I am disappointed to share that at the time of typing, I remain rubbish at rest. But I am committed to updating my schedule to incorporate rest. The frazzled headache I started my day with screamed at me, ‘Jo, you’re overdoing it again’, which is fair and true and requires immediate, corrective action.
The legend of a dad that I have adopted for myself, reminded me earlier this week,
‘Please remember as we get older, we need to rest more’.
What wise words. But if I don’t apply them in practice they are about as helpful as medicine that remains in the cabinet or a bible that’s gathering dust.
Earlier this week I met with my fabulous neighbour who always reminds me of the sort of wisdom I am prone to forgetting, as well as introducing her own. She commented on how people talk about working super hard to earn their rest. While there is a reality to this for anyone engaged in adulting, she made the point that we need rest regardless of how productive we have or haven’t been. We may need more if we’ve been super active but we need rest regardless and more of it as we age. This simply hadn’t entered my thinking before!
The other point was one my neighbour pointed out to me last year which was that we even need to say ‘no’ to doing things we love. I know I need to stop expecting my brain to multitask at unsustainable speeds for way too many hours per day. But I also need to limit and reduce time spent indulging in playful activities. To recognise the need to reduce work, despite loving it, is one thing but I’m really struggling with reducing play!
I still remember the first time I realised how utterly exhausting play can be. This occurred during my later-to-the-party-than-most gap years. I couldn’t resist going in the sea on an inflatable banana while island hopping around Thailand. The constant process of lurching through the air into the sea, swimming back to the banana, hauling myself back on to it and trying to hold up my bikini to avoid flashing my arse, was more exhausting than it looks from the shore!
Anyway, all these years later and I’m still struggling to accept that I don’t only need to reduce my working hours but also the playing ones. The only thing I need to increase is my resting time. Or rather, I need to start introducing it rather than just conking out if I sit still or when I lay down at night.
While messaging a fellow counsellor and feline friend owner this week, I couldn’t resist sharing a photo of Monty boy sprawled on the sofa next to me. He sleeps more and more these days, I thought to myself, feeling slightly envious. And then I got it! Oh, he’s modelling resting to me as something essential as we age rather than the optional extra that I’ve been treating it as. Apparently, what makes animals different to us is that they don’t think. I know they feel because Monty is a master at all kinds of expressions, especially the nonchalant, disinterested look he freely gives to all my guests. Anyway, I remain unconvinced that an animal’s inability to think, puts them at a disadvantage. This is because an overdeveloped human intellect combined with underdeveloped instinctual feelings can leave us vulnerable to doing what our mind demands over what our body needs. There are some prevalent and insidious ‘shoulds’ that if left unchecked, can keep us bound to unhelpful ways of being, or rather overdoing. For example, there are beliefs that ‘resting is lazy’, or ‘self-care is selfish’. How deeply entrenched these destructive ideas can be. Although I’ve made progress, I remain prone to these. I will try to correct this situation with actions rather than more lip service.
To this end, I’m going to schedule some wall gazing, daisy watching, birdsong listening windows of time in my daily diary, moving forwards. My feline loving fellow counsellor wisely flagged up attempting 75% of what I think I can do in a day. There is definitely room for improvement here as I’ve been operating at about 125% in between conk outs!
Meanwhile, when he’s not looking out of his cat flap wondering if the rain will ever stop, Monty is enjoying a nap upstairs on my bed. Maybe I’ll even let myself join him later!
