In fact, I have learned that I fail myself if I repeatedly force myself to do things I can’t, whether at that point or any point. This only re-enforces a sense of failure about my can’t. It is kinder to be honest with myself about my limitations and whether:

  • This is something I have been unable to do but now that I have the capacity, I can seek help to push through on learning how to do this: any form of tech
  • This is something I can’t do as it is beyond the realms of my capabilities. I will employ someone who does have this skill set. For example, DIY!
  • This is something I can do as it flows from my natural skill set and training; counselling
  • This is something I can do (mostly) but I really dislike doing; any form of admin!

It has not been enjoyable spending years watching my ‘I can’t’, pile grow so big I worried I would become obsolete as a human. Ditto watching my ‘I can’ pile shrink to a disturbing minimum. Instead of surrendering to this process gracefully, I fought it tooth and nail all the way. Which made the whole experience much longer and more painful. Until I had nothing left in the tank to even feign an ‘I can’ to myself, in an area of ‘I can’t.’

Now I am much more realistic with myself about what I can and can’t do. Life is much easier this way!

And I am now rebuilding my ‘I can’ pile. There will always be some things in the ‘I can’t’ pile, whether temporarily or permanently, and that is ok. But there are some things that now need to be faced, worked on and moved from the I can’t pile to the I can pile.

One of the key factors that help me to rebuild my bank of ‘I can’, lived experience, is those special people that believe in me and remind me that I can, when I am afraid that I can’t.

Sometimes I need to lean on those who believe in me, until I push through to find my can. Before doing something new, or for the first time in a while, it is easy to fear that ‘I can’t’. It takes courage, faith, trust and support to attempt such a task. But once done, I create the lived experience of ‘I can’. Or I identify what I still struggle with and seek the appropriate help to move towards my ‘I can.’

But until I seek support for the ‘I can’t’, the desire to experience an ‘I can’, remains a theoretical concept. Once done, irrespective of time or support needed, it becomes an embodied knowing that I can.

It is only when I witness my ‘I cant’s’ becoming ‘I cans’, that I gain the confidence and trust to keep going and growing in what I can do. While accepting and releasing what I can’t.

This, like everything in life, is a process – one I am calling, ‘practising my can-can dance’!

Pringles and prayer

This world often offers ‘the world’, through marketing their products, the allure of a quick fix or by making attractive but empty promises. In contrast, less lofty, more realistic and trustworthy promises only show themselves to be true, over time.

Recently, I had a conversation about misinformation; something that is all too common in a world where the richest, most powerful people dominate the speaking platforms. Those who control the narrative don’t always give a full, accurate, honest or unbiased picture of their position/product/promises.

The conversation on misinformation originated over the slogan,

“Breakfast is the most important meal of the day”.

During discussions with friends about reducing my eating window, three people told me:

“Jo, it was Kellogg’s who ‘sold’ this notion about breakfast.”

Oh! As a child, I unthinkingly swallowed these marketing lies/mistruths/whatever you want to call them, as easily as I swallowed Kellogg’s cornflakes. I took them as gospel. As an adult and one trained to master’s level in critical thinking, I realise the only thing that is gospel, is the gospel! Subsequently, I no longer swallow the ideas/opinions or bias of people without rigorously testing them first. I want to know whose opinion it is, why they are expressing it and what expertise they are basing their narrative on.

The world uses all kinds of tricks and promises to sell their version of ‘the world’ to us. I’ve lost count of the number of adverts claiming to make our lives perfect if only we buy whatever they are selling. In our instant, ‘I want it – please deliver it now’, culture, we have become spoiled in to thinking we can have whatever we want, whenever we want it if willing to throw some cash at it.

Back in real life, life continues to unfold on its own terms. Good, bad and mundane happens to every single one of us, regardless of what car we drive, the size of our bank balance or anything else. And we all do our best to navigate the hard times that remind us of our vulnerability and shared humanity.

Sometimes, we distract ourselves from our problems with scrolling on Facebook, ordering from Amazon, eating, drinking, smoking or anything else to distract or numb the unavoidable pain that life can bring.

In contrast, when something gives us a good feeling, we often want more of it! This is basic human nature; mine, yours and ours!

But it is not only the destructive habits that can leave us wanting more. I have always loved Pringles; strong flavour, good crunch factor, novel tube rather than a bag. Tick, tick, tick. However, I am also wise enough to know that as one who is lacking in self-control, I cannot cohabit with Pringles!

The advertising for Pringles offers one of the most honest straplines I have ever heard,

“Once you pop, you can’t stop!”.

It is true!

I can never remember the scientific details of what salt/additives/crap that pringles are filled with that is designed to make us go back for more. But I know through my lived, pringle-devouring-experience, that this is true for me!

Unfortunately, pringles are not the only sugar or salt filled snack that I can’t stop shovelling once I have started!

But, back to the fact that it is not only destructive habits that offer us a good feeling, which we want more of.

And this is where prayer comes in.

Like with pringles, I cannot remember the scientific facts that evidence the constructive impact of prayer on the body. But I know it is so. And my own life experience has seen me rigorously testing the efficacy of prayer over twenty one years.

I have learned:

  • God is not like Amazon; we cannot order and expect to receive whatever we want, whenever we want it. There is certainly no guarantee of a next day delivery
  • God’s timeline is vastly different to ours. This can look and feel like our prayers have disappeared into the abyss. Until we see the results
  • God hears every single prayer, but he has his own way of answering
  • Sometimes the biggest disappointments of unanswered prayers are God’s protection and redirection away from that we cannot see and towards that which only reveals itself in time
  • If it matters to us, it matters to God
  • Prayer has been scientifically proven to make a positive difference to people’s wellbeing
  • Prayer is not only for the big crisis events, but for all the daily challenges
  • God is creative and can answer prayers in unexpected ways
  • God is always listening and awaiting our prayers

Prayer does not have to be a huge super spiritual affair. It can simply be chatting to God about what you like and what you don’t! And most importantly, what you would appreciate his help with.

Prayer does not necessarily give us what we want, when we want it. But it reminds us that we are not alone. It can inspire hope that there is a force greater than us within the world which we can call upon for help. The act of prayer uplifts us. And it connects us to others when we pray for those we know are struggling. It reminds us of our shared humanity … vulnerability reminds us of our need for one another. And it may cause us to seek for greater meaning and spiritual insights that exist way beyond the world of materialism.

Prayer is free 24/7.

But be warned that once you commit to this as a practice, it changes you in a way that makes you want more. Not instantly in the way of the Pringle, but slowly and gradually as you start to see, to feel and to know that prayers are being answered.

Prayer is a non-negotiable part of my day and the more I see prayers answered (often for others), the more I want to talk to God and call upon his help. Which is a lot healthier and more helpful than turning to and indulging in Pringles or the like, when life gets tough!

Prayer is to the spirit what physio is to the body. When you make a consistent effort to do your part, you feel the benefits over time. This is in stark contrast to a world that promises we can have whatever we want, immediately, if only we throw some money at whatever is being sold.

Prayer is for all.

And the one who hears and answers, is FREE!

Unlike much of this world, God does not promise to make our life a wonderful, rainbow -only filled experience. He is honest enough to tell us what we don’t want to hear ie that tough times come to all. But what he does promise is to always be with us and help us to learn and grow through whatever we face. An offer which remains open for a lifetime. And unlike most of the world’s offerings, including Pringles, it doesn’t only give enjoyment in the moment.  Instead, it gives a sense of calm in the moments in between prayer too – and we get to decide how short or long we want those moments to be. Maybe based on how long that calm state lasts!

If you are curious, either pop a prayer card into the box at Bites n Breezes. Or come along to meet Shalom Ministries at the Arlesey Fayre on Saturday 5th September. And of course, you can simply pray yourself and see what happens. Over time!

Surprised by wonder

What a week – my eyes have been opened by a wider angled lens through which to view the world within and around.

All of which has fuelled my fascination with the questions,

“What do I see?”,

“What do I not see?”,

“What is attempting to show itself to me, in a way that I can see?”.

For there is always more to see.

This is true of the external physical world, so vast in size that it would not be possible to explore every inch within a lifetime. Ditto the internal world of heart, soul and spirit. There is always more to be seen, savoured and celebrated, whether in you or me.

Nature reminds me that when I sit still, the natural physical world reveals itself to me in ways I can see. Whether the subtle but sudden movement in the tree that calls my eyes to the bird who was camouflaged within the foliage. Or the glimpse of moving red that alerts me to the arrival of a robin. These great gasp evokers continue to appear from the wonder-filled world of wildlife.

Similarly, when I sit still, the natural internal parts, step into the space to show themselves in ways that I can see, recognise and receive. As with the physical world, there will always be more internal terrain to discover and more exiled parts to welcome home … these invisible realms of soul, spirit and heart, call and cry out to us from within, to alert us to their presence. If only we can stay alive and alert to seeing them in ourselves and others.

I am surprised that I spent six out of the previous seven days, in London. I had a five day work course before a one day playdate with my mate Meg! Previously, I have always associated London with excess concrete, noise, people, traffic and everything that over stimulates and exhausts my system.

However, this past week has opened my eyes to see that I had only previously seen one small part, of many small parts, that make the huge whole that London is! It reminded me that as humans, we are prone to seeing the tiniest slither of a person/place/whatever and mistaking this for the whole picture!

My experience in London left me surprised by wonder.

Initially, the driving highlighted that I found more grace in the multiple laned, fast moving, traffic than I sometimes do in local traffic. Sometimes I needed to switch lanes at the last minute and sometimes others did. And we accommodated each other. No beeping of horns involved. Presumably, each aware of our need of the eyes of others to see and move to accommodate us, and we, them. This enabled a wordless flow and harmony that surprised me. In a good, grateful way.

During my walk from my air b n b to my workplace, I was bid ‘Good morning,’ by those I saw along the way.

And while enjoying my coffee on the balcony of my accommodation, I witnessed more wildlife than when watching the trees around my garden. I literally gasped my way through my morning meditations when I saw:

  • One robin
  • Two robins
  • A flock of green parakeets
  • Two squirrels chasing each other around a tree trunk
  • The fox searching for food over the back fence
  • The squirrel positioning itself to display its trapeze skills as it launched itself from a lamp post on to the tree

Wow: I had no idea I would encounter even more wildlife in London than in my own rural village!

Or that it would remind me how connected the world is; the wildlife at home exists in the world around! Everything is connected!

And then the phenomenal course I attended reminded me experientially of the connected-ness of humanity. We all have a heart, mind, soul, spirit and body. And our hearts get battered, bruised and broken by life. As do our body’s. Our minds learn rules that can attempt to force us to adhere to them, way beyond their expiry date and when in dire need of updating. Our souls long for us to give them the space and silence to speak to us. And our spirit calls to show us what can only be seen when the spiritual eyes, ears and hearts are open.

When there is a place of true safety within community, the hearts and souls can burst open to allow both the pain and the love from within to flow forth. And within this atmosphere of shared humanity and humility, the love heals the pain. The free flow of genuine hearts opening to each other, creates a connection of true alchemy that impacts all involved.

For me, this is one of the (g)oldest gifts from God; to heal and be healed within a sincere and safe community.

Sadly, sometimes the flow of God’s love is blocked where fear and ego attempt to constrict, contain and control it. But when ego is present but trusting enough to allow heart and soul to have their way, the mystical, magical, miraculous powers of the Almighty have room to flow, to give and receive to all who participate, as they need it.

To be part of such a flow of healing, releasing, uplifting, uniting power is to be transformed by it. I have been surprised by the wonder of being within a place amidst a people where such flow is facilitated and welcomed.

And then, yesterday a good friend took me for a birthday treat to a place called TWIST. I had not known this stands for:

The way I see things.

And it offered an immersive, experiential assault on the senses that was enlivening and enjoyable.  My friend and I embraced the opportunity to play within it all.

An observer commented,

“You two are like children”.

“Yes,”, I replied, “We are!”

After this feast for all senses, we wandered around the throng of people in London, under the scorching heat of the sun. We were searching for a place to indulge in a physical feast. My friend spotted a welcoming looking place. When we entered, we stepped in to an oasis of serenity, cool and calm. This was in striking contrast with the world outside. In here, we were able to sit, to share and to eat together. Wonder – full.

It also reminded me that we need the eyes of those around us, to see what we do not. In this case, a respite from the busyness of London, to enjoy a calm scoff fest. We all have blind spots both in the physical and psychological realms.

On this theme, during a lunch break on the London course, I managed to decorate myself and my dress with delicious chicken satay. It tasted fabalicious, but it didn’t look too clever as an addition to my dresses design! While walking with my colleague, I commented that I needed a hose down. The next moment, she pointed to a wet wipe, fully contained in its packaging, entirely unopened, on the pathway. Wow! God provides! It didn’t obviously provide a full hose down, but it did enable me to clean off the obvious excess! I was grateful that my colleague had spotted the wet wipe, that I had not!

I was reminded afresh of my need for connection within community where people see me and see what I do not and vice versa. The more we notice our individual and collective blind spots, the more we can see, grow and help one another to grow and heal together.  

When my friend Meg and I left the oasis of calm offered by the lunch establishment, we were chased down the road by the guy who served our lunch. He wanted to reunite my friend with the water bottle she had left behind! How many people put themselves out to do such a thing? Heartwarming.

Sometimes when we leave our physical items behind, we may or may not be reunited. In parallel, in childhood, we leave psychological parts of ourselves behind when these cannot be received by those around us. These also stay with us, seeking our attention and willingness to welcome them back home. And usually, we need psychological support to see and receive these with love, not irritation that they have dared to stay with us. Until then, I believe they remain safe in the loving arms of the Almighty, who pursues us continuously to return the gift of all parts of ourselves to us.

Back to London with Meg where upon entering a tube train carriage, a male immediately jumped up to offer his seat. Although we declined, we appreciated his kindness. Another stop down, another man jumped up to offer his seat to a woman who got on with a buggy.

Then while wandering around a station, a woman asked if we were ok before attempting to help us find our platform.

I was surprised over and over, in a heart-warming, wonder-inducing, wow like way.

Later that evening at home, during my post scoff walk, I was surprised by the number of people I passed. The fourth group I saw educated my oblivious self to the 90% eclipse that had drawn these people out. And I was offered a pair of specs with a special lens that allowed me to see the small moon shaped crescent, present when the moon was obscuring the sun. Another unexpected wow!

What a day; so much to see, always so much more to see about the wonder-filled world around and within:

  • Ourselves
  • Each other
  • God
  • The world
  • Life

For me, the giver and taker of life is constantly speaking to show us more of these wonders that are not always instantly visible. He gives us the lens we need, to see what we have previously been unable to see, when we are willing. Whether physically or psychologically.

Wow.

Gasp.

Wonder-full.

Thankful.

What will I see next?