Last night I had a dinner date with a fab friend who I trained with. It is a treat for us to spend time together, share a meal together and go over the details of our lives together. And one which we both relish.
Not so much the relish, mess and stickiness glinting up at us from the tables. Nor the large crumbs that were carpeting the floor under the table. Neither were adding to the ambience in any appetite-inducing way. And we’re not exactly OCD about cleanliness levels. Well, I am not.
Anyway, the grubbiness of the place we wanted to eat food from, felt distasteful to us both. I signalled to a waitress and asked if she could please clean the table.
“Yeh, give us a moment,” she grunted with an air of irritation.
“Of course,” I replied, while my friend and I exchanged glances.
There is little more off putting when you are paying to eat out than a member of staff for whom the expectation that they do their job, is too much for them!
The waitress returned and grumped out a request for us to move the condiments from the table. Then she gave it a cursory wipe.
As we were still practically knee deep in the crumbs covering the floor, my friend requested a dustpan and brush from another waitress. Neither of us consider ourselves above cleaning up filth, whether our own or other peoples.
I spent years cleaning other people’s shitty toilets and houses. And I learned the retch-inducing-way to close my mouth when cleaning a shit splattered pan. I had some of my best conversations with Jesus while cleaning other people’s pans. Except for the one where I learned not to talk with my mouth open at such a time. Quite possibly the only lesson I have learned the first time.
Anyway, there was another waitress who had the smile and attitude of one for whom nothing was too much. Not for her to do, or to wear a genuine smile while doing. How refreshing. We all welcome this right!
My friend was really irritated by the one for whom everything was too much, and for whom smiling was not on the menu.
“Hey, this is life to the full. The great, the positive, the welcome and that which is not! It is all here in front of us reflecting the reality/duality of life. There will always be that which blesses us, that which does not and a huge amount in the middle.”
“Yeah, you’re right”, she conceded.
And we agreed to carry on and enjoy our time together in our now hygienically clean enough to eat in, space.
Every situation in life offers the good, the bad and that in the middle. All we can choose is which to focus on. We can acknowledge all. There is no need to deny the difficulties that we dislike. But equally there is no need to only focus on that which seeks to steal our joy from every situation.
The light draws us all but it also reveals the shadow that is connected to us all. There is no such thing as an object that does not have a shadow -this is illuminated by the presence of light. Ditto there is no such human as one who does not have a shadow side. What we see externally depends upon the position from which we are looking, as well as what is going in within that person and us.
The invitation is to believe and accept that this is true for us, and true for others. I do not know what caused the waitress to be grumpy, but I am wise enough to know there will be a reason. And to send up a prayer about that.
We are invited to see and accept that there will always be a rough to accompany our smooth. I say this while sat in my favourite river facing establishment. Last time I was here, despite being the only person in the huge place, a few people came and sat right next to me. Which would have been ok (well, not really) except one of their canines seemed to have the barking equivalent of Tourettes. Which meant every time it stopped barking a bark that could cut glass, I tensed up in anticipation of the next one. There was nothing relaxing about it. And I was irritated. But also, aware that it presented yet another experiential opportunity to focus on managing the only thing I can, my internal response! Sigh.
There is always a rough to accompany the smooth. Will we let the rough steal our smooth, or appreciate our smooth more for the presence of the rough!
Similarly, there will always be a shadow that cannot be separated from the light! We cannot have one without the other. And neither can those around us.
Only this morning I relished being wowed by the wow maker through the trees with all the wildlife within them. My favourite ‘golden hour’ had started too. I was awake and out in the garden before this started thanks to an enduring struggle to stay asleep for as long as my body needs. I even had a visit from the robin who had been absent for a while. I felt my heart expand upon noticing it.
I love these magical mornings; me and my maker ministering to me through the magical.
And then the squirrel started doing the non-magical thing, that it had been doing all summer. It took the huge nut from its mouth and attempted to dig up my flowers to plant it. It/they have ruined my pots throughout the summer. But let’s face it, I have endured, survived and grown through worse than a squirrel making a pest of itself with its nuts!
There will always be something in the picture that we wish was not. But will we succumb to allowing the joy thief to have its way?
Absolutely not!
Last weekend I was on a lunch date with another friend. I had ordered the roast chicken the same as I did when we last met there. The only time I have my favourite roast chicken dinner is when some other bugger is cooking it. When the roast arrived, it did so minus the cauliflower cheese that was advertised to accompany it.
“Hey, where’s my cauliflower cheese?”, I asked directly. (some may say rudely.)
“Oh, sorry,” replied the waitress, “I’ll go and get it”.
Which she duly did. Yay! Interestingly, (at least to me), the last time I ordered the roast chicken, it came minus the stuffing. I requested that and they bought it. Both of which should have come without me having to ask.
The joy thief is always operating in plain sight to take away from us, that which belongs to us and which brings us joy. Yes, cauliflower and stuffing do bring me joy!
So, we must develop our ability to see the joy thief in action. This whether through noise or mess or whatever else ruins an otherwise beautiful picture. Or by stealing cauliflower cheese or on another occasion, coleslaw.
“Hey joy thief, I see you, do one, you are not welcome here”.
This sounds a bit bonkers but if you know what I am talking about, you know!
Nothing is ever perfect in this life; no one, no-thing, no place, no time, no space and certainly not me!
The only one who is perfect is God Almighty.
What a relief that ought to be for us all.
And a reminder to take the rough with the smooth, accept the shadow with the light and not allow the joy-thief to steal what is ours to enjoy!