Emotional Health - Life is calling

Healing …

Last week I went to a meeting where the subject of healing arose.

As a woman of God, I believe that God Almighty is the ultimate healer. That He is able to heal any of us from anything. I’ve heard about those who have witnessed limbs grow, sight be restored and even epilepsy be healed leaving no medical trace of ever having been present. I’ve heard many such miraculous accounts of healings evidenced and confirmed by the medical profession.

Wow, wow, wow.

We all love to hear about the miraculous.

Who doesn’t love a good ending?

By good I mean, when things turn out the way we want and think they should.

But what about when healing doesn’t happen?

Isn’t it just as important to talk about this reality too? About the pain, disappointment, confusion, doubt, disillusionment, resentment and the consequent effect upon faith. I’m talking about how it can really be rather than the super holy gloss we can hide behind.

Refusing to talk about these situations simply leaves us to struggle in silence. And that makes us unnecessarily vulnerable and isolated at the very time when support and understanding are most needed.

The fact is that sometimes God does not heal. (Think Paul and his thorn whatever that was.)

At least not in any way or timing that we can see or understand. And as far as I’m aware, we don’t know why. I imagine we know only the tiniest fraction of what our God is capable of or of what is going on within the spiritual world that remains largely unseen by our human eyes.

I accept this reality because I have learned to trust God and I am continuing to learn to do so as this is an ongoing, lifelong lesson that is learned through experience. Especially the unwanted hard experiences.

Knowing intellectually who God is, is great if you want to know how to talk a good talk. But if you want to actually walk that same talk, you have to know who God is on a heart level. And that means knowing in your heart that He is trustworthy even and especially when we do not see, know, understand or like the situation we find ourselves within, in this instance in the area of healing or rather not healing.

So, what to say about when God doesn’t heal?

Aside from the superficial response of, ‘there must be sin in your life or you don’t have enough faith’, most people are left to suffer in silence because a lot of people don’t like to acknowledge much less discuss the pain of not knowing why healing doesn’t always happen.

Of course there is truth that sometimes there is sin and sometimes there is unbelief, both of which can block healing. It doesn’t matter how able and willing God is to heal if amongst an environment that does not acknowledge any need for healing much less a willingness to ask. Even Jesus was limited in his ability to heal when amongst those with no belief in Him.

But, whilst everyone loves to share and hear about the miraculous examples of healing, when faced with the unhealed individual, there can be an unhelpful silence.

What I see is that people can get very hurt by a refusal to engage in discussion beyond the superficial realm of pat answers. And when the reality that none of us has all the answers, is not acknowledged in a sensitive, wise way, the impact on the individual can be a damaging one. Heart level damage. On top of whatever healing need there was to begin with. And when that is not tended to, it starts to steal the appetite for the spiritual. Because as much as emotions are often treated as the enemy, if left unaddressed these can damage our spiritual health. (And our physical health).

The bottom line is that sometimes God doesn’t heal and we don’t know why.

We can either accept this reality (which doesn’t mean we stop praying or give up) and seek God for a way to live within it or we can continue to make up unhelpful, damaging human reasons as to why this happens.

We all prefer to think that such matters are within our hands hence we like the sin or unbelief approach because these are within our power to rectify.

What we don’t like to admit is that actually we’re all at the mercy of the Almighty and we simply don’t see the whole picture.

As much as it seems rather appealing, how much faith would be required to trust a God that revealed and explained everything to us?

When we really trust God, we make a choice to trust Him no matter what and we focus instead on the business of meeting Him in the midst of the unhealed situation/unanswered prayer or whatever it is.

The healing may be a question of timing or it may never come this side of Heaven.

Hard but true.

Yet there are many examples of inspiring individuals who have gone on to fulfil their purposes for God in spite of vast physical injuries or limitations that they refused to allow to restrict God from working through them regardless.

Check out the website of Nick Vujicic; https://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/, a man with no limbs but seemingly no limits. An inspirational example of living fully with what you do have.

Or for those who love a film based on a true story, see Soul Surfer which offers an honest illustration of the unavoidable process that takes us from experiencing the unspeakable through a painful process of grieving and adjustment in order to fully re-engage with life afresh with what we do have.

But as was highlighted last week by the excellent speaker Mark DuPont, there are also times when the healing doesn’t happen because for God to do so would be detrimental. In his example, an open leg wound that refused to heal and that wasn’t healed by God, eventually led via various medical professionals to the discovery of a damaged vein. This required dealing with before the external wound could heal.

In other words, the invisible root cause had to be identified and addressed before the visible, surface level symptoms could heal. If God had simply healed on a surface level, the unexposed root cause could have led to other issues, such as DVT as a frequent flyer.

We don’t see or understand all that is happening.

But God is trustworthy no matter how things look or feel to us.

He’s definitely not a half a job bob kind of a God. And way too loving to heal the symptom without the cause. But sometimes we have to go through a process in order to experience the healing. One where lessons are learned about God’s goodness even in the midst of pain that we don’t understand. Lessons that are not learned on the mountain top but the journey to get there.

Hard lessons but lessons that continue to move our faith beyond the intellect and in to the realms of heart level knowing. From which corresponding actions are made possible. Let us acknowledge that the man/woman on the top of the mountain didn’t fall there.

I don’t know why God allowed Mark to go on a long, painful journey to find his healing. We can all come up with our own ideas; meeting God during unanswered prayers and pain, learning that God sometimes heals through people – emphasizing our need for one another, obedience even when things don’t go our way (maturity), the call to persevere in all etc etc but the fact remains that none of us have all the answers and just as in Job’s day, our God does not have to explain or justify Himself to us.

In thinking about all of this, I can’t help but reflect upon my own ministry; healing of the heart and mind, especially as it’s becoming more and more common for individuals to experience physical symptoms as an expression of internal, invisible mental and emotional pain.

If God simply healed these physical manifestations with no thought for the root causes, how loving would such an act of healing really be? Simply reducing the symptom to seek alternative expression via other physical symptoms.

Neurologists are constantly coming face to face with an ever-increasing number of medically unexplainable physical symptoms. An increase that appears to coincide with the decrease in understanding of the importance of emotions and emotional health. Our Society is so fixated on external productivity that we are losing our souls in the process.

Whilst many like to imagine that emotions are some kind of poor relation to intellect, it is often the denied emotions that hold the power to bring us to our knees. Physically and spiritually.

Mental and emotional health matters.

The current resistance to addressing the internal issues of the heart is costing much in terms of health and even in terms of our experience of healing and indeed of the Healer.

We all love to experience God as healing us just like that and without our being required to having any input much less any pain, patience or work. It’s human nature.

But there comes a time when we need to learn to actively participate in our own healing by doing our part.

How else will we learn to grow up?

The time has long been here to take mental and emotional health seriously. A refusal to do so simply saps the appetite for the spiritual and without that, we’re really in trouble.

Overall, it is true that sin and unbelief do block healing.

It is equally true that in the absence of these, sometimes God doesn’t heal the physical symptom because it is indicating a deeper heart level issue that needs identifying and working through. A bit like physio for the soul – painful and costly but with life changing benefits.

According to my last pastors, during their thirty year healing ministry, 70% of people who came for physical healing were actually manifesting heart level distress. A figure that requires our attention for these issues do not disappear because we’ve pretended they don’t exist, that simply gives them permission to grow, fester and cause more damage. These issues actually need addressing along with the ultimate healer’s help to do so.

As I’ve said it is also true that sometimes God does not heal and we don’t know why.

This can be an incredibly painful, vulnerable and isolated experience for anyone. One where what is needed is love (in word and deed), compassion, support, encouragement and prayers. No one needs or benefits from the self-elected spiritual elite Job style friends.

God is our ultimate healer but sometimes we don’t experience the degree or level of healing we may want, whilst this side of Heaven.

The question is, will you allow this to stop you turning to the one who wants to comfort and help you to be all that you can be, during or in spite of any unanswered prayers for healing?

The Workplace Prison …

Last week I noticed a clear and recurring theme emerging.

A disturbing one.

It’s around current work place culture.

The notion that you should constantly clamber the career ladder irrespective of personal cost whether to your own health or that of your intimate relationships. And that should you fail to do so, you’ll lose your place in the race forever.

A kind of keeping up with the Joneses, corporate style.

Where people used to obsessively compete and compare with their neighbours using their homes as a measuring tool, irrespective of cost, physical or otherwise, the Joneses approach has gone corporate by extending its reign of ridiculousness to the territory of the workplace. Culminating in a destructive culture of excessive hours and responsibilities along with poor personal boundaries seemingly all in a bid to prove you’re more able to perform in a robotic and inhumane way than the next poor colleague who has become ensnared in this life stealing mindset.

As a result of this, I hear of many people staying within jobs that actually result in their body’s physically manifesting illness, being unable to sleep, some are anxious to the point of throwing up as part of their morning routine and others can’t manage anything outside the office besides gazing at the TV.

Consequently, relationships falter, health deteriorates and overall quality of life disappears. Going through the motions like the living dead becomes the new norm. So subtly and so gradually that it often remains undetected for vast expanses of time. As in years.

Of course the same corporate institution can evoke different responses in all but for many the current workplace culture has become nothing more than a prison. One that can lead to burnout, breakdown or a gradual robotization of our humanity.

Remember the saying, ‘If someone told you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?’. It seems we’ve gone a step further and that the revised question is, ‘if Society walks off a cliff, would you follow them?’

I’ve been hearing that this destructive ‘quality of life stealing’ culture is even rampant within universities where it appears to be largely accepted that to ‘do well’, whatever that may mean, is to accept that a breakdown under the pressure to perform, is an inevitable part of the journey.

Recent stats around mental health suggest the problems are actually starting in primary age children – passed down through the generations and aided by a culture obsessed with external productivity. As if we are merely machines without a heart, soul or spirit.

Shocking.

And completely unacceptable.

When did we reduce our young people to becoming academia producing robots devoid of a healthy inner or emotional life or achieving fully rounded humanity?

And when did we forget that even machines can crash when overloaded.

Maybe when the adults fell in to role modelling this by remaining in any workplace that has become little more than a prison.

Do people really believe that ‘just because everyone else’ is doing this, that it’s normal? Or healthy? Or can even be passed off for living?

Is this where fear of the unknown, keeps people imprisoned by that old lie, ‘better the devil you know’.

Is it the tormenting taunts of said devil who whispers, ‘but you know the inside of this prison, you don’t know what it will be like out there beyond these prison walls?’ that keeps so many committed to their prison of choice?

Is it familiarity that keeps people choosing albeit passively, to stay within these types of prisons that steal quality of health, life and relationships?

Does it matter if you don’t know what life beyond your own particular prison looks like if you know the current one is destroying you?

Has our society really been fooled in to believing that life is one long prison sentence whereby we merely get to choose what we will allow to imprison us. In other words which particular prison we will choose to inhabit? Whether the workplace prison or any other institution or even that of an unhealthy relationship?.

I’ve been hearing recently that when one person finally reaches breaking point within their workplace prison, opens their eyes and realises that looking after their own life and health IS an option and IS more valuable than continuing to allow it to destruct within such environments, they quit. At which point, they are clamoured after by all and sundry, to stay. Suddenly pay rises are possible and all the stops are pulled out to keep the one who has decided to walk free, from doing so.

I just keep hearing this right now. Just as one person discovers the courage to open their prison door and start to walk free, the other ‘prisoners’ clamour for them as they go, making vain attempts to pull them back. It’s as if without the courage to release themselves all they feel able to do is to try and stop others.

And that’s the thing about walking free, once you taste it and I mean really taste it, you want others to discover it for their own lives whatever that may mean or look like for them. It’s simply too good not to share.

I realise of course that we all need to earn a living. Absolutely true for us all. But what exactly do we mean by ‘living’ because any job or other situation that destroys your health, relationships or life in general doesn’t equate to living. More, perhaps, to dying.

It is only when people begin to realise that however far back it was, it was THEY who had walked in to their particular prison and therefore it is THEY who can also walk back out again.

In doing so, people tend to go through an often painful, lengthy re-evaluation process which has allowed them to come out the other side to re train or simply to work in a totally different area or way. It usually but not always involves a reduction in earnings. At least initially. Something many would rather run themselves in to an early grave before they would be willing to do. But those who are willing to go through this go on to reclaim their peace, joy, health, sleep, self-respect, motivation and life itself.

In other words, they start living again.

I’m fortunate enough to speak from personal experience as one who left my own workplace prison some thirteen years ago. I’ve walked the path. And I’m still walking the path. It’s long, hard, messy, painful, uncomfortable and costly. But not as much as avoiding it. And I am immensely grateful for the many who have and who continue to help me along it.

Once free, it’s a natural response to help others become free because you realise that you’re not competing with those around you but walking your own path. And you discover from hard won experience that when one enters freedom we all benefit.

Life is short.

It can end at any moment.

Is it really worth choosing to spend whatever precious moments we are given, living in a prison of our own choosing and creation?

Of course, I’m not talking here about situations over which we truly have no control. That’s a whole different area over which we can control only our response. After all, none of us are actually entitled to anything in this life.
I think it’s too easy to forget that anything we are given is a gift, be it health, life, relationships, time, money, or anything else.

But if we’re really honest with ourselves do we sometimes write certain situations off as having no control over them when this is not entirely true? But more the whisperings of our fear?

Do you have the courage to release yourself from your workplace prison?

Or to say yes to going in search of that which brings you to life and gives you a reason to live. A purpose. An enthusiasm for parting company with the duvet of a morning?

Or will you live, or should I say exist alongside that old adage, ‘better the devil you know’.

Now, I’m not talking about constantly searching for greener pastures. The grass will be as green as you are willing to invest in it becoming. But if you know you’re in a situation that’s crushing the life out of you, what are you going to do about it? Because change takes work and work takes time and effort and usually a lot of help. And these things don’t just happen by themselves.

There is of course no such thing as a perfect job or even a perfect anything in this life but if you know your workplace has become a prison and you’ve allowed yourself to stay irrespective of personal cost because you’ve been backed in to a corner by the taunts of the fear promoting what if brigade, it may just be time to re-evaluate.

Life really is too short to allow a workplace prison to stop you living fully.

From Death to Life …

As I consider the call to new life as reflected through nature, I cannot help but be drawn to Jesus and the Cross. I recently watched Mary Magdalene and with Easter all around us, I am reminded that Jesus is the ultimate invitation to new life.

His surrender to death on the cross was an act of total trust in God the Father. Jesus trusted God with His life and God turned around the pain of his death on the cross to bring great hope and healing to all people. Ultimately, as an invitation to a new life with God via Jesus.

So if we strip back all the Christianese surrounding the Cross (not to mention all those chocolate eggs and bunnies), what happened went something like this.

Way back when, Adam and Eve lived in perfect connection with God, in the garden of Eden. They had access to everything they could have wanted. But, like us in the present day, they fell in to the trap of believing that it was not enough and subsequently they bought the serpent’s lie that they should have MORE.

This led them to eat from the one tree that God had asked them not to. By disobeying God, they broke the perfect connection between them. In came the culture of blame. Adam blamed Eve. Eve blamed the serpent.

The innocence, trust, unity and peace they had enjoyed with each other and with God, got broken. In its place, shame, fear, selfishness, strife and division entered humanity. Things got proper messed up.

After this fall out between Adam, Eve and God, the shame they felt about what they had done, caused them to hide from God in fear. But God did not punish them in whatever way they thought they deserved or had expected, for God loved them so much that he wanted to help them find their way back to him. He didn’t want them to be separated by fear of punishment. But, their disobedience was not without consequence for they were banished from the garden of Eden.

Ever since then, our relationships with each other and with God, have been problematic. Without a perfect connection with God, us humans make mistakes, do things we shouldn’t and fail to do what we could, usually out of fear, greed, pride or selfishness. It is now in our nature. There is no such thing as a perfect human. These don’t exist. Not since the fall out. Not now. Aside perhaps from in the minds of the more deluded. But these traits entered during the big fall out in Eden and they don’t fully disappear until we are reunited with God in Heaven.

None of this means that us humans don’t also do some pretty amazing, selfless, pioneering, wonderful things too though. Because we do.

But we all get hurt and we all do wrong and we all have wrong done to us. And all too often we turn away from the very God who wants to help us because we’ve learned to either blame Him for our own actions or those of others, or for the hardships that come our way, or we simply dismiss Him as fantasy.

Anyway, these wrong doings that started with Adam and Eve were rectified by the sacrifice of animal life and in doing so, temporarily reconnected the people to God. But as we’re constantly messing up if only in small ways, this was a continual process of making animal sacrifices, meaning the connection between God and the people was constantly dropping out. A bit like a poor internet service.

This wasn’t good enough.

God wanted a better connection with his people. Although He is often painted as being a God who awaits the chance to punish us, He doesn’t treat us as we may at times deserve. He is too loving a God for that and instead He seeks ways to connect with us by revealing his love for us in spite of ourselves. But as we have seen, our poor choices are not without consequence.

So, because God was unsatisfied with the poor connection between us, He devised a cunning plan. He sent Jesus to show us what God looks like in human form and in action. Jesus was able to showcase the heart of God by demonstrating his love and power through healing humans during his life and ministry. Jesus even raised a few people from the dead. Miraculous.

But God also sent Jesus to re-establish the connection between us and God once and for all by paying the price for our wrongdoings (past, present and future) so that we would no longer be dependent upon an unreliable, unchanging, dropping out regularly type of connection. Instead we could each become and remain connected to God anytime we want. This means that because of Jesus, we can each tap in to God’s love and power to bring healing to our own and others hearts.

Wow!

No more continual sacrificing of animals to pay for our mess ups. Jesus became THE sacrifice, through his death, that gives us ongoing connection to God, His love, His power to heal and the new life that He has for us. Awesome or what?

But how did this come about?

Jesus trusted God.

(NB that Jesus is also God because God is made up of three parts; Jesus is the human part, God is Father, creator and so much more and the third part is the Holy Spirit which was given to us after Jesus left, to speak God’s divine wisdom in to our hearts. See the film The Shack for some creative ideas on this.)

Anyway, God asked Jesus to submit to the authority on earth, despite the fact this authority led Jesus to the cross. Jesus, being God too, could have said ‘no thanks, I’m not really up for that’. Let’s face it, who amongst us could blame him. But he didn’t. Even though, like us, Jesus had the free will to choose, he chose to obey God because he trusted him.

Let us not pretend that this was easy for him. The bible tells us that Jesus sweat blood and tears during the night before the cross. He knew how easy it would be to turn away in fear and that the only way that he could face what He had been called to do, was by calling upon the help of God in prayer.

In surrendering to God’s will to submit to the authority, Jesus freely chose to be led to the most unimaginable pain of the cross. At which point Jesus fulfilled his purpose here on Earth. In life, he showed us the Father’s love in action through healing. In death, he reconnected us to the Father forever more.

Jesus basically rather generously paid through his death for us to have the new life that connection with the Father brings. He has paid the price for everything any of us have, do or will do wrong, so that nothing can ever disconnect us from God again. Jesus is the middle man of all middle men.

We all still have the freedom to ignore the invite to connect with God through Jesus. And let’s face it, Society certainly encourages us to overlook the meaning of Easter by wrapping it in a mass of Chocolate, coloured eggs and cute bunnies.

And if we didn’t come to God freely, it wouldn’t be love but fear and that’s not what He’s looking for. Whilst many have unfortunately bought in to the lie that God is a petty, punitive God looking for chances to punish us with trouble, the truth is that although pain and trials undoubtedly come (Jesus knows all about that), it is God Himself that empowers us to overcome them. So, if we’ve fallen for the lie that God is to blame, we will miss out on the help he offers to bring us through and heal us along the way. (As to why God allows bad stuff to happen, that’s another whole matter – ask your pastor about that one).

Basically it all comes down to trust. Because when we trust God, like Jesus did, no matter how awful things look or are in life, we know that God will turn around the worst situation to bring something of great goodness from it. But that requires us to persevere. Sometimes for a very, very long time before that good thing happens and if we don’t really trust we’ll probably give up before we get there.

So, this Easter, take a moment to consider the meaning of Jesus willingly going to the cross for us. Irrespective of what we’ve come through, how we may have messed up in life, how others may have mistreated us, how broken we are, how desperate for real love or whether we’re simply seeking greater purpose and meaning in life, Jesus knows. He gets us and he gets suffering but he offers to connect us to the God who can help us to find our way out of our old lives and in to the new life that He is calling us to. The God that helps us to fulfil our respective purposes here on Earth, in spite of the rubbish life hurls our way.

What an offer.

Jesus died on Good Friday, which really didn’t look too good at that point.

Rather, it looked like the new life that Jesus taught and promised had died with him.

But no, God raised Him up again on Easter Monday to bring him in to new life.

In doing so God extended the invitation in to new life, through Jesus, to every single one of us.

And God is still extending His personal invitation to us all …

All we have to do this Easter to enter in to this new life, is believe and receive what Jesus has done for us.

And yes, it really is that easy and that’s why it’s called Good News!

The Mosaic of Mothering …

Mother and child exist not in isolation but within a greater community.

As I make my way through all the consumeristic displays that precede Mothering Sunday, I feel compelled to write.

Wherever I look, I’m confronted with cards and displays dressed with captions about the most wonderful mothers.

What about all those for whom this is not the reality, for whatever reason?

Now before I go any further, let me attempt to clarify my position. I believe that mothers and indeed fathers, have THE most important, challenging, testing, demanding, self-sacrificing, potentially heart breaking but equally rewarding job, that any human being can ever have. I really do.

And I regularly see the impact of where things go wrong, within my work.

I have been fortunate enough to have been mothered by various women at different times, in different ways. I am grateful to each. But as I have no children of my own I cannot profess to know what it is to be a mother, because put simply, I don’t. But I have talked with and more importantly listened to, many who are mothers. Whilst these conversations in no way qualify me to know what it is to be a mother, I have often been astounded, impressed, humbled and amazed by many women’s capacity to give to their children. Many offer the gift that just keeps giving.

I’ve noticed that the production of a child (miraculous enough in itself) usually results in the appearance of a mind blowing and seemingly endless supply of resourcefulness that allows a mother to rise to the relentless and varied demands of mothering a child. I’ve been repeatedly struck by the ability of a mother to pretty much turn her hand to anything including the creation of something from virtually nothing, when attempting to meet her child’s needs. This creativity alone is to be applauded. I am in awe!

As such I have the utmost respect for many such mothers in their quest to love, protect and provide for their children.

How women manage to work in addition to the nonstop business of mothering, particularly in the absence of a partner, is quite beyond me. I don’t just throw my hat off to these women, I throw it sky high and beyond. Total respect.

I’ve also noticed that most mothers worry about what they’ve done right, what they could have done differently and any subsequent impact upon their children. I respect their humility, whilst only being able to imagine at the discomfort of considering the inevitability of what doesn’t go so well and how this is managed.

I have the incredible privilege of working with many individuals who are willing and able, with some assistance, to invest their time and energy examining their own unresolved pain from childhood and in doing so, reducing the knock-on effect upon their own children. My respect for these individuals knows no limits.

The truth is that there is no such thing as a perfect mother or parent.

At least not in human form.

We’re all flawed, parent or not.

But as my training has taught me, we all need a good enough mother, especially but not exclusively during our formative years. Of course, what this looks like could be cause for discussion.

What is clear is that mothers deserve acknowledgement and support in recognition of the enormity and importance of their job. I think most of us would agree with the quote about it taking a community to raise a child. I wonder if we would also agree that it equally takes a community, not just a mother, to fail a child.

Therefore, as we enter Mothering Sunday, I consider it right and proper to stop to recognise and celebrate the amazing breed of women who grow, birth, raise and love their children. Absolutely. I don’t imagine any of us non-mothers, female or male, will ever truly appreciate the extent of the sacrifice.

But, is it really necessary when celebrating the monumental gift of mothering, to ignore those aspects of the mosaic of mothering that exist beyond the most wonderful?

Is it even really possible to truly value or appreciate the depth of the gift of mothering whilst only acknowledging part of the picture? Is it not the presence of all parts of a picture that give it meaning and context?

If we can celebrate the gift of mothering, can we not also acknowledge the enormity of the loss when it is absent or has failed?

In reality, Mother’s Day is indeed a joyous occasion for many, but not for all.

Not for those mother’s subject to a parent’s worst nightmare; the death of a child.

Or for those who have been coerced in to giving up their baby at birth and who go on to spend a lifetime longing for a reunion.

Or for those for whom their mother died in childbirth or prematurely from a tragic accident or illness.

And what of the mother who abandons, neglects or abuses her children or allows others to do so. Not to mention the adults those children become. Or for the mother who murders her child. All of which indicate a much bigger society sized issue which require a society shaped response.

The bottom line is that there are many people who just haven’t received adequate mothering, for a whole myriad of reasons, some of which I’ve stated above. This leaves a pain and loss, whose effects can be far reaching to the point of life destroying in the extreme, if left unaddressed. Not least in how we subsequently and often unconsciously, mother ourselves. And whilst we refuse to acknowledge this reality, we fail not only the struggling mother but also their children. The ripple effect of which impacts us all.

Part of the problem is that it is often considered socially unacceptable to even mention the fuller mosaic of mothering. At least openly or publicly. Culture forbids it.

Hence we see Mother’s day becoming seemingly more sugar coated with each passing year. As if somehow, by doing so, we can obscure if not obliterate the wider if more unsavoury reality. In doing this, we further isolate and separate those who not only see but experience the bigger picture, often to their detriment. We also dilute the meaning of truly outstanding mothers. All whilst failing to adequately address the underlying issues that cause severe failures, thus guaranteeing their perpetuation.

Fortunately, it doesn’t have to be this way.

Not if we can update the status of ‘struggling mothers’ from taboo, to ‘utmost importance’.

Before I end, there is another type of mother I consider worthy of a mention and that is those precious women who may not have given birth to us, but who have generously assisted us with the process of giving birth to our truest selves. Not that this process ever really ends.

I know many women who’ve had difficult relationships with their own mothers for all manner of reasons but who have also connected deeply with other women with whom they have formed special, maternal bonds. An especially precious union which benefits both.

Within my own life, I feel fortunate to have been mothered by a few over the years. But I shall remain especially grateful to the one who showed me over the best part of the last decade, what it is to be on the receiving end of the type of unconditional love that protected, encouraged, enjoyed, believed in and loved me, in spite of myself. For she remains a gift that only God Himself could have given. And as God Himself also took her away again earlier this year, I will grieve her recent death and her ongoing absence this Mother’s Day. But I will equally remember and treasure the gift of her love which lives on within me.

Equally, I shall mourn the impact of the unresolved generational issues surrounding mothering within my own family.

Both are real and true.

They do not cancel one another out.

They coexist.

And both have taught me much.

In summary, Mother’s Day can never offer one meaning for all when there is so much that makes up the mosaic of mothering.

Let us not reduce this Mother’s Day to a one-dimensional affair that excludes many whilst reducing the depth, context and meaning of any of it.

Let us each take the time this Mother’s Day to identify, recognise, appreciate and acknowledge the mothering we have each received, wherever it may have come from.

For it is truly a gift and not a given.

But let us equally acknowledge the pain for many of its absence.

The Seasons are Shifting …

It’s snowing!

As I look out of my kitchen window, I feel like I’m looking in to a real live snow globe! And I wonder how long it will be before it settles down.

As I do so I reflect upon the shifting of the seasons. It feels very much as if the winds of change are blowing (from the East apparently!). There may be snow on the ground but there are also buds of new life in evidence. Although I’m not sure how they will fare following this snow!

We’re in between seasons, no longer fully in Winter yet undeniably not yet in Spring. Signs of both seasons are present. We’re in transition. And this happens every single year. Maybe at slightly different times and in differing ways but the seasons come and the seasons go. We know and accept this. Even with all the weather associated grumblings that make us English!

Yet how much more as humans can we resist the changing seasons of the soul. We can fall in to the ‘comfort’ of just wanting life to stay the same. At least if things are going well. And even when they’re not, we can still opt for the familiar over the unknown.

Yet nature reminds us that nothing stays the same. Ever. Everything changes. Constantly. Either that or it dies.

We too are invited to be open to change. Not just to find a nice comfortable way to live and stay there forever more. But to be open to the ongoing changing seasons along with all the endings and loss that precipitate growth and new life.

As I observe the shifting of the seasons of nature, I know that I cannot make the winter stay simply to avoid the change that Spring will bring. I equally know that I cannot fast track in to spring to avoid the dead and the cold of winter. I accept this and I trust it.

The external changes I see within nature reflect something of the internal changing of the seasons of my soul. I can’t see them in the same way and I don’t know what the new season will look like. I know only that it will not be the same as the previous or existing one.

My season of the soul is effectively under review.

It is no longer what it was, neither is it yet what it will be.

It is in transition.

I am in transition.

Strange but exciting.

When I look back to the season of last year, I see new life in the areas of work, play and ministry. It was full of colourful and varied expressions of creativity from the kitchen to the garden, to my work and ministry.

I felt full of life and new ventures. It was exciting, enlivening, over full in honesty and at times terrifying. But I loved it. Mostly. I felt very alive.

Then the death of a loved one came and I was stopped in my tracks. I tried to resume life as I’d known it before but I couldn’t. I needed to pull back, slow down, stop, rest, heal and reconsider all.

As I continue to do this, I notice a natural stripping back occurring. As a self-employed individual, the financial controller part of myself has started to ask some uncomfortable questions. Fortunately, these days the spiritual part of me has walked with God for long enough to know that when things suddenly start shifting, I need to pay attention for God is on the move and in control. And way more dependable than any finance.

I have learned and I am continuing to learn way beyond the honeymoon period of knowing, through many periods of doubt and despair, that no matter what is happening in my life or how I feel about it, God remains trustworthy in all matters. Not for life to be how I want or to be exempt from the trials but that He is always there ready to help me to overcome whatever comes at me that I may continue becoming all that I have been made to be. As well as continuing to pursue the paths, the plans and the purposes that He has for me. No matter what. For His plans always supersede anything I could ever come up with.

And so, as I realise that it is God who is stripping me back right now, I am beginning to loosen my grip upon all things known in my life that the winds of change may take away that which I need to let go of to make room for that which I am being prepared for.

This is a live process. It’s moving constantly and hard to capture in words right now. I don’t really know what is happening within me. I don’t really know what the outcome of this seasonal shifting will be. I don’t know what I will have to relinquish from my life nor what I will find in its place. I don’t really know what will happen, when or how. I know only that it is happening. And that I can fight this process out of fear or I can surrender and embrace what is to come out of expectation and anticipation. Ultimately out of trust for the one who does know for I believe that it is He who is engineering this seasonal shifting.

Trust is such a key element of being a human. Trust in ourselves, in our God, in others and in life. Trust that just as nature reminds us that the seasons do what they need to facilitate the next season, so too do we when we trust and surrender.

We can’t stay in any one season forever more. It isn’t possible. Everything that lives continues to move, to change and to grow. Including us. But we each must choose whether to go with this or to fight it.

Imagine attempting to stop summer from ever ending. With no stripping back, no season of rest, everything would eventually die off. New life would cease to continue. Ditto with us humans.

New life wants to spring forth within us all. But this cannot happen without the season of pruning, stripping back and rest that facilitate the emergence of new life. Without which something within us begins to die.

We trust in the seasons of nature, that no matter how long it takes, the snow will eventually go and spring will burst forth bringing a colourful array of new life with it. And maybe even some warm sunshine!

Can we trust too in the seasons of the soul?

Can we allow the changes to come?

Not fight to keep things the same?

Not hold so tightly to the old and familiar that we block the arrival of the new and unknown?

Can we simply surrender through trust to the shifting of the seasons?

When I look back fifteen years, my life today bears no resemblance to what it did back then. And I praise God daily for that. When I look back five years ago, my life was entirely different. When I look back a year ago, some things were the same, many were not. Life doesn’t stop ebbing and flowing, birthing new things, seeing others end.

It’s a living thing this life and all living things must go through seasons in order to stay alive. And this includes us.

When I look around at the moment, I see much change occurring in the lives of my friends. Seasonal shifts. A letting go of the old. For some, relinquishing positions they had held for twenty odd years. A willingness to make space for something new. Even when the new thing is not yet seen. A willingness to trust and surrender to the process of life and living and changing and growing.

The winds of change are clearly blowing.

The seasons are indeed shifting.

I don’t know what this means for me or my life right now but I do know that I want to shift with them. I don’t want to get left behind. I’m not sure what will happen as a result but I trust that in the right time, that which is currently unclear will become clear.

Good grief …

Grief is a deeply personal experience.

One size does not fit all.

There is no set timeline within which to feel or not feel a particular way.

It is unpredictable in nature.

Whilst there may be similarities, no two griefs are the same.

Grief is unique to the person experiencing it; shaped and influenced by the length, depth and health of the relationship between the bereaved and the deceased.

Whilst grief is rarely spoken about openly, the reality is that it doesn’t disappear following the funeral. I’m fortunate to work within a profession that gets this. And the more people I talk to, the more I discover a whole community of people who recognise and understand the enormity and complexity of grief as an ongoing experience which impacts the whole body.

Grief is not something that we can or should rush.

There is no short cut, no glossing over, no willing it, or worse still, praying it away. Just imagine the tragedy of asking the God who gifts us with the chance to live and to love, to take away that which makes us alive, (our capacity to feel) following the death of a loved one. Wouldn’t that be the equivalent to two deaths?

The simple overriding fact is that grief is hard.

As much as I long to return to life as it was before this bereavement, I can’t. The world that I inhabited no longer exists in the way that I knew it. Or rather it is no longer inhabited by the one who made it what it was. This will take some adjusting to.

Grief is not something that I or anyone else can put a timeline on. It takes as long as it takes.

To strive against the impact of death is to prolong it, to surrender is to facilitate it. A truth we may do well to apply to life.

Yet in reality, it is hard to be with grief. Much easier to avoid or distract from it. Except this leaves us imprisoned by the very sadness that is seeking release. A deadening occurs that steals our sense of aliveness and ability to be present. The paradox is that only by being with the pain of grief can our experience of it along with our corresponding ability to reengage with life, begin to alter. And we can’t ‘be with it’ the whole time. We have to learn balance.

However, all too often within our quick fix, instant gratification, I want it now culture, we expect everything to be as we wish immediately.

In the case of grief, we may just want to feel how we used to feel. It is hard to accept that the only way to get to a new ok is by being with and walking through the not ok. And that’s not easy, quick or painless.

Grief is not a straightforward journey. And It’s not like breaking a leg where your body forces you to a total standstill. You know you need complete rest before you can begin to use and rebuild your muscles. You know that if you walk on a broken leg, by ignoring the body’s natural warning system of pain, or because you’ve fallen in to the cultural trap of ‘being strong’ or ‘keeping going no matter what’, you will probably complicate the original break and prolong the recovery period.

Yet when we sustain a wounding to the heart, matters are not quite so clear cut. We can’t see the damage for a start and us humans often like to see before we believe. And we can’t feel emotional pain in the same tangible way that we feel physical pain. It can be easier to override the body’s natural warning system by convincing ourselves that we can and should, stiff upper lip it out. Ultimately, it can be easier with grief to carry on as normal instead of making time to rest and heal.

Until that is, the body takes over for grief cannot remain hidden or ignored for long before it begins to manifest in physical issues. For there is an honesty and purity within grief that becomes stifled when suppressed. And whilst we may be able to fool ourselves and others that we are ok when we’re not, the body cannot lie. It knows when it needs time out to allow the healing process to happen and if necessary it will complain via physical symptoms that get us to stop. We ignore these warnings at our peril.

Despite being more aware of this than most outside my profession, I’m still not getting the work/life/healing balance right myself. I thought I was doing well by managing all of my responsibilities but after a week of doing so, I developed an unsettled stomach that required me to relinquish my ability to be vertical. And its grumblings conveyed a ban on the entry of more food. Always a major struggle for me. But clearly my body needed more time to process.

The overall message from my body is that I cannot continue as if nothing has happened. As I’m all too aware that unprocessed emotional pain can weaken the immune system thus leaving it susceptible to every virus, cold and flu that is inevitably doing the rounds at this time of year, I’m trying to heed my body’s warnings.

I am beginning to realise that whilst I know it is ridiculous to walk around as normal following the break of a leg, I haven’t fully appreciated the folly of continuing as usual following a bereavement.

Subsequently, I am attempting to understand what this means and looks like within my own life. A process which is quite literally shaking and challenging my ideas as to what is and what is not important. As it does so it invites me to recognise and relinquish previously held ideals.

Ultimately, I’m beginning to surrender, as in really surrender, to the process of grieving. Not on my terms or timelines but to whatever needs to happen within me in preparation for whatever new season lays ahead. Because, just as with nature, we can’t jump to the new wanted season without first allowing the existing unwanted season to do its work of change and preparation.

After death …

I’ve struggled to write following my last post. I mean, where to go after death? Death has happened to someone I love and with whom I would share all my news. This leaves a void that I cannot avoid. Yet in the mix of resuming my usual responsibilities, I find myself attempting to do just that. Trying to avoid the unavoidable void. (That’s a lot of voids!)

Death is literally everywhere. Whilst it’s not always a physical passing of someone, it appears in many guises through endings, change and loss. It is an unavoidable part of being alive. No one can avoid or dodge this reality. Including me.

Despite my past weeks’ best efforts at avoidance, I’ve heard about death within my practice, I’ve seen it in the nakedness of nature and it’s been there in the films I’ve watched; Nicholas Gift and Darkest Hour. It’s all around us. It’s part of life.

When I stop avoiding and look back, I see how the process of dying was eased for the one going through it, by the presence of those who love her, accompanying her on the journey.

I was struck through this by the reminder of the simple truth that what makes the unbearable bearable, is the love of those around you.

I reflected upon how this is not just true in the face of death but also for every trial and trauma of life. What makes the losses, the changes, the endings, the challenges, the fears, faceable, is having people around us that will simply be there with us. It doesn’t always have to be physically, but just knowing there are people around for us should we need them. This is what makes life not just bearable, but liveable.

Within my own friendships, it is those individuals who offer a place at their dinner table, or who pop in with flowers or who reassure me that I can call or come over if I want to, or who just sit with me whilst I weep, that help me to feel that I’m ok. That I can walk through this post death void. That I can bear the loss, the absence, the unfillable gap. That I can and will learn to adjust, without just avoiding or distracting. For it is these people that show me that I am loved and not alone.

I can’t help but wonder if we must wait for death, to draw closer to one another. Or whether we can apply death’s lessons to our living now.

As I reflect upon this I realise that it is death that exposes our vulnerability. It strips us of all pretence. There is no option to just be strong. No hiding place for our frailties, fragility, needs or limitations. No chance to feed our delusions of invincibility or to keep up appearances. In death, we are all released from the prison of stiff upper lipped thinking and living. For in death we are laid bare in all our vulnerable humanity, just as in birth.

In contrast, life can become one long culture driven exercise in hiding the very vulnerability that makes us human. We can learn to clothe our naked humanity in strength and self-sufficiency, blind to the truth that these characteristics can delude and divide us from our need for God and each other. We do of course need these qualities but without the balance of human weakness and interdependency, we cannot remain whole.

What if we were to admit our human vulnerabilities during the time in between birth and death? To actually acknowledge our shared human frailties in life and to support one another accordingly. For isn’t this how we truly connect with one another? Through admission and confession of our vulnerability and pain, not just our strengths and achievements?

There is a vulnerability surrounding death that can actually bring us closer together. A vulnerability that our culture dangerously dismisses as weakness, in life. But such thinking serves merely to succeed in keeping us within isolated prisons of pretence. And it is only in honesty and unity that we can all remain free to continue to heal, grow and live fully and whole heartedly irrespective of the deaths and endings that meet us along the way.

Life brings deaths, endings and pain.

Pretence about this creates barriers.

Vulnerability tears them down.

And only in vulnerability can we continue to truly meet one another in love, both in life and in death.

Let us not wait for death, to admit to the shared vulnerability of our humanity. None of us can choose how we will die but all of us can choose with whom and how we will live.

When Death Comes …

The cycles of nature teach us much about death and life

We don’t like to talk about death in our English culture.

We don’t like to talk about anything even remotely unpleasant really. Instead we adopt a mentality of, if I don’t look, see, or speak of said unpleasantness, I can simply pretend it is not so.

Yet such a passive approach falls rather majorly short in the face of the unpleasantness of death itself, with all its unflinching finality. We may not look, see or speak of the business of death openly, but when death comes to someone you love, you feel it with very fibre of your being.

And it feels …

Incomprehensible.

Surreal.

Irreversible.

Shocking.

Unbelievable.

Painful.

It stuns you in to slow motion. A daze and a haze that you haul yourself back from in order to undertake your day to day responsibilities. You can’t quite get your head around how said person can no longer be here. Yet you know that this is unarguably the case.

There is a gap. One that no one and no thing can fill.

Nor is it wise to try. And I have tried very hard with chilli peanuts and cake (not together) but food is so NOT the answer to the absence of life that death creates. Ditto alcohol/drugs/spending/suppressant of choice.

At least this is my experience. Yours may be vastly different. Or there may be some parallels. I don’t know. All I do know is that we need to talk about the difficult stuff, especially this death stuff.

Because as much as we look away,
denying our own and others decay,
death is here
and it’s here to stay.

And we need to talk about this cold, hard reality. Or rather, I know I do.

Because otherwise we risk failing to receive the fullness of the gift that life itself offers. For if death remains swept under the carpet or branded taboo or off limits, we give it the power and potential to destroy us from within. Maybe through an unspoken or unconscious fear that can paralyse us from engaging with life or risk. For some, a hardening of the heart in a misguided attempt to protect the existing pain whilst seeking to insure against more. Either option guarantees a death of sorts. The worst kind of death, the death experienced whilst still alive.

How can we ensure we don’t simply settle for a safe-chasing existence of mere survival, without facing up to the reality that death will come to us all. And in its own often unpredictable or even premature timing. We are powerless to stop it.

Yet paradoxically, by engaging with the presence of death, we can get real about the opportunities of life. We can re-evaluate in what, who, where, and for why, we want to invest our love, energy and talents. We can stop to question ourselves afresh.

What is my purpose?

What am I here for?

And what am I doing about that?

I never heard of anyone on their death bed uttering the words, ‘I’m so gutted I made the time to honestly and regularly review my life to identify where I was, where I wanted to be and what steps were required to get me from one to the other.’ Or, ‘I regret taking those risks, following my dreams, or committing my life to serving a purpose greater than myself.’ Or even, ‘if only I’d loved fewer people or held more grudges’.

And yet all too many of us ‘live’ our lives too afraid to be who we are, too cautious to pursue the dreams that arise within us again and again, too oppressed by the opinions of others, real or imagined, to actually risk releasing our own potential and to the benefit of all. Or for some, simply too set upon seeking security in the financial to risk pursuing the meaningful.

Others simply shut down their hearts, refusing to love if they’ve already lost. Whilst some engage in futile attempts to deny deaths reality by fighting the facts of ageing.

We all struggle in some way or another, consciously or unconsciously, with accepting death as a non-negotiable component of life.

Yet death is a given for all for which there is no avoidance, no escape, no get out of death free card.

I was going to write, no get out of life, alive, card. But of course, that depends upon your beliefs. Whilst many consider Heaven to be a defence against death on the part of those of us who believe, I consider a lack of belief to be a potential defence against the ultimate giver of life, by those who don’t. I’m talking here of the kind of life that is only possible following a total surrender to the only one who is able to take any of our lives from the natural to the supernatural. (Still got my L plates on here personally)

But, whatever our beliefs, it’s time to face up to the truth that death will come.

And the clock will continue to tick.

We need to wake up people.

You.

Me.

Us.

We need to live like we know that life is not an ongoing offer with no end point. It’s limited. It has an expiry date. I do. You do. We all do.

And amidst the mix of allowing space to grieve for the lost, loved one, the big question remains; what are we going to do about the reality of death?

Or more importantly, how will we allow it to influence how we engage with life?

Endings and beginnings …

It’s a whole, brand new year brimming with possibilities for new beginnings …

And yet in order to fully engage with these, it is sometimes necessary to look beyond the well-meaning intentions of new years resolutions that seldom make it in to February. Sometimes we actually need to step right back from our lives in order to really see those things that may actually be obstructing or restricting us from entering in to all that a new year has to offer.

As I reflect back on this time last year, I recall being in a distinctly difficult place. I was painfully aware that important parts of my life were not working. Yet to really allow myself to take a long, hard look at said areas, was not only painful, but also required me to act upon what I saw.

It was hard and I was afraid.

Like most of the human species, I can at times allow myself to remain in painful situations, simply because they feel safe via their familiarity or I’m just not sure what else to do.

Fear of the unknown can keep us bound to that which we know. Even when it prevents us from growth and health.

Back when I looked in to the mouth of 2017, I felt a fear borne of knowing that I could not simply repeat another year like the one before. Yet I also feared not knowing what change would bring. I needed courage and vast amounts of it in order to take the leap of faith that would release me from that which was hindering me, that I could go in search of that which could support me.

I had no guarantee at that point of what I would discover or where I would land. I simply knew that I could not remain where I was. I needed to execute some endings in order to allow for new beginnings. It was a risk. One that others didn’t necessarily understand. But stronger than the fear of others misjudgement of my motives, was the knowing that it is I and I alone who is responsible for doing what I know to be right, even when it scares me.

But before I took that leap, I did a review of those who did see and who did understand my predicament. It was then with their love and support that I was able to leave the familiar, to enter unknown territory.

Now, as I look back through 2017, I am amazed by much that has happened. It took me a full decade to fulfil my dream to become a fully trained, accredited Psychotherapist. Yet after the explorations that followed taking said leap in 2017, I began to walk in to some of those other dreams too.

And I finally found the place of encouragement and support that my soul had dared to believe existed.

Wow.

Feeling grateful to the God who calls and equips us all for the ultimate, personally designed adventure in to the unknown. A God who provides what and who we need to continue pursuing these paths. When and if He can ever get us to relinquish that life stealing ‘better the devil you know’ mentality.

Had I been too afraid to let go of that which was obstructing my pathway, 2017 would have been a mere repetition of 2016. Ditto if I hadn’t had the encouragement of those rare and precious individuals who believed in me when I struggled to believe in myself.

Looking even further back, I recognise that it was the trials of 2016 that prepared me to commit 2017 to addressing that which I had previously refused to see or address, thus allowing it to hold me back.

Now, as I face 2018, having wholly committed myself to the ongoing adventure of allowing God to guide me in to what is unknown to me, but totally known to Him, I feel ready to be released in to … I don’t know what! Yet acknowledging that I am not in control but that God is, feels like the most secure yet exciting position I could ever be in!

As I reflect, I realise that there is much that happens in our lives from year to year that we cannot predict or prevent. Yet we can always choose whether we will add to our own suffering by refusing to face the situations in our lives that are within our control and responsibility.

I needed to make a choice this time last year to see that which was painful to see, that I could disentangle myself from it, thus releasing myself in to the ongoing journey of freedom, growth and health.

Whilst I do not know what kind of years you have had recently, I do know that none of us need stay in the sort of situations that cause us pain, when it is possible for us to release ourselves.

I have been reminded in a personally, painful way this Christmas, that whilst we sometimes settle for suffering by postponing the changes we need to make, life does not go on forever. For some, life will end prematurely in 2018.

Now, none of us get another chance at doing things differently in 2017 or any earlier years. We can’t go back. We can’t undo. We can’t rewrite. But what we can do with whatever time and life each of us has remaining, is make a choice to face up to and throw off all that hinders us, that we may wholly embrace all that lays before us.

I don’t know what you need to be willing to open your eyes to see, or what action you need to take to address it, but I do know that none of us need to despair that we are stuck repeating the same year forever more. Not when there is one who is willing to help, one who doesn’t need to be banished from mind and heart simply because the season of Christmas is ending. For God Himself is just waiting for the word from you, to step in and help you to overcome whatever may be attempting to prevent you from entering in to all that 2018 has for you.

Of course, every year brings its own trials and heartaches, but we can choose not to add to these, by facing and addressing those situations that are within our responsibility to do so.

What do you need to see and address to allow you to really embrace 2018?

It’s CHRISTMAS … !

I LOVE Christmas.

I always have done and it hasn’t diminished with age. I love everything about it from the sparkly lights, to the cheddar loaded films, to the feasting and dancing of Christmas parties, to the gift choosing, the making of mince pies, the sound of carols and of course, all that wonderful food.

Why on earth do I always wait until December to enjoy the sumptuous goodness of pigs in blankets?

I just love Christmas.

But, I have a not before the 1st rule. As in, I don’t start Christmas before the 1st of December. But, once started, it continues for the entire month.

However, this year I broke my own rule, because as I was meandering around Hitchin market during the last week of November I unexpectedly stumbled across a Christmas tree stall. As in real Christmas trees. We weren’t allowed these as kids due to my mother’s aversion to mess but as I like real, living things I opt for the real McCoy every year. So when a super cute, short, fat tree caught my eye, I just knew that I had to have it. As in immediately! So I bought the car round, paid for the tree and bundled it in.

I justified my rule breaking by telling myself that I wouldn’t dress it before the 1st. However, as soon as I got home I found myself clambering up to the loft to drag down the decorations.

Later that night I couldn’t resist adding both baubles and lights to the tree. And of course, I discovered that I would need an additional plug socket to facilitate the lights. How is it that this happens every single year?

Anyway, I was delighted to discover that the tree wasn’t wonky. Despite my best efforts to the contrary, I had a run of years where I kept ending up with wonky Christmas trees, much to the amusement of one of my friends. (You know who you are!)

As I’d officially started my own Christmas season, I thought I may as well go the whole hog by baking my first batch of mince pies. I was subsequently pleased to discover courtesy of those within my house group that I have not lost my touch. Yum and yay!

And so it was that Christmas started early for me this year. I’m glad. Especially as last Christmas didn’t feel like Christmas. I had major aspects of my life that weren’t working and required addressing and as such the whole season had a pretty sombre feel to it. All the more reason as far as I’m concerned to have a double portion of Christmas cheer this year!

We can’t stop the inevitable tough seasons of trial and change but what we can do, is embrace the good ones with both hands. On the understanding, that these too shall pass!

Now, a few weeks in to my Christmas month, I’ve bought most my gifts, I’ve had my first Christmas party, I’ve bought new frocks in preparation for the next three Christmas parties and I’ve watched numerous Christmas films.

I’m always struck by the themes of these Christmas films which are often about paying attention to the wisdom of the heart and having the courage to follow it. Whilst this is exaggerated to the extreme within most of these films, they still serve to remind us of the importance of the heart as way more than an organ that pumps blood around the body.

A message that can all too easily become lost within our culture with its dogged determination to have us believe we can simply bypass our hearts by ruling ourselves with an iron mind. Which of course we can, but we are very much deluding ourselves if we imagine we can do so without cost or consequence.

Afterall, it is via our hearts that love flows.

To this end, the Christmas season has much to remind us about what really matters in life. That when we strip back all that surrounds Christmas, what we are left with is the birthday of a God who came to show us what love is. And who amongst us longs for more than to love and be loved? For is it not love that gives us the ultimate reason for living, especially through the hard times?

And of course Christmas can be an extremely difficult time for many. The constant onslaught of imagery depicting ‘perfect happy families’ can be decidedly difficult to swallow if this is far from your own experience or you’re in the midst of a season of struggle or loss. We cannot simply conjure up bonhomie on demand because we’re in December.

But, what each of us can do irrespective of whether we are relishing the run up to Christmas or counting down the days til it’s over, is to extend a little extra love to ourselves and to others. Because isn’t that what Christmas is all about?