I’ve felt different all my life; like I’m on the outside looking in, wondering why I’m not like the majority around me. At least I did until I met my best friend Sammy G at primary school – we were the same kind of different, and we bonded instantly. Ours is a bond that is unbreakable irrespective of distance or time apart. Thank you, God, for the gift of Sammy G and her family!
I’ve always felt afraid that my difference meant there was something wrong with me – a message that my family regularly re-inforced. I was too sensitive, too dramatic, too moody, too much of a female when they wanted a boy and just too much, in short! And as an adult, too unwilling to leave the family secrets festering in the dark when they need the light to bring healing.
But today, I know my difference is down to neurodiversity. I’m now ready to own, embrace, enjoy, share and celebrate this 100%.
On the lead up to my fiftieth party on Saturday, people kept looking at me and exclaiming,
“Jo, you’re different”!
And I am. And in this respect, I am choosing to take this comment as a compliment, whether intended that way or not! A wise woman (my first counsellor) once told me some twenty years ago that if we intend offence, people can still choose not to take it. And that for others, no matter how well meaning our intent they will choose to be offended regardless! How very true. The person who is seeking to blame others for their pain by directing it outwards, is the person in need of our compassion, prayers and probably counselling!
The difference people are currently referring to in me, is the visible external one as I’ve cut my hair off. I’m letting go of all things old as well as coming out of hiding, whether the world is ready for me or not! I’ve always felt like I need to hide the full expression of myself because it doesn’t conform to societal conditioning or norms. Not anymore. F*** that. I choose freedom and I choose to express myself fully from here on in. Feel free to like, dislike or ignore me. That’s your choice. My choice is to continue to own and express all that God Almighty has made me to be.
No more living inside the box of other people’s cultural fears and limitations whether in or outside of my beloved Church family.
Lots more living outside of all boxes for me!!
When I checked with a leader in my fabulous church whether I was too much or whether she needed me to get back in my box, I was told,
“No Jo, we want you outside your box”!
I’m not sure this person fully understood how literally I would take this!!!
Anyway, hooray for being different; neuro spicy I call it; colourful, wonder-full and fun-full (mostly!). That’s me and that’s my people!
PS I’m still awaiting my formal diagnosis of neurospicyness. This may come in by my sixtieth judging by the waiting lists! But hey, when you know, you know …