The culture of complaining

Anyone who has lived in this country for any amount of time will be familiar with our culture of complaining. It is as entrenched as our culture of having lengthy conversations about the weather, often as a conversation starter or entrée that may or may not lead to meatier talk with more substance.

Sometimes we even combine these two cultural norms by complaining to anyone we have contact with, about the weather. We may then extend this to blaming the weather for anything we don’t like, including how we feel! This is not to detract from the very real condition Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) that arises in response to insufficient light for some systems to maintain a good enough mood.

Anyway, I was compelled to write this piece following my time sat in a local GP surgery awaiting an appointment (thank you God for the miracle of getting one – please note that God’s help is available to all who ask  – please also note that this does not instantly translate in to getting what you want when you want it. However, he is good at meeting our needs. Don’t take my word for it, try for yourself).

While waiting for my appointment, I observed the receptionist going about their work. They greeted all with an open, beaming smile and proceeded to inform, explain, acknowledge and assist all who approached them while maintaining a calm, professional, efficient manner. I was impressed. We all know the NHS is straining under the weight of more people trying to access it than they have resources to meet. Which must make it pretty challenging for all those working within such a reality to do what they can while maintaining a positive attitude. With varied results from the over strained system.

It occurred to me that GP receptionists often get stereotyped in unflattering ways, when we can’t get what we need from them. Being ill in any way is stressful enough without having to fight for help, or to find your way through administrative errors over appointment details. Illness is stressful and the NHS is over stretched and stressed. All of this makes for an incredibly challenging context for all, which can be made worse for us patients by a receptionist for whom everything is too much to do, or whose standard response is,

‘The computer says no’.

All of which makes those receptionists that go out of their way to ease an already difficult process, worth their weight in gold.

As I sat thinking about this, I scanned the waiting room for any sign of a visible process for flagging up good service. I spotted a notice board outlining the complaints/problems us patients have experienced along with the improvements implemented by the surgery to address them. But I couldn’t see any evidence of how to offer thanks when things go well.

I’m not against complaining as complaints are critical (no pun intended) to informing what processes need to be addressed and improved as well as preventing known mistakes from re-occurring. We probably all agree with the need to have complaints procedures in place. And I too have written a letter of complaint following a consultant appointment that left me worse at the end than I was at the start. There is a time for all things under the sun … and clouds. But we do need balance. We need to complain, and we need to compliment, for it is both sides of life that make it whole, balanced and most manageable. And personally, if I got heaps of complaints while doing my best in an under resourced service, and few, if any, thanks, I’m not sure how motivated I would feel to keep going. I see that the surgery is currently advertising for new receptionists. (I’m praying for more of the ‘worth their weight in gold’ type – no pressure to the candidates!).

I wondered how hard it would be to place a small box on the reception counter next to a pile of small, simple forms, to complete to give thanks for whatever service you particularly appreciated. And what impact that could have on those working behind the counter as well as those approaching it.

Life will always bring experiences we dislike and complain about, as well as those we like and don’t complain about, or even compliment, as well as everything in between. I wonder what it would take to develop a culture that is as forthcoming about what IS working, as what isn’t.

We all get to choose what kind of participant in life or patient in a surgery we want to be, or to practice becoming! One who just complains or one who compliments too depending on the experience.

As I reflect on all this, I am reminded that we all carry a set of rules/beliefs/shoulds inside of us, learned through culture and revealed through our actions. I realised that I wanted to feedback to the receptionist what I had observed about the way she approached us patients. But I didn’t. And I didn’t because there were people stood by the counter talking and somehow, I felt embarrassed that I would be judged for saying such a thing. As if there is a more subtle culture at work, at least within me if not others, that says English culture doesn’t openly thank or praise people. Similar but different to how so many people don’t tell those they love that they love them, or why, until reading their eulogy. What a crazy arse about face culture we practice at times! But, like all things, including us, we can change, and we can change culture.

In a similar vein, I once read a comment on the local FB page about a heart-warming interaction between residents (the details escape me – I blame perimenopause). But I remember that it warmed my heart! We need more of this I thought. There will always be reasons to complain but there will also always be reasons to be grateful and give thanks. It would seem to me that each one of us would need to make an active choice to praise what we appreciate as much as we complain about what we don’t, if we want to turn the tide and change culture.

This is my opening contribution …

PS when I spoke to a receptionist on the phone a few days later, I offered my feedback and suggestion. I am practicing doing something, even if it’s not what I really wanted to do, rather than nothing.