Au-revoir 2019

It is the last day of 2019.

But before I jump in to all that 2020 has to offer, I’m taking a little time to reflect and review the lessons of 2019.

This been a year of real highs, painful lows and all in between.

The highs as I have stepped out in to new areas have been scary and enlivening in equal measure.  I am grateful for their presence, their lessons and the growth that they have evoked.

The losses, deaths and lows have reminded me afresh of the fragile and fleeting nature of this thing called life.

Both of which remind me of two things.

Firstly, that people are the most important part of life.

And secondly, that loving people is the most important thing to do in life.

Some of the other lessons taught to me by 2019 are summarised below.

I learned not to ignore anything in life that repeatedly causes my heart to sink. Whilst some stuff cannot be chosen or controlled, some can and life is way too short to choose heart sinking stuff.

Some things just don’t need to be said.  In the face of another’s spikes, I don’t need to retaliate with a combative spike of my own!  I can just let it go!  Really!  Years of my lovely Margaret gently manoeuvring her way around my multiple spikes, is beginning to pay off!  Yay!

I have increased my sensitivity to the subtle tug of the reins when God says, ‘Woah, slow down and hold on a moment lady’!  To my favour!  Perhaps He really does know what’s best for me!

I discovered that in the face of an anger evoking situation from which I cannot remove myself, that to stubbornly hold on to said anger is not only an exercise in futility but also one that makes me a much uglier and more miserable individual myself!

I equally realised that any kind of bad behaviour (others or my own) is always an expression of pain that cannot at that moment be articulated in any other way.  Whilst this does not excuse any such behaviour (others or my own), there are helpful and unhelpful, kind and unkind ways of responding.

I had the experience of not only feeling nervous about teaching or preaching but also experiencing great joy during the delivery.  Halleluyah!

I realised that no matter what position or power or influence or privilege people hold, they are all just flawed people with the guts and commitment to have a go and to learn along the way.  And that helped me to put my flawed self in to positions where I would be exposed and inevitably criticised.   And when the criticisms came, I discovered that I would choose these any day of the week over an inability to respect myself for shying away from the invitations of life.

No matter how many years/decades/whatever you have been praying for certain situations without visible results, never ever give up.  Equally accept that alongside that prayer, we too may have a part to play.

I learned that my ability to show love to others is not dependent upon their treatment of me but rather on my capacity to receive and to share of the never ending love of God.  Liberation central.

I was shown afresh in numerous ways that God is no tight wad!  When He asks you to do something, He provides the readies to do so!  He is indeed a generous God and His generosity like every other part of Him is for us to share.

As a child, my father regularly used to say, ‘what’s the rush?’ in defence of his perpetual lateness.  Whilst I found this irksome and irritating, I now hear those words afresh.  Whilst I still dislike lateness, I am beginning to understand more and more that to rush is usually to slow one down.

My commitment to leaving more space in my diary has paid off.  It has provided a spontaneity whether for solitude or for unexpected social situations, that an overscheduled diary cannot accommodate.  

It always amazes me that I think I know these things.

And then life teaches me a whole new level of knowing which brings the revelation that I really know very little about very little!

But I pray that I will continue to love to learn regardless.

As I look forward in to 2020, I have a few thoughts about what to focus on.

I aim to reduce my time spent watching rubbish TV, increase my time spent reading other peoples work, continue to spend time outside in every season, organise and host more social events, write my first book which I’ve been threatening to write for as long as I can remember, eat less cake (will need extra supernatural assistance for this one) and constantly remind myself to just slow down and surrender to the natural rhythms of life.

God really is in control and trustworthy to sustain and lead me and us in all.

And so as 2019 draws to a close, I find myself ready to just let it go, (apart from all those lessons!) that I may be ready and willing to embrace 2020.